My little roster experiment

Ever date someone you didn’t really think you’d like and then all of a sudden you find yourself pining after them like, “why they don’t like me anymore? Why does no one ever care about me?” Have you ever really asked yourself - before the attachment - happened if you ever even wanted them? Maybe, but your craving for that love and validation that seems to be lost is so deep that you can’t see the light? This was the story of my life. I loved one person, but in between that I dated out of need - to help me “move on” or take my mind off another before them. I dated to pass time, to fill a hole in my life, to feel better about a life I didn’t like - I just wanted an escape, someone fun to pass time, but then it was always me who seemed to get attached. They provided the escape I wanted, but then started pulling away. By then I was left feeling even more shitty than I felt before I’d met them. I’d conclude, I was just unloveable and everyone would always leave me. No one would ever love me - that is until my thoughts and inner monologue were interrupted by meeting the girl I speak about in episode 18. I started to think - is this really true? What if I changed my thoughts and actions and put it all to the test? That’s exactly what I did here in my little roster experiment - my experience in intentionally dating 15 different guys - with no physical contact. This isn’t a formal episode - just a little blurb about what I did, how I approached, and what I found. This post is both verbal blurb and written blurb to enjoy in whichever medium you prefer. All I can say is this was a much better approach than any of my other previous experiences, and the change in how I was treated all began with how I was treating myself.