My Second Night With Ganesha

So, after stepping into infinityAnd finding it spacious, welcoming, alive, and so lovingSome things shifted in meI had gone into my first meditation invoking Ganesha with an agendaIt had two taproots, one of my lifelong spiritual devotionAnd one of trying to accomplish somethingBut I was immediately swept into love and devotion without agendaLove and devotion aimed at meWhich was surprisingI was always trying to increase the purity of my love and devotion I extendedI never expected to be the recipient of love and devotionThe experience that god is as devoted to me as I am to godI don’t remember that from massThere’s a section in Robin Wall Kimmerer’s Braiding SweetgrassWhere she opens an ecological biology course with the question“Who here loves the earth”And all the hands go upThen she follows with“Who here thinks the earth loves them back”Fewer hands, and a lot of quizzical looksEven though the earth is consistently and freely supplyingEverything we need to liveThat it cares for us? Generally or specifically?That gets relegated to the invisibleWhen we center the human experience as an epicenterInstead of a relational orbitReceiving the abundant love that takes the form of air, water, foodAcknowledges the dynamic, intimate relationship going on in every minuteInstead of being on a mission to create a relationship that looks or feels a certain waySo, anyhow, this is the way I move towards my meditation pillowOn the second night of this journeyI can’t wait to go backI want to get very acquainted with this feeling, this frequency, this levelMake it my homeLive and operate from thereAnd so I set my chimeI bow to Ganesha and invite him inAnd I sitAnd breatheAnd wait to be transportedAnd wait some moreWere my expectations diminishing my capacity to go there?Was I doing something wrong?I sitTrying to stay in my breath, or come back to itAnd this goes on until the chime rings againI was bummedAnd as I sat with that bummedness, perhaps a feeling of failureI hear, clear as a bell:“It does not have to be what you expect in order to be meaningful”OooooohhhhhhhhhhhDaaaaaaaammmmmnnnnnnThat landedIt may not have had the magnitude of emotional impact from the get-goAnd in my surprise of that, or reaching for it, came the lessonThings do not need to be what I think they need to beThings do not need to be grand to have impactSmall, simple, seemingly inconsequential thingsCan be just as profound as the experiences that bring us to our knees[But the ones that bring us to our knees are so affirming! I like to be affirmed!]My categorization of experience into meaningful and not meaningful enoughIs simply a construct of my myopic mind, an interpretationHaving nothing to do with the quality of experience itselfWhich is operating in a realm of mystery and relatednessBeyond assessmentSo my feeling of failure is what got encompassed into a much bigger worldThat took (almost) all the sting outAnd opened a vista where a judgment had beenAnd i could relaxFeeling deeply supported by great love and wisdomOnce again This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com