My stillbirth story: grief didn't break me, it rearranged me

There are things in life we tell ourselves we simply wouldn't survive. For me (Tanya Wilkinson), that deepest fear was my child dying before me. Today I share the story of my daughter, Ngākau Raiona, whose name means lioness heart in her and her Daddy’s Māori language, who was stillborn at 21 weeks following TFMR after a devastating diagnosis at the 20-week anatomy scan.I shares the moment the floor fell away. The phone call in the car where I told my friend "I will not get through this alive" — and the words that changed everything. The promise I whispered to my daughter as I felt her kicking. And what those four painful and extraordinary weeks — from diagnosis to woodland burial — taught me about presence, grief, and what it means to truly be alive.This is not a story about getting over it. It's a story about moving forwards with grief — and what happens when you choose presence over avoidance, even when presence is the hardest thing in the world.In this episode, I share: My life before loss — from grief-avoidant corporate leader to Global Head of Marketing at Formula 1How an earlier miscarriage became the catalyst for leaving F1 and retraining as a coachMy grandad's death and what sitting with dementia taught me about holding painThe 20-week anatomy scan, the diagnosis of encephalocele, and the decision that followedThe phone call my friend — and her words that made survival feel possibleA mama's promise that I made to Ngākau RaionaWhy grief didn't break me — it rearranged meThe grief–joy paradox: how feeling the depths allows you to feel the heightsWhat my three grandparents and  daughter have taught me about living in alignment and with purposeThree grounding practices for anyone navigating grief right nowDisclaimer: This podcast is for entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. Nor is it a substitute for professional support. Are you journeying with grief?Download my FREE Grief, Grace & Growth journaling ebook: https://tanyawilkinson.co.uk/grief-grace-growth-journalJOIN GRIEF COCOON, my new monthly virtual event - a sacred space for grief in busy lives: https://tanyawilkinson.co.uk/grief-cocoon Resources mentioned:🎙️ Part One of our full TFMR and stillbirth story: https://youtu.be/X0WNe9hg80U 🎙️ Part Two of our story returning home and honouring her: https://youtu.be/PvoDilhvg1Q 📖 I mention the wonderful book Bearing the Unbearable by Joanne CacciatoreFollow Death on the Daily:Do Like, Comment & Subscribe to this channel  @deathonthedaily  Share this episode with a friend who might need it. Subscribe to my Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/deathonthedaily/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tanyawilkinson_ YouTube: http://youtube.com/@deathonthedailyFind out about my work as a Grief Coach here: https://www.tanyawilkinson.co.ukThe theme music for Death on the Daily is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Set Free by Katie Gray⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, which is used with artist's permission. You can connect with Katie and her music and work here ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.katiegray.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. This podcast is edited by David Strutt, who you can contact here for any editing needs: [email protected]:00:00: Navigating Grief: A Personal Journey02:45: The Impact of Loss on Life Choices05:36: The Promise of Presence in Grief08:55: Facing the Unthinkable: A Diagnosis11:45: Finding Strength in Shared Stories14:37: Lessons from Grief: Embracing Presence18:03: Transformative Power of Grief20:48: Practical Steps to Embrace Grief23:28: Reframing Grief: A Path to Healing