my ugliest eating disorder thoughts — and what they actually meant | recovered-ish with chloe cox

Episode DescriptionLast week's episode sparked a lot of conversation online. I posted a clip about eating disorder recovery in the ozempic era and the comments absolutely exploded — and it got me thinking about something I've been wanting to talk about for a while.The thoughts I had in my eating disorder that I'm not proud of. The ones that would probably get me canceled if I posted them without context. The ones that felt so real at the time and are so clearly the disorder talking when I look back now.In this episode I'm unpacking each of those thoughts, where they actually came from, and what they say about the disorder — not about who I am or who you are. If you've had thoughts in your eating disorder that have made you feel like a bad person, this episode is directly for you.In This Episode:Why I posted about my ugliest ED thoughts on Instagram — and why the response floored meThe core reframe: eating disorders are not personality traitsHow eating disorders distort your value system to make harmful behaviors feel moral and rightEach of the ugly thoughts I had — unpacked honestly and without shameFeeling superior when eating less than others at the table — and what was really going onFeeling threatened when someone else's body changed — and the identity piece underneath itBelieving hunger meant I was doing something right — and what that was really aboutBelieving my body said something about my character — and the identity crisis driving itThinking my therapist and dietician were jealous of me — and why the eating disorder needs you to believe thatNot wanting a normal body — and why "just eat normally" was never going to landThinking enjoying food made me weak — and the fear underneath itThe darkest thought — and why it was depression talking, not who I wasWhy your eating disorder thoughts are not your identity — and what they actually areTimestamps:0:00 Intro 1:00 What happened when I posted about the ozempic episode — and what it inspired 4:00 The core frame: eating disorders are not personality traits 6:00 How eating disorders distort your value system 8:00 Ugly thought #1: feeling superior when eating less than others 13:00 What self-control actually is — and what the eating disorder gets wrong about it 14:00 Ugly thought #2: feeling threatened when someone else's body changed 17:00 The identity and scarcity piece underneath that thought 18:00 Ugly thought #3: believing hunger meant I was doing something right 21:00 Interoception — and how the eating disorder distorts your body's cues 22:00 Ugly thought #4: believing my body said something about my character 26:00 Not knowing who I was — and trying to manufacture identity through my body 28:00 Ugly thought #5: thinking my therapist and dietician were jealous of me 30:00 Why the eating disorder needs you to believe everyone trying to help has an ulterior motive 32:00 Ugly thought #6: not wanting a normal body 35:00 Why "just eat normally" was never going to be comforting 37:00 Ugly thought #7: thinking enjoying food made me weak 40:00 Ugly thought #8: believing body change would be worse than not existing 43:00 Why that thought is depression — not character 45:00 You are not your eating disorder thoughts 47:00 Closing thoughtsQuotes from This Episode:"The thing about self-control is you have to be in control of it. When you have an eating disorder, you're not in control of your self-control. That tyrant living in my brain was in control of it.""I was not actually better than anyone at the table. I was just the most afraid at the table.""The real problem was I did not know who I was — so I was trying to manufacture identity based on my body.""You are the one hearing the thoughts. You are not the thoughts."<Resources + Connect with Me:Instagram: @recoverwithchloeRecovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple PodcastsSubscribe on YouTube!