Myth: The Key to a Happy Marriage is Low Expectations

A reader reached out to me a few weeks ago. "My husband hasn't talked to me in 3 days. We had an argument, and he just shut me out. Is that normal? I want to talk about it… but maybe he still needs time to process. Maybe I just need to lower my expectations." If I had a dollar for every time I had someone talk about how low expectations are the key to a happy marriage, I'd be a very wealthy man. And it's heartbreaking… Because the idea that the key to happiness is low expectations is a complete myth! Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should go out there and develop ridiculously high expectations all around for your relationship. You aren't always going to agree on everything. Your partner isn't going to constantly be in a good mood. Sometimes you won't get to go on vacation when you want, eat at the restaurant you want, or work the job you want. Your partner won't always be in the mood to do/watch/talk about the exact same thing you want to do/watch/talk about… That's just silly. Those types of expectations are just resentment waiting to happen. What I'm talking about right now is a study done by Donald Baucom. Dr. Baucom found that in marriage, people typically get what they expect. If you've got low expectations about how your partner will treat you in your relationship, you will tend to be in relationships where you are treated poorly. If you've got high expectations about how you'll be treated by your partner, you tend to be in a relationship where you are treated well. These expectations matter! So, here are 3 things you should ALWAYS have high expectations for in your relationship: Being Treated with Kindness Even During Conflict Being Treated with Respect Problem Solving As a Team