Narcissists Are Hypersensitive When They Feel They’re Targeted and Indifferent When They Attack Others

If you have the means, I greatly appreciate your support! Upgrade at 30% offOnce when I was around ten we were on a family drive. For some reason, my dad decided that was the moment he was going to introduce us to the music of Bob Dylan.First, he gave us a lecture as to how great Dylan was. My mom sort of rolled her eyes as my dad inserted the cassette. We listened expectantly, only to be hit with Dylan’s obnoxious, nasally voice.Naturally, after all the build-up, my siblings and I thought it was a joke. We immediately burst into laughter. We laughed so hard that tears streamed down our faces. “Good one Dad!” we said. Then we all broke out in song, mocking Dylan by exaggerating his nasally tone.“Naaaa, na, naaa, na, NAAAAAAAAAA!” we sang in between deep belly laughs. The absurdity that Bob Dylan thought he could be a singer was one of the funniest things we’d ever heard.My dad got so angry that he ejected the tape and began to pout.He grumbled, “When somebody shares something that is important to them, it’s mean to laugh at it.”My siblings and I honestly didn’t know what was happening. Was this part of the joke? We were miles from even considering that my dad might legitimately enjoy listening to that awful music. I mean, you can like Dylan all you want, but you’re being dishonest if you can’t admit the guy has a TERRIBLE voice. He sounds awful, and right when you think it can’t get any worse, he hits you with that shrill, obnoxious harmonica. A large percentage of Bob Dylan’s work is unlistenable and that’s just a fact.Making a 10-year-old listen to Dylan is like making a 10-year-old read Shakespeare. Naturally you’re going to make a mockery of it with the excessive use of words like “sooth” and “verily” and “tis.”“Methinks this doth suck!”Now, as an adult, I came to appreciate Bob Dylan (and Shakespeare for that matter). As I came to learn how much it meant to my dad, I even accompanied him to a number of concerts. In college, my major was English. So, yeah, I’ve spent a fair amount of time with Dylan lyrics.But as far as my dad is concerned, it’s as if there’s nothing I can ever do to erase the hurt he felt when I dared to mock Dylan the first time I ever heard him sing.This moment is a defining memory for me, but perhaps not for the reasons you might think. As a general rule, I don’t take any pleasure in the misery of others. I’ve been called “overly sensitive” more times than I care to recall. In fact, I was made to believe that my dad’s frustrations with my lack of “aggressive masculinity” would somehow cast a negative reflection on him.So, in that context, it was absurd that my dad would pout as if I’d just inflicted terrible pain upon him. It was a contradictory message. Wasn’t I supposed to laugh and guffaw and make noises like Bob Dylan’s obnoxious screeching whenever anyone dared to express any vulnerability? That’s what I’d been taught. That was the behavior my dad had modeled for me. Isn’t that the way he expected me to behave?Narcissists always like to act like there’s a complex explanation, but the truth is they’re just weak and pathetic hypocrites.As I watched him sit and pout in the driver’s seat of the car, I knew I was supposed to feel bad for him. Yet, I somehow couldn’t. How do you expect 10-year-olds to react when they hear Bob Dylan?But the kicker is that I cannot recall a single instance where my dad failed to mock something that I wanted to share with him.“That sucks,” he’d always say after registering barely more than a note.He never held himself to the standard of courtesy he expected of me. How was I supposed to know that standard even existed?He never bothered to say, “That’s interesting” or, “I don’t care for that.” He went straight to, “That sucks, and you are stupid for liking it.”So, this was the conditioning I’d received prior to my first exposure to Bob Dylan. As children, it’s a survival mechanism to try to interpret insults and attacks as expressions of love. I don’t think that’s healthy, and today I’m overprotective of kids. I don’t like it when people run down younger generations. But when I was growing up, that’s what I had to do to survive.When my dad played Bob Dylan for the first time, I reacted as I had been taught to react.“Oh, somebody dared to be vulnerable and share something that is truly meaningful to them, let’s DESTROY it! Ha ha ha! That means we love them because we’re teaching them to develop a thick skin so they’re protected from those that really want to cause them harm!”That last sentence is how narcissists justify their cruel behavior. It’s sad. The truth is there’s no justification for being cruel.My dad used to lament that we never treated him with “enough respect.” But lost in the equation was the fact that he never treated anyone with any respect. What did he want us to do, watch Mary Poppins over and over and model the behavior of Jane and Michael?Sadly, he never made this connection. Like many narcissists, he just goes on stomping through life, trampling over other people’s feelings. He doesn’t recognize that feelings even exist unless it’s his feelings. Then, and only then, feelings suddenly become the most important thing in the world.Man, I’m sick of this attitude.I recently wrote an article about how we have to stop piling on younger generations. I recently saw a social media meme that suggested we need to make a psychological shift. We have to stop being dutiful descendants and focus on becoming generous ancestors.That makes a lot of sense when you think about it.As a parent, I don’t stomp around the house demanding that my kids constantly recognize everything I’ve done for them. That’s my job! I love my kids. I want to give them every chance at success. I want them to have a billion times more than I ever had.I’ve never once said to my kids, “YOU HAVE TO RESPECT ME!” Mainly because I’m too focused on showing respect to them.It’s funny how that works, isn’t it? If you model respect, you’re treated with respect.This is probably a lesson anyone who regularly utters the word “respect” needs to learn.Think about that the next time you see some BS headline written by some entitled jerk who wants to claim that “there’s something wrong with the youth of today.”Headlines like that are extremely disrespectful.I’ve done a lot of articles where I’ve attempted to encourage the general public to be kinder to our young people. You would be amazed by the hostile responses I’ve received. Some people even try to say, “Well, I’ve never seen any attacks on young people, but there are lots of attacks on the Baby Boomers!”Yes, people seriously try to argue that the only generation that’s ever been attacked in the media is that of the Baby Boomers. I mean, how self-absorbed do you have to be to think something like that?“We deserve to be respected for all the contributions we made!”But do you? If you take a test and you get 99 out of the 100 questions wrong, are you really entitled to sit around and demand praise for the one question you got right?As Boomers sit around pouting for not being appreciated enough, the cruel media mechanism continues to roll out unprovoked attack after unprovoked attack on young people.Many of the members of the youngest generations aren’t old enough to talk. They haven’t said or done anything objectionable. Yet, it’s our general social philosophy to keep scapegoating the young even though they haven’t even had a chance to learn how to stand up by themselves?You’re telling me the babies are bullying you?Ridiculous.One of the tactics of oppressors is to always divert the focus of your discussion back onto their own fabricated perspective of victimhood.“I don’t like being lumped in with the rest of my generation,” they say. But that’s a statement designed to shift the perception away from the recognition that young people are constantly the target of an unfair assault.Our society piles on young people to the point where the general public doesn’t even recognize they’re doing it. It’s like talking about the weather. “It’s sunny today. Kids these days sure are entitled.”But if you say, “Okay boomer!” people flip out.“How dare you say that! How disrespectful! How awful!”Children who have suffered ten thousand daily attacks that began even before they were able to crawl are expected to tiptoe on eggshells when it comes to protecting the feelings of the generations that have done nothing but consistently bash them.How about this: If you want young people to treat the older generations with respect, the older generations should start MODELING it!It is a complete waste of ink for anyone anywhere to bash young people… ever.Just stop it.Get over yourself. It’s time we stopped “respecting our forefathers” and started RESPECTING OUR CHILDREN.I honestly don’t care about the feelings of the people who came before me. Most of them are dead. I care about the feelings of the kids I’m responsible for raising. I don’t want to spend even one second discussing how “affronted” somebody is who has already had the opportunity to mature and grow into their power.Your job as an adult should be to help children. Let’s be hypersensitive to the feelings of the individuals it’s our responsibility to protect.You can bash my generation all you want. It doesn’t offend me in the least. My generation can and should do better.But DO NOT bash my children.My children are already better than all the generations that came before. They work harder, they’re kinder, they’re more compassionate, and (unfortunately) they are facing greater challenges.It’s become normalized to demand that the younger generations should help the older generations, but kids shouldn’t be forced to raise their parents.It’s not enough to simply object when people run down younger generations, it should make you angry.If my dad didn’t want us to bash Bob Dylan, he shouldn’t have spent his whole life bashing everything that we brought home to share with him.If you want to be respected, you should show respect to others.This is pretty basic. Not everything in life has to serve the entitled and powerful. In fact, we get a much better return if we help the innocent and vulnerable.I have no problem saying that my kids are better people than I am. The reason my kids are better people is because they had better parents than I did.If you are disappointed with the kids of today, it’s because you weren’t a good parent. You’re the problem. Don’t punish young people for your failures. It’s time to grow up and start recognizing the good works of our kids.Our kids are better people than we are.You all make this newsletter happen! Thanks for your sponsorship! I have payment tiers starting at as little as twenty dollars a year.Upgrade at 30% offUpgrade at 40% offUpgrade at 50% offUpgrade at 60% offI'm so happy you're here, and I'm looking forward to sharing more thoughts with you tomorrow.My CoSchedule referral linkHere’s my referral link to my preferred headline analyzer tool. If you sign up through this, it’s another way to support this newsletter (thank you).I'd Rather Be Writing is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to I'd Rather Be Writing at walterrhein.substack.com/subscribe