Not Fighting Isn’t the Same as Being Close

I’m joined by Colette Jane Fehr, couples therapist, relationship expert, and author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love. We talk about why “not fighting” isn’t the same as being connected, how losing your voice can slowly erode a relationship, and what it actually means to do the work in love. Colette shares how her own divorce, dating experiences, and attachment patterns shaped the way she shows up in her second marriage, and why speaking up (even when it’s scary) is the key to secure love. We get into conflict avoidance, anxious vs. avoidant dynamics, the fear of being “too much,” and more. Grab the book hereALL links here (submit a Q, share your story on the pod, dating coaching & more) Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection at skims.com.Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/seeingotherpeople #rulapod Stock up on the best elevated essentials + get free shipping & 365 day returns at Quince.com/seeingotherpeople Get $10 off your Nutrafol subscription at nutrafol.com promo code SEEINGOTHERPEOPLERedefine your standard of health. Secure 20% off your order and begin your intentional wellness journey today at Piquelife.com/SEEINGOTHERPEOPLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What this episode covers

I’m joined by Colette Jane Fehr, couples therapist, relationship expert, and author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love. We talk about why “not fighting” isn’t the same as being connected, how losing your voice can slowly erode a relationship, and what it actually means to do the work in love. Colette shares how her own divorce, dating experiences, and attachment patterns shaped the way she shows up in her second marriage, and why speaking up (even when it’s scary) is the key to secure love. We get into conflict avoidance, anxious vs. avoidant dynamics, the fear of being “too much,” and more. Grab the book hereALL links here (submit a Q, share your story on the pod, dating coaching & more) Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection at skims.com.Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/seeingotherpeople #rulapod Stock up on the best elevated essentials + get free shipping & 365 day returns at Quince.com/seeingotherpeople Get $10 off your Nutrafol subscription at nutrafol.com promo code SEEINGOTHERPEOPLERedefine your standard of health. Secure 20% off your order and begin your intentional wellness journey today at Piquelife.com/SEEINGOTHERPEOPLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This episode is 48 minutes long.

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This episode was published on February 24, 2026.

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