Nothing Is Wrong With You: The Severance Cycle in Adoptee Healing

In this episode, Julie Brumley shares a framework foundational to her work with adoptees: Not because something is wrong with you… but because your body learned a different cycle. Drawing from the Satisfaction Cycle (Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen), she explains how attachment unfolds through attunement and safety. But for adoptees, that cycle is often interrupted. From that disruption, Julie introduces the Severance Cycle, a pattern she developed to describe what happens when connection is broken before we have words. This isn’t just theory. It’s the lived experience of so many adoptees. And when you understand it… everything starts to make sense.⏱ Timestamps:00:00 - Introduction: How early body memories affect trauma and healing00:27 - Adoptees’ patterns of receiving and adaptation00:53 - The body's response from conception: body memory starts in the womb01:51 - How trauma affects brain and body development in utero02:46 - Development of the heart and brain during early pregnancy03:16 - Sensations versus stories: What early body imprints mean for adoptees04:01 - The significance of the early attachment and stress responses06:06 - The satisfaction cycle: how healthy attachment is supposed to work07:02 - The baby's natural rhythm: push, reach, take, and settle08:30 - The importance of attunement for the satisfaction cycle to succeed09:27 - Recognizing whether this cycle was experienced in your own body10:48 - The severance cycle: rupture, recoil, reluctance, rejection, resistance11:09 - Description of each phase and its emotional impact12:28 - How the severance cycle disrupts choice, connection, and context14:16 - What is lost in severance: early choice and connection, and understanding of the world15:38 - The impact of rupture on the primal wound and lifelong grief17:34 - The polyvagal theory and its relation to survival responses18:42 - The body’s tendency to choose familiar danger over safety19:13 - How healing begins: creating safety and relearning trust with the body20:34 - Rebuilding connection through self-regulation and safe relationships21:34 - The power of context: reinterpreting past pain in the present22:42 - Recognizing patterned behaviors: nothing is wrong with you, your body learned a cycle23:12 - The work of restoring the original rhythm: safety, reach, receive, rest24:02 - Invitation to upcoming retreat for experiential healing25:25 - Encouragement to notice bodily responses and cultivate curiosity over fixing26:21 - Resources, community, and hope for adoptees on the healing journey🌿 Resources & Links:SlidesUnmothered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing Retreat (May)Polyvagal TheorySchedule a call with JulieWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley