The Resilience Project

🌿 Learn more + reserve your spot here Connect with Our Guests:Becky Aste Bridget Covill Schedule a call with me hereJoin The Refuge Membership Community hereYou've regulated. You've journaled. You've done more inner work than most people you know. And yet there's still a quiet place inside that can't fully exhale.This week, I'm joined by two women who have become true co-laborers in this work with me - Becky Aste, trauma-informed somatic marriage coach, and Bridget Covill, RESET Breathwork facilitator. Together, the three of us are co-hosting our second Wild + Rooted retreat this November, and this conversation is a living example of why we built it: because healing happens relationally, and some layers of this journey simply can't be softened in isolation.We go deep into where shame hides in high-functioning, self-aware women - the perfectionism, the hyper-achieving, the "I'm fine" exterior - and where it actually lives in the body. Becky shares vulnerably about looking successful on the outside while her marriage was quietly falling apart, and about the grief she's carrying right now. Bridget talks about religious conditioning, learning to trust her body again, and why breathwork is one of the only things that truly quiets the mind. And I share my own adoptee story - the survival patterns that formed before I ever had language, and what it's taken to come home to myself.Then we tell stories from our first retreat that still give us chills: the northern lights appearing over the beach, a game of tag that brought a 60-year-old woman's childlike self back online, and the night a birth mother, an adoptive mother, and an adoptee ended up side by side at the same dinner table.If your body leans in at any point during this episode - don't ignore it. Just be curious about it. What arises belongs.In This Episode, We Explore:Why high-functioning, self-aware women still carry a subtle undercurrent of shame - and where it hidesShame as a "severed sense of love and belonging" (and how it shows up in perfectionism, control, and people-pleasing)Where shame lives in the body - and why noticing it is the beginning of the workWhat breathwork reveals that the mind keeps hidden, and why you don't need a story or explanation for what comes upGrief, brain fog, and giving the prefrontal cortex a breakWhat happens in a room of women that can't happen on Zoom or in a journal - co-regulation, eye contact, and being truly witnessedSacred sisterhood vs. surface-level friendship - and why so many of us have never experienced the formerRupture and repair, in real time, at our own retreatInside Wild + Rooted: what we've created for the woman who's already done the work and senses a deeper layer calling herAbout Wild + Rooted:A 3-day immersive retreat, November 6–8, 2026, at a private home on the Eastern Shore of Delaware. Trauma release breathwork, inner child and parts work, shame-dissolving sessions, art therapy, yoga on the water, at-home massages, and a sacred sisterhood that holds - with pre-retreat preparation and 90 days of integration support afterward. For the woman who's already done the work and wants the deeper layers. Spots are limited, and we're already over halfway full.WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Important Links:Hear directly from the pilot participants hereRegister for Un-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing retreat hereRed Poppy WebsiteCatch Julie and Liz in person at the Making of Me event in SeptemberJoin The Refuge Membership Community hereThe retreat is back. In this special announcement episode, Julie is joined by her co-facilitator, colleague, and friend Dr. Liz DeBetta to share that Un-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing returns December 4–6, 2026 - this time at the Red Poppy Center for Renewal in Highland, Michigan, with everything under one roof.Dr. Liz DeBetta is a narrative healing practitioner, creator of the Migrating Toward Wholeness process, and the writer and performer behind Un-M-Othered - the work this entire retreat is built around. Together, Julie and Liz look back at what happened in that first sacred room in Idaho, what they learned, and how the second iteration is genuinely a different animal.In this episode:Content note: This conversation includes discussion of adoption trauma, grief, and relinquishment. Please listen with care and tend to your nervous system as needed.What actually happened at the pilot retreat in May - five adoptees, many of them in a room with other adopted people for the very first timeThe biggest lessons carried forward: keeping everything in one place, protecting integration time, and the power of smallInside the Red Poppy Center for Renewal - a woman-owned sacred healing space with gardens, a lake, a fire pit, and a heated indoor pool and hot tub (December in Michigan, y'all)Why the film screens Friday night, so nervous systems can sleep on it before the deep work beginsTwo intimate circles of seven, with both groups experiencing Liz's narrative writing track and Julie's Belonging Blueprint somatic trackBrand new: private one-on-one sessions - every participant chooses narrative session, somatic work, or bodywork and reiki - and why choice matters at a retreat built on bodily autonomyHow Liz's four N's (Notice, Name, Nurture, Next Step) and Julie's five C's move together: feeling it in the body, then finding language for itWho this retreat is for - whether you're just beginning or you've been stuck in the same therapy chair for a decadeWhy December: solstice stillness, and a pause between the holidays that can be so hard for adopted peopleA hint about what's coming in June…The details: Un-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing Friday, December 4 – Sunday, December 6, 2026 Red Poppy Center for Renewal - Highland, Michigan 14 spots total. One all-in price covers your room, every meal, all programming, and your private one-on-one session. No hotel bill, no dinners out, no surprises.Connect with Dr. Liz DeBetta hereQuestions about whether this retreat is right for where you are? DM Julie or Liz on the socials, or schedule a conversation with Julie here.Stop outsourcing belonging - insource it!WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

A note on content: this episode includes direct discussion of childhood sexual exploitation/grooming, teen pregnancy, foster care system failures, and religious trauma. Please take care while listening, and feel free to pause or come back to this one when it feels right for you.Links -Brielle's resourcesBrielle's BooksBrielle's Social Handles - TikTok & Insta - @briinthemaking; YouTube - @Bri_MFTintern; Facebook - Bri W, MFT InternConnect with JulieJoin The Refuge Membership CommunityIn this episode, I sit down with Brielle Wilson - an adoptee, teen mother, wife, and mother of eight who is currently pursuing her MFT licensure after completing her degree. Brielle's story touches nearly every part of the adoption constellation: kinship care, foster care, gaslighting, religious trauma, and what it looks like to be a teenager navigating systems that were supposed to protect her and didn't. She's already published two books, with more resources on the way, and she's building a future where she gets to be the therapist she wishes she'd had.This conversation covers a lot of ground, and Brielle shares it with a level of honesty that I think will land in your body before it lands anywhere else.In this episode, we talk about:- Being raised by her maternal grandparents from infancy after both biological parents struggled with addiction, and what "home" did and didn't feel like growing up- Becoming pregnant at 13 after being groomed online by a predator, and the pressure she faced from Bethany Christian Services and her guardians to relinquish her daughter- Her determination to parent despite having no model for what healthy parenting looked like- Being placed in an emergency shelter while pregnant, and commuting to high school with her belongings in a garbage bag- A foster placement that started out supportive and became restrictive - including a foster family later found to be exaggerating her behavior for additional stipend money- Her eventual adoption alongside a sibling set, and how adoption legally severed relationships with siblings she still saw walking past her house every day- Carrying her adoptive mother's unresolved adoption trauma, being treated as a caretaker in the home, and having her worth tied to productivity- Therapists appointed by her adoptive family who reported information back to them - and what that did to her ability to trust anyone meant to help her- The role religion played in both pressuring her toward adoption and, later, in the surveillance and performance she felt inside her adoptive family's church community- Marrying her husband and leaving her adoptive home at 18 - and the slow, honest work of realizing how entangled she still was in that family system even after she left- Why she chose to pursue an MFT, and what it means to become the clinician she needed as a teenager- How she's parenting her own eight kids with transparency instead of silence- Her belief - and the research behind it - that adoption trauma exists in every adoption scenario, even the "good" ones, and why two things (grief and gratitude) can be true at the same time- Her two books: Writing Over the Lines and Consumed, and what led her to write each oneStop outsourcing belonging, insource it!WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

LINKS & RESOURCESAbout the Adoptee Mentoring Society: founded by Angela Tucker (author of "You Should Be Grateful"), AMS offers mentoring, lounges, and community that is by adoptees, for adoptees - a place where you never have to over-explain yourself.Connect with Adam hereConnect with Julie: DM on any of the socials (links below), or schedule a conversation.Some adoption stories get told over and over. Others stay in the dark. In this episode, Julie sits down with Adam Esparza - transracial, transnational adoptee from Guadalajara, Mexico, advocate and ambassador with the Adoptee Mentoring Society - for a conversation about the layers of adoption that society doesn't seem to want to name.Adam shares what it was like growing up visibly different from his adoptive family, making up stories in kindergarten show-and-tell to survive, and legally changing his name back to his birth surnames so the person in the mirror finally made sense. He opens up about the reunion that found him when he had all but given up - a message from a cousin, a birth mother who once hid him from the authorities who came to take him, and a full brother, Israel, who looked exactly like him and painted roses, just like Adam always had.Together, Julie and Adam explore:Why some adoptee stories get visibility while others - like Mexican adoptees - remain largely unseenThe dark underbelly of adoptions in Guadalajara, black market realities, and why we can't be afraid to name what really happenedWhat reunion felt like in the body - Adam describes stepping out of survival mode for the first time in his lifeThe grief of cultural disconnection: language, mirrors, food, art, and the homeland that stays in you no matter whatReturning to Mexico for Dia de los Muertos to say goodbye to the brother he never got to meetBeing a male adoptee in spaces where men are underrepresented, and why analyzing your emotions to help others is its own kind of strengthHow siblings adopted into the same family can cope in completely different ways - and how compassion keeps the door openWhat every parent of a transnational adoptee needs to accept: one day, that child will want to go backAdam's message to any adoptee feeling culturally untethered is simple: stay curious. You are not contractually bound to one side of yourself or the other. Don't neglect either one.A note of care: this conversation includes honest discussion of suicide statistics among adoptees, alcohol dependency, and an abusive relationship. Please listen with support around you if these topics are tender for you. You are not alone in this. If this episode meant something to you, a five-star review helps this work reach more adoptees who need to hear they are not alone.Stop outsourcing belonging, insource it!WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

LINKS + RESOURCES:- Get Anita's book, Wading in the Waves - available on Amazon- Seven Core Issues in Adoption and Permanency- The Roar: God's Sound in a Raging World by Bob Hazlett- The Danger of a Single Story (Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie)- Adoptee Voices writing community- Schedule a conversation with Julie- The Refuge Membership CommunitySUMMARY:What if the wound you carry has no memory attached to it... and your body remembers anyway?In this episode, Julie sits down with Anita Garber - social worker, worship leader, and author of Wading in the Waves: A 40-Day Journey of Healing, Grief, Identity, and Belonging in the Presence of God - for a conversation about what it actually takes to step toward healing without bypassing grief.Anita shares the story behind the book, born from her observation that adoptee spaces were having every conversation except the one about God - and from a writing assignment that surprised her: a letter addressed directly to adoption itself, containing the line that stopped Julie in her tracks: "I was born brokenhearted and expected to be whole."Together they explore the difference between feeling unsafe and feeling uncomfortable, why the meanings adoptees absorb early - banished, unwanted, too much, not enough - root so deeply, and what it means when the body relives a separation the mind never consciously recorded. Anita opens up about her own moment of being called out of an orphan identity ("You are living as an orphan and called to be a daughter. Change your clothes."), the armor she didn't know she was wearing, and what "getting dressed" has looked like in real life: slowly, with safe people, with accountability that calls you higher instead of shaming you.=This one goes to the very center of the work: nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. And your body has been telling the truth about it all along.IN THIS EPISODE:- The story behind Wading in the Waves and why Anita wrote a faith-centered book on the seven core issues of adoption- Why healing is a choice - and what happens in the body when we avoid pain too long- Feeling unsafe vs. feeling uncomfortable: the nervous system question that changes everything ("Am I in danger right now... or am I remembering danger?")- Why beliefs like "I was too much" or "not enough" root so deeply in adoptees - the primal wound, ambiguous loss, and preverbal imprinting- Day 14 - Orphan: the prayer-time moment that confronted Anita's survival identity, and the armor she had to take off- Living as an orphan vs. living as a daughter - and how this maps onto survival identity vs. true identity- What "getting dressed" practically looks like: safe people, accountability, and choosing belonging consistently- Day 15 - Truth: Anita's letter to adoption, what surfaced in her body as she wrote it, and why telling the honest (not grateful, not polished) truth creates freedom- Day 16 - Rejected: "I have no memory of being given away, yet my body and spirit have internalized the trauma" — implicit memory, body memory, and why "you were just a baby" misses the point entirely- The "blank slate" myth adoptive parents were told - and what it cost- How preverbal rejection shows up decades later: reject-first strategies, trust, and attachment- Jesus and adoption: why Anita believes He understands the adoptee experience on a lived level- Forgiveness vs. bypassing pain - releasing yourself from prison vs. pretending you're not in one- Can forgiveness exist without honesty? (And what to do when the other person won't give you theirs)- What healing actually looks like in real life: felt safety, safe people, and starting with God- Two-way journaling (listening prayer) as a starting place- What "coming home to yourself" means: integration, living unfragmented, and being deeply known, held, and lovedMOMENTS THAT STAY WITH YOU:"I was born brokenhearted and expected to be whole.""You are living as an orphan and called to be a daughter. Change your clothes.""My mind had forgotten, but my body remembered well.""Forgiveness is releasing yourself from prison. Bypassing pain is staying in prison and telling yourself you're not in one.""Nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you."If this episode meant something to you, a five-star rating or a few words in a written review helps this work reach more adoptees and the people who love them. You are never alone in this.WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

CONNECT WITH ZOE, ELLIE + UNFOLDINGWebsite + waitlistInstagramFacebookAlso on LinkedIn - follow along as they unfold, live.CONNECT WITH MEJoin The Refuge Community MembershipWhat happens when two adoptees sit down for coffee at a place called the Blue Kangaroo? Apparently, a movement.This week I'm joined by two women I can only describe as kindreds: Zoe Hansen-DiBello and Ellie Robinson, co-founders of Unfolding - an app built by adoptees, for adoptees, launching THIS month. Their tagline is "where curiosity meets belonging," and if you've been with me through the 5 Conditions of Self-Belonging series, you already know why my whole body was buzzing before we even hit record.We go deep into the milestones that carry layers other people never see - birthdays that are both celebration and anniversary of loss, the medical history clipboard and the weight of writing "unknown," school assignments that taught us we were othered before we had words for it, and the primal experience of becoming a parent and meeting your first biological relative.Zoe shares how becoming a mom "complicated the narrative" - and how her body told the story of abandonment through two years of chronic hives before her mind could catch up. Ellie shares her reunion journey at 21, the discovery that rocked her identity years later, and the grief that literally took her to the floor - and led her to build the community she couldn't find.And then we get into Unfolding: a daily practice of reflection, breath work, and journaling designed to give adoptees (and the people who love them) a shared language for the big feelings. Because we grow up - and we don't stop being adopted.This one is for adoptees, adoptive parents, partners of adoptees, and anyone who loves one. Which, statistically? Is just about everyone.KEY MOMENTS00:05 - Welcome + how this episode connects to the 5 Conditions of Self-Belonging 03:43 - Zoe's story: adopted at 11 days old, four women, and the moment motherhood brought it all to the foreground 08:09 - When the body keeps the score: grief, chronic hives, and what cleared them 10:16 - Ellie's story: closed adoption, a "speed round" reunion at 21, and what reunion actually opened 16:16 - The phone call that changed everything - and the hug that told Ellie the truth before the DNA test did 21:13 - The Blue Kangaroo coffee: accidental ghosting, a mutual friend, and a partnership born in one sitting 25:25 - Milestones that carry layers: what a birthday really is for an adoptee ("big feeling days") 30:14 - The medical history clipboard: "family history: unknown," defense mechanisms, and the box doctors aren't checking 38:47 - School assignments, family trees, and feeling othered before we had words (plus a first-grade Hanukkah lesson you have to hear) 42:40 - Becoming parents + a somatic bridge: from "what's wrong with me" to "what is happening in me" 45:07 - Inside Unfolding: the daily card, breath work, journaling, and sparking real-life connection 47:36 - Why "Unfolding"? (A shower moment, not AI - and a name that keeps going) 50:43 - Big Feeling ice cream: proof the framework works in real life 52:23 - A public health crisis hiding in plain sight - and why this app had to exist 57:14 - What 99 Kickstarter backers taught them about who this is really for 58:43 - Where to find Unfolding + join the waitlist 59:22 - What Zoe and Ellie are personally curious about in their own unfolding 1:05:41 = Closing + a brand new tagline you'll be hearing from now onIf something came up for you in this episode - a question, a reaction, something that stirred - DM me on any of the socials, or schedule a conversation with me. I'd love to hear where you are and how I can support you.And if this podcast has meant something to you, a five-star review (or even a few written words) goes such a long way in helping this work reach more adoptees and the people who love them.You are never alone in this.Stop outsourcing belonging - insource it!WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

LinksHow to connect with all Dr. Liz is doingSchedule a Connection Time with JulieLooking for Community Like the Retreat Created?Five Voices, One RoomThis episode is different from the rest of the series. Instead of teaching the five conditions solo, Julie sits down with Dr. Liz DeBetta and five adoptees - Mike, Jill, Nicole, Jeremy, and Jen - who were part of the Un-M-Othered retreat in Moscow, Idaho this past May. Together they walk back through Curiosity, Clarity, Capacity, Connection, and Consistency, this time through the lived experience of the people who were actually in the room.The retreat itself was born from a request: Julie's client Mike asked her to bring Dr. Liz's Un-M-Othered film to his community, not realizing Julie and Liz had already been dreaming up exactly that. Their two frameworks - Liz's Migrating Toward Wholeness and Julie's 7-phase Belonging Blueprint - anchored the weekend.In this episode:Why Mike reached out for something deeper than what already existed for adopteesWhat it felt like for Dr. Liz to watch years of dreaming become a room full of real peopleJeremy and Jen on what it meant to walk in as siblings who share an adoption story, versus Jill and Nicole walking in aloneHow curiosity showed up differently in the body the second time watching Liz's filmNicole on reframing hypervigilance as a skill rather than only a woundThe origin of Dr. Liz's mantra: more stories = more connection, more connection = more healingJen's experience of staying with discomfort instead of disappearing, and what self-abandonment looks like for herHow Dr. Liz's Migrating Toward Wholeness framework supports the "return to self" through writingJeremy and Jen on being witnessed by a room that didn't require translation or explanationJill's puzzle-piece analogy for incremental shifts, and Julie's grains-of-rice metaphor for how transformation actually happensWhat it feels like in a room when multiple adoptees find language for the same unnamed thing at the same timeEach guest's one sustainable next step two weeks post-retreatThe closing round: what each person is no longer available for, and what they're actively reclaimingClosing words - three words for the body right now: Jill: relax, believe, peace Nicole: content, hope, fulfilled Jen: healing, open, present Mike: grateful, hopeful, content Jeremy: grateful, curious, calmWhat's next for Dr. Liz DeBetta: Monthly virtual retreats resuming late August, small group coaching launching in fall and spring cohorts, ongoing one-on-one work, and a free monthly drop-in circle open to anyone in the adoption constellation.A second Un-M-Othered retreat with Julie and Liz is in the works - date to be announced soon.WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

LinkSchedule a Call with MeThe Refuge: A Community MembershipIn This EpisodeHave you ever had a real breakthrough - a moment of genuine opening - and then watched it slowly close again a few days later?That is not failure. That is not you doing it wrong. That is what happens when we expect insight alone to rewire a nervous system.In this final episode of the 5 Conditions of Self-Belonging series, Julie Brumley walks through the fifth and most quietly challenging condition: Consistency. Not the kind that asks you to do more. The kind that asks you to do less, more often, more honestly - and to keep coming back to yourself even in the most ordinary moments of your life.Julie shares the personal story of the one tiny practice that began building belonging in her own body back in 2022, guides listeners through a closing somatic integration practice, and closes the series with the truth that belonging isn't a destination you earn. It's a relationship you tend.Plus - a tease of what's coming next week.Chapters[00:00] Welcome back + recap of Connection [00:45] You showing up is already an act of Consistency [02:22] The place where well-intentioned healing quietly falls apart [03:30] The shame of going backwards - and a different story [04:30] Why insight alone doesn't rewire a nervous system [05:00] Healing is repeated, safe return to self [05:20] What happened at the retreat when Julie named this condition [05:41] Tiny. Believable. Nervous-system sustainable. [07:00] Julie's personal story - the hand over her heart and what began to change [08:30] Somatic practice: returning to what stayed with you from this series [09:53] The integration invitation - choosing one thing [11:59] Closing thought - belonging is not a destination you earn [14:24] Series close + what's coming next weekKey TakeawaysShowing up week after week - even while doing the dishes or lying in bed - is already an act of Consistency. You have already been practicing.Breakthrough moments are real. The opening is real. The insight is real. But insight alone does not rewire a nervous system. The nervous system learns through repetition, through embodied experience returned to over time.The reason most healing intentions don't hold isn't because you weren't sincere. It's because the commitment was bigger than your nervous system could actually sustain.The invitation of Consistency is not to do more. It's to do less, more often, more honestly.One tiny practice - repeated over time - is what builds belonging. It doesn't have to be impressive. It has to be believable and yours.Belonging is not a destination you earn. It's a relationship - with yourself first, and then slowly with the people and places that can hold you. The practice is the returning.Somatic Practice From This EpisodeFor this final practice, Julie doesn't introduce anything new. Instead she invites you to return to whatever practice from the series your nervous system recognized most.Then, from that settled place, choose just one thing to carry forward. It might be:A hand over your heart each morning before you get upOne slow breath before a hard conversationOne moment of orientation when you feel yourself beginning to spiralA truth spoken to yourself daily - I am not too much. I am allowed to need connection. I don't have to earn my place here.A self-hug or thirty seconds of checking in with yourself in the mirrorOne moment of pause to invite curiosity, clarity, capacity, or connection back inWhatever it is: tiny, believable, and yours. That one thing, returned to again and again, is the whole practice.The 5 Conditions of Self-Belonging Series - CompleteCuriosity → Clarity → Capacity → Connection → ConsistencyNot goals to achieve. Conditions to experience. Practices of returning to yourself.Episode 1: Curiosity — Why Adoptees Disconnect From Themselves (And How Curiosity Helps)Episode 2: Clarity — "What's Wrong With Me?" Why Adoptees Ask This and What To Do InsteadEpisode 3: Capacity — Why Adoptees Abandon Themselves (And How to Finally Stay)Episode 4: Connection — Why Adoptees Feel Alone Even When They're Loved (And What Connection Actually Requires)Episode 5: Consistency — Why Healing Doesn't Stick (And What Adoptees Need Instead of Another Breakthrough) ← you are hereComing Next WeekYou're going to hear directly from the five retreat participants who experienced this workshop live - plus Dr. Liz DeBetta. It was a profound and sacred conversation and Julie cannot wait to share it with you.WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

LinkSchedule a Call with MeThe Refuge: A Community MembershipIn This EpisodeHave you ever worked incredibly hard to be loved, and still felt completely unknown?That is not a character flaw. That is what happens when the part of you that most needs to be seen learned early on that it wasn't safe to come out.In this episode, Julie Brumley explores the fourth condition of the 5 Conditions of Self-Belonging: Connection. She names the paradox so many adoptees live inside - longing deeply for connection while being terrified of it - and offers the reframe that changes everything: connection starts internally. Before you can truly be met by someone else, you have to be present to yourself first.Julie shares a deeply personal story about losing herself inside her marriage, guides listeners through a powerful mirror-based co-regulation practice, and closes with the truth that belonging doesn't require you to be fully healed. It just requires you to bring a little more of yourself into the room.Chapters[00:00] Welcome back + recap of Capacity [02:28] The adoptee paradox - longing for connection and being terrified of it at the same time [04:23] Julie's personal story - the moment she realized she didn't know her own favorite color [05:30] Shape-shifting for love and what it costs us [06:00] The reframe: connection starts internally [08:03] More stories, more connection, more healing [09:00] Why real connection heals what insight alone cannot reach [09:45] Somatic practice: co-regulation with the mirror [15:43] What the mirror practice is actually building [16:10] Closing thought - you don't have to be fully healed to be in connection [17:33] Next week preview: ConsistencyKey TakeawaysAdoptees often live inside a painful paradox: longing for connection more than almost anything, while being terrified of it at exactly the same time. Both things are true. Both make complete sense.Shape-shifting - reading the room, adjusting your personality, being low-maintenance and easy - was an intelligent nervous system response to early attachment disruption. It kept you connected. It also kept you unknown.Being unknown, even in a room full of people who love you, is its own kind of loneliness.Connection starts internally. Before you can truly be met by someone else, there has to be a you present to be received. Internal connection is the foundation.More stories means more connection. More connection means more healing. Real, safe connection - where you don't have to perform or minimize or explain yourself into palatability - begins to heal things that insight alone cannot reach.You don't have to be fully healed to be in connection. You just have to be willing to bring a little more of yourself into the room. That is enough. That is everything.Somatic Practice From This EpisodeThe mirror co-regulation practice Julie guides in this episode can be returned to any time you need to come back to yourself.Find a mirror and stand near it without facing it yet. Let your feet find the floor, notice your breath, let your body settle.Soften your gaze. Take one slow breath in through the nose and a slightly longer breath out through the mouth.Let one hand rest wherever feels right - your lap, your heart, your legs.Say - out loud or internally - you are not too much. Your longing is not too much. Your grief is not too much. Your need for connection is not too much.When you're ready, turn gently toward the mirror. Make soft eye contact, or look at the base of your neck or the tops of your shoulders if that feels more comfortable.Practice mirrored breathing with yourself - noticing the rise and fall of your shoulders. Notice any urge to look away, shrink, or disappear. Just notice.Repeat the words out loud if it feels comfortable. Breathe. Notice the shift, even if it's small.The 5 Conditions of Self-Belonging SeriesThis episode is part of a five-episode series walking through the five conditions that allow self-belonging to emerge:Curiosity → Clarity → Capacity → Connection → ConsistencyNot goals to achieve. Conditions to experience. Practices of returning to yourself.Episode 1: Curiosity — Why Adoptees Disconnect From Themselves (And How Curiosity Helps)Episode 2: Clarity — "What's Wrong With Me?" Why Adoptees Ask This and What To Do InsteadEpisode 3: Capacity — Why Adoptees Abandon Themselves (And How to Finally Stay)Episode 4: Connection — Why Adoptees Feel Alone Even When They're Loved ← you are hereEpisode 5: Consistency — Next WeekWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

LinksSchedule a call with meIn this episode:What if capacity isn't about handling more - it's about leaving yourself less?In this episode, Julie Brumley dives into the third condition that cultivates self-belonging: Capacity. This is the heart of the series, and the condition that surprises people most. Capacity isn't becoming someone who never gets overwhelmed. It's the ability to stay connected to yourself while emotion exists - to feel the wave without losing the thread back to yourself in the middle of it.Julie introduces two foundational somatic concepts - titration and pendulation - and guides listeners through a body-based practice they can use anywhere. She also shares something personal: what it felt like to stay with grief after losing her mother-in-law, and what she witnessed in the room at the retreat when participants practiced this work in real time.This episode will change how you understand healing.Chapters[00:00] Welcome back + recap of Clarity [02:00] What Capacity is NOT, and why so many of us learned a version of strength that was actually self-abandonment [04:50] What Capacity actually is - staying connected to yourself while emotion exists[06:30] The difference between being the emotion and having the emotion [07:30] Titration - why the nervous system heals one drop at a time [09:30] Pendulation - the natural rhythm between activation and settling [11:59] Somatic practice: pendulation guided experience [16:27] The most important line in this series [18:00] Julie's personal story - sitting shiva with grief [19:30] What this looked like in the retreat room [20:08] Closing thought - why Capacity asks the bravest thing of us [21:45] Next week preview: ConnectionKey TakeawaysCapacity is not handling it. It's the ability to stay connected to yourself while emotion exists - not after the wave passes, not before it arrives, but while it is happening.The adaptations you developed - suppression, performance, disconnecting from your inner experience - were intelligent responses to real conditions. They protected you. And they may also be the walls now keeping you from yourself.Titration means going one small drop at a time. The nervous system cannot heal everything at once, but it can heal a tremendous amount when we honor its actual pace.Pendulation is the rhythm between the activated place and the supported place. Transformation doesn't happen in the overwhelm. It happens in the moving between.The goal is not to never feel pain. The goal is to not leave yourself inside it.Capacity grows incrementally - through small, repeated moments of choosing to stay with yourself instead of leaving. Every moment you stay, even a little, matters.Somatic Practice From This EpisodeThe pendulation practice Julie guides in this episode can be used any time you feel activated or overwhelmed.Find where your body feels activated - tension, heaviness, tightness, contraction.Find somewhere in your body that feels more neutral or supported - your hands, your feet on the floor, the weight of your back against a chair. Even your earlobes if that's what's available.Gently let your attention move between those two places. Activated. Supported. Activated. Supported.This is your nervous system learning it can visit the hard place and still find its way back.The 5 Conditions of Self-Belonging SeriesThis episode is part of a five-episode series walking through the five conditions that allow self-belonging to emerge:Curiosity → Clarity → Capacity → Connection → ConsistencyNot goals to achieve. Conditions to experience. Practices of returning to yourself.Episode 1: Curiosity — Learning to Notice Without JudgmentEpisode 2: Clarity — Awareness Is EnoughEpisode 3: Capacity — Learning to Stay With Yourself ← you are hereEpisode 4: Connection — Next ThursdayEpisode 5: Consistency — Coming soonWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

LinksLast week's episode on Condition 1 - CuriosityConnect with JulieClarity isn't certainty. It's awareness. In this episode, Julie explores the second condition for self-belonging: the gentle, non-judgmental ability to notice what's happening in you - without needing to have it all figured out first.Building on last week's episode about curiosity, Julie unpacks why so many adopted people (and others with early trauma) get stuck waiting for complete understanding before they allow themselves to heal, and why that's not how healing actually works.In this episode, Julie covers:Why clarity is awareness, not resolution - and why that distinction mattersHow the body holds clarity before the mind can catch upThe difference between intellectualizing your experience and being with your experienceThe patterns that develop when love doesn't feel consistently safe: pulling back from closeness, working to justify your presence, hiding emotions that weren't received wellThe most important shift clarity makes possible: moving from what's wrong with me to what is happening in meSomatic Practice - The Clarity Practice: Julie guides listeners through a body-based exercise to gently meet what they've been carrying. The practice includes grounding, orienting to your space, and three reflective prompts:A part of me learned...A part of me still believes...What I actually needed was...Keywordsadoption, self-awareness, clarity, somatic practice, trauma, emotional patterns, healing, nervous system, curiosity, self-belongingChapters:00:00 - Welcome & The Distinction That Changes Everything Clarity is not certainty - it's awareness. 02:28 - What Clarity Actually Is Clarity isn't having it all figured out.04:50 - The Body Knows Before the Mind Does 07:12 - Seeing the Patterns Without Judgment Clarity doesn't diagnose or condemn.09:27 - The Clarity Practice A guided somatic exercise to gently meet what you've been carrying.15:38 - Whatever Came Up, That's Enough Reflection on what the practice revealed16:03 - Why This Work Matters for Adopted People 18:04 - Preview of Next Week: CapacityNext week: The third condition — Capacity. Learning how to stay with yourself while emotion is happening, without leaving yourself inside of it.If something came up for you in this episode, DM Julie on socials or schedule a conversation using the link in the show notes. If this podcast has meant something to you, a five-star review or a few written words helps this work reach more adopted people and the families who love them.WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Links & ResourcesSchedule a Connection Call with MeUnderstanding Your Nervous System: A Guide for Adoptees and Those Who Love ThemSummaryIn this first episode of a brand-new series inspired by Julie Brumley’s workshop The Art of Cultivating Belonging: Returning to the Body After the Story, Julie explores the first condition that helps self-belonging begin to emerge:Curiosity.As adoptees - and honestly, as people shaped by trauma - many of us learned to immediately judge, suppress, explain, minimize, or abandon what we feel.But curiosity interrupts judgment.It creates space to notice what is happening inside us without immediately trying to fix it.In this episode, Julie shares:how adoptees become skilled at reading everyone else while disconnecting from themselveswhy hypervigilance, people-pleasing, performance, and emotional suppression are survival adaptationsthe difference between asking “What’s wrong with me?” and “What happened in me?”why the body often tells the truth before the mind can explain itand how healing begins not through force… but through noticingJulie also guides listeners through a gentle somatic noticing practice designed to help reconnect with sensation, safety, and self-awareness in a nervous-system sustainable way.Because belonging is not something we think our way into.It’s something the body slowly learns it can build internally.Keywordsadoption, adoptee healing, curiosity, belonging, nervous system, somatic healing, trauma, hypervigilance, emotional suppression, self-awareness, embodiment, identity, self-belongingKey TopicsThe five conditions that cultivate self-belongingCuriosity as the first condition of healingHypervigilance, shape-shifting, and adaptation in adopteesWhy love may not have felt safe in early lifeThe body’s role in healing and self-awarenessLearning to notice without fixing or judgingReconnecting to sensation after disconnectionSomatic grounding and orientation practicesHealing through awareness rather than forceKey TakeawaysCuriosity interrupts judgmentSurvival often teaches adoptees to disconnect from themselvesThe body often communicates before the mind understandsHealing begins with noticing, not fixingYou don’t need to force transformationSmall moments of staying with yourself matterBelonging grows through repeated moments of returning to selfChapters00:00 – Beginning a new series on belonging01:20 – The five conditions of self-belonging02:10 – Why curiosity matters in healing03:00 – Hypervigilance, performance, and adaptation05:00 – “What do I need to be to be accepted?”06:15 – From “What’s wrong with me?” to “What happened in me?”07:10 – Where the body holds truth08:00 – Guided somatic noticing practice12:00 – Grounding through sensation and orientation14:30 – Letting the body know you’re listening15:15 – Why healing begins with noticing16:20 – Staying present with yourself17:15 – Closing reflections + next week’s episode on clarityClosing ReflectionBelonging doesn’t begin when we finally “fix” ourselves.It begins the moment we become willing to stay curious about what we carry…and gently turn back toward ourselves instead of away.WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Resources MentionedRevelation LIVEUn-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing RetreatSchedule a call with JulieSummaryA few weeks ago, Julie Brumley released an episode about changing the meaning we attach to experiences and how those meanings shape the stories, emotions, and patterns we repeat.But in this episode, she goes deeper.Because meanings don’t just shape thoughts.They shape the emotional and nervous system baseline we live from.Through an adoptee lens, Julie explores three concepts she first learned from mentor Kelly Brock:The Law of VibrationThe Law of AttractionThe Law of AssumptionNot from a “just think positive” perspective… and not from a place of blame.This conversation is about understanding how the body learns associations long before we have words, and how those practiced associations quietly shape what feels safe, familiar, expected, and possible.Julie explains why adoptees often struggle with:hypervigilancefear of rejectionemotional guardinghyper-independencedifficulty receiving love or rest…even when they consciously desire connection, peace, and belonging.She also shares a gentle somatic exercise to help listeners begin loosening old meanings and creating space for new experiences in the nervous system.Because healing isn’t just cognitive.It’s nervous system work.And changing the meaning changes the signal your body is broadcasting.Keywordsadoption, adoptee healing, nervous system, trauma, somatic healing, hypervigilance, attachment, identity, emotional patterns, belonging, trauma responses, embodimentKey TopicsWhy meanings shape nervous system patternsThe Law of Vibration through an adoptee lensPracticed emotional states vs. conscious desiresWhy adoptees often anticipate abandonment or rejectionFamiliar pain vs. unfamiliar safetyThe Law of Attraction as emotional familiarityHow assumptions become identity over timeHypervigilance, over-functioning, and emotional guardingReleasing old meanings gently through somatic awarenessBuilding new nervous system experiences through safety and opennessKey TakeawaysYour nervous system learned these meanings for a reasonFamiliar does not always mean healthyThe body often broadcasts practiced associations, not conscious desiresHealing is not just insight - it’s repeated safe experiencesSurvival meanings are not always ultimate truthAwareness allows you to interrupt old cycles“That makes sense” is often more healing than “How do I fix this?”Changing the meaning changes what becomes possibleChapters00:00 – Why meanings matter so much02:21 – The Law of Vibration and nervous system signals06:53 – Why adoptees struggle with stillness, visibility, and safety09:20 – The Law of Attraction and emotional familiarity11:44 – The Law of Assumption and identity formation14:05 – Guided somatic integration practice15:34 – Julie’s personal example around money and safety18:29 – Why awareness changes the nervous system20:36 – Revelation LIVE, retreat updates, and closing reflectionsClosing ReflectionYour body adapted around what it experienced.Not because something is wrong with you…but because your nervous system learned what it believed it had to do to survive.And maybe healing begins the moment you stop asking:“What’s wrong with me?”…and start asking:“What meaning has my body been carrying?”WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

SummaryIn this deeply personal conversation, Julie Brumley sits down with mentor, coach, and friend Kelly Brock, the woman whose podcast sparked the beginning of Julie’s adoption-focused work back in April 2023.Together, they explore how survival patterns become identities, why the nervous system shapes what we expect from relationships, and how old associations recreate familiar patterns. Kelly shares her perspective on sovereignty, nervous system healing, and learning to stop building a life around adaptation and performance. Julie weaves in her lived experience as an adoptee, including how early disruption shaped her expectations around connection and safety.This episode is about more than adoption.It’s about learning to come home to yourself.About realizing the patterns that once helped you survive don’t have to keep leading your life.And about discovering that healing happens through awareness, safety, practice, and relationship.Keywordsadoption, adoptee healing, nervous system, sovereignty, trauma healing, somatic healing, identity, attachment, survival patterns, relationships, embodiment, emotional healingKey TopicsHow survival patterns become identityThe nervous system’s role in relationships and emotional anticipation“What we associate becomes what we anticipate”Why adoptees often adapt instead of receiveThe connection between sovereignty and self-belongingHow old emotional meanings create repeated patternsThe importance of nervous system work in healing Learning to separate patterns from personalityReframing painful experiences into gifts and wisdomBuilding movements vs. building businessesChapters00:00 – The moment Julie’s business vision was born03:30 – Survival patterns and identity08:00 – What sovereignty actually means15:00 – How early experiences shape expectations19:00 – Associations, anticipation, and emotional loops28:00 – Changing patterns through nervous system work35:00 – The conditions for self-belonging41:00 – Building from truth instead of performance47:00 – Movement vs. business52:00 – Why the body matters in healing57:00 – What Kelly has learned about adoptees01:02:00 – Breaking old stories and reclaiming your life01:06:00 – Kelly’s Rooted program + final reflectionsLinksKelly Brock’s Rooted nervous system programUn-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing RetreatRevelation LIVE experienceSaboteur AssessmentKelly's InstagramWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

SummaryIn this deeply personal and relational episode, Julie sits down with her longtime friend Cathy Rosenquist - someone who has had a front-row seat to some of Julie’s most defining seasons.From loss and reunion to therapy, identity, and divorce… Cathy didn’t just hear about it. She lived alongside it.This conversation offers something rarely spoken about in adoption spaces:What is it like to love an adoptee through it?Through honest reflection, Cathy shares what she saw, what she didn’t understand at first, and what helped most - not from a place of expertise, but from curiosity, humility, and a willingness to stay.Together, they explore how patterns rooted in early disruption can show up in relationships, the impact of feeling like you have to earn acceptance, and what begins to shift when someone chooses to truly see you.This episode is for adoptees and for the people who love them.Because healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in relationship.Keywordsadoption, adoptee healing, relationships, friendship, trauma, identity, belonging, emotional safety, connection, self-trust, attachment, support systemsKey TopicsWhat it’s like to walk alongside an adoptee through grief, reunion, and identity work Patterns of people-pleasing, fear, and the need for acceptance The gap between outward confidence and internal self-trust Why adoptees may struggle to use their voice - even when they seem expressive Moving from “something is wrong with me” to building self-trust Letting go of fixing and learning to simply be present The power of curiosity over assumption in relationships How consistent, intentional connection builds safety and trust TakeawaysYou don’t need to fully understand someone to stay with them Curiosity creates connection - assumption creates distance Many adoptee patterns are rooted in a deep need to feel safe and accepted Being “seen” without being fixed can be profoundly healing Relationships that last are built through intentional presence You don’t have to have the right words - just a willingness to stay Healing often happens when someone defies the expectation that they will leaveChapters00:00 – A friendship built over 14 years03:00 – How Julie and Cathy first met06:00 – What Cathy saw over the years10:30 – Witnessing grief, discovery, and transformation13:30 – Patterns Julie couldn’t see at the time18:00 – The shoes story and learning self-trust20:30 – What Cathy misunderstood about adoption24:30 – Moving beyond the “rescue” narrative28:00 – Witnessing reunion, grief, and complexity31:00 – Trying to understand the adoptee experience35:00 – Why the timeline mattered38:00 – What actually helped in the friendship41:00 – Learning to ask, “What do you need?”43:30 – Sitting with what couldn’t be fixed46:00 – Finding and trusting Julie’s voice49:00 – How friendship changed Cathy52:00 – What people who love adoptees need to know53:30 – “You’ve got this” and closing reflectionsUn-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee HealingWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

SummaryIn this embodied, real-time conversation, Julie Brumley walks listeners through a powerful shift: the meaning we attach to our experiences shapes our stories, emotions, and the way we move through the world.Most of us think we’re reacting to what’s happening now… but often, we’re responding to what we expect to happen based on the past.Through personal examples and guided reflection, Julie shows how old meanings - like “I’m too much” or “something is wrong with me” - keep us stuck in familiar patterns.This episode introduces a simple, body-based practice to pause, question those meanings, and choose something new. Not by forcing positivity, but by creating space for a different experience.This is the bridge between releasing the past and creating what’s possible.Keywordsadoption, adoptee healing, somatic work, nervous system, trauma, identity, self-worth, meaning, emotional patterns, embodiment, relationships, belongingKey TopicsHow meaning shapes emotion, behavior, and expectationWhy we react from past associations, not present realityPersonal examples: breakdown, rejection, and conflictShifting from “something is wrong with me” to new meaningThe nervous system’s role in familiar patternsA 4-step practice to change meaning in real timeAnchoring new beliefs through the bodyTakeawaysYou’re not reacting to now - you’re responding to past meaningOld meaning → old story → old emotions → repeated patternsWhat you associate becomes what you anticipateYou don’t get what you want - you get what you’re practiced in receivingYou can pause and choose a new meaningYour body must experience the shift, not just think itThis is the bridge between release and creationChapters00:00 – A conversation, not a lecture01:00 – The bridge: releasing → creating02:00 – Why meaning matters03:30 – Associations + anticipation (Kelly Brock teaching)05:30 – Real-life example: feeling excluded07:40 – Old meaning: “something is wrong with me”09:30 – Reframing breakdown → breakthrough10:30 – Relationship + conflict examples12:00 – The 4-step practice14:00 – Anchoring new meaning in the body16:30 – Somatic integration practice18:30 – Releasing old story, receiving new meaning20:20 – Choosing again in real time22:00 – Closing reflection + invitationClosing NoteIf something stirred in you while listening… that’s not random.It’s awareness.Pause.Ask what you’re making it mean.And gently… choose again.LinksUn-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing retreatPdf of my notes for referenceWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

SummaryIn this personal, embodied episode, Julie Brumley shares a realization that emerged through guided journaling and somatic reflection:For many adoptees, love didn’t feel safe, it felt something to earn.Through reflective questions and body-based practices, Julie explores how early experiences shape our relationship to love, safety, and connection. She shows how adaptations like people-pleasing, control, and hyper-awareness aren’t flaws, but intelligent responses the body learned to stay safe.This episode invites you out of performance and into presence.Not by fixing yourself, but by reconnecting with the parts of you that learned to survive, and offering them something new.Keywordsadoption, adoptee healing, somatic healing, trauma, nervous system, attachment, self-worth, people-pleasing, identity, belonging, embodiment, emotional safetyKey TopicsLearning to be loved through survival instead of safetyWhy love may not feel safe in the body for adopteesEarly experiences shaping attachment and identityPeople-pleasing, control, and hyper-awareness as protectionEmbodied journaling and somatic awarenessReframing “what’s wrong with me” to “what did my body learn?”Moving from performance-based worth to internal belongingBuilding safety in relationship with selfKey TakeawaysYou didn’t learn love in dysfunction-you learned it in adaptation.If love doesn’t feel safe, your body will try to control or earn it.People-pleasing and perfectionism are protective responses.You don’t need to reject the parts that got you here.“What got you here is not what will get you there.”Healing begins by thanking protective parts, not fixing them.You don’t have to perform to be loved.Belonging starts within.⏱ Chapters00:00 – A more personal, embodied episode01:00 – “I struggled with love… because it didn’t feel safe”02:00 – Learning to be loved in survival mode03:10 – “How did you learn to be loved?”04:20 – Control and adaptation as safety05:00 – Guided somatic reflection06:10 – “That makes sense”06:30 – Performance-based love07:30 – Feeling evaluated08:00 – “What got me here…”09:00 – Thanking protective parts10:00 – Releasing survival10:45 – Experiencing safety12:00 – Embodying safety12:35 – “What if I didn’t have to perform?”13:30 – Presence over performance14:00 – What we’re really seeking14:40 – Nothing is wrong with you15:20 – Healing through self-relationship16:00 – Invitation to deeper work17:00 – Closing reflectionsLinksUn-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing retreatIntimacy and Adoption: Why Love Feels ComplicatedWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

✨ SummaryIn this episode, Julie Brumley shares the defining moment that redirected her work from addiction into adoptee healing - and the deeper understanding of belonging that followed.She introduces Revelation LIVE, a 7-day guided experience designed to help adoptees make sense of their patterns, reconnect with themselves, and begin experiencing belonging from within.✨ Keywordsadoptee healing, belonging, identity, attachment, self-discovery, nervous system, trauma-informed coaching, emotional integration✨ Key TopicsThe moment that initiated Julie’s transition into adoptee-focused workHow early separation shapes identity, attachment, and belongingThe difference between intellectual understanding and embodied healingAn overview of Revelation and its 7-day frameworkWhy connection to self - not performance - creates lasting change✨ TakeawaysWhat feels like “who you are” may actually be adaptationBelonging isn’t something you find - it’s something you reconnect toInsight alone doesn’t shift patterns - felt-sense experience doesThe body holds what the mind can’t always explainHealing deepens in spaces where you don’t have to perform✨ Chapters00:00 The Moment Everything Changed04:30 When the Direction Became Clear07:15 Why Belonging Feels Complicated10:20 Understanding vs Experiencing Change12:50 Introducing Revelation LIVE✨ ResourcesRevelation LIVE – 7 Day ChallengeGuide Not Guru with Kelly BrockUn-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing retreat infoWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

SummaryIn this heartfelt interview, Nicole Quirino shares her complex journey as an international adoptee from Bulgaria, exploring themes of belonging, identity, and the search for her biological family. This conversation sheds light on the nuanced experiences of adoptees navigating systemic barriers, cultural identity, and emotional resilience. Keywordsadoption, international adoptee, Bulgaria, identity, belonging, DNA testing, search for family, systemic barriers, mental health, community Key TopicsThe impact of maternal separation at a young ageChallenges in adoptee community spacesThe role of DNA testing in identity discoverySystemic barriers in international adoptionEmotional resilience and self-care in search journeysChapters00:00 Introduction to Complexities of Adoption04:18 Nicole's Journey as an International Adoptee06:47 Navigating Identity and Belonging09:05 The Impact of Maternal Separation11:19 Struggles in Adoptee Spaces13:43 Exploring White Passing Identity16:05 Desire for Deeper Connections17:55 Challenges in International Adoption20:13 The Search for Biological Family22:35 Understanding International Adoption Dynamics24:43 The Reality of Search Processes26:52 Conclusion and Future Aspirations31:11 Searching for Biological Family32:44 Navigating Legal and Bureaucratic Challenges37:05 The Emotional Toll of the Search38:07 Understanding Cultural and Linguistic Barriers42:00 Personal Growth Through the Search43:24 Connecting with Potential Family47:03 The Complexity of New Relationships48:39 Finding Confidence and Self-Care50:17 Advice for Fellow Adoptees52:34 Reflections on the Journey ResourcesUn-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing RetreatBulgarian Family Code Amendment 2023Facebook Bulgaria Adoption Group Nicole's LinksInstagramFacebookWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

SummaryThis episode explores the polyvagal theory, trauma responses, and how understanding our nervous system can aid in healing from primal trauma, especially for adoptees. It offers practical grounding tools and insights into self-regulation. KeywordsPolyvagal Theory, Trauma Responses, Adoptee Healing, Nervous System, Self-Regulation, Primal Trauma, Somatic Therapy, Self-Compassion, Grounding TechniquesChapters00:00 - Understanding the Severance Cycle and Trauma04:26 - Exploring Polyvagal Theory and Nervous System Responses07:14 - Defining Primal Trauma and Its Impact09:58 - The Polyvagal Ladder: Navigating Autonomic States12:33 - Understanding Trauma Responses and Self-Regulation15:03 - Practical Tools for Managing Trauma Responses18:01 - The Importance of Self-Compassion and Community20:45 - Building Awareness and Connection with the Body21:28 - Grounding Tools for Different States24:21 - Consistency in Self-Regulation Practices25:21 - Changing Your Relationship with Yourself26:18 - Restoration and Reconnection for Adoptees27:20 - Final Thoughts and Community ResourcesResourcesGrounding Resources My Clients UseSlides I Used TodayStephen Porges - Polyvagal TheoryPeter Levine - Somatic ExperiencingKristin Neff - Self-Compassion ResearchUn-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing retreat infoWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Join Julie Brumley in an in-depth conversation with Sydney Curtin about her complex adoption journey, healing from past wounds, and breaking intergenerational cycles. This episode offers profound insights into identity, forgiveness, and the power of owning your story.keywordsadoption, healing, identity, forgiveness, intergenerational trauma, mental health, personal growth, adoption journey, mental health awareness, mental health advocacy key topicsAdoption from multiple perspectives including birth and adoptive experiencesHealing from trauma and loss, including suicide and abuseBreaking intergenerational cycles and personal growthChapters00:00 Introduction to Complex Adoption Experiences03:28 Sydney's Journey Through Adoption07:32 Healing from Unacknowledged Loss10:20 The Weight of Unforgiven Relationships13:10 Understanding Identity Through Adoption14:59 The Impact of Loss on Identity18:33 Misconceptions About Adoption22:16 Breaking Cycles of Trauma29:15 Navigating Grief and Identity in Adoption32:29 The Power of Coaching vs. Traditional Therapy35:27 Finding Hope Amidst Grief38:43 Confronting the Darkness of Mental Health41:47 Reclaiming Your Voice and Identity45:58 Writing for Healing: Courageous Considerations48:58 Understanding Adoption: A Moral Perspective51:06 Healing Without Labels53:31 Words of Encouragement for the Journey LinksExtreme Ownership by Jocko WillinkSydney Curtin's WebsiteCourageous Considerations BookSydney's InstagramWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

In this episode, Julie Brumley shares a framework foundational to her work with adoptees: Not because something is wrong with you… but because your body learned a different cycle. Drawing from the Satisfaction Cycle (Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen), she explains how attachment unfolds through attunement and safety. But for adoptees, that cycle is often interrupted. From that disruption, Julie introduces the Severance Cycle, a pattern she developed to describe what happens when connection is broken before we have words. This isn’t just theory. It’s the lived experience of so many adoptees. And when you understand it… everything starts to make sense.⏱ Timestamps:00:00 - Introduction: How early body memories affect trauma and healing00:27 - Adoptees’ patterns of receiving and adaptation00:53 - The body's response from conception: body memory starts in the womb01:51 - How trauma affects brain and body development in utero02:46 - Development of the heart and brain during early pregnancy03:16 - Sensations versus stories: What early body imprints mean for adoptees04:01 - The significance of the early attachment and stress responses06:06 - The satisfaction cycle: how healthy attachment is supposed to work07:02 - The baby's natural rhythm: push, reach, take, and settle08:30 - The importance of attunement for the satisfaction cycle to succeed09:27 - Recognizing whether this cycle was experienced in your own body10:48 - The severance cycle: rupture, recoil, reluctance, rejection, resistance11:09 - Description of each phase and its emotional impact12:28 - How the severance cycle disrupts choice, connection, and context14:16 - What is lost in severance: early choice and connection, and understanding of the world15:38 - The impact of rupture on the primal wound and lifelong grief17:34 - The polyvagal theory and its relation to survival responses18:42 - The body’s tendency to choose familiar danger over safety19:13 - How healing begins: creating safety and relearning trust with the body20:34 - Rebuilding connection through self-regulation and safe relationships21:34 - The power of context: reinterpreting past pain in the present22:42 - Recognizing patterned behaviors: nothing is wrong with you, your body learned a cycle23:12 - The work of restoring the original rhythm: safety, reach, receive, rest24:02 - Invitation to upcoming retreat for experiential healing25:25 - Encouragement to notice bodily responses and cultivate curiosity over fixing26:21 - Resources, community, and hope for adoptees on the healing journey🌿 Resources & Links:SlidesUnmothered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing Retreat (May)Polyvagal TheorySchedule a call with JulieWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

SummaryJulie Brumley shares her personal journey of healing from adoption-related trauma, emphasizing the importance of body-based work and inner belonging. This episode explores limiting beliefs, the role of somatic therapy, and practical steps for adoptees to reconnect with their true selves. Keywordsadoption trauma, healing, somatic therapy, belonging, limiting beliefs, inner work, resilience, identity, trauma-informed care Key  TopicsTrauma and adoptionBody-based healing and somatic workLimiting beliefs and inner narrativesChapters00:00 Introduction and Personal Context02:39 Common Experiences of Adoption-Related Abandonment03:29 The Impact of Early Rejection and Developmental Trauma04:43 Realizing the Need for a Relationship with Self05:47 The Moment of Confronting Adoption Skeletons08:01 Reading the Adoption Records and Fragmentation09:40 The Art of Kintsugi: Rebuilding with Gold10:13 The Importance of Working with the Body10:49 Challenges with Traditional Somatic Therapy12:07 The Power of Humility and Self-Discovery13:01 Learning to Live from a Place of Belonging14:25 Limiting Beliefs That Keep Us Stuck15:45 Addressing Adoption in Therapy and Spirituality17:04 Identity Lives in the Body, Not Just the Mind18:52 Overcoming the Belief of Being Too Much or Not Enough20:28 Belonging as a Survival Strategy21:51 Imagining a Safe and Loved Self23:40 Uncovering Inner Strength and Capacity26:36 The Belonging Blueprint: A Healing Framework28:06 The Journey from Survival to Authentic Living29:23 Invitation to Deeper Healing and SupportLinksUnmothered Retreat May 23-24th, 2026Schedule a call to connect with JulieWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Discover how adoptees can navigate trauma, identities, and healing through embodied practices, plant medicines, and community connection. Join Julie Brumley and Joni Kim as they explore innovative paths beyond traditional therapy for profound transformation.In this episode:The limitations of talk therapy for deep, pre-verbal traumaHow plant medicine uncovers the origins of identity and healing gapsThe concept of identity alchemy and transforming survival mechanisms into conscious leadershipThe significance of preparation and integration in psychedelic journeysThe unique physiological and energetic impacts of adoption traumaThe role of community, spirituality, and curiosity in healingPractical steps for discernment and choosing aligned healing modalitiesChapters: 00:00 - Introduction: Moving Beyond Words in Adoption Healing02:45 - Understanding the Origin Story and Its Role in Identity04:30 - The Gap in Traditional Therapy and the Power of Plant Medicine06:17 - The Concept of the Life Gap and Energetic Hollowness08:11 - The Shortcomings of Talk Therapy for Pre-verbal Trauma09:21 - Recognizing the Need for Embodied Healing Approaches11:10 - The Impact of Societal and Cultural Conditioning on Adoption Trauma13:00 - Understanding Complex PTSD, Loss, and the Body’s Embodiment14:36 - Patterns of Repetition: Relationships, Rejection, and Re-traumatization17:17 - When Conventional Paths Fail: The Turning Point for Change20:32 - The Influence of Wounds in Relationships and Healing in Context23:03 - Adoption Trauma’s Unique Pre-verbal Expression27:31 - How Plant Medicine Finds You: A Personal Journey29:27 - Using Psychedelics for Emotional Access and Reframing31:33 - Safe and Aligned: Navigating Psychedelic and Plant Medicine Use33:58 - The Importance of Preparation, Intent, and Integration42:54 - The Transformation of Identity: From Reaction to Responsiveness44:27 - The Identity Alchemy Framework: Loving, Remembering, and Releasing 45:43 - Supporting Adoption Identity Shifts and Overcoming Resistance48:37 - Spirituality’s Role in Connecting and Grounding50:04 - Curiosity as the Key to Open Unconventional Healing Paths52:42 - The Power of Community and Group Healing Retreats55:29 - Building Confidence in Your Healing Journey and Discernment57:14 - Connecting with Joni KimResources & Links:Joni Kim - WebsiteJoni Kim - InstagramBook: Nancy Verrier - The Primal WoundUn-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing RetreatAdditional Notes:Consider the importance of community in healing journeys.Explore embodied and somatic practices alongside plant medicines.Prioritize preparation and integration for long-term change.Remember: healing is a lifelong, layered process requiring curiosity, patience, and self-compassion.WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

In this heartfelt episode of the Resilience Project podcast, Julie Brumley sits down with Jennifer Skiles - an adoptee and author - to explore the deep roots of the "I am a burden" belief and how it shapes the lives of adoptees. They discuss becoming aware of this inner narrative, healing through community, faith, and self-compassion, and the transformative power of sharing stories.Key topics:The impact of early abandonment and societal messaging on adoptee self-perceptionHow writing a story and embracing vulnerability facilitated healingThe role of faith and spirituality in recovering identity and hopeRecognizing harmful patterns like people-pleasing and shrinking to avoid being a burdenThe importance of community, shared pain, and belonging in healingPractical steps: trying new approaches, setting boundaries, visiting inner children, and practicing self-compassionThe significance of safe spaces for adoptees to process their experiencesThe upcoming "You Are Not a Burden" online gatheringChapters:  02:01 - The deeply rooted belief "I am a burden" among adoptees 03:41 - Jennifer shares her story of reuniting with her biological father 05:57 - How writing her book helped Jennifer own her story and heal 07:27 - The emotional process of feeling heard for the first time 10:23 - How the burden belief influenced relationships and behaviors 12:18 - Experiences of abandonment and not feeling accepted 14:16 - Societal pressure and feeling lucky versus feeling loved 15:28 - The "life gap" and missing early childhood memories 17:39 - Adoption statistics and societal misconceptions 19:40 - The importance of community for adoptees’ healing 22:21 - The power of shared stories and recognition 23:50 - Supporting each other through vulnerability and connection 24:44 - The impact of the burden belief on relationships and fears of rejection 26:02 - Faith and spirituality as sources of stability and healing 29:14 - Visiting inner children to foster self-love 30:07 - The body’s role in processing trauma 32:46 - Dispel misconceptions and set healthy boundaries 34:18 - How trying something different can shift perspectives 36:54 - The necessity of self-compassion in healing journeys 38:24 - Recognizing what is meant to be left behind 41:19 - Celebrating loved ones and releasing grief creatively 43:47 - The upcoming online gathering "You Are Not a Burden" 44:30 - What to do if you feel hesitant about engaging 46:33 - The role of community versus doing it alone 47:58 - Building safe spaces for raw, authentic conversations 50:27 - The relief of being understood without explanation 52:02 - Encouragement to take the first step even with resistance 54:03 - Reshaping beliefs through new actions and perspectives 57:24 - The importance of belonging over independence 58:24 - Details on the free online event and ongoing connection opportunitiesLinks - Jennifer Skiles' Book "Vault of Treasures"You Are Not a Burden - Online GatheringThe Adoption Roadmap PodcastRelinquished by Gretchen SissonConnect with Jennifer on InstagramWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

In this heartfelt episode, Julie Brumley shares her personal journey from feeling like a burden to embracing her healing. She discusses the transformative power of community, understanding body sensations, and shifting perspectives to foster belonging and self-compassion.Key Topics:The origin of the phrase "I am a burden" and its emotional impactHow sensations in the body reveal subconscious beliefsAnnouncing a free online event for adoptees exploring identity on March 3rdThe difference between knowing concepts and integrating them into healingThe importance of community in the healing processChallenging the victim mindset and reframing trauma as happening for usThe role of shame, attachment, nervous system work, and spiritual practices in healingBelonging versus independence as the opposite of burdenInvitation to join a live event in Moscow, Idaho, in May with Dr. Liz DeBettaEncouragement for adoptees to find hope, healing, and communityTimestamps:00:00 - Introduction: The journey from feeling like a burden to healing 00:30 - The moment of vulnerability sharing the phrase "I am a burden" 01:08 - How bodily sensations like stomach tightening and shoulder dropping signify shame 02:12 - Announcing a free online gathering for adoptees on March 3rd 03:00 - The value of community in healing and shared experience 03:46 - Misconceptions about needing to be fixed and dismantling the burden belief 04:21 - The emotional impact of systemic wounds and self-worth issues 05:03 - Reframing trauma as happening for us rather than against us 06:01 - The costs of staying stuck in the burden belief within relationships and self-investment 07:04 - Personal story of investing in somatic coaching and overcoming fear 08:04 - The importance of body language and somatic awareness over solely intellectual understanding 09:12 - Differentiating knowledge from integration in healing processes 10:02 - The comprehensive blueprint of healing including mindset, emotion, attachment, and spiritual work 11:00 - The role of community in dismantling limiting beliefs and fostering belonging 11:39 - Opposite of burden is belonging, not independence 12:18 - Recognizing the edge of expansion when resistance arises 12:42 - Invitation details for the March 3rd event and encouragement to reach out 13:14 - Announcing the in-person event in Moscow, Idaho, in May 14:18 - Closing thoughts on hope, healing, and community supportResources & Links:You Are Not a Burden - Live Online EventDr. Liz DiBetta EpisodeMoscow, Idaho Retreat - Event DetailsFeel free to DM Julie with questions or feedback. Remember, healing is a journey, and community makes all the difference.WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Discover how surrender, rather than control, can transform the adoptee’s healing journey. In this episode, Julie explores the deep psychological and somatic stages of adoptee awareness and how embracing surrender leads to genuine self-belonging.In this episode:The misconception that mastery and control are the core issues for adopteesHow early trauma impacts our response to loss and controlThe adoptee consciousness model: five pivotal stages of awarenessKey somatic cues associated with each stageThe importance of surrender as a radical act of self-trust and agencyPractical prompts for identifying your current stage and practicing surrenderResources for deeper healing and connection in the adoptee communityChapters: 00:00 - Introduction to the core issue: surrender over control in adoptee healing00:31 - Why mastery and control are misconceptions—what's really happening underneath01:01 - The impact of early loss and trauma on control responses 02:01 - How survival strategies turn into ways of living for adoptees02:25 - Brene Brown’s concept of wholehearted living rooted in gratitude and spirituality03:19 - The role of surrender and trust in healing from trauma04:09 - The adoptee consciousness model overview and its cyclical nature06:42 - The five touchstones of awareness: from status quo to transcendence07:25 - Stage 1: Sleep — acceptance of the dominant narrative without questioning09:09 - Stage 2: The rupture — disorienting insights that challenge the status quo11:14 - Stage 3: Dissonance — emotional unrest, conflicting beliefs, and emerging identities13:23 - Stage 4: Expansiveness — integrating truths, setting boundaries, and defining your narrative14:34 - Stage 5: Forgiveness and activism — surrender as a radical act of agency16:33 - Reflection prompts: identifying your current touchstone and practicing surrender17:36 - Physical practices for releasing control and cultivating self-compassion19:03 - Resources on adoptee awareness models and healing pathways19:52 - Upcoming event: Unmothered - a revolution in adoptee healing20:05 - Closing thoughts and encouragement for your healing journeyResources & Links:Out of the Fog into ConsciousnessUnmothered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing — May 23-24, Moscow, IdahoAdoptee Consciousness Slides I presentedSkeletons in the closet episodeWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Slides that I shared - https://drive.google.com/file/d/13QWm6K6AIEwWYVNtO-ZNHTwB7WPscNlT/view?usp=sharingSummaryIn this episode of the Resilience Project Podcast, Julie explores the complexities of love, intimacy, and interdependence, particularly in the context of adoption. She discusses how early experiences shape our ability to connect with others and emphasizes the importance of self-love and understanding our internal family systems. Through practical insights and personal anecdotes, Julie encourages listeners to reflect on their relationships and take actionable steps towards healthier connections.TakeawaysWe don't have to do anything to be loved.Intimacy becomes complicated due to early experiences.Adoption can be viewed as adapt-tion.Interdependence is essential for healthy relationships.Co-dependence involves regulating our nervous systems through others.Self-trust is crucial for personal growth.Small shifts can lead to significant changes in relationships.Understanding our inner critics helps in healing.Self-love is foundational for intimacy.Your personal story is valuable and deserves to be shared.Sound bites"Intimacy becomes complicated.""Adoption should be called adapt-tion.""Your story and your truth matter."Chapters00:00 The Foundation of Love and Fear04:11 Understanding Intimacy and Adoption06:48 The Journey to Interdependence09:26 Navigating Co-dependence and Independence12:12 Exploring Internal Family Systems15:00 Developing Self-Love and ConnectionKeywordslove, intimacy, interdependence, self-trust, adoption, healing, emotional health, relationships, personal growth, internal family systemsSaboteur Assessment https://assessment.positiveintelligence.com/saboteur/instructionsSelf-Trust episode link https://www.buzzsprout.com/2549404/episodes/18294247 Register for May Retreat!!! https://www.lizdebetta.com/un-m-othered-adoptee-healing-retreatWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Summary In this episode of the Resilience Project podcast, host Julie Brumley welcomes Dr. Liz DeBetta, an adoptee and creator of the award-winning performance 'Un-M-Othered.' The conversation centers around the upcoming retreat, 'Un-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing,' designed specifically for adoptees. Julie and Liz discuss the importance of community in healing, emphasizing that true healing goes beyond traditional talk therapy and requires a deeper, embodied approach. They highlight how the retreat will provide a safe space for adoptees to explore their stories, reclaim their voices, and connect with others who share similar experiences of adoption trauma. Dr. Liz shares her personal journey of using writing and performance as tools for healing, explaining how 'Un-M-Othered' emerged from her own experiences and research into adoption trauma. The retreat aims to create a transformative experience that integrates somatic practices with narrative healing, allowing participants to feel seen, heard, and understood. Both Julie and Liz express their excitement about the retreat and the potential for profound healing and connection among adoptees, encouraging listeners to join them in this unique opportunity. Keywords adoptee healing, Unmothered, Dr. Liz DeBetta, narrative therapy, somatic healing, community support, adoption trauma, resilience project, embodied healing, retreat Takeaways Healing doesn't just live in the places that didn't have language yet. Adoptee healing requires community and immersive experiences. The retreat is about returning to what's already within you. Sound bites "This isn't just surface level healing." "It's the first time that I feel seen, heard and understood." "Feel the fear and do it anyway." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Resilience Project Podcast 03:13 Meet Dr. Liz DeBetta: The Creator of Unmothered 05:01 Introducing Unmothered: A Revolution in Adoptive Healing 06:36 The Importance of Community in Healing 07:29 The Birth of Unmothered: A Personal Journey 10:36 The Power of Shared Experiences 14:33 The Need for Embodied Healing 18:27 Listening to Our Bodies: A Path to Healing 22:22 Creating a Healing Arc for Adoptees 26:22 Integrating Story and Body for Wholeness 29:45 Why This Healing Approach is Needed Now 33:18 Purpose and Timing in Healing 34:22 Collaboration and Community 36:09 The Social Change Ecosystem 37:59 Navigating Personal Trauma 39:52 Creating Safe Spaces for Healing 43:47 The Importance of Community in Healing 45:52 Who the Retreat is For 49:16 Addressing Fears and Resistance 53:32 Final Thoughts on Healing and CommunityLearn more and register for the retreat here - https://www.lizdebetta.com/un-m-othered-adoptee-healing-retreatConnect with Dr. Liz here - https://www.lizdebetta.comPurchase Dr. Liz's book here - https://www.amazon.com/-/he/Liz-DeBetta/dp/9004681698WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

SummaryIn this heartfelt episode of The Resilience Project, host Julie Brumley engages in a candid conversation with her mother, Karen, about their experiences with adoption. Julie expresses her gratitude for her mother's unwavering support and love throughout her life, emphasizing the importance of understanding the complexities of adoption from both the adoptee's and adoptive parent's perspectives. Karen shares her journey of becoming a mother through adoption, her initial feelings, and the evolution of her understanding of what it means to raise an adopted child. The discussion delves into the emotional nuances of adoption, including the fears and joys that come with it, and the significance of open communication in their relationship.As they reflect on their shared experiences, Karen reveals her initial apprehensions about Julie's work with adoptees, but ultimately expresses pride in her daughter's commitment to advocating for the adoption community. The episode highlights the importance of love, acceptance, and the ongoing journey of understanding the impact of adoption on both sides of the equation. Through their dialogue, Julie and Karen demonstrate the power of vulnerability and connection in navigating the complexities of family dynamics and identity.Keywordsadoption, mother-daughter relationship, resilience, adoptee experience, family dynamics, emotional journey, open communication, understanding adoption, love and acceptanceTakeaways"I feel like we've stolen something precious because we weren't planning on taking you home.""You were the one that I know in my heart 100% was from day one.""You have to work through it, learn, in sessions like you provide."Sound bites"You were the one that I know in my heart 100% was from day one.""They would be led by love and follow with action."Chapters00:00 Introduction: A Special Guest01:45 Karen's Perspective on Motherhood05:42 The Decision to Adopt08:39 First Impressions: Meeting Julie15:37 Understanding Adoption: Theories and Realities18:33 Navigating Emotions: Protecting and Supporting Julie22:31 The Importance of Feeling Adored26:24 Connecting with Birth Family: A Journey of Discovery27:50 Meeting the Birth Family29:56 Evolving Perspectives on Adoption34:24 Misunderstandings About Adoption35:50 The Unspoken Fears of Adoptive Parents39:03 Watching the Work with Adoptees42:30 The Importance of Dialogue in Relationships44:31 Raising an Adopted Child: Key Insights47:39 Loving Beyond BiologyWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

SummaryIn this conversation, Julie Brumley explores the core issues faced by adoptees, particularly focusing on rejection and its profound impact on identity and emotional health. She discusses the emotional imprints of rejection, the concept of rejection sensitivity, and provides practical exercises for processing and reframing limiting beliefs. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and emotional regulation in overcoming the challenges associated with adoption.TakeawaysAdoptees wrestle with core issues like identity, loss, rejection, shame, guilt, and grief.Rejection is a powerful experience that occurs pre-verbally for adoptees.Emotional imprints of rejection shape how adoptees anticipate and guard against it.Fear of rejection can lead to self-sabotage and misreading situations.Identifying and reframing limiting beliefs is crucial for healing.Sensitivity in adoptees may be linked to rejection sensitivity dysphoria and ADHD.Emotional regulation is essential for dealing with rejection.Practical exercises can help process negative messages from childhood.Transforming limiting beliefs into positive affirmations is a key step in healing.Support and resources are available for those navigating these challenges.Chapters00:00 Introduction to Core Issues in Adoption02:43 Understanding Rejection in Adoption06:02 Rejection Sensitivity and Emotional Dysregulation09:55 Identifying and Reframing Limiting Beliefs15:15 Practical Exercise for Overcoming Limiting Beliefs22:17 Conclusion and Resources for SupportKeywordsadoption, rejection, emotional health, limiting beliefs, identity, adoptees, self-acceptance, emotional regulation, trauma, personal growthShame and Guilt episode link - https://www.buzzsprout.com/2549404/episodes/18222388Processing Emotions Exercise -https://www.cominghometoself.co/offers/btaYBmJo/checkoutPDF of Slides from Video -  https://drive.google.com/file/d/15eR4Pv-pElupM9chwgU8ezSrNXH-G1SS/view?usp=sharingPerspective Shift Exercise -https://www.cominghometoself.co/offers/DA8Me58N/checkoutWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

As we move into a new year, this episode feels especially meaningful.In today’s conversation, I’m sharing a powerful episode recorded with my longtime friend and fellow coach, Becky, from about a year ago - during a season when both of us were deeply immersed in our own journeys of identity, healing, and self-discovery.At the time, neither of us could have fully known how much would continue to unfold in the months ahead. And yet, listening back now, I’m struck by how relevant and grounding this conversation still is - especially as we reflect on what it means to truly come home to ourselves.Together, we explore:what identity really means beyond labels and roleshow trauma responses can quietly shape who we believe we arethe difference between ego, intuition, and survival energywhy somatic work is essential for creating safety in the bodyhow shame loses its power through compassion and connectionand what it looks like to reclaim belonging from withinWe also talk openly about the early stages of my own healing journey—when I couldn’t answer the question “Who am I?” without collapsing into shame—and the gradual, gentle process of learning to trust my body, my intuition, and myself again.This episode isn’t about having it all figured out.It’s about honoring the small, consistent shifts that create lasting transformation over time.If you’re entering this new year feeling uncertain, tender, or quietly hopeful…If you’re learning to listen to yourself instead of pushing through…If you’re beginning—or continuing—the journey of coming home to who you really are… this conversation is for you.✨ Key ThemesIdentity as an evolving, embodied experienceThe role of somatic healing in self-discoveryShame, self-compassion, and parts workEgo vs. intuition and learning to trust inner wisdomHealing as a process of integration, not perfectionChapters00:00 Introduction to Breakthroughs02:40 The Power of Connection and Friendship05:25 Understanding Identity10:51 The Journey of Self-Discovery16:28 Practical Steps to Embrace Intuition22:07 Transforming Triggers into Triumphs27:37 The Role of Somatic Work in Healing33:24 Creating a Community for Adoptees38:53 Conclusion and Call to ActionKeywordsbreakthrough, identity, self-discovery, somatic work, intuition, trauma, healing, friendship, community, empowermentGet the Ego vs Intuition Slide Deck here -https://www.cominghometoself.co/offers/oLhNBhLZ/checkoutConnect with Becky here - https://www.instagram.com/becky_aste/WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Keywordsadoption, identity, family, heritage, emotions, personal growth, belonging, reunion, cultural connections, resilienceTakeawaysThe importance of understanding one's identity and heritage.Experiencing a sense of home can be transformative.Cultural connections can deepen one's understanding of self.Reunion with biological family can evoke strong emotions.Navigating relationships requires understanding and effort.Emotional intelligence is crucial for personal growth.Adoption experiences shape family dynamics and communication.Self-awareness is key to emotional well-being.Creating traditions can foster a sense of belonging.Seeking understanding is essential for personal and relational growth.SummaryIn this episode of the Resilience Project, Julie and her sons, Cole and Sutton, explore their experiences with adoption, identity, and family dynamics. They discuss the significance of cultural heritage, the emotional impact of reunions with biological family, and the journey of self-discovery. The conversation highlights the importance of understanding one's roots, navigating relationships, and the role of emotional intelligence in personal growth. Through laughter and heartfelt moments, they share insights on how their unique experiences shape their perspectives on family and belonging.Sound bites"We start the podcast laughing.""We're half adopted.""Seek understanding about it.""Self-Awareness is key"Chapters00:00 Introduction to the Resilience Project04:15 Exploring Identity and Home07:55 Cultural Connections and Heritage12:29 The Impact of Reunion and Family17:03 Navigating New Relationships and Traditions27:17 Embracing Uncomfortable Growth32:09 Understanding Through Life Experiences39:53 Navigating Emotional Connections46:09 The Importance of Self-Discovery50:41 Seeking Wisdom and UnderstandingWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Connect with Mike here - https://www.facebook.com/mike.potratz.2025Keywordsadoptee, resilience, somatic healing, trauma-informed coaching, mental health, self-discovery, emotional healing, personal growth, community support, empathySummaryIn this episode of the Resilience Project Podcast, host Julie Brumley interviews Mike, a client who shares his journey as an adoptee navigating trauma and healing. They discuss the challenges of feeling like a misfit, the turning points that led Mike to seek help, and the transformative power of somatic work. The conversation emphasizes the importance of community, trust, and self-discovery in the healing process, as well as the unique experiences of adoptees. Mike's insights provide encouragement for others facing similar struggles, highlighting that change is possible and worth pursuing.TakeawaysMike describes feeling like a misfit in his own skin.The turning point for Mike was discovering the book 'Primal Wound'.Adoptees often adapt to fit in, leading to a chameleon effect.Isolation can be exacerbated by past relationships and societal perceptions.Building trust in a coaching relationship is crucial for healing.Somatic work has provided Mike with tools to connect with his emotions.Writing has become a powerful tool for self-reflection for Mike.Mike emphasizes the importance of empathy in relationships.The journey of healing is not easy but is worth it.Mike encourages others to seek help and not to fear the process.Sound bites"I belong everywhere and nowhere.""You don't have to live like this.""Empathy was locked away inside me."Chapters00:00 Introduction to Mike's Journey03:48 Exploring Identity and Adoption05:42 The Impact of Divorce and Loneliness07:42 Understanding the Need for Change09:05 Navigating Relationships and Acceptance10:53 The Role of Coaching and Support12:39 The Power of Somatic Work15:12 Experiencing Empathy and Healing20:45 Exploring Emotional Awareness22:24 Uncovering Life Patterns24:12 Accessing Inner Worlds25:02 Empathy and Relational Changes26:42 Pride in Personal Growth27:55 Navigating Difficult Emotions29:39 Encouragement for the Stuck29:59 Facing Fears in Healing30:27 The Value of Shared Experience31:40 The Coaching Experience33:14 Hope for the Future34:27 NEWCHAPTERWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

In this week’s episode of The Resilience Project, I’m joined by two of my closest friends — Becky and Erin — for a raw and tender conversation about grief. Not the polished kind, not the kind we talk about in theory… but the grief that lives in real life, real bodies, and real friendships.We recorded this together in La Quinta, sitting in the same condo with mountains behind us and a whole lot of emotion between us. Each of us showed up carrying something different - Becky in the fresh ache of losing her mom, Erin reactivated by memories of the loss of her own parents, and me navigating the layers of grief tied to the two year anniversary of my divorce.This conversation was three women showing up honestly with what was real - and realizing there was something here worth sharing.Together, we talk about:how grief moves differently for each of uswhat it looks like to hold space for friends you lovethe waves of sorrow and joy that often coexisthow grief shows up in the body and what somatic awareness can revealthe simple, practical ways we can care for each other through lossand how love - even in grief - continues to change form without disappearingIf you’ve ever found yourself grieving while trying to stay present for the people you love… If you’ve ever felt the duality of laughing through tears… If you’re longing for friendship that feels like a safe place to land…this conversation will feel like you’re sitting right beside us.Grief is a shared human experience. It transforms, it teaches, and it brings us back to what matters most - connection, compassion, and the courage to sit with one another in the hard things.Connect with Becky here - https://www.instagram.com/becky_aste/Connect with Erin here - https://www.instagram.com/erinantroinen/WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

The Adoptees Journey - Cameron Lee Smallhttps://a.co/d/4PYHq1pThe Grief Recovery Handbookhttps://a.co/d/b3z5QR1The Seven Core Issues in Adoption and Permanencyhttps://a.co/d/gHgj3LIProcessing Emotions Exercisehttps://www.cominghometoself.co/offers/btaYBmJo/checkoutGrief Recovery Specialist - Adoptee - Karen Kagawahttps://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/karen-kagawaKeywordsadoption, grief, unresolved grief, disenfranchised grief, emotional processing, healing, adoptee experience, personal stories, societal impact, grief recoverySummaryIn this episode of the Resilience Project podcast, Julie Brumley delves into the complex topic of grief as it relates to adoption. She distinguishes grief from loss, emphasizing the unique challenges adoptees face in processing their emotions. Through personal stories and insights, Julie highlights the importance of recognizing unresolved grief and the societal factors that contribute to disenfranchised grief. She shares tools and methods for emotional processing, encouraging listeners to embrace their feelings and seek healing.TakeawaysGrief is a physiological response to loss.Unresolved grief can manifest physically in the body.Disenfranchised grief is often overlooked by society.Adoptees experience unique layers of grief.Emotional processing is essential for healing.Grief can impact relationships and personal identity.Society's lack of recognition can exacerbate grief.Healing from grief is a lifelong journey.It's important to communicate unresolved emotions.Grieving is a necessary part of the healing process.Sound bites"Grief is different from loss.""Disenfranchised grief isolates us.""Grief can manifest as anger or guilt."Chapters00:00 Understanding Grief in Adoption02:56 The Impact of Unresolved Grief05:25 Disenfranchised Grief and Its Effects08:19 Personal Stories of Grief and Healing10:49 Navigating Grief Through Emotional Processing13:28 The Role of Society in Acknowledging Grief16:22 Tools for Processing Grief18:53 Moving Forward with Grief AwarenessWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Here's the link to the reel about Brene's marble jar theory:https://www.instagram.com/p/DQpIryxjSZO/Here's the link to Dr. Masaru Emoto's experiement:https://youtu.be/lUIJjiQCV34?si=PlD8-rAwTG0qc_95Here's the pdf of what I shared on screen:https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Y5HMSpCl3ZW4dYKRVYGBORLK5aKMnF06/view?usp=sharingKeywordstrust, self-trust, resilience, Brene Brown, personal growth, emotional well-being, marble jar theory, self-love, accountability, relationshipsSummaryIn this episode, Julie Brumley explores the concept of trust, particularly self-trust, and how it is foundational for building trust in relationships. Drawing from personal experiences and insights from Brene Brown's work, she discusses the importance of self-love, positive self-talk, and the Marble Jar Theory of trust. Julie emphasizes the need to develop intimacy with ourselves and practice self-trust through daily actions that bring joy and connection. The episode concludes with practical strategies for evaluating trustworthiness in ourselves and others using the BRAVING acronym.TakeawaysTrust begins with ourselves first.Self-trust is foundational for trusting others.The Marble Jar Theory illustrates how trust is built.Positive self-talk is crucial for developing self-trust.We need to notice what brings us joy.Practicing self-love helps us treat ourselves kindly.Building trust takes time and intentionality.The BRAVING acronym helps evaluate trustworthiness.Intimacy with ourselves is essential for emotional well-being.Choosing courage over comfort fosters integrity.Sound bites"The way we talk to ourselves truly matters.""Notice what brings a smile to your face.""Trust begins with ourselves first."Chapters00:00 Introduction and Personal Journey02:31 Understanding Trust and Self-Trust05:18 The Marble Jar Theory of Trust08:21 Building Self-Trust Through Positive Self-Talk11:01 Practicing Self-Trust and Joy13:32 The BRAVING Acronym for Trustworthiness18:12 Conclusion and Call to ActionWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Here are the pdfs of what I shared in the podcastAcrostics and Limiting Beliefs -https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vwJSRMzBb67gq9vk1cJ3V5YVr8nJ4C8p/view?usp=sharingShame Resilience & Critical Awareness -https://drive.google.com/file/d/14zFIqEz0YsGS0S87hhDSOu7eKrY0YClj/view?usp=sharingSummaryIn this episode of The Resilience Project, Julie Brumley delves into the complex emotions of shame and guilt, exploring their differences and how they impact our lives. She shares insights from Brene Brown and introduces practical tools for developing shame resilience, including recognizing triggers, connecting with others, and practicing self-compassion. Julie emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and offers personal anecdotes to illustrate the journey towards emotional healing.Keywordsshame, guilt, resilience, Brene Brown, emotional healing, vulnerability, self-compassion, triggers, empathy, personal growthTakeawaysShame is a state of being, while guilt is a state of doing.Brene Brown's work on shame resilience is highly influential.Recognizing and naming triggers is crucial for managing shame.Connecting with others helps in receiving and offering empathy.Self-compassion is key in dealing with feelings of shame.Vulnerability is essential for building connections.The acrostic 'SHOULD' helps understand the hindrances of shame.Sharing personal stories requires careful consideration of the audience.Developing critical awareness involves asking key questions about shame.Practical tools and exercises can aid in building shame resilience.Chapters00:02:25 Introduction to Shame and Guilt00:03:59 Defining Shame and Guilt00:04:34 Tools for Shame Resilience00:07:47 The Role of Vulnerability00:09:25 Personal Stories and Insights00:14:56 Conclusion and Call to ActionWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Summary:This episode of the Resilience Project delves into the complex topic of loss, particularly from the perspective of adoptees. Julie Brumley explores three distinct types of loss: ambiguous, vicarious, and secondary, and discusses how these losses are deeply embedded in the lives of adoptees from birth. The episode aims to increase awareness and understanding of these unique experiences, offering insights from experts like Gabor Mate and personal reflections from Julie's own life.Keywords:loss, adoptees, ambiguous loss, vicarious loss, secondary loss, Gabor Mate, trauma, adoption, identity, healingTakeaways:Loss is a foundational experience for adoptees, woven into their lives from birth.Ambiguous loss involves losing an entire family, culture, and identity without closure.Vicarious loss is a traumatic experience embedded in senses, reactivated in distress.Secondary loss stems from core losses, reactivating original traumatic memories.Adoptees often experience multiple losses before they can even process them.Healing requires acknowledging and validating these losses within oneself.Creating a safe mental space is crucial for adoptees to cope with loss.Society often fails to recognize the depth of loss experienced by adoptees.Adoption is created from loss, a hard truth that needs validation.Understanding and confronting these losses is essential for healing.Sound Bites:Loss is fact of the adoptee life.Adoption is created from loss.Ambiguous loss lacks closure.Vicarious loss is sensory.Secondary loss reactivates trauma.Healing needs validation.Loss shapes adoptee identity.Create a safe mental space.Society overlooks adoptee loss.Confronting loss is essential.Chapters:00:00:00 Introduction to Loss00:03:00 Ambiguous Loss Explained00:09:00 Vicarious Loss and Its Impact00:15:00 Understanding Secondary Loss00:21:00 Healing and Acknowledgment WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

SummaryIn this episode of the Resilience Project podcast, host Julie Brumley, a trauma-informed adoptee coach and somatic healing guide, explores the complex topic of identity for adoptees. She shares statistics on adoptee mental health and suicide rates, discusses the challenges of identity formation due to early life disruptions, and offers a new definition of identity from an adoptee perspective. Julie emphasizes the importance of reclaiming identity from within and introduces the concept of a "belonging blueprint" to help adoptees find self-belonging and healing.Keywordsadoptee identity, trauma healing, self-belonging, mental health, adoption statisticsTakeawaysIdentity is formed through early relationships, often disrupted for adoptees.Adoptees are statistically more likely to face mental health challenges.Reclaiming identity involves understanding and healing from past trauma.Identity is more than labels; it's the truth within.Adoptees often experience multiple ruptures affecting identity.Reclamation of identity is a personal journey for adoptees.Understanding identity helps in healing and self-belonging.Adoptees need to recognize and name their feelings for healing.Belonging comes from within, not external validation.The 'belonging blueprint' aids in adoptee healing.Sound bites"Identity is the truth hidden within.""Reclaiming identity from within.""Adoptees face complex identity challenges.""Belonging comes from within.""Healing starts with naming feelings.""Adoptees are 35 times more likely to commit suicide.""Identity is more than labels.""Reclamation is a personal journey.""Understanding identity aids healing.""The belonging blueprint for adoptees."Chapters00:00:00 Introduction to Identity Challenges00:00:00 Adoptee Statistics and Mental Health00:00:00 Redefining Identity for Adoptees00:00:00 The Journey of Reclamation00:00:01 Belonging Blueprint and HealingWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

Keywordsadoption, trauma, resilience, self-discovery, healing, interdependence, primal trauma, self-worth, emotional health, somatic healingSummaryIn this episode of the Resilience Project podcast, Julie Brumley shares her journey as a trauma-informed adoptee coach and somatic healing guide. She discusses the importance of confronting past traumas, particularly those related to adoption, and how they inform present behaviors and relationships. Julie emphasizes the need for self-awareness, acceptance, and the release of stored emotions to facilitate healing. She also explores the concepts of interdependence and self-worth, ultimately finding her purpose in helping others navigate their own healing journeys.TakeawaysResilience is about coming home to yourself.Confronting past traumas is essential for healing.Adoptees often carry primal trauma that affects their lives.Awareness of emotions is crucial for healing.Healing is an ongoing process, not a destination.Interdependence is key to healthy relationships.Self-worth must come from within, not from others.Emotions are energy that need to be expressed and released.Finding purpose can lead to transformational experiences.It's important to reach out for support in your healing journey.Chapters00:00 The Journey of Self-Discovery10:15 Uncovering Primal Trauma19:31 Healing and Transformation21:50 Introduction and Overview21:51 Key Insights and ResourcesWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

keywordsadoption, healing, trauma, truth, society, modalities, adoptees, experience, God, understandingsummaryIn this conversation, Julie Brumley discusses the challenges of speaking one's truth in a society that often misunderstands the experiences of adoptees. She emphasizes the importance of healing modalities that can help adoptees process and release trauma held in their bodies.takeawaysDoing things God's way doesn't always make sense to society.Speaking one's truth can be challenging due to societal perceptions.Adoptees often face misunderstanding from the greater society.Healing modalities are essential for adoptees to process trauma.Trauma can be held in the body pre-verbally.It's important to provide support for adoptees' healing journeys.Understanding and acceptance are crucial for adoptees.Society needs to be more aware of adoptee experiences.Healing is a personal journey that requires the right tools.Truth-telling is a vital part of the healing process.WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley

WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley