Barb Hughson & Wayne Benenson: Will My Kids Be Okay?

Two psychologists get asked the same question by every parent in a high-conflict case, and one of them answers it inside the first few minutes. The short answer is yes, your kids can be okay, and the whole episode is about the word that follows it, which is if.Dr. Barb Hughson is a family mediator based in Colorado and was a family and child therapist for twenty-five years before that, in Colorado and New York State, much of it with children going through their parents' divorces. For almost twenty years she has taught the parent education classes for Colorado's judicial districts. Dr. Wayne Benenson has been teaching for fifty years, across elementary, middle, and high school and then college, and was Barb's doctoral advisor decades ago. Her dissertation became the book they wrote together. For the last several years his focus has been teaching mindfulness, much of it to children and parents. Chris and Lisa know Barb personally and count her a colleague from before Been There Got Out existed.The condition attached to yes is that a parent can hold two selves at the same time. You are allowed to be undone by what the case is doing to you. What your child needs is that the other version of you still shows up, because from their side you have always been the source of security, and right now you are mostly absent. Dr. Wayne's method for getting back there is not a heart-to-heart. It is the ritual that predates the separation, and it can be five minutes long. He also shares what happened in his own divorce, when his seven-year-old stopped eating and talking, and what she said when they finally asked her. Barb's addition is that the parent is the foundation of the house, so a parent with no support of their own has nothing to steady the rest of it.The second half is practical. Barb explains how she opens teenagers up, using questions that cannot be answered in one word and reading the nonverbals in the room. They make the case for car talk, where nobody has to hold eye contact, and for any steady adult, a grandparent, a neighbor, a therapist, who can be there when the parent is stretched too thin. Dr. Wayne explains why schools measure cognitive learning and mostly leave emotional learning alone, and describes a face-awareness exercise he uses to get kids discussing feelings without having to name them. Barb points to Brené Brown's Atlas of the Heart on building an emotional vocabulary, and they close on the line between letting your child see you as human and handing them what belongs to an adult.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnThe one condition that makes "yes, your kids can be okay" trueHow to be two people at once: undone by the case, and present for your childWhy a pre-divorce ritual reconnects you faster than a conversation about feelingsWhat shame does when you're stuck in fight, flight, or freeze, and how to sit with itHow to open a teenager up: questions with no one-word answer, and reading the roomWhy a grandparent, neighbor, or therapist can hold ground you can't hold right nowCar talk: why the hard conversation goes better when nobody makes eye contactWhere the line sits between being real with your kid and downloading on them⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 How Dr. Barb and Dr. Wayne Benenson came to work together 3:00 Both guests introduce themselves 5:00 "Can my kids be okay?", and the one condition 9:00 Being the foundation, and getting your own support in place 11:00 Dr. Wayne's own divorce, and what his seven-year-old said 13:00 Shame, freeze, and going back to the bond that predates all this 15:00 Teens: open-ended questions, and reading the nonverbals 21:00 Car talk, grandparents, and any steady adult who will listen 23:00 Emotional intelligence, and why schools don't teach it 29:00 Screens, emotional vocabulary, and vulnerability without losing authorityKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Great Masters: Dr. Barb Hughson and Dr. Wayne Benenson's coaching and Quest program: https://www.greatmastersinc.com/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.