On the way to live my dream - I never thought I'd get back to Cali after a bipolar diagnosis

So I'm on the train to California. On the way to live in my dream. I guess I'm already living the dream because I'm already in California. A little bit nervous crossing the border, I only had one hour sleep because I couldn't sleep. And so it was pretty rough, I was feeling bad about leaving. Now that I'm over the border, and I'm actually in California on the train, I feel good. And last night, I slept probably five or six hours, so it wasn't too bad. Considering I was sleeping on a train. I've taken this trip twice before. So I already knew that I liked the train ride, very relaxing. I'm in seat number one in the very back car, very back of the train. For right now I'm in the observation car and I just got a coffee. And I'm just wondering. And I'm just wondering if I'll ever stop wandering. I was feeling like, I was feeling like, I didn't want to leave my family and friends. But now that I've left, I feel good. Not that I won't miss people, I definitely will. But I feel like I made the right choice. And I packed up my place. And it's still there for me. But I don't know if we'll be gone a couple months or more than a couple of months. And I was talking in my last video about whether I'll be continuing to talk about mental health. And on the way down, I was reading the book on dialogue by David Boehm brought my noble character to talk about stuff, maybe I'll go get it after. But he was talking about dialogue. And he was actually talking about how important it is to have dialogue. And even if there's two different factions of a group, it's important for them to have dialogue. And if you can't have dialogue with them, perhaps some dialogue about them, not about them in opposition, but in about what one feels their meanings are. And it sort of made me think about my views on this whole mental health thing versus views of the mental illness paradigm. And I don't think they're totally mutually exclusive for them. The other thing he said was, if you can't do either if you can't have a dialogue with the other group or with yourself with your group about the concerns of the other group, and just have dialogue with yourself. And I thought that was really interesting, because that's what I've been doing since pretty much a year now actually. Because I made a couple of videos before I was hospitalized last year. And I was talking very lucidly and coherently and then I was hospitalized. And I've been listening to what I was talking about in June, after I was hospitalized last year in July, and oddly enough, I don't really mention too much about what happened. I think I was just too traumatized to say much about it. Though I didn't listen to two of them. So I might have talked about it more in the other videos, but I'm finding myself still having my brain go to mental health because actually think is the same phenomenon of consciousness of these changes in consciousness is just a change in consciousness. That happens to be called mental illness. Because the other side of that change can be terrifying. Then it's turned into this lifelong, terrifying personal problem. And I've already talked about that a million times. I'm hoping to continue to have dialogue about it with myself in new ways. I made some notes on what he was saying and that's all dialogue book. And even in the few videos I've watched of my own. I was surprised I was even talking about people acting as a whole organism together, which is the whole teal organization thing, which is something that I just discovered. So I guess the concepts are already out there. People have already already discovered these things matter of perhaps just having dialogue. So I'm really hoping to be able to participate in dialogues. And not always refer to mental health stuff. But I might be, I might be thinking a bit in terms of mental health stuff in my mind, but maybe I can translate it as I speak to I don't know. The other thing I have to be careful of is that where I'm going, I don't know, i