Opposite Action: A DBT Tool For Big Emotions

Strong emotions can powerfully shape how parents and teens react—but following every emotional urge doesn’t always lead to the outcomes we want. In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, we discuss a practical, evidence-based way to respond differently when emotions are steering us toward behaviors that actually make things worse. Clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen explore the Opposite Action skill, a core concept from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). They explain how emotions naturally come with action urges—like withdrawing when we feel sad, lashing out when we’re angry, or avoiding situations that trigger anxiety—and why those urges are not always helpful or aligned with our goals. Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen walk parents through how Opposite Action works, when it’s appropriate to use, and how it can be applied both in parenting moments and in teens’ everyday lives. They discuss how choosing an action that goes against an emotional urge—when that urge isn’t serving us—can reduce emotional intensity over time and support healthier coping, connection, and decision-making. Together, they explore: How emotions drive automatic behaviors Why “doing what you feel like doing” can sometimes backfire What Opposite Action is and when to use it Real-life examples for parents, teens, and families How modeling Opposite Action helps teens build emotional skills Here are some highlights from the episode: 00:00 The Urge That Follows Emotion 00:50 There Are No Quick Fixes 01:21 Simple Tools to Hold Onto in Tough Moments 01:40 What Is the Opposite Action Tool? 03:44 When to Use Opposite Action 04:45 How the Opposite Action Tool Works 06:29 Different Ways to Practice Opposite Action 11:24 Building Awareness in the Moment 14:15 Remembering You Have This Option 15:39 How Opposite Action Builds a Sense of Empowerment 15:54 How Parents Can Share This Tool With Their Kids 16:28 Joining Your Child When They’re Struggling 19:08 Change Happens Over Time 20:15 We Use Opposite Action More Than We Realize 23:04 Our Emotions Don’t Always Have to Be in Charge If you’re trying to help your teen manage big emotions—or working on your own emotional responses as a parent—this episode offers clear, practical guidance for choosing actions that support growth, regulation, and long-term well-being. Watch this episode here here on YouTube 🔔 Subscribe to @theparentingpair for science-based parenting guidance on teens, tweens, emotional regulation, and parent-teen communication—hosted by two clinical psychologists and parents. ✉️ Sign up for our monthly parenting newsletter (scroll to the bottom of our webpage): https://drscaronandallen.com/ DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as as a substitute or replacement for professional -- psychological or medical -- advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about you or a family member's well being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.