Our First Friday Guest Ask Uncut! With Toni Lodge

Hey lifers!
We know you love ask uncut! The data tells us that you love ask uncut. They’re our most popular episodes so we have decided that once a month (ish - give or take 😂) we are going to have a guest ask uncut on a Friday!
When thinking of the guest line up there was one person that we all unanimously said YES to and it was Toni Lodge! Toni has joined the podcast before (you can listen/watch here). She also joined our live show a few years ago in Perth! Today she is here to answer your deep and burning questions but first we will start with the pettiest hill she’s willing to die on:

It’s okay to use your windscreen washer whenever you like; even if there’s someone behind you.

Then we jump into your questions!

CAN I STOP AFTER I'VE COME?
Is it okay for me to have sex with my partner until I come, and then just stop - if I can tell he won't come too? My partner comes about 1 out of 2 times we have sex - and he always has, since we've been together. It used to annoy me but now I accept his sex drive is lower than mine and also, he doesn't think it's an issue. We used to keep going regardless, for fun and because we both enjoyed it. But I'm tired and pregnant, and have a toddler, and I can tell if he won't climax in a session... sooo can I just roll off him when I'm done, or do I have to wait til he calls it quits, even if it takes ages??

CAN I SHAVE IN THE PUBLIC POOL SHOWER?
So let me preface this by saying: I have two small children, work part time, study full time and take most of family mental load. I get very little time to myself and very rarely get to shower by myself or uninterrupted. Twice a week I go swimming at the local aquatic centre. It’s my time all to myself, no children. I go to a pool that does not have child facilities so it’s very much me having a grown up moment. I also go during the day when it is not very busy, so the change rooms and showers are all free (this becomes important later). The shower I have after my swim is bliss. I can close my eyes and pretend the hairballs and the foot fungus don’t exist and for a moment I can just stand there. No screams of ‘muuuuum’, no toddler telling me I have a hairy ‘pagina’, no husband fumbling around the kitchen using every pot we own to boil spaghetti. Bliss. So I do everything: I wash my hair, I scrub my body, I double cleanse my face and (this is the gross bit) I shave my legs. Is this considered disgusting? Is shaving in a public shower acceptable, given the circumstances? I’ve posted under a pseudonym because I’m not going to stop (just being honest), but I’m so interested to know your thoughts.

FOUND OUT DAD HAS ANOTHER CHILD AND I’M HURT
Okay this might be a big one but I need some advice as I’m really struggling with this. I haven’t had a real relationship with my dad for years after he walked out on me and my family after an affair he had, I have always struggled with my relationship with him and it had been so back and forth for a long time and I was always the one to forgive him and give him chance after chance and would constantly have my heart broken fast forward to 6 years ago when I found out he has another child with the partner he cheated on my mum with, I recently have seen a photo of him with his new family and for some reason it has absolutely broken me, I feel as though I wasn’t enough and so he has replaced me. Although I have no relationship with him and that all ended up being on my end as I was over being hurt by him but I don’t know why I still feel so heartbroken over this revelation. Am I silly for feeling this way?

RED FLAG TO HAVE A GIRL BEST FRIEND THAT HE DATED?
 I just recently started seeing someone. We are in our mid 20s.  We’ve been on about 4 dates and it feels really lovely and steady. On our last date, he told me about a girl best friend. We’re not at the stage of meeting each other’s friends yet, so I haven’t met her yet. He told me they’ve been friends for several  years, they go to uni together being in the same class, and they dated for a year before deciding it was a mistake. She has a boyfriend now. I appreciate him telling me about her, as if things progress we’ll be doing long distance and it would have been easy to hide. I didn’t feel anxious when he told me as he reiterated that the chapter is very closed, mutually. However he’s said they text every day. He was very understanding that it’s unconventional and he’s happy to answer any questions I have. I wanted to take a few days to think about the conversation before I had it. Is this a major red flag, and if it is, what should I be asking him about their relationship or what boundaries should I be putting in place? I don’t want to control his friendship, and he has invited me to meet her in a few weeks, but I’m nervous.

You can find Toni on Instagram 

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