Mike Barsamian: Parenting Teenagers Through a High-Conflict Divorce

Not long after his dad leaves the state and the marriage in a single afternoon, a fourteen-year-old starts calling his mom by her first name and telling her she doesn't need to parent him. Within a few weeks of the right support, that same kid talks to her for ninety minutes without wanting to get out of the car. Mike Barsamian tells that story because he watches the turnaround happen often.Mike Barsamian, known as Mike the Parent Coach, has worked with teenagers for two decades as a youth pastor, counselor, teacher, and coach, and now coaches parents, many of them navigating divorce, in Southern California. He is a familiar name around Been There Got Out; his "name it to tame it" approach to a child's emotions turns up in the founders' work. This conversation is about parenting a teenager while the home itself is in upheaval.Mike frames the teen years as a tightrope from childhood to adulthood that only stays steady when the poles on each end are firm, which is exactly what a high-conflict home takes away. He explains code-switching, the exhausting work of a kid adapting to two households (plus school, teams, and clubs) that each run by different rules, and why a calm sending-and-receiving ritual matters. He shares his marathon image of running the race alongside your teen without expecting the medal, walks through his PACE method (getting present, appreciating where they are in their development, and connecting strategically), and reminds parents that a teen's consequence-weighing brain is the last thing to come online.The rest is tools. Turn "why" into "what" to lower everyone's defenses, including your ex's. His reframe of much of what gets called narcissism as critically low self-esteem, and why leading with curiosity can disarm it. And a relationship you can actually measure: appreciation (valuing who someone is, as opposed to admiration for what they do), consideration, and communication, with a self-audit you run on yourself before anyone else. He closes on where parents can find him and start.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy code-switching between two households leaves kids exhausted, and the receiving routine that helpsWhy the teen years are a tightrope, and how a peaceful home steadies itThe marathon model: running alongside your teen instead of coaching from the sidelinesWhy teens overestimate the payoff of what they want, because consequential thinking develops lastHow to turn every "why" question into a "what," with your kids and with your exThe reframe that disarms "narcissistic" behavior: leading with curiosity instead of blameAppreciation versus admiration, and why performance praise doesn't fill a kid's cupThe three-part relationship check: appreciation, consideration, and communication⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 How a chaotic home affects teens: the tightrope and its poles 3:00 Code-switching between two households, and the receiving routine 7:00 Meet Mike Barsamian, and stopping intergenerational trauma 10:00 Why low self-esteem after divorce makes parenting harder 13:00 The marathon: running alongside your teen, not from the sidelines 15:00 The PACE method, and why consequential thinking develops last 17:00 "You can fix it": the mom whose son started using her first name 19:00 Turn every "why" into a "what," with your kids and your ex 22:00 Reframing "narcissistic" behavior, and leading with curiosity 25:00 Why you need a coach, and remembering who you are 31:00 Appreciation, consideration, communication, and finding MikeKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.