Why Teens Are Afraid to Speak Their Minds — and What Parents Can Do

Ask Rachel anything Is your teenager afraid of saying the wrong thing? For many young people, navigating conversations about politics, identity, relationships and social issues can feel like walking through a minefield. Say the wrong thing, ask the wrong question or admit you don't know enough — and they fear being judged, rejected or even losing friends. But what happens when that fear follows them home? And what should we do when our teenager expresses an opinion that we strongly disagree with? In this episode, Rachel talks to clinical psychologist Dr Chloe Carmichael, bestselling author of Nervous Energy and Can I Say That?, about why she believes our growing fear of difficult conversations matters for our teenagers' relationships, resilience and mental health. Rather than teaching our kids what to think, how can we give them the confidence to explore ideas, ask questions, disagree respectfully — and even say “I don't know enough to have an opinion yet”? We discuss: • what to do when your teenager expresses an opinion you hate • why listening to your teen doesn't mean agreeing with them • how reflective listening can keep difficult conversations open • why immediately trying to change your teenager's mind can make them defend their position even more strongly • the difference between healthy self-restraint and self-censorship • why having words for difficult emotions can help us regulate them • how to help teenagers navigate controversial conversations at school and university • why it's healthy for our kids to discover that not everyone has to like them • how to disagree without damaging relationships • and why “I don't know” may be one of the most intelligent things we can teach our teenagers to say. Perhaps most importantly, Dr Carmichael explains why our goal as parents shouldn't always be to persuade. Sometimes our first job is simply to understand: Why does my teenager think this? Where did the idea come from? What have they experienced that I haven't? Because when teenagers know they can bring their difficult, half-formed and even uncomfortable ideas home without immediately being shut down, we give them somewhere safe to think them through. A fascinating conversation about raising teenagers who have the confidence to think, question, listen and speak for themselves. Dr Chloe Carmichael: http://www.freespeechtoday.com/ https://www.instagram.com/drchloe_/ New York Times poll response: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/18/opinion/cancel-culture-free-speech-poll.html Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me Instagram Facebook