Partners, Not Competitors

Send us Fan MailIn relationships we are taught to focus solely on love. But no one really talks about partnership.I want to talk about Relationships as a Partnership. This is for anyone building a life with another human being; whether that is:Living togetherRaising kids togetherSharing bills or Sharing responsibilities , the moment your life becomes intertwined with someone else’s you are not just in love.YOU are in a Partnership.It took me YEARS to understand That love brings two people together. But a partnership is what actually makes life work.For a long time I resisted that idea- I didn’t want my relationship to feel like a business or a system. I wanted it to feel romantic  and natural and effortless- but real grown up life is not 24/7 romance and it's definitely not effortless.Real life is logistics:SchedulesMoneyKidsSicknessWork & pressure- when two people are building all of that together, you are not JUST A COUPLE you  are partners. I have learned the importance of acknowledging the strengths and the differences of our partner- not as dividing lines, but as the very thing that makes the relationship work. Relationships aren’t meant to be a battle ground for who’s right , who’s stronger, or who is in charge.They are meant to be a partnership.Most conflict in relationships doesn’t come from huge betrayals or dramatic moments- conflict starts much smaller- with interpretation-meaning, It’s usually not what actually happened that hurts us- it’s the story we tell ourselves about what it means- we fill in the blanks , assume intentions, and create stories that are not often true. I bring that up because in a relationship we don’t just misinterpret  situations- we misinterpret each other’s differences.We interpret our  differences as:_Lack of understanding_Lack of effort_And lack of careThese are not flaws- they are just “different strengths”. In any real partnership-you think you want two IDENTICAL people- but you don’t, you need balance.The issue isn’t that you are different-it’s that you interpret differences as threats instead of assets- And once you and your partner start thinking like that, you start competing instead of collaborating.EGO Maturity is when you feel secure enough in your own worth that you don’t need to compete with your partner anymore.You have to trust that what you bring to the partnership matters-even if it looks different than what your partner brings. This is all maturity too.The longer I have been in a relationship, the more I have realized something that I wish someone had told me when I was younger- and that is that love is amazing- love is great-love is what brings you together- BUT love alone doesn’t run a life:Love doesn’t organize schedules-pay bills-raise kids- and love doesn’t step in when life gets hard- but a partnership does. A partnership is what keeps you together. And like any good partnership-  relationships only work when each person understands what they bring to the table- When strengths are acknowledged instead of compared-When differences are respected instead of criticized -And when roles are discussed instead of assumed- and partnerships can only work when you grow up emotionally- get rid of the ego and have those hard conversations.At the end of the day- the goal isn’t to win against your partner- it’s to build an amazing family business- so stop competing and start partnering.Enjoy!JoanneThe Aging Mask- A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast949)236-1529Follow along on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask