Patience Demonstrates Faith as Knowledge

We’ve arrived at my favoriteI mean, the first night was my favorite, tooBut of the body of workThis one sang to me and still doesI was not a patient personI sortof prided myself on my impatienceI called it hutzpahEfficiencyCareMotivationActivismChange needed to happenAnd ‘now’ was actually a little too lateWhether it was social justiceOr making dinnerChop, chopNo time to wastePatience was nothing I even aspired toIt felt lazyComplacentI was looking through a lensWhere we had to prove our worthinessWe were solely responsible for our evolutionAnd we could definitely do it wrongIn fact we were doing it wrongAnd to earn our redemption we had to clean that s**t upNight six spun my topIt invited relationship to and trust in the divineOver performance for the divinePatience took me out of the role of conductorAnd made me a tender witnessTaking so much pressure offThat desperate effort towards right actionAnd it let curiosity back inThankfully, this beautiful, powerful, short sentenceAnchored itself in my psycheBecause a couple of years laterAs my body broke downPatience became functionally essentialBut now, it was linked to faithAnd with faith, an openness became availableReceptivity that my plans perhaps aren’t what needs to happen hereKnowing my intentions are in the mixAnd my capacity right now is what I’ve got to work with right nowAnd there’s far more at play than mePrior to receiving this magnificent invitationMy husband and I had taken our kids to Disney WorldIt was an iconic trip, I have all the pictures with the princessesBut in them, you can see the strain in my faceI was trying to do all the thingsI was at my snippiestAnd it was more stressful than funAfter this magnificent invitationWe went to Disney againAnd this time, I was in a wheelchairI had so much fun!I completely left the driver’s seatAnd just opened myself up to the dayAnd wherever I was being pushedIt was a revelationI realized I had been the problemNot the enormity of the park or the items on the itineraryMy drive, my impatience, my trying to actualize my picture of a successful tripDampened the magicBut this time, it didn’t have to be anything specific, we were just happy to be thereThat’s a huge upgradeMy physical incapacity revealed a lotIt required me to get off my personal hamster wheelAnd showed me the rich life slowing down offeredMy conceptsGave way to experienceAnd being in that experienceDemonstrated that it was all happening in and through a deeper intelligenceWhich i couldn’t controlBut in which I could trustPatience lets me live that trust, to be it, not just think itIt demonstrates my surrender to lifeAnd the relinquishment of my machinations trying to move things alongEvery time I think these 5 words together, my whole nervous system relaxesKnowing Life knows my place in ItselfMaybe even better than I do This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com