Please, Not One More Thing To Do

I came to meditation the long wayI tried for years, but really couldn’t pull off a daily sit on the regularMeditation often felt like just one more thing to doWorse, it felt like one more thing to beat myself up for not doingAnd do we not all have more than enough things to doAnd far too many things we beat ourselves up about?So my relationship with meditation was fraughtAt some point, maybe 15 years agoI learned that you can’t think and feel at the same time(though you can move between them very quickly)I began taking single, slow, intentional breathsWith the focus of my attention on the feeling state of my bodySimply to get out of my mindBecause I was definitely in my head too muchAnd it was affecting my quality of life.Committing to a single breath focused on my feeling stateDid not feel like one more thing because I was breathing anyway, this one was just consciousAnd it felt like a teeny bit of sanityAnd, because I was often a little distracted for that one breathI’d usually take anotherAnd that second breath felt so good, and was so somatically interestingIt was easy to take a thirdThich Nhat Hanh spoke about “three breaths and a smile”So, I’d throw in a smileAnd that felt good, too.Now, I started A Course In Miracles in 1989And many of its lessons invited repeating something every 10 minutes all day longIn 1989, in order to do that, I had to carry around a stopwatchNo sweet little iphone prompts or automated reminders like they have nowSo, I got pretty good at bringing something into awareness multiple times per hourWhich has served me well with these ‘focus on feeling’ single or multiple breathsI think on average I do it about 30 times per day (better if I do it 50-100!)And those single breath turned multiple breath interludesDeveloped my capacity for tuning my attention inwardWhich naturally developed a capacity for sitting in meditationSo that both a longer sit, and periodic breaths, has become natural and supportiveNot another thing on my to do listBut a regular dose of sanity, of care, of calmIt doesn’t feel like it’s stealing my timeIn fact, it feels like it expands the time available to meIt slows down the moment I’m in and the ones around itIt gives me more time and more resource and more gentleness with myselfSo, I offerIf you struggle with meditationConsider committing to a single, intentional breath each dayWhere the focus of your attention is on the feeling state of your bodyIt will contribute immediately to a sense of regulationAnd may evolve into a rich and supportive practiceBecause without our interventionTime is speeding by relentlesslyAdding more and more things to our platesBut they’re our platesAnd we have permission to pause the onslaughtAt least for a breathBecause we know, cellularlyEvery breath counts This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com