Poor Mojo's News Show Podcast No. 52 for Friday, February 16, 2007

Poor Mojo's News Show Podcast No. 52 (64 kpbs .mp3 9:11 4.2 Mb) A daily roundup of things that seemed important. Fun Fact: Professor Leon Theremin died while attempting to remove his own appendix IT’S POOR MOJO’S NEWS SHOW! FOR FRIDAY, FEBRUARY SIXTEENTH, TWO THOUSAND AND SEVEN A DAILY ROUNDUP OF THINGS THAT SEEMED IMPORTANT . http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2007/02/15/national/a071642S85.DTL IF YOU'VE BEEN ON A THREE-DAY DRUNK YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE HEARD THAT YOU NEED TO THROW OUT ALL YOUR PEANUT BUTTER. THEN, GO TO YOUR NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE AND THROW OUT HIS PEANUT BUTTER. BREAK INTO EVERY HOUSE ON THE STREET, BUILD A PYRAMID OF PEANUT BUTTER JARS IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR DRIVEWAY, DOUSE IT IN GASOLINE AND SET IT ALIGHT. BEACUSE IT'S GOT SALMONELLA. IN IT. NOT ALL OF IT, ACTUALLY, JUST THE CON-AGRA MANUFACTURED JIFFY AND GREAT VALUE PEANUT BUTTER WITH A LID NUMBER STARTING IN 2-1-1-1. BUT THAT'S A LOT TO REMEMBER, SO JUMP CUSTOMERS AT RANDOM ON THEIR WAY OUT OF KROGERS AND GET THAT GODDAMN DEADLY PEANUT BUTTER OUT OF THEIR HANDS BEFORE THEY KILL SOMEONE. AND IF YOU MUST EAT PEANUT BUTTER, MAKE IT ORGANIC. http://www.poormojo.org/cgi-bin/gennie.pl?Squid AND NOW, ADVICE TO THE LOVELORN FROM POOR MOJO'S OWN THE GIANT SQUID. TODAY'S QUESTION Dear Giant Squid, I was wondering why throw up smells so bad. Why does it have to have this odor. Couldn't it smell a little better. What do you think? Signed, Jonnie Twobags Here is a preview of his answer. Dear Jonnie Two Bags, As I write this it is the day of Saint Valentine, named for the patron saint martyred via electro-chair after he slew a crowd of cupids in the ancient Grecian city-state of Chi Cago. It is also the day of Lupercalia, known to some as the Day of the Amorous Wolf. Warren Ellis, Chief Propagandist for the Internets, has taken to calling this the day of the Horny Werewolf. As ever, his reasoning is obscure, but propitious: In ancient times those beset by Love would flee through the dusty streets of Rome, driven before men wearing wolf masks and bearing scourges. The masked men -- symbolic of the lunar-locked wolfish demi-men, who founded Rome-Upon-the-Hills -- would whipcrack upon the Love-struck, tearing their amorous backs to tatters. If their Love survived the onslaught, then it was true and blessed -- although, until the lacerations healed, it was awkward, and generally insisted on "standing quickies" or the "modele du chien" rather than the posture of the missionary saints. If their Love failed the test and fled from the whip-flurried streets, then it was but a fleeting fancy, and unfit to be called Love. "Let it live out its days alone in the hills beyond our Hills," the Romans would say, "Let it masturbate in the dust and dirt, among the thorned bushes, lubricated only with its own pitiful tears. It is not worthy of lycant hropic cupidites such as we." TO HEAR THE REST, GO TO POOR MOJO DOT ORG. THIS IS POOR MOJO'S NEWS SHOW! http://environment.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn11190&feedId=online-news_rss20 The EARTH'S hum is a low rumble continually present in the ground even when there are no earthquakes happening, but is detectable only by very sensitive seismometers. Its frequency is near 10 millihertz, below the range of human hearing, ACCORDING TO NEW SCIENTIST. WHAT'S CAUSING IT? JAPANESE RESEARCHERS SAID IT WAS THE WIND POUNDING THE EARTH'S SURFACE, BUT AN AMERICAN SCIENTIST HAS DETERMINED THE HUM COMES FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA. http://www.azstarnet.com/business/169072 POOR MOJO'S NEWSWIRE EDITOR MOJO SAYS THAT IF BANK OF AMERICA WANTS TO EXTEND CREDIT TO ILLEGAL ALIENS, WHY THE HELL NOT? Their money spends just as well as everyone else's. USED TO be you had TO HAVE A SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER AND A CREDIT HISTORY TO OPEN AN ACCOUNT... OFFICIALS AT THE BANK WILL REVIEW APPLICANT'S QUALIFICATIONS RATHER THAN RELY ON CREDIT HISTORIES. THE NEW PROCESS WAS TRIED OUT IN 51 BANK OF AMERICA BRANCHES IN LOS ANGELES. http://feministing.com/archives/006536.html THE FEMINISTING BLOG REPORTS ON TENNESSEE LEGISLATOR'S PLANS TO REQUIRE THAT ABORTIONS RECEIVE DEATH CERTIFICATES, MAKING THE PERSONAL INFORMATION OF THE WOMEN WHO ABORT THEM PART OF THE PUBLIC RECORD. FROM THE ARTICLE: The thing is, the number of abortions performed is already reported to the state’s Office of Vital Records. So the only purpose of this bill is to identify women having abortions—it would even include their social security numbers! House Judiciary Chairman Rob Briley called this "the most preposterous bill I've seen." No fucking joke. THE BILL'S SPONSOR DOES NOT EXPECT IT TO SURVIVE THE DEMOCRATICLY CONTROLLED STATE SENATE. THIS IS POOR MOJO'S NEWS SHOW! http://www.boingboing.net/2007/02/14/gizmodo_emeritus_rip.html AND NOW VIA BOING-BOING, A WORD FROM GADGET SITE GIZMODO'S EMERITUS BLOGGER Joel Johnson ON THE STUPIDITY OF BEING A BLEEDING EDGE EARLY ADOPTER: And you guys just ate it up. Kept buying shitty phones and broken media devices green and dripping with DRM. You broke the site, clogging up the pipe like retarded salmon, to read the latest announcements of the most trivial jerk-off products, completely ignoring the stories about technology actually making a difference to real human beings, because you wanted a new chromed robot turd to put in your pocket to impress your friends and make you forget for just a few minutes, blood coursing as you tremblingly cut through the blister pack, that your life is utterly void of any lasting purpose... Stop buying this crap. Just stop it. You don't need it. Wait a year until the reviews come out and the other suckers too addicted to having the very latest and greatest buy it, put up a review, and have moved on to something else. Stop buying broken products and then shrugging your shoulders when it doesn't do what it is supposed to. Stop buying products that serve any other master than you. Use older stuff that works. Make it yourself. Only buy new stuff from companies that have proven themselves good servants of their customers in the past. Complaining online about this stuff helps, but really, just stop buying it... http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/02/15/MNG52O50LO1.DTL OUT OF TWENTY-ONE WEALTHY NATIONS, THE UNITED STATES AND GREAT BRITIAN ARE THE WORST --- IF YOU'RE A CHILD. FROM THE S-F GATE DOT COM ARTICLE ABOUT THE UINCEF STUDY OF TWENTY-ONE WEALTHY NATIONS. The Netherlands was the best, it said, followed by Sweden and Denmark. The Czech Republic ranked above countries with a higher per capita income, such as Austria, France, the United States and Britain, in part because of a more equal distribution of wealth and higher relative investment in education and public health. UNICEF's Innocenti Research Centre in Italy ranked the countries in material well-being, health, education, relationships, behaviors and risks, and young people's sense of happiness. ## C L O S E R ## OTHER STORIES WE COVERED TODAY AT POOR MOJO'S NEWSWIRE: The St. Valentine's Day Pillowfight Massacre 'I hate gay people,' cries washed-up basketball player The Daily Show on diplomacy with North Korea Painfully unfunny. With canned laughter. You have to see it to believe it. A preview of Fox's new satire news show Colbert tells Australia just what he thinks of it An Inflatable powered exo-suit that weighs only four punds RFID powder - all kNids of creepy $6M in Cocaine Found in TV Sets Dancing on a pool of non-Newtonian liquids AND 30 minutes of cartoon openings from the 80's OUR THEME SONG IS AN UNTITLED PIECE FROM THE DISC "HIMNO NASIONAL" BY THE FIGURES, AVAILABLE AT FINGERPRINT DASH RECORDS DOT COM. FIND US ONLINE AT P-O-O-R-M-O-J-O DOT O-R-G, AND FOLLOW THE LINK TO THE NEWSWIRE ON BEHALF OF LONGO, BRETT, JIM, DAVE-O, FRITZ, THE GIANT SQUID AND MOJO, THIS HAS BEEN POOR MOJO'S NEWS SHOW, I'M ALAN BENARD.