[PREVIEW] 🎙🧚‍♀️ #102 - A Bronx Tale

Robert De Niro directs a film about a young bucking Bronxo whose soul hangs in the balance, swinging like an Italian sausage between two male role models: his working-class loyal Dad and his murdering-class local dirtbag. (His mother vanishes completely after the first act, not that he ever noticed her). Along the way he stumbles into a love-at-first-100-sights relationship, a race war triggered by undeclared cycling boundaries and the longest dice-rolling tournament in the history of cinema, complete with claustrophobic time-out penalties, to ensure a great game is as fun as possible. But as Dad Niro tells him, "The choices that you make will shape your life forever." I'm pretty sure the only choice we see this kid make is to lie to the police to protect a murderer, so I can't feel too much pity for him if his life ends up shaped like a chalk outline. Discussed in this episode: Cyclone Alfred An American Tail 2: Feivel Goes West and other "Tale" movies. Oh no - a thief with racist, hate-crime-committing BFFs who idolises fat, old, drug-addicted career criminals and animal killers like they're the Justice League is in danger of becoming imperceptibly MORE corrupted! "As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be homeless." Confessions of a boy who was forced to go to Confession The architectural superfluousness of stoops A biker gang getting beaten up by a book club of overweight senior citizens, with speeded up footage to maximise the absurdity "If your date doesn't do this incredibly specific, bafflingly inexplicable thing upon getting into your vehicle, drop her like a molotov cocktail onto your own stash of unused molotov cocktails." Calogigula running to thank Sonny for depriving him of the one positive character decision he could have made for himself TWIST! Oscar-winner Joe Pesci was in the car that was having its windscreen cracked a little, so Sonny was 100% justified in shooting that guy in the arm, the brain, and then two more times while he was bleeding out on the ground instead of just threatening him with the gun and getting him to stop because it was an act of LOVE. Bless you, Sonny. May angels wing thee to thy rest. And then curb-stomp you. A Better Tale: Road To Perdition Amazon Prime screwing over unauthorised commentary makers with its unskippable mid-roll ads, rendering feature-length synchronisation virtually untenable Thanks to Mr. Porter for the suggestion! (if you want to sync it up to the film, we hit PLAY @ 6:09)