Processing Encampment

In this moment, I feel 80% human and 20% alien, which is a HUGE improvement!I’ve been resting for the past 3 days. Physical energy-wise, I’m almost caught up. There was a moment after coming home from the encampment where something was triggered in me, and my neck trauma response was kicked on. It might be a delayed reaction, but my gut is telling me that it was something personal I need to listen to.Tiffany’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Grief is here.Rafah is being carpet bombed. Seeing the photos of those two little kids in the rubble is yet another image that will be seared into my soul forever.I don’t like to be cynical, but as I’ve been bearing witness to Rafah…pigs are brutalizing students + community members and raiding camps with full on military attacks…I’m having a hard time connecting the dots of impact. My brain knows that we have had divestment wins, which is amazing and f*****g counts. But Palestinians are still being slaughtered by apartheid state funded by us RIGHT NOW. How has it been 7 months?My heart is pounding from grief and anger.Being at camp was such a mixture of beautiful connections and care, violence, anti black harm, peace policing, hope, and resistance. I’ve barely started processing it. There were so many moments where I felt gaslit in a totally new way. Normally, I feel gaslit in seeing and doing “normal people” activities like eating out and doing fun things - because it feels insane to do it while genocides are happening. But in the camp, it was rougher, because right after witnessing multiple Black folks being arrested or attempted to be arrested…I would turn around - and it looked like summer camp. No one knew or seemed to care (I know I know that’s not true.) Zionists would be roaming the camp, and 5 people would be actively diligent in blocking them or monitoring them. I dont know…it was bizarre.I’ve been talking about this on IG - the lack of cohesion of theory and practice becomes very apparent in times of danger. 9 out of 10 times, the people who would come into direct contact with cops and zionists would be Black and Brown folks - most likely femmes. From witnessing it time and time again in person and also in all the footage across encampments and protests, it’s the same every time. I get it, but it’s wrong!Folks of the global majority are conditioned to lean in to protect one another. We also have higher capacity for danger + discomfort, because it’s normalized from our upbringing. White folks are conditioned to turn away and run away from danger - and furthermore to sacrifice Black and Brown bodies for their benefit. That’s white supremacy baby. So when decolonizing healing work isn’t embodied, white people are watching and in the back. I’ll say it again and again, white people will never save us. But I’ve been watching who of the white comrades are doing the internal work. The movement will be much stronger if more of our white comrades can show up with their body and soul so that we can turn the tide from having to keep on sacrificing people of the global majority for our movement. Too much to ask?I’m going to share more about my thoughts about peace policing, but not today. Haha not today.Yesterday, or maybe two or three days ago…who knows, I was sharing with a comrade about how I imagine myself as a tree. I need to get centered within myself first - right now I need to reorient my energy to my core. And then remember that my roots run deep into the ground interconnected with the roots of my ancestors and my community. For a bit last week, I feel like I lost my own agency. With all my trauma-informed knowledge, it has been a test to practice what I know. We each have agency and only we know our capacity.To honor our agency and capacity is to honor the movement.Talking about honor, truly what an honor it is to be here right now. I feel like I’ve been training my whole life for showing up well in this moment. I’m humbled, because I’m seeing how there’s so much more deepening and strengthening I need to practice within my integrity and belief set. That’s part of the journey in the struggle towards a liberated Palestine…our liberation.Praying for Rafah. Praying for our faith to be strong in the resistance.What does Liberatory Imagination spark in me today?The land of Palestine feeling peace - enough to grow and nurture trees, plants, flowers, strawberries. The land I’m on in occupied Chicago feeling joy in being free. I know for a fact that the earth here weeps for what is happening here and in Palestine and in Sudan and in Congo. She weeps while giving us reminders and life to resist well.Tiffany’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to LIBERATORY IMAGINATION at tiffanywongart.substack.com/subscribe