Psychotherapist Terri Cole on Boundaries, Burnout, and the Cost of "I'm Fine"

Psychotherapist and boundary expert Terri Cole joins Karena Dawn to break down High Functioning Codependency (HFC): the pattern where over giving, over functioning, and chronic self sacrifice get mistaken for strength. Terri, author of Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High Functioning Codependency, explains how childhood conditioning shapes this behavior, the physical and emotional toll of always being "fine," and why the most capable people are often the least likely to recognize codependency in themselves. Karena shares her own experience navigating these patterns, and Terri offers concrete first steps toward recovery, boundaries, and self consideration. (01:03) The Real Definition of High Functioning Codependency Some of the most capable, high-achieving women reject the word "codependent" the moment it's suggested The subtle sign Terri looks for that has nothing to do with being an enabler or "codependent no more" Karena's gut reaction realizing she fits a pattern she never saw in herself (08:16) Caretaker or Codependent? Where to Draw the Line The uncomfortable question Terri asks clients before they take on anything for someone else Why Karena's childhood memory of her dad picking up hitchhikers says more about safety than kindness The real reason HFCs feel responsible for things that were never theirs to fix (22:07) The Cost Nobody Talks About The physical toll Terri has seen after nearly three decades of treating HFCs, and it's not just burnout Why "existential loneliness" can hit even when you're surrounded by people who love you The pendulum swing Terri sees play out in almost every client's cycle (37:05) Breaking the Pattern Without Losing Yourself The two questions to ask before saying yes to anything, straight from the book Why narcissists and high functioning codependents are drawn to each other like a hand and glove The line Karena's mother told her about receiving help that changed everything What's actually waiting on the other side of recovery, and why Terri calls it liberation Guest Resources Terri's Free High Functioning Codependency toolkit (https://www.terricole.com/hfc/) Follow Terri on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/terricole/) Visit her website (https://terricole.com) Listen to The Terri Cole Show (https://terricole.com/itunes) If this episode moved you, please consider supporting The Big Silence Foundation and exploring our resources: Connect with The Big Silence Community Order: The Big Silence Memoir audiobook (https://thebigsilence.com/pages/audiobook) Shop The Big Silence Self Love Collection (https://thebigsilence.com/collections/shop-all) Subscribe on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaL3RrbvDLuTTGFN4VYzEpw) Donate to The Big Silence Foundation (https://thebigsilence.com/donate) The Big Silence Resource Guide (https://thebigsilence.com/pages/resources) Find exclusive offers from our supporters (https://thebigsilence.com/pages/our-podcast-partners) Show Resources: VISIT THE CHALLENGE PAGE (https://my.toneitup.com/pages/radiate-rise-2026-summer-challenge) THE BIG SILENCE PODCAST (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-big-silence/id1607181597) TONE IT DOWN PODCAST (https://my.toneitup.com/pages/tone-it-down-podcast) Tone It Up App (https://my.toneitup.com/pages/tone-it-up-app) Tone It Up YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/@toneitup/featured) Tone It Up Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/toneitup/?hl=en) Have a message for Karena? She'd love to hear from you and share your comment or question on air! Leave Karena a voicemail: https://www.speakpipe.com/KarenaDawn