Raising teenage boys

Maggie Dent talks with Kathryn about the art of effective communication with teenage boys. She is the mother of four sons, a former teacher and counsellor who has become one of Australia's foremost parenting experts - and self described "boy champion". Her latest book is called From Boys to Men, and she is also the host of the ABC podcast Parental as Anything.Many parents are bewildered when puberty turns their sweet, expressive sons monosyllabic, says Australia parenting expert Maggie Dent, who is also the mother of four boys.The key to staying connected with boys entering their teens is to understand the challenges brought about by the physical changes, brain changes and hormonal surges overtaking their bodies, she tells Kathryn Ryan. no caption Listen to Maggie Dent on Nine to NoonThe brain's prefrontal cortex - which governs behaviour and decision making - grows only by tiny increments through adolescence and isn't fully developed until the late 20s, Dent says." are not very good at planning for the future, they're not very good at empathy, or thinking how their actions impact others, they're not very good at organisation. All of these things ."When we realise no tween or teen boy really wants to get into trouble - and is sometimes even surprised at his own behaviour - we can open up more compassion for them, she says.It's also good to keep in mind that, unlike girls, boys tend to use external events or experiences to measure their own self-worth."The biological drive in adolescence is not only for more autonomy and independence, it's a search for identity and a sense of belonging with our own age group."As boys use physicality to show connection, lecturing them for something they did to try and connect and make people laugh can be really confusing for them, Dent says."If they can make their mates laugh, that really anchors them into belonging and it also feeds their self-worth."For most boys, schools are war zones and they will need some breathing space at the end of the day." they've got to be on guard the whole time, not only in the social context but trying to remember the right thing, trying not to fart in class, a lot of them have a poo that's due 'cause they won't do it at school. They pick up on lots of things and attack themselves so when they get home it takes a while to regroup."Outside of school, boys are now often in the virtual world, which isn't helping them understand themselves or other people better…Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details