Redefining Community After Deconstruction with Allison Rose and Kate Johnson

When I lost my church, I also lost my community. That loss was devastating. They say that when I relationship ends, it isn’t usually one event, but a thousand tiny cuts. When I first started deconstructing, that’s what leaving the church felt like to me. One of the hardest parts about deconstructing is how lonely is feels. As I listened to Rachel Held Evans on audiobook in my car, I didn’t feel like I had anyone I could talk to about my changing beliefs or my evolving faith. Church often provides something that is difficult for us to replace: a built-in sense of community. As a pastor’s daughter, church was my whole world: Sunday school, choir, homeschool group, volunteering for events, bible study, potlucks. I spent most of my childhood at the church multiple times a week or spending time with church friends. Quips and Confessionals is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber or Buy Me a One-Time Costco Rotisserie Chicken (or multiple).Since we shared the same values, there was an inherent sense of belonging.But what happens when you no longer fit in the place where you once belonged? How do you find community and belonging again? Allison and I recently went live to talk about exactly that question.In our conversation, we discuss rebuilding community, cultivating friendships, and learning to trust yourself enough to build relationships where your full, true self is welcome. If you’re navigating rebuilding your social life after deconstruction, I hope this conversation reminds you that you aren’t alone and that you can still have meaningful connections in your life. I’d love to hear your story in the comments. Where have your found community after leaving church? For me, it was going to trapeze class. I’d love to hear yours!Books mentioned in this episode:* I Belong to Me by Tia LevingsSupport This Newsletter. Buy Me A Costco Rotisserie Chicken. (And Feed Jordy’s Chicken Addiction)For the low price of one Costco Rotisserie chicken, you can help support my work to create essays, conversations, and resources for people recovering from religious trauma and survival mode, and rebuilding lives that actually feel like their own. All with a dose of humor.You can also support my dog Jordy’s burgeoning addiction to Costco Rotisserie chicken. Cue “In the Arms of the Angels:”Will you be an angel for this helpless animal? Every day, innocent animals like Jordy are forced to eat kibble… tasteless kibble (although Jordy’s vet tells me Ultamino actually tastes quite salty. She did not elaborate as to how she knows this.) For the cost of just one Costco rotisserie chicken per month, you can help him overcome this unimaginable hardship… and also spite the veterinarian who keeps fat-shaming him. He prefers to identify as big boned. Subscribe now, and you’ll also receive a welcome with a photo of him dressed in a tuxedo and another photo I affectionately call “Jordy Wan Kenobi.”Your subscribe says, “I’m here to help.” Mostly to support the writing. But also Jordy’s hard knock life.P.S. If you aren’t able to afford a paid sub right now, you can Buy Jordy a One-Time Costco Rotisserie Chicken. Thank you for being a loyal reader and supporting my work! It truly means the world. Get full access to Quips and Confessionals at katejohnsonwrites.substack.com/subscribe