Quips and Confessionals with Kate Johnson

When I lost my church, I also lost my community. That loss was devastating. They say that when I relationship ends, it isn’t usually one event, but a thousand tiny cuts. When I first started deconstructing, that’s what leaving the church felt like to me. One of the hardest parts about deconstructing is how lonely is feels. As I listened to Rachel Held Evans on audiobook in my car, I didn’t feel like I had anyone I could talk to about my changing beliefs or my evolving faith. Church often provides something that is difficult for us to replace: a built-in sense of community. As a pastor’s daughter, church was my whole world: Sunday school, choir, homeschool group, volunteering for events, bible study, potlucks. I spent most of my childhood at the church multiple times a week or spending time with church friends. Quips and Confessionals is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber or Buy Me a One-Time Costco Rotisserie Chicken (or multiple).Since we shared the same values, there was an inherent sense of belonging.But what happens when you no longer fit in the place where you once belonged? How do you find community and belonging again? Allison and I recently went live to talk about exactly that question.In our conversation, we discuss rebuilding community, cultivating friendships, and learning to trust yourself enough to build relationships where your full, true self is welcome. If you’re navigating rebuilding your social life after deconstruction, I hope this conversation reminds you that you aren’t alone and that you can still have meaningful connections in your life. I’d love to hear your story in the comments. Where have your found community after leaving church? For me, it was going to trapeze class. I’d love to hear yours!Books mentioned in this episode:* I Belong to Me by Tia LevingsSupport This Newsletter. Buy Me A Costco Rotisserie Chicken. (And Feed Jordy’s Chicken Addiction)For the low price of one Costco Rotisserie chicken, you can help support my work to create essays, conversations, and resources for people recovering from religious trauma and survival mode, and rebuilding lives that actually feel like their own. All with a dose of humor.You can also support my dog Jordy’s burgeoning addiction to Costco Rotisserie chicken. Cue “In the Arms of the Angels:”Will you be an angel for this helpless animal? Every day, innocent animals like Jordy are forced to eat kibble… tasteless kibble (although Jordy’s vet tells me Ultamino actually tastes quite salty. She did not elaborate as to how she knows this.) For the cost of just one Costco rotisserie chicken per month, you can help him overcome this unimaginable hardship… and also spite the veterinarian who keeps fat-shaming him. He prefers to identify as big boned. Subscribe now, and you’ll also receive a welcome with a photo of him dressed in a tuxedo and another photo I affectionately call “Jordy Wan Kenobi.”Your subscribe says, “I’m here to help.” Mostly to support the writing. But also Jordy’s hard knock life.P.S. If you aren’t able to afford a paid sub right now, you can Buy Jordy a One-Time Costco Rotisserie Chicken. Thank you for being a loyal reader and supporting my work! It truly means the world. Get full access to Quips and Confessionals at katejohnsonwrites.substack.com/subscribe

When most people think about grief, they think about loss after death. So when you first realize you are grieving someone that hasn’t actually died, the experience can be incredibly confusing. We can grieve a lot of different losses that aren’t due to death: * A parent who we may be estranged from or the parent you needed* The loss of relationship due to addiction, abuse, or disease like dementia* A marriage* Your faith* Your community* Fertility * Childhood trauma* An identity you once had: Christian good girl, the caretaker, the strong one, the people pleaser* The person you were before chronic illness or disease took over your lifeMaybe you’re wondering: * “Why can’t I just get over this?”* “Why am I still thinking about it?”* “Why does this hurt so much when nobody died?”The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with you. There is a term for this type of loss. It’s called Ambiguous grief. Here’s a definition from my essay, “Resilience in the City of Ghosts” that was recently featured in Memoir Monday’s best personal essays on the web: “Ambiguous grief is an open-ended grief without resolution. No funeral to mark the end, no body with your hopes for what the relationship could have been. There is nothing concrete—no tombstone or funeral—to cling to to validate the sense of loss. All that remains is the hope of what could have been.”The problem is there is no set roadmap to ambiguous grief like there is for death. Yet, processing that grief is still incredibly important. For those of us who grew up in faith communities, it is especially for us to pay attention to as we often learned to spiritually bypass negative feelings and focus on the positive.But that is not how we heal. In this week’s Live, Lauren (The Grief Circle) and I discuss the roadmap of ambiguous grief and grief’s radical transformation in our lives. Books mentioned in this episode:* Soulbroken: A Guidebook for Your Journey Through Ambiguous Grief by Stephanie Sarazin* I Belong to Me by Tia Levings * The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller* Reregulated by Anna RunkleOther books for Chronic Illness grief:* The Place Between Our Pains by K.J. Ramsey Check out Lauren’s work ( The Grief Circle)* Instagram* TikTok* WebsiteQuips and Confessionals is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Thanks for reading Quips and Confessionals! This post is public so feel free to share it. Get full access to Quips and Confessionals at katejohnsonwrites.substack.com/subscribe

Purity culture doesn’t just affect sexuality. It can impact body image, nervous system regulation, self-trust, shame, anxiety, dissociation, and the ability to feel safe in your own body long after leaving evangelicalism.In this conversation, ‪@real_allison_rose‬ and I talk about reconnecting to your body after purity culture, religious trauma, and shame-based Christianity. We discuss healing from purity culture, rebuilding self-trust, somatic healing, deconstruction, embodiment, nervous system healing, and learning to feel safe in yourself again.If you grew up in evangelical culture, church purity teachings, or high-control religion and struggle with guilt, body shame, hypervigilance, or disconnect from yourself — this conversation is for you.Watch the full replay of our live: Reconnecting to the Body After Purity Culture.Kate JohnsonInstagram | TikTok | Threads | BlueskyAllison Rose:Instagram | TikTok | YoutubeQuips and Confessionals is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber or Buy Me a Coffee.Thanks for reading Quips and Confessionals! This post is public so feel free to share it. Get full access to Quips and Confessionals at katejohnsonwrites.substack.com/subscribe