Reframing What It Means To Be Selfish

For many people, the word selfish is linked with guilt and a sense of having done something wrong. It’s often understood as putting yourself first at the expense of others, which can lead to a habit of placing your own needs last.In this episode of The Choice Space, Dr Lee David is joined by Suzy Reading, psychologist and author of How to Be Selfish, to offer a different perspective. Suzy reframes selfishness as allowing your needs, feelings and limits to matter, rather than being overridden by everyone else’s.Together, they explore why many caring people label themselves as selfish for resting, setting boundaries, expressing emotions or asking for support. Guilt is examined as a signal of values and care, not proof that something is wrong, and how quickly self-criticism can take hold when expectations feel relentless.They discuss how selflessness is often learned early, shaped by family roles, cultural messages and ideas about being “good”, particularly for women and parents. Lee and Suzy reflect on how neglecting our needs can lead to exhaustion and burnout, and why attending to ourselves supports healthier relationships.The episode also explores boundaries as practical ways of taking responsibility for wellbeing. Suzy shares simple tools drawn from psychology, movement and nervous system regulation, alongside a Choice Pause to help listeners check in during moments of pressure.This is a reflective conversation about developing a kinder relationship with yourself and letting go of the idea that worth is earned through self-sacrifice.Key moments00:00 Why selfishness is associated with guilt04:09 Reframing selfishness as allowing your needs to matter05:27 Selflessness, identity and putting yourself last07:09 Guilt as a signal of care and values09:32 Depletion, exhaustion and burnout11:43 Where fear of selfishness comes from13:24 Parenting and modelling emotional honesty16:06 What boundaries are and how they work18:38 Requests, agreements and responsibility26:06 A simple grounding practice31:49 Noticing nourishment and awe37:27 Kind self-talkAbout the guestSuzy Reading is a chartered psychologist and self-care and self-advocacy expert with three decades of experience across psychology, yoga and personal training. She supports people to develop sustainable habits and heal their relationship with self. Suzy is the author of The Little Book of Self-Care, The Self-Care Revolution, Self-Care for Tough Times and her latest book, How to Be Selfish.You can connect with Suzy on LinkedIn and Instagram - @suzyreadingAbout the hostDr Lee David is a GP, CBT therapist and author specialising in mental health and wellbeing. Lee has written many books on CBT, mindfulness and teen wellbeing, and speaks regularly at conferences and in the media. Away from work she enjoys running, hiking, singing in a choir and spending time outdoors with her family. You can find Lee through her website and on Instagram, TikTok (@dr.lee.david), Facebook and LinkedIn.  You can find more about her books, wellbeing courses and therapy here:  https://linktr.ee/dr.lee.david