Romantic Love

When people describe their idyllic first weeks, they describe a perfect world. They felt better about themselves. They had more energy and more positive outlooks on life. They felt wittier, more playful, more optimistic. In the beginning, each partner's goal is to appear less needy and more giving than they really are. If they don’t seem to have many needs of their own, their partners are free to assume that their goal in life is to take care of their needs, and this makes them very desirable, indeed. Think about the efforts one puts in at the beginning of the relationship. If divorced, we only see the new love when the kids are with their ex. We may cook a beautiful dinner, and the house is spotless when in reality, we hate to cook, and our house is normally a mess. We shower each other with gifts, compliments, and morph into the perfect partner to fill our needs and voids. To some degree, we all use denial as a coping tool. When life presents us with a difficult situation, we want to ignore reality and create a more palatable scenario. But there is no time in our lives when our denial mechanism is more fully engaged than in the early stages of a love relationship. Usually, within a year, we begin to be aware of the new lover's negative traits. But we ignore them and push full-steam ahead. www.HeatherCatherineCarter.com