Hello and welcome to episode 212 of the Rustical Gaming Podcast. I'm your host, GM Alex Newell, and with me today I have... Ben Meredith, Bryn Munro, Lydia Nicholas, and Helen Gould. And who are you playing? Zolf Smith, Hamid Salah Haroon Altahan, Sel Sightbottom, and Azu.
And welcome back to our Pro Lich podcast, where we're helping you live your best lives. And afterlives. And afterlives. Then lives again, maybe. Who knows? Let's find out. It's literally brilliant. Boo. So we are currently still underneath London, but a different type of underneath London. We spent a lot of time underneath London looking back, just with different flavours. It's just London's all the way down. Surprised you didn't try and fly Topaz up to the top to save everyone the bother of the stairs, but here we are.
Don't rub it in my face. Rubbing a massive cannoli in your face. Don't do that, kids. It goes wrong. Yeah, so we are currently in the... Okay, now this sentence makes me feel like a little bit of a hack now I think about it. So we are in the crypt of Geoffrey Chaucer underneath Westminster Abbey in our attempt to end an existential threat to the world. So far, so genre fiction, yes. The stakes are quite high. Didn't consider that. I kind of...
Just followed logical steps, and here we are. So, I believe you're all having a little tete-a-tete in your own private mausoleum booth, so I'd like to pick up after that, if I may. I believe the general consensus was, screw it, but I just want to check in with everyone. Yeah, it can't be worse than the alternative, I think, was the option, really. Yeah, basically, if he is lying, there's not much we can do about it, so may as well.
In which case, then, I am going to suggest I would like to follow your lead in terms of you've had the discussion, but you're still in the booth. If you want to go have a natter and make an agreement, that's fine. If you want to go attempt to murder them, that's fine, too. I'll follow your lead for now, but you've just finished your conversation. I think we were just about to head out and say... Yeah, all right. Fabulous. You all head into the room, then, in no particular order. Since the tech magic only lasts a minute, I will refresh it before doing so. That's fine. I keep calling the creature. Jeff, just for you all to sit back down and join him. Little Jeffy Chaucer. Do people do so, or are you all standing battle ready? No. No, we're not. No. I guess we're broadly inclined to accept your...
Two thumbs up. We're compact, then. I think we agreed to try. So, you know, if it doesn't work, you're not allowed to be angry at us. Were that anger was so easily controlled, the world would be a much better place. Well, you know what I mean. We're going to do our best, I suppose. If what you say is true, and if you're not lying to us, then we've got your best interests at heart.
If you like to us, then obviously we've got a problem, but then we don't know until... You know, it's this whole thing, innit? We don't want to fight you. It doesn't seem to be useful. We've got, you know, a bigger problem, which you're aware of. So, yeah. If you are able to render us some assistance, we'll do our best to render you some. Yes, that. Excellent. Chaucer reaches over and pulls off a plain gold ring. Rings again, eh? And then lays it on the table and just goes... A symbol of our compact. And a promise from myself that thou might carry my authority with those that would follow me. Right. Right. As it gives him a marble.
Chaucer holds it up in his skeletal fingers and examines it as one would examine a powerful magical artefact or an ancient archaeological thing, having never seen a marble, because I'm assuming you've gone full cat's eye marble with it. Oh yeah, I bet the prettiest marble I could find. Just examines it with the flaming holes in his head that he has for eyes. Puts it in his pocket. I would like to examine the ring. Also, very quickly, I had this massive interest of thought with Alex miming holding the marble, and I thought you were going to say, and just pops it in his mouth. Really? That was weirdly why my brain went. Why do I want to eat the mind marble? I want to. I really want to eat the mind marble. I don't know why. I don't know why. That's not a thing, but I'm going to eat it. You provided me with these delicious treats. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Munch, crunch. What delicious sweetmeats the future holds. I'm so sorry if I broke the mood. That was perfect. That was amazing.
Genius. Such a pure, like, gesture as well. Yeah, like, in my head, for Azui, like, the marbles represent some of, like, her happy times. Lovely. Sorry, Brynn, you were going to continue the plot. No, no, it's all good. Can you please give me a perception check? And if you want to cast detect magic before that or after that, that's fine, but you need to let me know. Yes, I would like to cast detect magic and then examine the ring.
24 on my perception check. So the Detect Magic shows it's an utterly mundane ring and it has an engraving on the inside and it just has a single name in sort of a cursive script that says Philippa inside. I just shut the Wikipedia tab. Look at this lovely, lovely lich. What's going on here? What a nice lich. I'm genuinely amazed. We sell continuously with the vampiric mist of the skeleton being like, are they a friend? And then we met their dad and yes, a friend. Friend. Yeah, it appears to be a mundane wedding band. And it just has the name Philippa.
engraved on the inside. That's really nice. I will carry it. I'm not putting it on. Well, technically in Pathfinder you can only have one active magical ring on a hand. So what I could do is just put it on one of the fingers of the same hand I've already got a magical ring on and then it wouldn't be able to activate. Oh, okay. Even if it was a trick. Yeah. At which point then, Geoffrey stands and looks to all of you.
And then just stands there looking at you all for a while, just perfectly still. We should take our leave of you then, I suppose. Thank you for your assistance. Cheers. Jeffrey holds up a finger for a second and then returns to his perfectly stationary state, just sort of staring at nowhere. And his eyes start to grow brighter and brighter. Yeah. And brighter. Soon they're emitting light like torches.
then like braziers and it fills the room and you start seeing all around the place all of the sort of shapes and so on and the flickering shapes of the statues start to almost animate and you hear the sounds of distant movement down the corridor. So do you think he's controlling his creatures? Right, okay. You still have the tech magic on, right, Hamid? Yeah. You're going to have to turn it off if you don't want to have the stunned effect. I mean, yeah, it already lasts a minute so it'll probably be fading anyway. I would say raw necromantic energy just like raw.
just emanating out in a massive wave. Every instinct will be saying, this is terrible. This is awful. None of you have any physiological effects, though, apart from a slight queasiness, maybe. Just a sort of feeling of slight physiological unease. And then the lights start to dim a little bit, start to dim. And he sort of turns to regard all of you. It is done. You might proceed at your leisure. I will be trapped within these walls, but my envoys can move beyond them. It's...
Two thumbs up. Thanks, Troy. Oh, gesture of goodwill, I guess, I think. And I will grab in my bag of holding and hand him a copy of When Passions Collide. Hell yes! Yes! Yes! He holds it in his hands and then starts to turn it over with, even through his lack of facial features, true reverence. True reverence. And he's spending as much time examining the quality of the paper as he is actually looking at the words.
It is a kingly gift. Tell you what, look, because to be honest, I might be better here than, and I will grab the rest of my, like, Campbell collection and just stack it on the table because I've got all the books. Just, you know, look, if we don't manage it and you're stuck down here, well, then at least this will give you something to pass the time. Aw. Thanks to all of you. Shouldst thou need rest, do take it. That actually would be a good idea. Oh, I just, do you think we have the time?
Genuinely, I... Do we have the time to let Azu go up there still short on blood? You're right, actually, no, you're right, you're right, because if we fail, then it doesn't matter how long we took. Yeah, no, you're right, you're right. We're in Westminster Abbey, but what if we went up to the roof and looked at the situation, and then we can come back down and rest, and at least have an idea of what's out there, and know what to prepare for? Hmm, I don't know, he was saying that it was pretty full up there. It will take time to cleanse the Abbey. Right. Oh, um... Now past the moment. Or two, perchance. All right, um, thank you. Um, yeah.
In which case, we're going to go get some rest. Wild steps up and holds her hand out to shake the lich's hand, looking a little bit edgy, which also sort of looks, tilts her head, then reaches out and grabs it. There are literal sparks that spark as they shake hands and then the sparks finish. Cool. Well, I'll just turn to look at the rest of you. Weirdness aside, I mean, it's not often you get to meet your heroes. Very true. Fair enough. I'm going to get some rest, and then in the morning, we can all have something good to eat as well. Come here. Yeah. Sounds good. Okay. Geoffrey gestures at the table, should you need, and then, rather weirdly, like without the social moors, just sits back into the chair at the head of the table, perfectly still, even though you're sort of around and slightly off to one side, just sits, staring at a sort of obtuse angle away from all of you. Yeah, fair enough. I'll go to a side mausoleum booth and have a kit.
So I am going to get a little bit fudgy with the mechanics here, which is, as far as I'm aware, people want a proper long rest, right? Spells back. I reset your spells. Yeah, we need it. We need it. You all settle into your mausoleum for a nice memento mori nap. Eventually, I'd say, I'm going to assume that you need the full eight hours. Yeah. A few hours into that, you start hearing a muffled noise coming from one of your packs.
The signal's super crackly, in the same way the Babbage stuff was, and you just get... Professor, is that you? Are you okay? Einstein? Too much interference. Can you maybe get away from Chaucer and see if it clears up? I'll come with it and make sure I don't get murdered.
Actually, should we all go? I was going to say, we could all chat by this way. So, yeah, there are a couple of side doors in the main, sort of, mostly, and you'll be able to sort of head off to easily enough. And, yeah, it is really simple. The more stone you put between you and Shorter, the more it's like, OK, I see you're moving. Hey, hey! Professor, I'm so glad to hear you're OK. Yes. Oh, so, um, is everyone alive? No. No. Oh, I thought that might be the case. I mean, we lost Augusta, we lost Summit Yale, and, uh...
Nicola, as well. Bad news. Are you the reason it's all going off up top? Maybe. Yeah, sort of. Yes. When you say up top, where do you mean? At the bunker. It's all kicking off. Oh, right. It's super scary. We're not there anymore, no. Well, no, I went out. You know you all came in and then I went out to fetch some things. Oh. We got attacked. That's where we lost them. Lovelace is secure in the lab. Okay. Professor, what's the last thing that... When was the last time we saw you, from your perspective? Oh, well, I brought you...
So, my memory is that when we found Tesla's body... When we broke into pairs and started searching, Skrark and I headed down to the lab and we saw Einstein coming up from the lab and he said he went to check the toilets. You are correct. You came in with Einstein. You all then had a natter. Then the next time you saw Einstein was the next morning. And then he was like, yeah, I'll check the toilets. Yeah, we'll go find him. And then when you went to look for Einstein, he was gone. Was Einstein the beastie? Was that like a fake Einstein? I'm assuming we all fall silent as this dawns and I'll make like a smash the stone kind of mime at Hamid.
Like, where are you? Best to get away from the bunker, Professor, to stay safe. I don't think it's safe there anymore. It's all crazy. You've got all the squizzards on one side and then you've got all the pods on the other and they're all just going at it. It's crazy. I'll actually mime to the group to go back towards Chaucer because we could literally do that. We're going through a tunnel. We're out, Professor. We're safe. We're still pretty close by. Not super safe to talk much about it. Where are you? We're safe. Just get away and stay safe, Professor. We're safe. We're still here.
Security. Yes. Security protocols. I'm, like, pulling Hamid. Yeah, I mean, Hamid's not resisting. We're in a tunnel. I mean, we're not in a tunnel, but I mean, equivalent to... We can't hear you. And by the time you make it into, like, Chaucer's room, it is just, like, and then goes dark. Like, you lost the signal when you went through that room and re-found it, and in that room, it's just dead. Smash the stone. Yeah, Hamid does. There's a brief sparkle of purple light in there. Chaucer turns to look.
Enemy action. We think they were trying to find us. Yeah. Joss just turns to his odd little sit. Oh, I hope they haven't got him. Me too. That's a fake. Right, well, we'll have to find out after this is done. Maybe even if they have got him, if we do the consciousness retraction and doing things, he will be fine, right? Yes, yes. I'd forgotten that we were going to, yeah. We're going to save the world, and hopefully that includes Einstein, whether he has already gotten or not gotten. He's as close as can be to probably okay, because even if they've got him, they'd probably keep him alive. They'll agree to things to fear than death.
Yes, but there's a... Yeah, okay. It probably isn't that he's dead, really. Speaking of death, though, given that Eurya experiences, do you have any knowledge of Hades? Hedges turns to look at you. An ancient god. I was speaking more of taxes and fools. That's the job, sir. There we are. Sorry, it takes a while to sort of build it in. It has to be natural, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the... There he is. He just turns and looks back down the table again.
Do you know how things are going up above in the abbey? The head looks up and he's just looking through a ceiling that clearly isn't there to him. We'll get back to our rest then. Yeah. Thank you. Just turns in a particularly creepy way with a flash of the eyes and goes, Sleep well. God, I'm so sorry that the fans don't get to see you being creepy corpse, Torsa. Corp, sir. Hey. Incredible. Incredible. That is a break right there. That is a break. Yes. Let's go out on Corp, sir. Applause.
And welcome back. So I am going to do a rare, rare opportunity and just be like, I think you've now, it's taken a couple of hundred episodes, cracked the formula. If you want a peaceful rest, chill out next to one of the largest beacons of necromantic energy in the world. Yeah, I guess so. Okay. You're all trying to go to comfy beds and nice hotels. Okay. The very depths of hell is where everyone rests best. Just going to chill in apocalypses. Look, folks, popular culture is trying to tell you something. Okay. So in that case, then genuinely, you can see how the rest of your rest should you wish. And I'm not going to be disturbing you with like, oh my God.
I am going to get up a wee bit early, obviously not so early as to muck up the rest, and I will start preparing this hero's feast. I'm going to maybe have a chat to Chaucer and be like, hey, if I do some magic on your table, it's not going to hurt you, is it? I don't think it will. Tell you what then, can we RP that? Yeah, sure. Can I just check the rules for healing ability damage first? Because I don't know them. I think it's important to confirm if Azu gets all or some of her con back. Yes, no, good shout. Very good shout.
I don't believe Azu will be able to naturally heal all of the con damage back up. I think it's going to cost Ben a spell. Cool. Yeah, because I lost four con total. So yeah, in terms of the ability damage, unless otherwise noted, damage to your ability scores is healed at the rate of one per day to each ability score that's been damaged. So you could heal, like, dex and charisma and con and blah all by one, but you can't heal con by one, so you will need to spend the spell, yeah. Fine, in which case, yeah, I'm going to prep restoration. I'm fine for all of that. That will make sense. I'd still quite like to RP your thing with Chaucer, if you're willing. Yeah, of course. So as you head out, you catch Chaucer, sat perfectly still in his chair, but he has a book open and is slowly, very delicately...
working his way through a Harrison Campbell. Uh, hi, uh, Jeff. Um, I'm going to prepare some food on this table magically, I think, if it's not going to cause you harm, is it, or anything, if I do anything like that near you? I don't want to... He turns around to survey you and then returns to the book. I'm chance to continue, though, did I ask a question of you? Yeah, of course. I have learnt what I might whilst trapped within these walls, sending those out that might fetch for me.
Did I live a good life? You should probably have a chat to Ahmed about that, because it's been, I think, like 400 years, and I'm not exactly a history expert, so I don't know. I mean, I guess it depends. Do you think you lived a good life? Really, it kind of comes down to yourself. I mean, who's going to judge? I mean, apart from, like, little gods, but, you know, if you didn't follow one of little gods, then they've all got conflicting opinions anyway, so who knows? It's all pretty subjective, even if it's their subjection. What I mean is, I don't know, did you think you did? Might I offer advice? Sure. To thee. Live well.
For second chances are rare. Yeah. And often undesirable. Maybe. But you've got to do what's best with what you're given, eh? I know I'm not. Well, you know. I've had more experience than you may expect of this. Geoffrey holds up the book, sort of gestures over his shoulder at you. My thanks. Then lifts up a skeletal finger, moves to lick it, stops, and then just turns the page and returns to his book. I will leave him to his reading then, and yeah, I will make a hero's feast on this table.
You've never done this before on audio. Could I please ask you to do so? As a side of all those other Heroes' Feasts that we had off audio, we just love scoffing. Yeah, no, this is the first one that I've managed to cast, actually, because it's all been a little bit quite busy. Anytime Zulf, you know, has had spare spells lots, everyone's like, what does he prepare? It's Heroes' Feast all the way down. This is a bonus spell. This is my new bonus spell, is why I've got it now, because it's the community domain. But yeah, so basically, I'm working my way down the table. I'm setting places for four, five. I am setting a place for Babbage, so that's six places. I'm actually going to do one for Chaucer.
because it's polite so seven places basically what I'm doing is I'm working my way round and I kind of pick up because you said it's already laid really isn't it oh the table yeah yeah it's still laid with the food from earlier although I'll point out you might need to clear it out because it's like certain of the food which was then fresh has started to go a little bit mank not much but I assume being in the presence of a lich probably doesn't help things shelf life yeah and that's what I was leading to is everything's rotting super quick so you are going to need to clear the table it was fresh when you're there but it's already like turned so I'm not going to bother because I'm doing as Hamid likes to say magic So basically what I'm going to do is just, I work my way around the table, like picking up the knives and forks and relaying the place. And once I've relayed the place, it's then full of food. Yeah, sounds good. And I'll just work my way around. I'll pick up like a basket of apples and put it back down. And it's almost like, like a sleight of hand kind of thing. It's not really noticeable when I put it back down, it's better. And like, I'll pick up the cups and put them down and they're full of like, well, I mean, it's literally ambrosia. So a pretty cool honeyed wine, I suppose. Ooh. Oh, I was really hoping for custard. Your mileage may vary. I'm sure it will adapt.
Actually, no, I like the idea. Screw the thing. It's an excellent beverage. It's whatever your favourite drink is. It is mead for sale. It is elvish mead. Yay!
Fabulous. Yeah, that's all fine. That's all fine. Cool. So, it takes me 10 minutes to do. We have to consume it over the course of an hour. If that hour is broken, the spell doesn't work. You have to have, like, a proper hour of merrymaking. But, get your pens ready. So, it lasts for... These last for 12 hours, these effects. All sickness and nausea is removed. You gain the benefits of both neutralised poison and removed disease, which I don't think are relevant right now because we're all actually fine. Weirdly enough, so far, it would make it more pleasant in Chaucer's presence. Like, it'll mitigate the, like, nausea and all that. Yes. You gain 12 temporary hit points.
Very tasty. And you... So that's after having a drink. And then each creature that partakes gets a plus one morale bonus on attack rolls and will saves. I am not going to be reminding you all of this. This is your jobs to keep track of, people. It's fair. And a plus four morale bonus on saving throws against poison and fear, which I hope is going to be quite useful. Yep. See, a lot of text, but yeah. Worth it. Absolutely worth it. Yeah, a lot of stuff. Also gives me the best image ever of... Let's take a moment and examine what this dinner actually looks like. Eating in a well-lit mausoleum with a lich at the head of the table who has little to no face.
With Babbage in his jar. Which I have put on a chair and turned the speaker on so he can have a jar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With everyone else. It's an odd image. I like it, but it is odd. It is a strange tableau. Ultimate found family. Yeah. For some reason, in my head, we have Christmas crackers. I mean, I don't know. Yes. Can that be canon? And Geoffrey Chaucer is the only one, but he has a paper Christmas hat on. I will say a couple of detail notes because I don't think we'll have the time to RP the entire thing, obviously. Wild seems a little less ill at ease at this one.
Skrark seemingly utterly unabashed by a bit. Oh no, eight people. I'm sorry, I forgot Skrark. Eight people. That's fine. I know your spell can count for it, so it's all good. But yeah, in terms of Babbage, Babbage is clearly enjoying the company of new people, et cetera, despite the circumstances. Chaucer has a bit of a hard time at first because anything that he touches immediately begins to rot. So he starts holding the knife and fork right at their tippy tops in order to sort of simulate the eating experience. So sad and so slapstick. He does, eventually, as the conversation picks up, he does start to tell a joke, but I won't RP it because it really is like...
There once was Milner. A Milner I knew long ago. Like, that's the pace, and it takes, like, a good five minutes. It has a decent punchline, but I'm not going to RP it because it goes on and on, and it's not even because it's a particularly long joke. It's just he has a max kind of speed. He's like an ent. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. It's an ent telling an ever-so-slightly bawdy joke. I just want to make sure that it's clear that...
Cell waits right until the punchline is delivered, even if it is obvious what the punchline is, as he's delivering his soul, and absolutely cracks up. Like, it's not feigned, it's just like, this is joyous, loving, historical joke. I will say, it is a mechanically good joke, but goddamn, timing does matter. Yeah, no, I'll join in with a positive response, because hey, it's trying. Absolutely. But yeah, if anyone wants to RP any specific conversations amongst party and NPCs, that's fine, but I thought I'd give a couple of flavour elements just to sort of lay out the kind of vibe. Yeah, I just think, rather than RPing it, Cell will, partly because it was in...
Wikipedia page that Chaucer poems were some of the most printed for like 400 years or so. The idea that there would have been on the ship that Sel's dad came across and there would have been Shakespeare and Chaucer. And so very much like that has shaped Sel's idea of what the UK and England and London might be like. And so like lots of actual references to the stories. You specifically give me a sense motive. Oh gosh, a natural one. That's fine. Honestly, that's fine.
Chaucer definitely seems interested in what you're saying. It is impossible to read anything on that face. There's just nothing approaching a facial expression and his body language is turned off as well. He asks the right questions, but it's impossible to tell what's going on behind the eyes. That genuinely breaks my heart because I would love to know if Chaucer just liked to know. I'm not even going to allow other people to censor notes if it was your conversation, but yeah, this is why we play the game. I think a conversation that Azu has, she's going to realise that it has been her birthday at some point. Oh no, Helen.
She thinks it was during the lost time in the planes, but she doesn't mind so much because she's had a present since, and she's having a nice breakfast. Hamid insists that the entire group sing happy birthday to Azu. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm going to join in. Aww. Azu does well. I am feeling all flushed. It's not even me. It's not even me. She appreciates it embarrassedly.
For Sol's part, he's not a massive conversationalist, but will just be a bit less obviously grumpy and just exist in the space, you know, amongst the community. At some point, Wilde stands, holds a glass and sort of taps it with a fork for a second. And although he stands with a smile, he sort of takes a sombre, a more sombre expression, a bit more grounded, holds up the glass to absent friends. Absent friends. Absent friends. And then drinks. Absent friends. To the best people I have ever known. Gestures to everyone.
to the best people I've ever known. It's been an absolute pleasure to be on this journey with you all, despite everything that's happened along the way. I can't imagine what other people that would have been better to be here with other than those that were here for part of it. And then he holds the glass at one last time. There's not much left. There's maybe enough for one more. And he just goes, to a world that doesn't yet deserve the calibre of heroism that we're about to bring it. And that knows the entire glass. Hammond will make eye contact with Zolf, raise his glass again and say, to what comes next.
To what comes next. To what comes next. Stop my toast. Heart snaps again, like Hamid really trying. No, no, no, no, no. That was an OC comment. Like, actually, he's all appreciated. I was sitting here thinking, and I'm going to toast to say what comes next. As the end of the hour is approaching, Hamid will turn to Babbage and say, so Charles, I think it's time for the final briefing on a technical level. What exactly is it we're going to do once we get to the top of the tower? Well, would you like?
Terrible news, the bad news, or the good news? Yes. Terrible news is that whilst we are working, we are going to be as exposed as it is possible to be in the centre of the most dangerous place I know of. I expected that. The bad news is it is highly likely that our adversaries know we are approaching. Our bases have been compromised. Our plans are most likely known. The good news is no one knows where we are right now.
And in terms of actually activating the device, it is very simple. We need to reach the very top of the tower. The rooftop, no less. To do so within might carry complications. We wish to be as exposed to the elements as possible. Once there, we need to set up this little thingy on my left. It looks like a tripod. It's sort of built into his thing. It's effectively a set-up tripod. It looks a little bit like a tiny little lightning rod or something. We set up that at the top. We then communicate, Lovelace, and tell her that we're ready. She will activate the primary device.
This assembly will then synchronize and then activate. That will possibly take about one minute, during which time everything connected will know where we are and what we are doing, because they will feel it. It might incapacitate them, but I've learned not to trust our luck, which is why we leave nothing to chance. It is my intent that we start Lovelace synchronizing and expose ourselves as late as possible, but once the device activates fully, we are in uncharted territory. I would expect large distortions of reality, potential distortions of people's interior mental architecture, and most likely we will, to put it bluntly, have a weird time of it. All going well, at the end of that, I will temporarily be in a position to relinquish control, and will do so. Once I've done so, our failsafe, thanks to your good selves, will trigger, I shall be disconnected, and all going well, we shall have dealt with our problem. Ultimately, our goal is very simple. Avoid being overwhelmed.
whilst we are exposed and ensure that no matter what the cost, we are able to complete the activation. After that point, there is nothing further that any of you can do. And we are hoping there is something I can do. There is one other thing to mention. I'm not an arrogant man, but if anything were to happen to me, things get more complicated and we may need to improvise. This is ill-advised. Does everyone understand? Any questions?
What does improvising mean? Cutting one of our heads open and popping us in? Improvising is a very polite way of me saying, I don't know, I'll have to think on it. Fair enough. I apologise, it's just, I'm in rather prestigious company and thought I would rise to the occasion. I'm not very practised at this. You're doing fine. Thank you. I thought it was a great speech. Well, thank you. Look, it can't be more than about 500 feet from the roof of this abbey to the top of the tower, as the crow flies.
I think that's how we should do it. If we get up onto the roof, ready to fly, we can reach the top of the tower before anyone has figured out that. That way we don't trip any alarms on the way, they might spot us, but if we're moving fast enough, we can start before they've got a chance to be in place. I can seal the stairway up. There's got to be a tower, right? There's going to be a doorway or something. I can create a wall that'll stop at least. We've only got a minute. It can take some 20 seconds. That's a lot. I hate to make assumptions, but Zulf, you have done some spells related to storms before. Can you create any kind of mist, fog, clouds? 500 foot doesn't sound like very far, but if you're being shot at with lightning and monsters... Ironically, in an old life, yes, but no. I can protect us from certain forms of energy, but I don't know what they're going to throw at us. I've got to make a call when I cast it. Once they've done it, I can go, we'll protect from this.
Wild Pipes up. Well, it seems to me that our options are try and be stealthy for a very, very long time, which isn't something we're particularly excellent at. Though we're doing better, I'll tell you that. Or... I think there's probably going to be a mad dash element here. Yeah. And off the roof, if nothing else, it's a bucket list item dealt with. Right, so... It sounds great. I mean, obviously, so... So you can fly. Ahmed, you can fly. Yes, and I can cast a spell on anyone who doesn't have another way to do so. Yeah, but then we're going to muck it up. Right, like, don't you need to know how to do it? I, um... I think...
that Topaz might be able to help me out. Wait, really? Yes. Oh, wow. She couldn't also carry me. Could she with Babbage and, you know, my boots only, I can't go. That's a good question. Alex, her strength modifier is plus seven. Yeah, she'll be fine.
And wild? Well, the flying spell does help you do so as well. If you're not too constricted by what you're wearing, then I think if I cast the spell on you, Oscar, you can probably be okay. And if Topaz can carry Azu and Zolf... And Skrark, you can glide, can't you, so... Well, I'll cast the spell on Skrark as well, and with Skrark's natural ability put together, he should be fine too. Oh, that sounds like a plan. At this point, he's like, in principle, that all sounds very feasible. I would ask, has anyone apart from myself seen Westminster in its current state?
Oh, right, it's going to be a giant bloody plant, innit? I was going to say we could smash through the clock face, but is it even there anymore? Now, I think you have an excellent plan. And goodness knows, should the opportunity present for us to just hop, skip and jump to our destination, we absolutely should. I merely suggest it might not be that simple. The airspace can be quite busy, so it will depend on what's going on in the city. Busy? Are there flying things outside? We may need to entertain the possibility that...
Guive may be in the vicinity. Oh, bloody hell. A dragon. Well, that would be a problem regardless, so I guess we'll just make a dash for it. My point exactly. Actually, hang on a minute. Ahmed, you can make us in... Can you cover everyone? Could you get topaz as well? I might be able to, yes. If that avoids a fight with a dragon, I think that's probably useful. I know, obviously, that will limit your options later, but... It's going to burn through a lot of my ability to cast spells, but might be our best option nonetheless.
Well, we'll get up there. If we seek Weave, then we can pivot. We can make the final call when we've got a view over the surrounding area, yeah. Sounds like an excellent plan. It's better than anything we'd have had. And also if it lasts long enough, we could maybe set up and contact Lovelace while... We're still invisible. Yeah, because if Babbage is still invisible, if we're protecting Babbage, well, if they can't see Babbage... Remember, invisibility isn't flawless. Some things can just see through it. It gives us a better... Weaver is quite likely to be in that category. Some of us can distract her. I think we might have to. I can be very distracting.
at which point at which point Chaucer just looks like Sel pardon the pun dead in the eye and just goes he thinks I might be able to distract many people excellent and I think I'll end the episode there are we good friend aww I'm glad we didn't kill Chaucer I think we have an actually feasible plan yeah that is a yeah blimey I didn't expect one I haven't accounted for it but here we are and just the fact that yeah as Liz was saying our new bestie is a lich yay Did you look at your CRs and be like, oh dear, this is too hard, better give them my friends. The lich can fight the elder dragon while the rest of us deal with everything else. This is like when you're playing Skyrim and you get that assassin's horse and you just set them on each other and wander off. We were actually the B-plot all along and the finale is actually just lich versus dragon. With that, I'm going to wrap it up there and we'll all be back next week for the newest episode of Jeff Chaucer, Dragon Slayer.
Corpser Dragon Slave. Oh, Jeff Corpser Dragon Slave. I think you mean Slayer of the Dragons. Bye, all. Bye!
Mortgage payment? Done. Kids fed? Uh, yeah, technically, they have been fed. Dog walked? He walked me more so. Coffee? Oh, yes, now we're asking the important questions. We have a lot going on. Oh, yeah. Isn't it just kind of great, though? BMO Insurance. Designed for real life.