S1 Ep 3: Self-Sabotage and Second-Guessing – The Elephants in the Room

Self-sabotaging and second-guessing are infuriating Despite the effort I have been making for over a decade to live life on my own terms, choosing my own paths – there is an ongoing challenge I can never seem to shake. I recently finished reading Gary John Bishop’s Stop Doing that Sh*t: End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back, and now I have a much clearer view of the how and why of my self-sabotaging behaviors. Where do the self-sabotage and second-guessing come from? Mr. Bishop asserts that there are three conclusions we draw that becomes the root of self-sabotage that embed themselves into our subconscious. There, they are rooted – and jam up the works when said conclusions are challenged. Conclusion one – the self My conclusion - I am unworthy. Do I keep sabotaging myself because what I have concluded about myself is that I’m not worth it? Conclusion two – other people My conclusion - people are capricious or people are inconsistent. Conclusion three - life My conclusion - Life is an unfair uphill battle. We are nor our thoughts or feelings Second-guessing and self-sabotaging originate as thoughts. And the combination of thought and feeling gives them agency in our heads. All this plays into our subconsciousness. While we could do a deep dive and try to root it out – that’s not all that productive. Instead, we need to be here, now. Mindful. Consciously self-aware of our current, conscious thoughts, feelings, and intentions. This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool: Borrowing from Mr. Bishop, this week’s tool is a simple process to identify the sources of your self-sabotage and second-guessing behaviors. Identify the Saboteurs You only need two minutes or so for each of these. I recommend doing them all no more than a day apart. Step 1: Take 2 or 3 deep breaths in and out to focus Step 2: Close your eyes. Step 3: Think back on a situation where you know that you sabotaged yourself. Step 4: Ask yourself, what conclusion did I make about myself that contributed to this? Step 5: Write it down At another time (preferably the next day), repeat steps 1-3, replace step 4 with this: Ask yourself, what conclusion did I make about other people that contributed to this? Then, at yet another time (preferably the next day), repeat steps 1-3, replace step 4 with this: Ask yourself, what conclusion did I make about life that contributed to this? Know this – they can’t be fixed or undone – but knowing them helps us to avoid them. Author Website: https://mjblehart.com Email: [email protected] Instagram Twitter Facebook Blogs: titaniumdon.com and mjblehart.medium.com Cover artist Fe Mahoney: https://www.etsy.com/shop/TaliasInspirations