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By the way, this is going to completely throw you, but you understand. Skank. Hey, honey, I'm home. It's time for your tagging.
Has anything ever been so funny to you that you almost get laughing and you just start crying because I'm out there right now? We all freeze on the inside and acquire the taste. Our opening sounds just a little different. It's what it is.
Temporarily. Listen, if we were going to make lemonade, we had to make fun of it. That was Stacks, obviously. The same guy who made this intro.
F***s with it a little bit. You know, when he says the word skank, it turns me on a little bit. Well, he actually was kind enough to give us an assortment. Do you want to hear the one other option that there was?
I do. We're going to start the show over again. But this was option two. Rewind.
Yeah. I'm a nervous part. Hey, honey, I'm home. It's time for your tagging.
Has anything ever been so funny to you that you almost get laughing and you just start crying because I'm out there right now. We're all just freezing inside. I'm going to opt in for option two. We're going to use option two from that sport until it gets sorted out again.
Press one if you like the first intro. Press two if you like the second intro. My favorite part was seeing Stacks get into character. When he was recording this, his eyes closed and he kind of like nuzzled his ear into his shoulder.
He's like, meow. He really got into the character of Minerva Purph. He's a method actor. I believe he was Minerva Purph.
We are an Acquire Taste podcast. Hello. We are represented currently by myself, Sam. And I'm Kathleen.
Yes. And we have a third member who's out and about doing, well, whatever she wants right now. Well, I think actually we got a letter from our third member, did we not? We did.
Now, let's just preface this a little bit. This third member, we're just having fun with this. We're taking it on the road. Everything's hot.
It's just the upside down world. Someone I know just started watching. Stranger Things, by the way, I'm very jealous. My underwear is so uncomfortable.
You, can you please, actually, this is no longer a joke. I'm accepting this joke and please tell people what you told me before we started. Okay, so I'm going on vacation next week. The big show is off.
Praise you, girl. And I'm saving all my good underwear, my comfortable underwear for vacation. I think you're weird. So I've been wearing my crappy underwear, my very uncomfortable underwear.
And Sam, literally just an hour ago, saw me pull a front wedgie, which is maybe the most heinous thing I've ever done in the workplace. You were like knuckles, dude. I'm so sorry. This is how I know that we're friends because I didn't think twice before pulling my front wedgie in front of you.
That's fine. I don't judge you for that. I judged you for your explanation when I asked if you were okay. And I said, I'm wearing my crappy underwear because I'm going on vacation.
Which is what you said. That's backwards. No. You're supposed to bring your bad underwear on vacation.
This way you can throw it out while you're there and you don't have to pack dirty underwear to go back home with. I am not a millionaire to just be tossing out undies on my vacation. Nor am I, but you definitely have ones you're ready to get rid of. Yeah.
Like us lady cuts. Like periods of undies. Thank you for that. Sometimes they're the most comfortable ones.
But why do you want the good stuff on vacation? Just bring some stuff you would try actually. Well, it's because the good stuff is the stuff that actually fits nice. It doesn't look like trash underwear underneath my summer dresses.
I want to get you new underwear. No, I have enough underwear. I literally just ordered five more pairs of underwear, so I have a good stockpile going now. Why do you even have such uncomfortable pairs?
I don't know. It's like cheap underwear that you bought a long time ago because I thought they were sexy. One day should never come to this. Oh, so they're cute looking ones that feel like they're trying to kill you via vagina?
It's like tiny little knives stabbing me in the clitoris. I'm so sorry. This is disgusting. I understand, though.
Okay, also, can I just, this is TMI, but I have to tell you, have you ever gotten waxed before? I have, one time. I've never gotten waxed in my whole life. Oh, dear.
Okay, and also, are we talking about a certain region? Yes, we're talking about the others. Yes, yes, yes. The lady bucket.
The taco. Keep going. Okay, and so, I'm going on vacation next week. Where does me swing?
And I've been married for seven years. So, sometimes, the lady taco, she's ignored a little bit. So, I took my friend Mr. Razor to the situation downstairs in my lady taco, so I'm a little raw.
So, that's adding to the uncomfortableness with the cheap underwear. I think I'm too old for cheap underwear. You take the same wrong. Yeah, throw it out, and always lotion post that situation.
I'm just not very good at being a girl. I can't get waxed. I never knew. I cannot let somebody see that area.
They can do it with their eyes closed. All I have to do is feel around. It's a very color by number situation. I've seen this movie before.
It doesn't end all. Can I take you to go to your first waxing? I don't have to be in the room. I can if you want, but I can be on the other side of the door.
That's what happened to me. Our sister, Carla Marie, took me from my first. She did? On the other side of the door.
Really? Yes. Is it like, see, Carla? It kind of is.
Oh, Carla Clarkson. I'm excited. I'm going to go. I'm going to go.
Ah, Tom Hanks. I love you, Tom Hanks. Praise me. So, as Kathleen said, we have representation from our counterpart with us.
She sent us an email. She sent us an email on behalf of herself and what topic we're discussing today. So, Kathleen and I have no idea what the f*** we're talking about. Nope.
You went into this blindly. Do you promise me you didn't read the email? I read the first line. I started laughing.
I said, no, stop this. I did the thing where when I copy and pasted it to print it, I kind of crossed my eyes a little bit so I could just see where the font started and ended, but I couldn't read it. Funnily enough, when I read my bank account, I did the same thing. I read the first line and then I stopped myself.
Right. So, do you want to, I imagine this is a two-parter because it's our represented tight? Our third. Our third counterpart.
Our third counterpart. And then we'll go on to the topic. So, you want to take it off? By the way, I blindly decided we needed some kind of sound for this, so this might not go with the vibe of what she's saying right now, but I just took a swing in the dark and thought that this might represent her well.
So, this letter comes from our good friend, Buffy D. Witherspoon. Ah, yes. Too bad you can't be here today.
Yes, sir. Hello, loves. I sent you this email with an armload of regrets that I cannot be there in person. I made the attempt, but alas, only small charter planes make daily commutes for my outpost in this small island village of Newark.
And you know how I feel about those ghastly little planes. They're like rats with wings. Girl, we know. Don't we know.
Which are also what pigeons are called, so I guess they're like pigeons, but with less class. I cannot be too specific about my whereabouts or who I'm with as I do not want to start a PR nightmare for my travel companion. Buffy, that's supposed to be whom I'm with, by the way. Buffy, apparently he told his girlfriend he was doing charity work in, I'm not helping you with this word, Belogarski.
Where's Belogarski? Belogarski. So, she'd be upset if she learned the truth, which is to say he's currently shirtless and smoking a cigarette in my bed next to me as I pick apart this croissant. Good morning.
Suffice it to say that the trip is going well, and Megan's final wedding gown fittings are going splendidly. Okay. She looks less like a trashy commoner with every stitch they add, and I think the queen will stop having her anxiety fits once this whole to-do is finished. She sends her love.
Ooh, Buffy Witherspoon is friends with Megan Markle. This is a big deal. Heck, that is pretty cool. She just casually drops a name, Megan.
Let's pick that up off the floor. Oh, yes, Buffy. Your presence is felt. I'm done.
Okay, Buffy, we love you. Should we send this to Buffy to listen to, or should we just post it live on Buffy hears it? I think we'll just post it live on Buffy hears it. Yeah, I think we should say a timer and watch.
We'll do that later. Okay, Buffy writes. Now to the email. Oh, this is an email from a listener.
Yes, so Buffy picked our topic for today. Okay. Should I read this as a Matthew L. Jackson?
You know what? That takes a lot of effort. I was a Matthew L. Jackson for at least 45 minutes today.
I'm exhausted. Okay. I don't see you wearing a turtleneck, so I don't believe you. I got it.
So it starts. This is so perfect. I have this problem I need someone to talk to. About nine years ago, my best friend and I found each other.
We are soulmates, and I friggin' love her. Five years ago, she left for the Navy. Oh, this was a sad time in my life. But luckily for me, she ended her career after only four years.
She was back home where she belonged. I love this so far. That's adorable. I love how people refer to best friends as soulmates.
Best friends are soulmates. I think so, too. It's a different type of soulmate than a love soulmate. Right.
But it doesn't mean it's a less important soulmate. Yeah. The one that everyone hates me for because I'm ruining her wedding by being a world bridesmaid. She, I call my soulmate.
That's my soulmate. So I can crap around her. Okay, she doesn't. If you don't know what Sam was talking about, Sam is a little bitter because on the big show today, she did a topic about not liking the bridesmaid's dress that she was to wear.
People came at me. People were very harsh, too. My intern was reading over the Facebook comments, and he's like, wow, people do not like Sam. No.
Well, it's because it was not pitched how it actually is. Because I always write the comments on our socials to stir the soup. Stir the soup. I like to ignite the listeners.
It's your job. I like to get them angry. It works. More comments equals engagement.
I understand that equation. However, Jesus. I'm sorry. That's okay.
I get it. I totally completely get it. I didn't quite throw you under the bus, but perhaps I threw you under the skateboard. I was maimed.
Yeah. I was maimed from this. I'm sorry. That's fine.
That's what it is. Now we continue. Let's get back on track. Okay.
At this point in time, I had met a boy. He took over her role as my sidekick. Oh, dear. This relationship with this boy was good at first, but turned toxic.
He was an emotional abuser, and I became a person I did not want to be. About 2.5 years ago, I became very withdrawn. I have a twin that I love very much, and she is my rock. I was told by this guy if I loved him, I didn't need my sister.
Ugh. Interesting words. Okay. Anyway, it was a bad relationship, which I'm free of.
Parentheses, thank God. This is a whole story in and of itself. Yes. Okay.
So during this time, I was not giving my friend the attention she needed. We talk, but only see each other once every couple of months. I went through a deep depression in this relationship. I reached out to my friend, but she also found a man who became less and less available.
One day, about four months ago, she blocked my phone number. She blocked me on her Facebook, all social media. I couldn't understand. I still don't understand.
She didn't tell me why. There was no hint of her not wanting to talk to me, and now nothing. I actually went as far as creating a new Facebook just to message her to get answers. She blocked that account.
Oh, my goodness. Okay. Unless I'm totally naive, I just can't figure this out. I want my friend back.
I love you guys, and then I'm going to leave the name out. So, all right. This is tough. Ouch.
I think friends should understand that sometimes friends are always there for you, or sometimes there for you, and they can't be 100% at your beck and call all the time. Something happened. Something really bad happened. That's this.
Okay. You and Buffy, because Buffy wrote in her take on this, which we'll read in a minute. You and Buffy are going to be the objective on this, because this hits between the ages of 11 and about 24, 25. That's a long time.
A long time. He was my closest friend. You know, two hours on the phone a night for a period of time. Oh, you remember when we used to do that in middle school?
Yes. Every night? It was like the core time. You would just do your homework while on speakerphone?
It was the regular thing to do. We were only cool if. And then everybody had a conference in each other, and it'd be like 10 teenagers on the line. That I could not handle.
I was an old lady at a very young age. Two 19s. Anyway, we were very, very, very close. And nothing, by the way, there was nothing special between us at any time.
No one had said anything to the other person. No one hooked up. Whatever. He was never in a serious relationship.
He was never really in a relationship, actually, at all. And then he had this. He met a girlfriend. With all this, he went through some very dark times.
Which, by the way, I was there for. No judgment. The whole way. And you had boyfriends in and out of this.
Oh, yeah. And whenever one of them had a problem with him, I would tell my boyfriend, like, I'm so sorry. He's not going anywhere. He's my best friend.
Anyway, he started dating someone, and he was over at my house. And the last thing he said to me when we were leaving was, I'll let you know what my work schedule is next week, because I was hoping to meet his girlfriend. And that was it. He stopped answering me.
He ghosted you before ghosting his real return. He ghosted me. And then he, I mean, he, it was very dark. He actually ended up ghosting his family.
He moved away. Wow. And his whole family, like, his parents were kind of mourning a child. That's a tasteless comparison.
But all of a sudden, a kid dropped off the face of the earth and won't return to call. And nobody knew where he was. No, they knew the state he moved to. And then they knew he was with his girlfriend.
And they were actually in talks with his girlfriend. I never reached out to her. Because I do know, among his other demons, he had a compulsive lying problem. So I have a feeling, and this is all I made up in my head, that he would lie about our history to her in the beginning of the relationship to make himself more race debating going in.
But then I'm like, then I'm going to get him fired and I might get arrested. Like, this won't end well. That breaks my heart. It was horrible.
Oh, my God. I cried on and off for years. And then he moved back after two-year absence and got back in touch with his family. And I was on the phone with his little brother.
And I was sobbing. This was last summer. And I was sobbing because I was so happy he was back. And I was waiting for him to reach back out to me.
And he never did it. So now he's home with his family. And I sent him one message on Instagram. I saw it was seen.
And he has not reached back. So he's cut me out of his life. He's gotten married to her since. What?
And I just had a sneaking suspicion that she was talking behind my back. And she didn't want to be my friend anymore. And she would make snarky comments. Since asking you to be her maid of honor?
Yeah, I was her maid of honor. And I'm like, this is a very strange feeling because I feel like we're supposed to be connected. I'm your maid of honor. I'm supposed to be here for everything.
Right. She's asked me to hang out. She would hang out with the other bridesmaids without me. And I'm like, what the hell?
That's hurtful. I'm your maid of honor. I went over to her house sobbing one day. Sobbing.
And she was getting married very young. We were only 23. And I said to her, I don't know what I did to you. Yeah.
I feel disconnected from you. I feel like you're angry at me. You hang out with everybody else without me. Everybody at the wedding party.
You don't ever ask for your help. I'm supposed to be your maid of honor. Yeah. You have to let me know what's going on.
And she looked me square in the eye and said, well, you don't live with a guy, so you just don't know what it's like to have to come home and make dinner and take care of somebody. And I was like, well, I'm 23, so I don't really want to have to take care of anybody other than myself. But, and I don't ever recommend this. She had given me her email password at one point.
Oh, Kathleen. I'm so evil. What did you do? I was so, I was so distracted.
Cause I was like, there's something else going on. So I launched into her email and sure enough, it was just bad energy in there. And she just decided one day she woke up and decided she didn't like me and was in group chats with all the other bridesmaids, figuring out ways to torture me or ask me embarrassing questions. What the hell?
Cause Gchat will save your chats with people. That's disgusting. Shame on this girl. So I'm not, I'm so ashamed of ever logging into her email address.
No, that's not cool either. It's not cool. It's so not cool, but it had nothing to do with me. And I thought that I had made her mad.
Wow. What the hell happened? She decided that she didn't want me to be made of honor anymore and didn't have the balls to tell me. Wow.
So I dropped out of the wedding party completely, obviously after reading all of this. Did you tell her? I never told her. You were just like, ah, I'm out.
Yeah, I'm out. And that was the end of your relationship. Okay. Did you feel, I mean, of course you didn't feel good.
That's not the question. But did you feel, do you, my thing is closure. And that's only because it's the only thing you can get across the board in any situation that has nothing to do with the other person. So it's like the worst case scenario thing.
So did you have closure from the way? Do you feel good about that? No. And I still have dreams about her all the time, but at least I know that.
It wasn't, I didn't hurt her directly. She was just turned out to be an evil person. So our listener, let's call her Andy. I love Andy from Girl.
Andy, this may not be about you. No. You may feel like it's about you, but it just may be this other person going through a tough time. But I do agree, or I'm agreeing with myself because no one else has said it.
I do believe that she deserves some kind of closure. Of course she does. And that can't be from the other person. Like the message I wrote on Instagram to this friend of mine, that was your closure.
That was my closure. I did that maybe three months ago. And you saw that he saw it? I saw he saw it, and that was the nail in the coffin.
He did not want to answer me. I wrote out like, oh, sheets of mixture of I'm hurt, and I said you didn't want me to meet your wife, and I'm mad at you for it, but I know I don't know what the whole picture is, and I think you lied about me. I think that's why you two don't talk, and why you two won't talk to me. And I think that's a shame because you are my brother.
And, you know, I went back and forth when you're so sad and angry at the same time. And I pressed send, and I remember I was on the phone with William at the time, and I sent it, and I just started crying, and he said, how do you feel? And I said, I'll know how I feel when I see if he read it. Because just sending it wasn't enough.
And then about a week later, it was marked as open, and then a week later, I knew he wasn't getting back to me, and that's when I started to heal. Because I had no other choice. Because it's like you're saying, we don't know what the other person is going through. And honestly, I think that, Andy, if this friend were a true friend, this would never happen.
Or maybe she's, listen, okay. What's that quote about friend for a minute, friend for a week, friend for a lifetime? Friend for a shower. I mean, the point of the quote is that sometimes people are meant to be in your life for a very specific amount of time, and that's it.
And they're not meant to be in your life for the whole timeline. I'm worried about, I mean, this girl served for four years. She could be going through some very big problems. She absolutely could.
She could. But I hope that's not the case at all. But that might be part of it, too. And I don't know how to suggest to our listener.
I wish Poppy Winters were here. I know. Like, what did she actually have to do? Because if it were me, I drove to his house once.
Yeah, that's what I would do, too. I would write this girl a letter. But she's been blocked. No, like an actual handrail.
Like a snowmail? Remember that? Oh, my gosh. No.
I actually don't. Yeah, that's what I would do. And then I guess that would be my closure. I'd drop it off at her house.
I mean, put a stamp on it if you know where she lives. Yeah, that's a good point. Or reach out to someone else who's very close. Not to insert yourself or tell them to insert themselves, but send a one-way message to her boyfriend or her parents.
Like, please, can you just tell my friend that? Like, blank, blank, blank. I miss them. Whatever.
Or maybe they can offer a little bit of insight as to what's actually going on with her. Maybe. Where appropriate. Yeah.
Oh, my God. That's so friggin' tough. That's a fine line. That hurts.
And serving in the armed forces is not an easy task, and it can be very isolating. And when you leave the service and become a civilian again, it can many times be a hard transition. You know about it. Your brother serves.
Yeah, my brother's in the Navy. And it can be lonely. A lot of times you move around a lot. There's not a lot of stability wherever you're living.
Maybe it makes you reassess connections you've had. Not to undermine our listeners' relationship with our friends, but it just did something to her personally that, you know, had nothing to do with our listener. And particularly in the Navy, when you're working on a ship and the ship goes out at moment's notice and you're sailing for months on end without connection to the real world, it can mess with you. And when her friend came back, she admitted she did not make herself available, which is not right in itself.
I know. I really want. I'm going to reach out to our listener and ask if she wants a hug. I know.
That's all I can offer. This is not easy. Shall we read Buffy Witherspoon's take on this? Yeah, do you want to take that one?
Yeah, sure. Okay, hold on. So this is Buffy's take on it. Just imagine she were here and not with that sexy guy in her bed eating a croissant.
A little jealous of the croissant part. If I have the timeline correct, it sounds like you were going through this relationship toxicity right around the time when your friend got home from the Navy. From her perspective, she came home and you were mostly unavailable. Then you suddenly reached out to her needing help and you've been MIA this whole time.
So I think it has less to do with you finding a boyfriend and more to do with her feeling like the friendship is either over or it's all about you. Oof. I don't mean to be harsh or blame you. It's not that.
I'm just trying to see how she could be viewing things, i.e. without the benefit of your backstory or explanations. If I had a friend who, again, from my very one-sided perspective, chose a guy over our friendship and then reached out when she needed help or support, I'd probably be frustrated too. My advice to you is to let things go for a while.
If you feel the need to reach out, I'd do it in the form of an explanation or an apology without expectations of her responding. Reaching out and asking her to explain herself probably isn't going to get you anywhere. If I were her, I'd be thinking, if you don't know what's wrong, I'm not going to explain it to you. I know this is coming across a bit harsh.
I'm a big fan of putting myself in the other person's shoes and thinking like they would. As far as you, my dear, it sounds like you've overcome a lot and should be incredibly proud of yourself. Not everyone sees a toxic relationship for what it is, so bravo to you. Bravo.
Yes. Hold on. Wise word, Buffy. So, from all of this, all of these angles, I say knowing what you need to move forward is what's most important.
So, for me, again, closure. I think Buffy's advice is really great. Yeah. Let it breathe for a while.
And then apologize. And then when you reach back with an apology and a reflection of what you've done and extend that you miss her. Complete the big picture. Oh, God, this makes me hurt.
This is way too close to home. You know, be like, oh. Some of the worst breakups I've had in my life or friendship breakups. Actually, the worst breakups I've had in my life or friendship breakups.
I'm wondering if we need to do something. Do you need some kind of closure for your friend who is a horrible person? I mean, and that's all it is. This is not a loaded question.
I'm not trying to bait you into anything. I'm just saying, would you feel better, even if you wrote her a letter and never heard back, just to say, listen, blah, blah, blah, blah. Say what you want to say. Don't lie, but say what you want to say.
You know what I mean? You know, a few years after the whole incident, she has no idea that I read her email if I know anything that went on in her Gchat. Unless she's a G-spot. She reached out to me on Twitter.
What? And she was like, hey, I see that you're doing well. Was thinking of you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And? And I said to her, while it's always good to hear from an old friend, I really think that this bridge has burned. I'm surprised you're reaching out to me. Best of luck.
Oh, Kathleen, you closed the door. You closed the door. She didn't answer, did she? No.
Did you feel good to say that? It felt so good. I understand. I understand.
I don't know. You were hurt. You weren't horrible. I don't know if we'll ever stop dreaming about this friendship breakup, because I dream about her all the time.
That's something. We also run in some similar industries, so I'm afraid I'm going to bump into her one day. And you know, you sort of imagine what you say. Oh, yeah.
And I just pray that I'm dressed really nicely that day. You usually are. In fairness, you usually are. I hope it's not like when I'm wearing yoga pants and I'm walking down the street in New York.
I hope it's when I'm in a freaking ball gown. Oh, this old thing? This old thing? You dress in fashion where I touch you, and then I ask for permission.
I just grabbed you today, because this is a very fuzzy sweater. And I started touching you. I'm like, I like this. I'm wearing a fuzzy blazer.
I'm into things that are cute, ugly right now. Oh, okay. So, like, so ugly, it's cute. Yep.
And this is this fuzzy blazer that I'm wearing. So ugly, it's cute. Oh, that's the same about me. I just think it's straight up cute.
I don't think there's anything ironic about it. Oh, thank you. It's like a family member of the jacket I wore to an acquire taste life. You have such a cool sense of style.
I just have a family member of the jacket you wore to an acquire taste life. It's so ugly, it's cute. Yeah, I mean, you have a lot of ugly cute things, too. No, ugly cute is not a diss.
It's, like, very unique. So unique that you're like, oh, that's interesting. Yeah, okay, I can accept this into my life. Thank you.
Okay. I think maybe this topic, more than other ones we've done, merits a follow-up. I would love that our listener reached back and told us even more detail, because we can talk to you. We don't have to bring everything to the podcast.
We can just talk to you via email. We can talk to you quite often. Andy, if you're out there. No, don't say your name.
Yeah, in touch with us. I said her name is Andy. Oh, right. I'm sorry.
I'm a high alert. I'm so sorry. I think the food hasn't hit yet. I worked it down right before you came in the studio.
There's a thing with names we can't say. We don't want to blow up anybody's pot at all. Oh, my God. I did enjoy doing this with the energy of Buffy.
I like that Buffy picked our topic. I feel her aura. I do feel her aura. And she owls.
And she owls. Like a black fog that's settling in the room, thinking deeply, nighttime is coming. It's like a woman in black meets... What's that show everyone's hyped up on?
Gilmore Girls? No, Kathleen. No, Kathleen. The Office?
No, that's mine. What's the show that everybody... Winter is coming. Oh, Winter is coming.
Oh, Game of Tortilla Chips. Sorry, I'm hungry. That would be your autobiography. Game of Tortilla Chips.
No, that's my favorite game. When you say something totally stupid, you go, that's the name of my autobiography. Really? I feel so unoriginal now.
Fine, I'm just going to eat some fries. This has come to a weird place. Where do you think Buffy Witherspoon would be on this scale right now? Would she be under the best humiliating...
We haven't talked about farting. That's where she really goes off the rails. No, I had tequila farts two days ago, and those things are not... They don't forgive you.
You know, I've been thinking about drinking more tequila lately, but if it makes you fart, that's not... I don't know. It's like whatever liquor I have, the next day is going to be a rough morning. Well, okay, so we had Dan and Shay in the big show.
They're this country act. Country boys, if you don't listen to country music. Country hotties. Country hotties.
And they said that they wanted to lose weight. They were drinking too much beer, so they started drinking tequila and soda water. I can't picture doing that. Tequila is actually my favorite liquor.
Oh, well, then see, you're a good candidate. I do the vodka water with muddled lime, which sounds kind of bland, and it is. That's all I have to say about that. But you're staying with calories you're getting drunk on.
Yeah, because I just can't... It's just too much. Like, as I make eye contact with my black apple fries, which I ordered. I just want to waste the full on food.
Did you see the story that came out earlier this week where a plane had to make an emergency landing because somebody on the plane had uncontrollable farting, and people broke out to a brawl on the train. I mean, I just... That would be Buffy's worst. That would be Buffy's worst later.
She would run into the cockpit and go, land the plane! She'd be the one begging for the emergency landing. Oh my god, she would pull, like, the emergency exit door. If it's a small plane, like, that's a very uncomfortable situation.
That's an awful situation. Just, like, sit there quietly and be uncomfortable. Don't land the plane because you can't crack a window. The other day, my friend said to me, and this might already exist, but she wants to invent a pad that you put in your underwear, so when you have to fart, it actually just turns into mint-smelling things.
Okay, I'm going to correct you. I'm pretty sure that's not an image. No, I think it's on Amazon. It should be on Amazon if it's not.
It should be Amazonable. Can you pick your own scent? You know it's going to be released with mint, and then the next edition is going to have, like, seven alternate scents. You have to buy...
You change a filter. 2D-3D. Winterfresh. Wintergreen Forest.
Blueberry Muffin. Ooh, I want to fart blueberry muffin. That sounds like... It bothers me how I'm using that.
That sounds delicious. You fart, and then you're like, mmm, breakfast. That's the most confusing combination ever. Shall we go around the room and say what we learned this week?
Let's do it. Shall we start with our sister, Buffy? Yes. Ooh, she provided what she learned.
She did. May I? Yes. All right.
What I learned this week. A Buffy story. Kombucha is delicious and can be purchased at a reduced price at Trader Joe's. Indulge in some kombucha.
However, do not shake kombucha. No matter how many little particles rest on the bottom, roll it. Roll the bottle of kombucha. Shaking it will only spark the effervescence and elicit an explosion of fermented teas all over your duvet cover.
Oh. That is the most Buffy thing Buffy could have said. Duvet covers are a bitch to wash. And Buffy, I hear, when she's traveling, does not have a washer or dryer in her studies.
In her stays. Oh, heavens. Do you think Buffy Wetherspoon stays in an Airbnb when she's abroad? Yeah, but it's one of those that are so expensive that you might as well have gotten a five-star hotel.
You know what I mean? Like, her Airbnbs are rich people's homes. Buffy is very lucky that she's a trust fund baby. Yeah, right?
Just makes her acquired lifestyle easier. Buffy Wetherspoon, I accept your flirty kisses, and I count them with open-mouth kisses. That's how I use secret kisses. I prefer my open-mouth kisses when pizza also gets into the equation.