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Put down that coffee and grab a wine. Get ready for another episode of Nursing and Cursing, a parenting podcast that covers more shit than your baby's full diaper. I'm Kate. I'm a stay-at-home mom of three in Brooklyn, New York. I'm trying to figure out whether I should go back to work, have another baby, or spend the rest of my life waiting for my fresh direct order. Hey, I'm Christine, a video editor and a mom of two living in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Ali here, podcasting up in the mountains in South Kona, Hawaii. I work as a real estate agent and a mom of two boys. Hey, I'm Molly. I'm a teacher raising two kids in St. Augustine, Florida. And I'm Sarah, a new mom to one sweet babe living in Brooklyn, New York. Between five busy households, it's a miracle we make it on the mic at all.
Trust me, we need this as much as you do. Hey, buenas noches, ladies. Buenas noches, amigas. Hi, guys. Hi, listeners. This is Kate. You're probably missing Molly. She's on vacay, and Sarah also on vacay. So you've got Chrissy, Allie, and me here. Hello. And I just feel like we just discussed with each other that Sarah and Molly really are the good ones, like the well-behaved ones on this podcast. So just get ready to be offended and troubled by the things that you hear.
Our episode tonight, we're going to do a game called Would You Rather, Mama? And the rules are basically we're going to ask each other, would you rather? We're going to give you some answers. We're going to move on to Nail and Phelan as per usual. Allie, you want to go first?
Okay, with my would you rather? Sure, babe. Okay, I'm going to keep it really, really simple. Great. Would you rather? Why do I feel like we have the same one? Just go ahead and go. Chrissy, I just had such a flash of panic. I was like, Ally's going to steal mine. I was like, Ally's going to steal mine. Okay, go. Probably. We're all on the same wavelength here. Okay, would you rather have your kids and family break out with pinworms? Oh, my God. You did steal mine. You stole mine. Really? Or kids and family break out with lice? Okay, how long for? What are you talking about? How long? Well, you know that...
Either way, you realize that the kids have it, and then you've got to go through the treatment and the washing and all of it. And with pinworms, you know how that goes, right? You've got to dose them up again two weeks later, unless you're just continually checking. I almost asked because we haven't had lice yet. You guys knock on wood. Oh, my God. How do you live in the jungle and not have lice? No. They call it ukus here. We haven't had ukus, but definitely plenty of pinworms. It's disgusting. Pinworms are a way of life here, a lot like coconut oil, right? I'm going to say I would rather lice, only because I feel like lice...
I don't know. Fuck, you can take one shot of medication for pinworms. But lice, I think lice because I would be more comfortable discussing my problem. It's very hard for me to keep things inside. And I'm constantly needing to share with everybody what's going wrong in my life. And I don't think I want to be letting people know that we all have pinworms. But what about the brushing of the hair? And then you must feel like it's all over your body at all times. It's so itchy. You must be so itchy. What about your own hair? Like, your butthole is like... Do you get lice in your butthole hair? No, but pinworms. I'm talking about pinworms. I'm like, does a hair... Does a hair fairy come for one?
You don't need your waxer to be like, hey, while I was back there, I noticed you have lice. Oh my God, that would be so good. Yeah, you might have some hair in your asshole, but your head and hair, like I have long hair and it's thick. I would still rather take lice. Things falling out of my ass, I just, it's like. I choose pinworms because it's a one and done medication, correct? Okay, okay. I feel like lice is like a cyclical. Except for Mavis, don't forget, how long did it take to really get rid of pinworms for Mavis? It took us like. Six months.
Two months, but I believe it felt like six months. Of moms that side text me that are like, are you still dealing with pinworms or why? Why is this reoccurring? And I think that they do kind of quasi get immune to the medicine, you guys. They also go away on their own. And then they will go away on their own, right? Eventually. I don't know what, after they've eaten all the shit as a kid. I've never ever heard about this before kids, ever. Me neither. I never had it as a kid. Unless I say that and people laugh and they're like, oh no, anytime you had an itchy asshole, that's what it was. You just didn't know and neither did your parents. I feel like I had an itchy asshole from seven to 12.
When you put it that way, I definitely had pinworms many, many times. Oh, wait. Oh, fuck. I was infested my whole childhood. You thought it was from skid marks and you had to pants. It wasn't. It was probably those two. Okay, Chrissy. Wait, wait. Chrissy, you would pick what? Pinworms? I don't know. Now I'm changing my mind. You pick pinworms and you pick lice. I love it. I picked pinworms. I don't want to have to change my tampon and deal with pinworms. Okay, next up. Chrissy, go. Okay, mine's really basic. So simple. Would you rather fly to Europe with your children?
Solo. Solo to Europe. And the iPads are broken and there's no screens on the plane. Go ahead and ditch that thing in the Atlantic. Or have to give your husband a blowjob every night for a week and swallow. This is awful, Gritty. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
This is making us look so bad. We have to choose one, and you know it. Just choose honestly. And listen, listen. It's hard to squeeze on the beach and swallow. I'm going to say blowjob, and I've got some reasons. Okay, I've got some reasons. I just want to time out, though. That's seven nights in a row and swallowing. But listen. Okay, I just wanted to. Go ahead. But you're talking about a flight that's like eight hours. Yep.
What's waiting for me on the other end? Just more time with my children. Fair enough. Okay. Blur job. I could probably get it done in under four. Yeah. And then I'm watching TV for another four hours. A hundred percent.
extra grocery money showing up at all times throughout the week the goodwill in your life right the goodwill in your life actually we should all do this test we should all try oh my god should we do that and that's our episode next week but like the payoff challenge the bj challenge can we knock it back though to like three times in a week does it have to be seven if we did it three times in a week my husband would think that i reverse mortgaged our house he'd be so suspicious mine too because right now we're looking at i don't even want to say it on the air but i'm gonna say it three times a year i'm saying it you know what fuck it i have a fucking one-year-old okay i don't have time to suck a dick all the time but whenever Are we talking about like, you're talking about a blowjob to completion. Yes. I'm talking about a start to finish beach. She's not talking about like licking around. I'm not talking about like a lollipop. I'm talking about a job. What I describe as a blowjob is like a flick of the tongue and then I'm lying on my back and let's get this done. It doesn't count. BJ counts start to finish. Yes, that would be the BJ challenge. Would be start to finish. I'm going to choose that over the flight as well. Me too. So am I. But for a second, I did consider the flight for one second.
And let's take the BJ challenge off air. We'll take it to the thread and see what we can come up with. We might have an episode for everybody. Okay. But as usual, I'd like to start this tomorrow.
Ew. I'd like to start it on Monday. Let's do it on a Monday. It's just like a diet. The blowjob challenge sounds really great. I'm going to start tomorrow. Guys, we're just changing the world. Some people start the ice bucket challenge and we're starting the BJ challenge. I'm just trying to put it off as long as I can. Well, let's talk about it first because we need Sarah and Molly in on this. I know. Totally. But I also wanted to take bets on what the husbands are going to do. Molly and Sarah are never, ever, ever going to let us record without them ever again if we go back. Guess what? We signed everybody up for blowjob a day.
You know what? Yeah, they're going to be like, wow, what happened? My husband's just going to be like, yeah, girl, I got it back. I know you can't resist this. Oh, yeah. I feel like Garrett and Jeremy are going to, like, make it rain. Right. You're going to be like, it was literally a dare. Like, I was dared. I was literally dared to do this to you. Oh, my gosh. Okay, Kate, what's yours? What was yours? Okay, would you rather find out you're pregnant with triplets or have one week?
to pack and move your house and unpack it with your kids home with you every day. That one. B. Pack and move my house. Pack and move. I mean, hell. P.S. Hell. No child may get out alive, but could you imagine pregnant with triplets right now? I actually wanted to say pregnant with triplets or sex with your husband every day for two years, but because you had already done the blowjob, I did moving. But I also would be very scared to have triplets, to be pregnant with triplets. Oh my God. Already with your three kids, could you imagine? No. No. No one was too easy. You would need two live-ins. Okay.
You would need two lemons. Then you're adding five people to your grocery bill. Exactly. Okay, what about this? Okay, what about this? This is harder. What about pregnant with twins or have to volunteer in your kid's school every day for three years? Okay. Go ahead. Volunteer. Volunteer. For three years? Twins are for life, motherfucker. I think Kate will go for the twins. Easy. Kate's going to go for the twins. Well, this is easy for you, Kate, because you want more kids. You want another kid.
Twins seems really hard to me though. I think, yeah, if you already have a few kids, adding on twins would be a whole thing. Oh, twins seems like, twins to me, I mean, and I know we have listeners who have twins and when they comment or when I hear from them, I really do think like, okay, you should be doing a podcast. I need to shut the fuck up because you're handling your shit. I have no idea. Because twins to me sounds like, you might as well tell me I got 10 kids. Twins sounds nightmarish. I mean, if you already have three, I feel like once you have twins on top of that, you basically do have 10. That's insane. Okay, here's one. Would you rather be pregnant with triplets or be blind in one eye? I hate you.
Blind in one eye. That'd be so easy. You can still see out of your other eye. You have another eye. Here's one. Would you rather be pregnant with your husband or be here by a bus? Like one overnight in the hospital. Done. But it's a guaranteed night of sleep. Wait, guys, did you hear that jingle?
Oh, it's time. Sorry, it's time for Nailing and Failing It, guys. Who wants to go first? I've got two fails. Can I do two fails? Yes, Failing It and Failing It, my favorite. I'm just going to do Failing It and Failing It. It's June. Obviously, there's been like a million school events, and I've been going to all of them, and a lot of them are like first period, but like before lunch.
And when I picked my fifth grader up at school on Friday after his play, he was like, mom, Ruby told me that she thinks you're the coolest mom. She said that I have the coolest mom. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I always liked Ruby. I was like, yeah, totally. What did she say? And like, I'm just finishing for more information. He's like, mom, mom, mom, like, shut up. I need to hear what Ruby said about me. Like, what'd she say? He was like, oh, she said like other moms, like, do not dress at school at school. And she thought it was so cool. Oh my God. No way. Ruby is.
I was like, she's a bitch. Don't talk to her anymore. Oh, damn. And my other failing was, as you guys know, I got a wax before I went to New Orleans with my husband. Oh, yes. They took off. They took off way too much, a.k.a. everything. And I knew this would happen. Like, I didn't explain it to you guys, but I knew the problem would be when my daughters saw me naked. I knew they were. Oh, yes. And I couldn't even get into it. But I knew there'd be a lot of confusion. And Mavis, my four, almost five year old, was like, mommy, mommy, mommy, what happened to your tiny? But like, she was like, what happened to your tiny? I was like, it's nothing. I just got a little bit of a haircut. And she was like, no, it's all fat and stuck together.
No. No. It's fat. It's fat. It's fat. It's stuck together. It's swollen. Oh my gosh. I don't know. Okay. You're poor tiny. You're poor tiny. Holy shit. That's fucking funny, Kate. Well, in keeping in the theme of failing it and failing it, I'll just give you my two fails. One of them was, I maybe told you guys this on the thread, but.
i was taking a bath with levi and he said scoot away from me mommy mommy scoot farther away and i said why and he goes i don't like your vagina i don't like those i don't want to see it i'm like oh okay so i scoot backwards and then he was just staring at me he goes like in the most disgusted expression ever mama did you get new boobs but like not like totally grossed out like what what happened to them and i was like no baby these are my same boobs and he was like oh I'm like, yeah, these are my boobs. He's like, they look like a lot better when I saw them last. Yeah, he's like, they look like saggy balloons. And then my other fail is the other night, my husband and I were watching a movie, which I hate watching movies at home. I get really bored for some reason. But we're laying on a couch watching a movie. And I was just really irritated. And I'm like, fuck, I can't. There's so much going on in this house. And I go, Alexa, off. Alexa, off. I'm like, Garrett, I can't hear. Alexa, off. And nothing was happening. And Garrett just like grabbed my face. And he goes, babe, the music is coming from the movie.
You lost it, bitch. You thought you were getting music coming from all different speakers and the music. I thought that like, yes, I thought the movie was playing and I thought we had left Amazon Echo just rolling with music. But really the scene just had a lot going on. I was very like sensory overload and I was screaming over and over, Alexa, off, off. And you're so used to yelling at Alexa. Not anymore. I've been really watching it since our last chat for reals. But when Levi's not around, yes, I'm totally abusive. It's awful. Anyway, I feel like an old lady.
I came home the other day and right when you walk through my door to the right, we have kind of like a porch, but to the right is Pete's whole area. And I hate it because it's the first thing you see in our house. And it's like a shelf with all of his tools and all of his shit. Anyway, it drives me crazy. You guys could imagine it drives me crazy. It's like having the garage, the very first thing you see in your house. So I came home the other day. It's always a mess and it's like a mudroom too on the floor. And I looked down and was like, oh my gosh, this is amazing.
The floor is completely painted. It's all cleaned up and the floor is like fresh to match the color of the rest of the porch. Incredible. I'm like, wow, babe, this is so awesome. Thank you so much for doing this. Like you've been listening to me. And later he told me that he spilled the paint, but he was so stoked that it was the right color of the floor.
He took lemons and he made lemonade is what he did with that. That's amazing. He happened to be the floor color so I gave you a fresh coat of paint. You're like that actually tracks way more. That makes way more sense. My other nail for you listeners is that I did end up going to Costco with a rug that had a cat piss all over it. I returned it. No fucking problem.
Did you get a replacement? That is huge. I didn't get a replacement because there's little holes up on the ceiling where the cat's getting in. So until my husband can fill that in to the wall, I'm not getting a new rug. I've learned my lesson. I thought you meant holes in Costco. I was like, this Hawaii is fucked up. No, Critty asked if I got a new rug. No. No, I thought you... Never mind. I heard Critty, but I thought the problem was with... I thought there were cats at Costco. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Give it time. She didn't unroll it. It's super heavy, and I had it all neatly rolled up with ropes tied around it. Just as we discussed. Oh, my God. Perfect. I just worked at the balls, and it worked out.
I'm so glad. That is so amazing. Thank you for sharing. Thanks, guys. Molly, we missed you. It's hard being a host. And Sarah, I hope you're having a great vacation too. And listeners, check us out on iTunes and please leave us a review. And follow us on Instagram. Let us know what you thought. Bye, babes. Good night, guys. Check us out next week for another episode of Nursing and Cursing, where it's safe to admit that you just left your kid in the car to run into Ace Hardware for five minutes.