What up, mom? Put down that coffee and grab a wine. Get ready for another episode of Nursing and Cursing, a parenting podcast that covers more shit than your baby's full diaper. I'm Kate. I'm a stay-at-home mom of three in Brooklyn, New York. I'm trying to figure out whether I should go back to work, have another baby, or spend the rest of my life waiting for my fresh direct order. Hey, I'm Christine, a video editor and a mom of two living in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Allie here, podcasting up in the mountains in South Kona, Hawaii. I work as a real estate agent and a mom of two boys. Hey, I'm Molly. I'm a teacher raising two kids in St. Augustine, Florida. And I'm Sarah, a new mom to one sweet babe living in Brooklyn, New York. Between five busy households, it's a miracle we make it on the mic.
But trust me, we need this as much as you do. Happy holidays from nursing and cursing. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Hey, everybody. So this week we are talking about the fact that moms make Christmas. Yeah, we do. Yeah, we are. You know, it doesn't exist without us. Let's get real. We're the foundation. Moms put the moms with the moss in Christmas. Without us. Without us. Without us, there's nothing. It's not like Christmas is born or anything on Christmas or that the spirit of Christmas has to do with anything else than moms. I'm sorry, but without the original mom, without Mary, they really would be.
Christmas so I think moms can take a hundred percent the credit for Christmas did you know that your baby boy guess what guess what yes of course Mary knew she's the mom I am not following you. Are you referring to the holiday song? I sure am. I don't know. I don't either. Allie goes to one choral Christmas performance. God, I wish they sang that one. I don't know. Yeah. Hang on. So, Allie, really discuss what the lyrics are here. Okay. Mary, did you know that your baby boy would someday walk on water? When you kiss your little baby, you kiss the face of God.
Mary, did you know that your baby boy would someday cure a blind man? No, that's not on Michael Bublé's album. No, it is not. I do not know that one. Okay, you guys must not be real true Pentatonix fans because they killed that song so hard. Wow. It's on another plane. I know, but all I can think about is that video you sent us that one time of Phoenix singing that song. Oh, God, yes. Did you know your baby boy is a goblin? Yeah, I think we need to start this episode over from the top. No, let's just keep going.
So anyway, whether it's holiday events, Christmas cookie baking, the actual gifts under the tree. Advent calendar. Oh, how fucking sick of the advent calendar, you guys. Oh, my. Scrambling, digging in the playroom for some fucking treasure. Chrissy, I was thinking back to our text. I was thinking back to our text because we have the same advent calendar. And I was thinking back to our text on December 1 how high we were. I'm like, oh, my God, there were Legos in it. Yeah. Now I'm like living. Levi's like another Lego.
You know, I really consider, like, listeners, we were going to record this last night. We always record on Mondays and a lot was going on and people were tired and we did something we never do. We postponed it until tonight. So last night when I thought the recording was going on and my son is down with flu, I'm like, I don't know if I can swing this episode. And then I thought, wait, I've got nothing to say in this episode because I don't do advent calendars. I don't do any extra shit. I'm lame. We have to see. Molly, stop it. That's not true. Here's another thing. I mean, I don't feel bad. I'm fine with it.
I don't have a lot of stress around Christmas. I just feel like we do everything. I feel like I have to get a small gift or acknowledgement to every person I've ever fucking met. I feel like... all my anybody I've ever used as a babysitter people that like just everybody I feel like everybody needs to get a gift I feel like we wrap everything I know and I shop for everybody my family my husband's family do you know what I mean like I'm shopping for my stepmother-in-law and her dad do you know it's just like yes but you're also like setting that I feel like I'm setting the mood like I'm the one that's thinking about like are we gonna go to a show are we gonna have our friends over to bake cookies are like just all the all the things it's all it's like okay if I got hit by a bus um they do Halloween and probably just call it there there would be nothing else after You guys, they couldn't do it. But Molly, I'm sorry, but you are a teacher. You help like 20 to 30 kids prepare thoughtful gifts for their parents. I can't believe that you're not giving yourself credit for that. Listen, I'm going to pat myself on the back, but I don't go as hard as you guys. So yes, I'm getting small things for, I mean, very little gifts. We don't have a lot of that going on here, but I do make sure. Of course, if I wasn't thinking about the teachers, I wouldn't be gifted. You're right.
My husband would fully drop the ball on that. Even kids go make a card for so-and-so. My husband would never think to do any of that stuff. Hell no. Molly, you also have a son with a December birthday. You guys do go hard in December. That's true. And also part of it is what feels good to you. You're probably like, oh, I don't give a dick about whatever it is, making cookies, or I don't give a shit about going caroling. Do you want to do it or not? I think if the moms really get off on it, that's why we're creating a mood, you guys. Somewhere we love it.
I just don't have it in me. But if you were here, Allie, and you were like 6 p.m. on Friday, we're going so-and-so caroling, I'd be on it. Okay. You're just not going to be the camp counselor. You got too much on. I guess Kate is right. I guess I am the counselor for a handful of other children. And so by the time I get home, I'm like, okay, Merry Christmas. Let me plug the tree in. Great. And it's magic. I love plugging the tree in. And you know, I've seen this on this podcast for too many years now, but I'm telling you, it's the shit. Santa brings one gift per kid. There is no stress.
That's awesome. See, I'm like, and I think I feel like I'm not the only one on this podcast, but I can only speak for myself. I fully backed myself into this corner years ago of like somehow using Christmas to like fix wounds that were done to me as a child. Like I'm like, I like back myself into this corner where I'm, I have been trying to like give my kids something I feel like I didn't have. And only now am I like, Oh my God, I did not see the monster that I created. Like I did not, I didn't see this coming. I didn't realize what I was creating. Cause now I'm like, once you, however you start Christmas, that's how it's going to be. There's no like,
I mean, Molly, this year I can't be like, oh, Santa brings one gift. I can't, like, I can't launch that now. Which we probably did talk about this, but that did happen to Molly and I in our childhood. They started off so large. And by the time I was in, I don't know, maybe, well, fifth grade, they pulled it so hard where we were getting, like, a journal for Christmas. And it was really, really shocking.
really awesome now that i look back but yeah yeah i remember it was like yeah the year of like double teddy ruxpins and cabbage kids and we each always talk about like if you're not also getting a message like this is why things are changing and here is why we changed it like it's because we want you to see more important things like it's going to be really hard for you to understand as a kid but right it's because do you think you guys that was communicated to you mom and dad's jobs were changing there was a divorce in the mix things just really went so fast and christmas was part of it that's the exact same thing that happened to me though my first few Christmases were really great and then my family life fell apart and I remember Christmas up until I was eight was exactly like you guys described I would come downstairs and it would be not expensive shit but tons of shit just like just just it wasn't expensive and it was it wasn't like I would get a big thing like I never opened like a bike but it felt perfect and then yeah my parents just like felt my parents just fell apart which of course now that we are parents I'm like okay I can totally see how that happens and Christmas just went by the wayside like it just fizzled out and by the time I was 11 it like wasn't even a thing
Yeah. Wow. See, mine was, I always had lots of shit, same, not expensive shit, but lots of shit. However, I always knew that my parents, or that my mom, like, busted ass to get it. There was always, like, oh, yeah, I got to pay off Christmas from last year still. Like, there was always these guilt trips peppered in, like, just so you know, that Christmas fucking broke me for a year. So there was just permanent guilt, year-round. Starting in the summer, oh, I got to start Christmas shopping, got to start Christmas, like, in July. Like, she was up all night long, wrapping gifts and preparing the...
mantle of like gifts and stockings for all of like she did so much work and tried so hard but also like went crazy in the process so I have that drilled into my memory of like of her you know at times it could really ruin the moment of Christmas joy because she's so frantic running around trying to get everything done and I don't I don't want to do that I don't want to be that kind of person no good learning Really? Yeah. That just spoke to my heart. I'm like, okay, that's 100% where I'm going. I'm on that train. I love to use Christmas for, like my kids will get surf shorts. They might get a rash guard. They're going to get PJs. They're going to get socks. All the things that they'll need for the entire year. Right. They're going to get on Christmas and have it to wrap up. And then, you know, I don't do really anything any other time of the year, but I do get off on it. I'm so excited. And what I think is like maybe huge and over the top probably isn't so bad, but I'm already like, fuck, we've overdone it. I've overdone it. I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach, but I need to just be like, okay, they're young.
enjoy it enjoy it yeah yeah your kids are anything your kids are anything but spoiled or in any way like that's not your lifestyle i don't think of your kids that way at all and ali i really feel like you can they like you can make a snapshot all sorts of types of christmases with all sorts of numbers of gifts or however you do it and for the individual kid it can be just as magic you know yes totally totally yeah you're selling them the experience for sure oh yeah so speaking of yeah the experience mom makes christmas mom also Keeps Santa alive. Just another fucking case of a man getting all the credit from what a woman is doing. Oh, God. I'm so sorry. This is the biggest. I feel so. I took so much during it. Wow. I feel so resentful. Mrs. Claus gets no fucking credit. No shit. The biggest fuck you. Dad doesn't wrap a fucking gift. No shit. The dad's probably still believed because to them it is like, oh, it wasn't here yesterday and it magically appeared.
This is fucking wrapping those gifts behind the scenes. Also cooking for his fat ass and giving him blowjobs. Whoa. Okay. We're still talking about Santa. I'm sorry. You know, Kate, it might be the same for you, but Christmas morning when the kids are up and I'm like, come on, babe. And we're grabbing our coffee. When Pete walks out to that tree, he's always like, holy shit. He's like, well, I'm having pictures. I'm like, you don't even know. They don't help you guys set up in the nighttime. No.
He'll build a dollhouse if I need him to. Yeah, he'll build a bike if I need him to. But I cannot count on it. He also could be asleep with the kids Christmas Eve. And that could be it. But not because you said, hey, JJ, will you help me? And then he didn't. It's because he's just like, yeah, it's not on his radar. Can you imagine passing out at 8 p.m. on Christmas Eve? Can you imagine? Do you pick him and wake him up and be like, wake the fuck up? There's work to do. No, because I'm worried that he'll make such a noise, such a fucking clatter. The kids will spring.
Exactly. I'd rather fucking just be like a ninja. See, Garrett will definitely help me Christmas Eve, but that's because I do everything leading up. So he's like, you know, all he has to do is like set up. I'm the one wrapping presents for like his seventh and eight times removed while he's. So I don't do any of that shit. I'm terrible. I don't do any of that shit. Nobody gets gifts. You guys don't get gifts. My family doesn't get gifts. Mine doesn't, but his family does. They do the gifting thing. There's like several family events.
I have like a loose code where I get gifts for people that for family that I'm going to see, like my nephews that I'm going to see. I'll have something for them so I can put something in their hands when I see them. Yes. But I'm not going to, I'm not standing at the post office to mail a gift to somebody. No, I'm not. I'm just not good enough.
Yeah, that's so hard. Cards? How about cards? You guys do them? Don't blow our cover. I do them. Don't blow our cover with our app. I know that several of you do on this, so that's why I'm asking. I don't. This is Molly. I don't. I do. I started last year. Okay, cool. Another thing.
another thing i can't get to and feel guilty about oh it's you know what i really i actually i super appreciate having the cards come because now that i have francis i can like point to the kids on the refrigerator and go like that's levi and this is matilda now she like knows their names yeah that's cute i love getting them and last year i was like oh maybe we should do it and then we can save them and every year look back at them but oh my god it is like a lot of work you guys yeah i totally had a dream of having a little christmas book of cards of the family every year yeah yeah i'm five years late now Me too, Molly. I'm eight years late. Plus, I'm like, nobody fucking wants a picture of us. I love getting them. I love getting Christmas cards. I love them too. Wait, guys, I'm going to stop you. I'm sorry. We're going to get back to all the things that we do and mostly don't do over the holidays. I'm going to stop you for our first sponsor break. You guys heard me talk about Songfinch last week. They helped me come up with an amazing custom song for my in-laws that they just could not get enough of. I'm going to play it for you real quick. Here we go.
Here we go, you guys. That's so cool. You guys catching these custom lyrics? That's so custom. Toys at Target. Okay, I'm going to stop it right there because I'm playing it off my phone and I'm watching the slideshow and I feel like I could cry. If our listeners want to try, they can create their own song from scratch by going to Songfinch and using the promo code NAIL for $20 off their personalized song from scratch. Basically, it's an amazing site and you will be paired with a songwriter who will help you come up with an incredible custom song.
That just evokes so many awesome feelings. And you can put it to a slideshow of photos and just feel like you're the bomb. And like I said last week, parents-in-law, love it especially. Yes. Killer. Cool. Speaking of parents. Oh, that harmony is sick. For in-laws, do you guys all do the shopping for them?
Yes. Yes. Yes. All around. And do any of your partners do it for your parents? Hell no. No. I know. It's just fucking nuts. Why do we just say, like, we'll take care of it? I guess I know why, because they won't, and then we look bad. Yes. Right? I'm trying to think. Like, if I made the job Tim's, I know exactly what would happen. He would send his parents.
a cheese, like, basket. Oh, my God. Like, cheese and fruit. I thought you were going to say, like, a cheesecake gift, but you were, like, literally a cheesecake gift. I'm not kidding. My parents would love that. They'd be like, oh, my God. I was going to say, please get him and drive to my gift. He might know what they like. Maybe. I don't know. I don't think that they would ever say if they didn't like it. They're just, you know, not that way. Yeah, no, they're not going to say that. My dad loves the, like, tricolor popcorn.
Oh, my God. I just go to Walmart and just, like, ship them one of those tricolored tins. I forgot about that. I've never remembered about that in my life had you not just said that. You're welcome. You're welcome. Guys, what about the, I feel like, what about, does anybody else experience the, I'm not going to call it, like, a low at the end of Christmas Day, a come down. Does anybody else come down really hard? Maybe just because the adrenaline of being going and going and going because I come down so hard, I feel like. It's an anticlimactic depression. Well, it's just, like, after 20 minutes, it's over.
Yes. They tear through it and then it's just like you have your whole fucking day. Or, right, and you're like, okay, you guys want to go get a coffee because it's 9.30. What's open? Shout out Starbucks. It's open on Christmas Day. Shout them out. Shout them out. Go Starbucks. Shout them out for making their... Dude, I'm going to shout out my local coffee shop, Kaya's. 24-7, baby. Christmas Day. 24-7? What are you talking about 24-7?
I'm sorry. I'm not 24-7. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I meant to say 365. 365. I'm like, damn, Kaya, you're getting intense down there. I'm like, damn, Kaya, open for Santa. Fucking CVS and shit. That's right. Fucking the gas station. 365. 365. 365. That's amazing. That's awesome. Does anybody else, you guys might, the people might be too young, but maybe Allie knows what I'm talking about. Are there ever, because the kids are so tired, do they ever, like, my problem is, like, I want everybody to open one gift. We all watch, like, we all watch what Mavis got, and we all watch what Walter got, but my kids, of course, are like, I just feel like their attitudes are bad from the get, and.
they're just like we would always assign a santa so like same so they gave out the gifts and yeah you try to open them one at a time but then it gets awkward when like somebody was receiving many gifts or something usually probably because they're easier to shop for right but they just like keep opening presents and then everybody else is just sitting around waiting like my mom and my dad and then i feel so bad for them it just becomes so clear like oh my god they're doing so much work and i'm just getting all these presents I am telling you. Okay. Living in the tropics though, we don't really have the, okay, not to brag, but Hawaii. We don't, we don't, I don't get too depressed after we do it. It's like we usually head down to the ocean and it's become a tradition. It's like a family swim or whatever. And you're saying hello to your neighbors and it's Christmas day and the weather's epic and stop at Starbucks. Yeah. But we have.
We used to do this, Molly, where you have Christmas morning with your immediate family. And then in the afternoon or evening, you go to the grandparents. Oh, that's what we're doing. That's what we're doing. That's when your head just started exploding with just materialistic visions dancing in your head. And that's what we have. So it's round one to the ocean and then round two. That's beautiful. That's perfect. We have Christmas Eve at my mother-in-law's. Wait, Christmas Eve, father-in-law. Christmas Eve, mother-in-law. And then Christmas morning at our house. And I get them about three presents and the in-laws fucking quadruple.
I'm just going to tell you what Levi's getting from his grandma. Fucking deep. Christmas ends Christmas Eve. It's done. It's done. So when he wakes up the next morning, he got a box of Legos. It's grandparents that make Christmas.
Wait, I just wanted to hear Chrissy finish that thought because I think where you were going is like the Jeep. He's going to get the Jeep and then Christmas morning he's going to open something smaller. He's going to open a Lego and he's going to be like, this is it from Lane. I got a freaking Jeep last night. You got Cindy Claus up in there. Oh, snap. AKA he's going to get a journal on Christmas morning. Pretty much. He can write about how much he loves that Jeep. Write about how much his parents suck, but Cindy Claus rules. Dear diary, Cindy Claus took me off at the sickest Jeep. Oh my God, you guys, I have a nail fail. So yeah, you mentioned it was Zoggy's birthday.
And so the big nail of the century was he turned five. Tim and I planned and saved up for a surprise trip to Disney World. Amazing. We're not Disney people, but we dug deep and we did it. And I was obsessed with the moment of the surprise. So we've got him like buckled in the car. It's 630 in the morning. It's pitch black. He's got a school lunch and he's all dressed for school. And he's like, why is it so dark out? We're like, oh, it's December. It's December. It's just, oh, you know, the nights are longer.
Tim does this whole thing where we pull into the school parking lot and then he like does reversing and driving out of the driveway. I was like, we're not going to school. And I'm so thrilled because I'm getting the whole thing on video and it's like the most joyous thing ever. There's all screams when we reveal it. We're going to Disney World. And like my heart is pounding and I'm like unbuckled on my knees getting the right angle. Didn't record. That's almost like you need to go home and do it over. Oh my God. I was like, are you kidding me? I don't actually need to go to Disney. I just wanted this video.
I got a fail. It's just a typical, typical fail. Okay. Cause I couldn't think of anything. I was vacuuming yesterday and I used a shop vac and I cleaned it out. Finally. I was like, I better clean this. And whoa, guys, I don't know. It was mud in there. Close. I found the longest. I'm talking from like, Oh, like the size of an arm. Almost rat tail. I was nervous. The longest fell in the blank.
I almost remember months and months ago finding it in the morning and being like, fuck, I can't deal and just getting to put in the vacuum to it. I don't know. I'm sorry, Allie. The noise that a rat tail would make going in a shop vac is making me, giving me shivers. It's like clanking, vibrating, like whacking the plastic. Allie, you are one of the earth. That's for sure. Vacuuming up the earth. Yeah, it was attached to kind of like spider webs and a bunch of dust that it was like dangling. No. I couldn't get it into the trash can. It was so awful.
I'm so freaked out right now. Where's the body? I vacuumed up the rat tail. Yeah, I just keep wanting to know where the body is. I don't get it. Let us know if you find it. Keep your Christmas on the beach. You deserve this. When I say a rat tail, I mean like my sons. It was just hair. Wait, what? Oh, I thought you meant like the tail of a rat, like splinter or something. I'm joking. I'm joking. It was the tail of a rat. Okay. She got embarrassed.
I wanted to do a joke and you guys didn't get it. Okay. Okay. So you guys, we did something new this week. We asked listeners to share their nail fails with us, their holiday nail fails. And we got so many responses. They were awesome to listen to. So we'll be doing this every now and again. They'll email us next time and we will try to air yours. We only have time for a couple tonight. Here is our first one. Oh my God. I'm excited. Not right. Aren't you?
Hey, ladies. My nail is that I got my Christmas shopping done by December 1 because I love Target and Amazon so much. And I fucking love Christmas time. My fail is that I wrapped all my presents when I was hungover and didn't put nays on any of them. Peace. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wrapping all your presents up and not putting names on their names. Oh, my God. I love it. I'm dying to know, so she had to unwrap them and redo it. Holy shit. That's so difficult. Okay. Okay. So, let me get you another one here. That's a fucking fabulous nail fail.
So in our household, we try and limit the amount of gifts that my kids get for Christmas because my son's birthday is very close after Christmas. Anyways, we got three big boxes sent to us by the grandparents. And my name is that after the kids went to bed at night and my husband was not here, I opened all the boxes, found... plenty of round gifts inside and just opened every single gift. And I took out all the stuff that they are not getting Christmas, like clothes, art supplies, candy, just kind of stacked it away. And then I did it through the toys and made sure that there's only a few toys for them to find under the tree. And the other toys are going to be stacked away in the gift closet for their birthday or Easter or any other occasion. So my fail, however, is that I...
I'll be wrapping paper into a recycling bin. And the next morning when my son, who's almost three, went to put something in the recycling bin, he stood there mesmerized and said, Mama, look at all this Paw Patrol paper. I would have just explained that away and kind of distracted him. But that was my fail. Love you guys. Thanks for the podcast. That is so good. And I also feel like she's so baldy. I love her just executing everybody's fantasy because we've all received really super generous packages that we've, I don't know, they're not things we would have bought our kids ourselves or at least there's been so much stuff it makes us uncomfortable from our really generous parents.
in-laws but i've never gone so far as actually fucking intercepting it and being like grandma sent you one book enjoy it that's so nice that is my favorite nail ever okay you should drive off in that jeep that shit is all mine so we should try to do this it's like once a month or something and i loved that thank you so much for sending that in awesome So you guys, I am sad and happy and, you know, whatever. Excited to report. That was our last nail fail of 2018. We're going on a little holiday break to be with our families without our late night recordings. And we will miss you. We'll be back early January. So we will see you then. Good luck. Happy holidays. Happy New Year, guys. Happy New Year. We love you guys so much. Malakalikimaka. Malakalikimaka. The thing we say. That's right.
Thank you for your patience. Oh my God. Why didn't I play that shit again? That's it for now. Check you guys next week for another nursing and cursing where we won't tell your husband that you accidentally let your kid eat a cat turd.