Oh! What up, mom? Put down that coffee and grab a wine. Get ready for another episode of Nursing and Cursing, a parenting podcast that covers more shit than your baby's full diaper. I'm Kate. I'm a stay-at-home mom of three in Brooklyn, New York. I'm trying to figure out whether I should go back to work, have another baby, or spend the rest of my life waiting for my fresh direct order. Hey, I'm Christine, a video editor and a mom of two living in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Ali here, podcasting up in the mountains in South Kona, Hawaii. I work as a real estate agent and a mom of two boys. Hey, I'm Molly. I'm a teacher raising two kids in St. Augustine, Florida. And I'm Sarah, a new mom to one sweet babe living in Brooklyn, New York. Between five busy households, it's a miracle we make it on the mic at all.
But trust me, we need this as much as you do. Hey, what's up? Cursing and cursing. Yes. What's up, ladies? Hi, guys. Hey, guys. Hi.
It's like midnight and we're still late. I feel like my voice is so deep at this hour. It is not, is it? No. No, I don't think your voice can get deep. But you know what can get deep? This conversation about birth control. Oh, yeah. Deep in my vagina, you mean? Okay. It's a deep dive. You went too deep. Okay. Too deep. Too quick. So, girls, birth control these days, very different topic than it used to be when we were in college. Oh, yeah.
Which, for some of us, really wasn't a conversation, was it, back then? What do you mean? Just lip-ups and whatnot. Oh. Getting a little loose. What the hell does that mean? In that case, I feel like nothing has changed. Are you guys kidding me? You do not remember college just being like, yeah, I did well. But when you're talking about getting loose, you can't use the words getting loose. You're implying a lot of slutdom happening, and that's not what you meant. You meant you're getting loose with your birth control, like you're splitting up. Yeah, it's like getting relaxed. You used the word loose.
That's not what I meant. All right. Well, she meant, she meant like fantasy for you with your taking your pill. Okay. Or using a condom every time. Because back then, you know, I remember being like, oh shit, I skipped my pill for the last two days. Oh, no big deal. I'll just like take triples today. I'm not making. I would take like eight pills in one shot. I would like chug a week's worth of pills at that time. Oh my God. I felt like I read in 17 Magazine once that like it was okay if you, if you missed a pill, as soon as you remembered, you could take it. And I just took that to the extreme. Well, I told you guys.
I did the depot shot so that I wouldn't have to think about it. And then I gained a bunch of weight. But then I realized 15 years later, like a couple episodes ago, that it had nothing to do with the birth control. It was just my freshman 15. I did the depot shot too, Allie. None of you got fat on the depot? I did, but yeah. I never took it. I always did the pill. Yeah, I did the pill too in undergrad.
Yeah, I did the depo shot. I probably talked you into it, but. I like it, but it gave me, I had the depo for, actually I had the depo most of college and I like to accept that it gave me horrible, horrible from hell migraines. Oh, see, that's all we were talking about. You guys should never. I had them from hell, but I never put it together, Kate. It probably did. And weight gain. And actually, you know what it did? You may as well just be pregnant. You're fat. Your head hurts. Exactly. And I actually had a dip in my libido on the depo shot. Okay, so this is how the depo shot works. You are fat. You don't want to fuck.
And your head hurts. It's a lot like motherhood. A review of the different forms of birth control. Oh, God. Okay, I love how we're passing ourselves off as birth control experts. Did any of you use a female condom ever? Is that a dental dam? What is that? That's for condoling. Or is that the spine? A female condom. Shut up, Kate. A female condom is like a condom that you actually put in your vagina. It stays in your vagina.
Nobody's using this. That's not true. Something is. I'd say 2% of the population, maybe. Remember, Chrissy? You might not remember this, because when I volunteered for Planned Parenthood when we were in college, I came home with them. Oh, wow. With some dental dams. I feel like we threw one on somebody's car. You probably threw it on my car. That sounds so accurate. So that's the past. We're now in the present. Very different. Flash forward. We all have these kids. What, 10 kids between us? We figured out.
Real birth control experts. Guys, I just want to stop for a second and tell you about how I'm treating my migraine headaches at the moment. As you know, I've always had really bad migraines. I get the aura. I get nauseous. I get the feeling of the ice pick through my eyeball. I've never been able to consistently treat them, but Cove is here to help. Cove starts with a simple online consultation by a physician licensed in your state. That licensed physician will create a treatment plan for you, including FDA-approved medication, and that medication will be mailed to you. The whole thing is doctor-supervised. Cove physicians will follow up with you to find out how your medication is doing and provide you with tons of free...
educational information as well if you have migraine headaches you know you don't want to go to the doctor's office and deal with the sounds and the noises and the smells go to withcove.com slash nail for your first month of treatment free that's withcove.com slash nail w-i-t-h-c-o-v-e dot com slash nail for your first month of treatment free and good luck yeah and now it just takes on a whole new meaning because before it was like that possible baby that could be in the future now now it's oh okay i can see cause and effect here molly jiggle jiggle your mic babe make sure you're plugged in keep going Yeah, so I juggled it. Good? No. It sounds like Thriller right now. Phoenix just squeaked the door open. Oh, my gosh. Do not mention Michael Jackson right now. Nope. Sorry, no. Okay. I'm on back, except during our Michael Jackson. You guys told me that's great, and I was not plugged in, so Michael Jackson didn't work this time. So bad. Sorry, listeners. But anyway, so what is it nowadays? I mean, we take it.
way more seriously definitely I mean for us I'm just trying to put pressure on my husband to get a vasectomy I'm so sick of the shit fuck yeah same I want a vasectomy even though I like can't get pregnant naturally we're very scared that now we will and um but Garrett's totally on board to get it he's totally on board so right now we use condoms and I had to do fertility with both kids and Garrett so doesn't want another kid that he uses condoms every time yeah same condoms but big talk around here about how on board he is but my daughter's two so i do the math and i'm like two years we've been talking about this i'm pissed yeah but the first few years you're in the weeds a little bit too yeah but no not having that much sex that it's on your mind all the time anyway it's not right right well no so molly what why is he dragging his feet he's just not finding no he doesn't want to get his balls sliced or however it does okay however i do he's doing all the deep dive research like okay research is done it's wonderful we're done He's talking to all the friends who have come before him. I'm just like, you know what? No, I've been through enough. I've been through the ups and the downs and the ins and the outs and the electro leg and the depression and the anxiety and the actual squeezing baby out of my vagina. The least you can get is get your balls, whatever, sliced open or however they do. Just a little snap snap. Wow. Isn't it like outpatient? Yeah, it's not a big deal. Garrett and Tim should go together over spring break. What a great idea. They would do like a two-for-one special. Yeah. Two-for. They should go through a two-for. Do a two-for.
They can get some swelling and soreness. Yes. Boo hoo. Exactly. Nothing like pushing a baby out of your veg. Yeah. I have a couple of friends who tell me about, oh, just pack up frozen peas on the balls and quarantining himself, being like, I got to watch movies for a few days. Thank God. Roll my eyes. Wow. All my fucking eyes. Wait, where's Garrett?
on the timeline of doing it he is not like a go-getter if I made the appointment and just said be there at this time he would go in a second because he's the one like he's the one who doesn't want another kid you know what I mean I mean I don't either but At the same time, I don't have much going on here right now. So if it happened, I'd be like, okay, here we go. When you said I don't have much going on here, I thought you meant like, it's hard for me to get pregnant. So it's not on my mind as much, but you literally were like, I live in Oklahoma. My career is over. I've got nothing to do. So I guess I can handle it. So this is fun. The Colton's a roll in the dice over there. I'm for baby number three. We use condoms and we barely have sex. So like we use abstinence and condoms.
on pinterest today you guys that's so embarrassing i know i was looking up a specific art project for children that i had to coming up next week so this is your birth control yes so but you know the landing page had an article about sex after childbirth and here are the real here's the real nitty-gritty to it and here's um a bunch of answers to your questions i'm gonna lay it out for you it's an article that was getting shared and i actually commented like oh you should listen to nursing and cursing we've already done this but the woman you know she was saying all the right things go easy on yourself yes it's gonna hurt afterwards don't what if you don't want to should you do it anyway no absolutely not communicate with your husband but then i was reading and she said something like I mean, don't worry about it. I've been there too. Sometimes we can go two, even sometimes three weeks without ever having sex. And I want to be like, girl, stop. Excuse me? Stop. That's the standard issue. I'm sorry to say, is that so bad? We can lapse like two to three weeks. So moms, don't worry about it. I wish I had commented there. No, the reality can be months postpartum. Don't even put that out there if you're going to have a good article like that. You know? Oh, that's bad. I know so many moms who waited at least six months.
Probably more. And it wasn't like, when's the first time afterwards? It was more, what's the sex life like postpartum? You know, once you've already done the dive in. And it was a little more topic, but we were just talking about, Kitty just said, and we're never having sex. And it just reminded me like, what? Okay. I just want to reiterate that. Right. If you're doing it every two days, hey, that could be normal too. Kudos to you. That means your libido is hot. Yes. Hot mommy, hot mommy. No, it's like every two, sometimes three weeks. Right now. I don't know. I think that's pretty good. Okay. So Sarah, what kind of birth control are you using?
Yeah, Molly. I'm going to pat you on the back. Great. Which brings us abstinence. And pull out. Great. Pull out or one or the other? We do condoms and pull out. My husband is like just very cautious. I hear that. Nice. I've always had a husband like that. Like before when we were trying to get pregnant for the first time.
we had to like have a conversation like okay well I want you know you can't pull out you know that right because it's just like I think it's like a reflex you know like he that's what he does that is like this is how he thinks that he's making sure we're not we don't have a baby even though I think it's actually I don't think that you're supposed to do that with a condom like because wait he pulls out with a condom they could kind of rip it off and then the condom could go everywhere yeah Have you said that to him, Sarah? You guys talk about that or that's just how he's most comfortable? That's just how he's most comfortable. Like that's like how he's my buddies. But I'll tell you something like, because I know that like you're not supposed to do that. My period was like two days late and I took a pregnancy test. Wow. You did not tell us. Well, what's the point? There was no, there was no way I was pregnant. But we live for that drama. Yeah. We live for it. Oh my God. The threat's never more active than somebody.
24 hours late for their period. But also in like a really sick way, like I'm just creating drama for myself that absolutely doesn't exist. Yeah, but people who are taking pregnancy tests two days late from their period, I feel like... you want to get pregnant on some plane, but you don't want to be responsible for it. And I'm only saying that because I feel like that's how I got three kids. Yeah. I don't want to be responsible for it. And I, you know, I was obviously having that conversation with myself while I was taking a test. Like Sarah, this is so stupid. Why are you doing this? Like, what if it was, what if it was positive? I mean, it's not going to be, but what if it was, what would you do? Can you imagine Sarah? Can you imagine what that would do to your husband's mental? If you were like, you know how you work on them and you pulled out.
Well, April 1st is coming. That would be a good one for him. Yeah, that would. Sarah, let's do it. I love that one. Let's do it. That is not a nice April Fool's. No, it's not. It's now time for a quick sponsor break. Green Chef is a USDA-certified organic company that makes eating well easy and affordable with plans to fit every kind of lifestyle. Their meal plans include paleo, vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, Mediterranean, heart smart, lean and clean, keto, gluten-free, and omnivore.
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box of Green Chef, go to greenchef.us slash nail. Again, $50 off your first box of Green Chef. Go to greenchef.us slash nail. Thanks. I have an IUD. I have the non-hormonal IUD. The Paragard, I guess it's called. The copper one? Yeah, the copper one. Yeah, it's working. I've had it for, I guess you can have it for almost 10 years.
Yeah. Wow. Crazy. And I've had it now for about five, almost six years because I got it when Leo was two months old. Remember, Critty? You guys and Molly? New Hampshire. Were we on the East Coast? Yeah. Sarah, were you with us too? I don't remember. You were in New Hampshire. Yep. During my vacation. And that's how stupid that is that I was like, not me, but just men. Okay. Pete was just like, no, I'm never doing that. I just have to be honest with you. It's not ever happening. And me knowing that I'm not going to have a 20 year fight with him was like, okay, I got to pull up my bootstraps, dig deeper and be the one to.
make the move again and did it on my vacation because i was so scared that even at two months postpartum i was going to get pregnant again so got it done because think about it ladies if it was on you you and you weren't going to put it on your husband you probably would have done it already right oh yeah there was no condom involved yeah 100 yeah yeah it kind of makes me want to just do it and just be like i fucking handled it don't worry i know oh my god i i got a hysterectomy just to fucking score this point once again i take the hit oh my gosh it was it was um a little uncomfortable the day of is sore Definitely. I took Advil. I laid down. It was sore. And then it takes a little while for the body to get used to it. But I just knew this is what I'm doing. I have no other choice. I don't want another baby. I don't want to take hormones. And so it works for me. It's working. I had that copper IUD between.
both between like wilder yeah between one and two and between two and three in the first the first time I liked it Allie and I never thought about it and the second time I don't know if I don't know if it's maybe because I'd had two kids and shit just is not what it used to be up in there but it it was never comfortable like I felt maybe it's mental honestly maybe it's just in my head but I always felt like I could feel it and during my period I felt like my uterus was like contracting around it and that killed me yeah it was I had some serious cramping for months and they might say that but whatever I dealt with it. And I'm definitely on the other side of it. And do you feel totally free? Like, cause I do know a woman that got pregnant with one. I know a woman that got pregnant on the pill. I think we know a lot. Yeah. I feel like that's pretty common. Do you ever feel free on birth control? If it's not a, um, or would I feel free on a vasectomy? Right. No, no. I'm just like, because, because for me,
PMS feels like pregnancy. Yeah. So it's like PTSD. Of course. Sarah, remember last summer I was like, you guys, can you drink wine before you take a positive pregnancy test? Like I was 100% sure it was pregnant. Remember my phantom baby? I was like, I was growing up in the car. I only wanted to eat ramen noodles. Just PMS. They were like, oh girl, this is it. This number four was on its way. Wow. It was just a cup of noodles.
Yeah, I don't know. I would say I feel free. I make the choice to feel free because if I get pregnant and I did my part, then guess what? I did my part. And then this baby is meant to be. I've done everything that I can do. So what is the point of worrying about that? You know?
But I so desperately can't think about that again. I'm not able to do that. It's so sad because it's not like, I mean, two kids for me is really hard. The kids themselves, it's now fine. I love it. I love what we have going on. I have a rhythm. Me working with the two kids is what's got me like, okay, nope, too much maxed out. But the pregnancy, that's really the...
i feel living in the mountain has me maxed out like our finances in the mountain and another kid i would just be like what the fuck and then staying home for another seven years i can't do that's the thing for me i just can't keep staying home it's so hard yeah i don't know i mean you could go to work with i couldn't but logistically here it's so hard maybe everywhere but i don't know it's hard everywhere like i know like in new york people when people send their kids to school and the kids get out of school obviously earlier than everybody is able to get home from work you have to like pay somebody to pick up your kid from school so you like how are you gonna find a fucking nanny to work like what three hours a day for sure that's what shuts me down Sarah thinking of like okay now someone has to pick them up from school and do that interim weird hour that shuts me down mentally shuts me down you guys I was looking at job listings last night like wow okay I could do this I could do this I could do this and some of them were real estate um type jobs and no you're done at five o'clock it's who's gonna pick my kids up from school not my husband
who they go to extended day i guess they go to extended day until six o'clock and i i don't know i guess i can't do it and so welcome to the fucking real life it sucks yeah And then they don't do extracurricular either. They cannot. Nobody can take them. I love where this conversation has gone. Like, why do you have the IUD? Because I can't do it after school. Only women think this way. Only women are like, you need to get a vasectomy because we can't get a nanny from 5 to 7 p.m. So you need to get a vasectomy. Emotional labor. Okay, ladies. We're here. Okay, guys. I have one. I have a nail fail.
Um, I mean, yeah. Okay. I'm just going to go for it. My nail is, um, I've talked to you guys about my composting problem, how the guys, uh, yeah, you did girl. Um, so this morning.
I finally was able to get outside and catch the trash guys as they're picking up the compost. And they're just week after week ignoring my compost bin. They're ignoring my compost bin. Did you have words with them? I did have words with them. And I was like, listen, you guys. And last week I put a sign on my bin. And it says, please pick up our compost. Thank you, exclamation point. Like I tried to make it nice. But also, you know, I'm pleading with you.
New York City garbage man. I'm sure he loved your note. Oh, for sure. And this morning I just said, excuse me, please. And I just pointed at it. And he was like, man, it's too heavy. You're packing stuff in there. And I was like, it isn't me. Anyway, so I argued with him a little bit, but I said, please, this is so important to me. I want to compost my food. And so he like, you know, begrudgingly dragged my, my bin. Anyway, it's empty now. So now I can put my compost in there. Nail girlfriend. I'm so happy for you.
I know this is way heavy on your heart, my love. But didn't you just throw it into the garbage system? What? No. So they have two different bins on the back of their stuff.
Shut up. There's two different bins on the back of their truck. One is for composting and one is for regular trash. Okay. Good work. So you just start the cycle over and then try not to fill it up too high again? It's not. Yeah. Like something strange happened. Somebody, I think, put in like dirt in there. So it made the bin very heavy. Okay. I'm so sorry, listeners. But this is a nail for my life. A nail for your life. It's dishonest. It's real. When your kids can breathe clean air, you need to thank Sarah Nolan because she's out there doing it. I think I have a... Sorry. My fail.
That's not your fault. Okay. Allie. Allie. I'm just kidding.
My fail is that, um, a standup mirror in our apartment fell on Francis and landed on her forehead and the mirror cracked and sent tiny little shards of glass into her adorable hair. So Tim and I, and she was fine. She's totally fine. But Tim and I had to go, this is like in the morning before work. We're going through her hair with, with a fine tooth comb, picking out like one shard at a time. And then I had to play a Daniel tiger video for her so that she would lay down and allow me to blow dry her hair.
Oh, wow. Brilliant. Who has time for this, right? I absolutely do not have time for that shit. You had to give her a full Daniel Tiger blowout. I'm so sorry. You're the real victim here.
She nailed it. You just taught her to put glass in her hair every day. I have a fail. It's very quick. It's also about hair. It's weird. You guys know I bleached my hair platinum. Just a midlife crisis because it's really high maintenance hair and I'm a very low maintenance person day to day. So I have, I don't like to wash it. You have to use special shampoo. It gets really dry. Then you have to use oil. Then you have to blow dry it. Like, I don't know why I fucking gave myself this hair. It's so stupid. So obviously I just,
Thanks, dude. Obviously, I just never wash it. Like, I just, I don't wash it. I got that. I got that dry shampoo that Chrissy has by her front door of the PhD. Yeah. Yeah. The one by the door. The one by the door. Just hit it on the way out. Just hit it on the way out. You guys all know the one I mean. Oh, yeah. Flip your hair and spray before you walk out. All right. Learned it in Oklahoma and brought it right back to New York. Anyway, I have lost track of the last time I washed my hair. And I, like, run on the treadmill and just tie it up and put a hairband in and then dry shampoo it. I shower. Nice. I'm like, my hair feels so thick. It's like putting your hands in a pillow.
Oh, boy. Okay. I got into bed with Edie last night and she said, Mom, you smell that? And I was like, what? No, I don't smell anything. It smells like somebody put salad dressing all over a hot dog. She's so brilliant. I was like, what? And she was sniffing me and she was like, oh, Mommy, I think it's your hair.
Oh my God. Oh, that's good. Oh God. Oh, it's so pungent. Dirty hair. That's my birth control. So just to bring it. Oh, that'll work. That'll do it. Okay. I got a nail fail. Fortunately not do it. But you guys, my nail is that we, um, we, well, this is like nail fail. So we took the kids to universal studios this weekend because our friends were in town and they wanted to go there. They've got older kids and we went and it was totally fun. But on the way to Orlando,
We realized that we forgot shoes for Goldie. But we're like, no, it's fine. It's fine. We're going to find some in the gift shop. It's all good. Keep trucking. So we get there and no doubt we roll up and we find two pair of flip flops with backing. You know, those toddler flip flops. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I love these. We weren't sure what size. So we got both. We put them on her feet. First of all, she's holding them and loving them like they're her prize. Wouldn't put them down. But anytime you try to put them on her feet, it's screaming bloody murder.
And it just, time was ticking. We were going here and there. We entered the park. She will not put the shoes on. So I just put socks on her and let her roll the park with socks. Perfect. Yes. Perfect. This is two. For other audience, or at least St. Augustine people, the whole joke, the whole trip was that she was jiffy-footing through Universal. But strangely enough, not sure if it's connected, but I picked her up from school today and she has trash everywhere. And I put her hand, foot, and mouth down at Disney.
Not sure if it's connected, but I'm going to say 100% connected. She got foot blisters down at Disney. Do you know how many fucked up stories about Goldie's skin and her feet? She did not take her socks off. You killed it. You nailed it. I got one.
Um, my nail is that my mom is visiting, and that's just so great. We love having Graham Graham around. The kids love her. Yep. My fail is that my son's interrupting me right now. What is it, honey? Okay. Um, nope. I'm just gonna have to try what's on there. Bring it over. Silent. Okay, my fail. Silent. Silent. Silent.
When I'm doing my podcast, I put my fingers in office. So my fail is that, um, we were at the beach with my mom and I'm next. Okay. Okay. Let's see. I have a little, a short little nail. Um, I have weaned my daughter from breastfeeding. I'm sad about it.
I've just been slowing it down. I've been an open bar for the last almost two years. And I've just been distracting, distracting for the last couple months. And I realized yesterday it had been like four days since she nursed. And I last night I said, Matilda, do you want to nurse? And she said, I want to. I want to. Oh my God, you're done. She just gave me a kiss and said milkies and then walked away. So I think we're just done. Oh, wow. You did such a good job. No trauma. No trauma. I mean, I've been diverting for months, like doing it in the morning, doing it in the evening, and then just all day changing subjects. You're so good at that.
Your energy is amazing. It's been a tough ride, but yeah, that's my nail. I mean, it's bittersweet, but... you know, she was like 20 times a day nursing. So I was kind of ready to get my bod back. She was a fiend. You always were like, you were nursing around the clock. She was, she nursed like a newborn the entire time she ever nursed. Pretty much. Yeah. So, so huge. Do you have a fail pretty? I don't. I mean, I'm sure I do. I'm going to jump in and finish the sale. Sorry. So guys, my mom had the kids at the beach, like around the corner by the trees. And I walked over just to see what they were doing. And I was like, Oh, they're having a snack. She had.
A pretzel stick in her mouth. And Leo had a pretzel stick in his mouth. I know where this is going. You know, my mom is bending down towards Leo, touching the pretzel stick. Oh, they're smoking. They're smoking. My mom takes a big drag of the pretzel stick. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. I have not had a cigarette in weeks. That is amazing, Leo. And Leo's just going, yeah, smoking cigarettes, brah. And they're like, no. Allie, what the fuck? I'm like, what are you doing? Just for the record, listeners, my mom's not a smoker.
She's the opposite. She's a hilarious woman. She's a hilarious woman, that's it. And I'm like, what are you teaching him? This is not okay. Of course I'm laughing hysterically inside, but I'm like, no, no, this is messed up. Anyway, pretty funny. That is so messed. She's making memories. She's so mad. Just making memories of the pencil sticks. Just smoking pencil sticks with grandma. Okay.
All right. All right, you guys. Thanks for joining us this week on Nursing and Cursing. Ladies, good luck with your sex lives. And if any of you slip up, I'm happy to welcome in another one, just not in my own family. Love you. That's it for now. Check you guys next week for another Nursing and Cursing, where we won't tell your husband that you accidentally let your kid eat a cat turd.