What up, Mom? Put down that coffee and grab a wine. Get ready for another episode of Nursing and Cursing, a parenting podcast that covers more shit than your baby's full diaper. I'm Kate. I'm a stay-at-home mom of three living in Brooklyn, New York. Hi, I'm Christine. I'm a freelance video editor living in Los Angeles and mom to a toddler. Allie here, podcasting from South Kona, Hawaii, where I live up in the mountains with my husband and two sons. Hey, I'm Molly. I live in Los Angeles, California as a mom of a toddler and a teacher. And I'm Sarah, your in-house expert on all things mom and baby. I'm a nurse and a doula with a PhD living in Brooklyn, New York. Between five busy households, it's a miracle that we make it on the mic at all. But trust me, we need this as much as you do.
Hey, everyone. Hey. Hi. Welcome to Nursing and Cursing. This week we have a new episode for you that is centered around fubbing your kids. So we're going to start with what is fubbing. This came to my attention when I read some kind of an article about fubbing your spouse and how negative it is for your marriage. Does anybody want to read a definition of what fubbing is? And that is spelled P-E-H-U-B-B-I-N-G. Fubbing, noun.
is the practice of ignoring one's companion or companions in order to pay attention to one's phone or other mobile device. Boom. That's guilty. Boom. Guilty. Who doesn't fub the fuck out of their kids? Fub you, dudes. I fub the fuck out of a lot of life, man. I've got to stop it. It's sick, guys. It's sick. I feel so sick about it. It's my number one mom guilt right now is my fault. Me too. Because I just transitioned, I mean, kind of recently into stay-at-home mom, and oh my God.
What else are you going to do? What else are you going to do? Play with your kids all day? Get down and fucking do Lincoln Logs with them? I don't think so. How many podcasts can you do? Easy, easy. We've got to try. So we're all doing it. I don't know if a monster does it.
but hats off I don't know if a mom who doesn't fub her kids but hats off to whoever does off I know I wake up with a goal like let me do a quick catch up I'm gonna put this down for hours and just I feel so addicted to my phone I see it in the corner of my eye and I'm like just have to check totally I do the morning wake up and I stick it under my pillow and then go do breakfast and stuff but definitely once Augie's in school and it's Marigold and I and listen she's a ray of sunshine but she cannot right oh my god so there I am slipping back in and now I'm noticing she's like crawling around my body to find the phone in my pocket and she can see it sticking out of the pillow where I'm trying to hide it she's looking for it it's sick it's sick or what about because you're talking or Levi's always like mama mama put your phone down and that's when you're like oh my god no uh-huh no no I teach my kids to say that to me and I want him to say that to me more but he gets it Edie says it to me and actually the only way that I can be good about it because I can't be alone when I say that. I actually sometimes don't even notice that I've pulled it out. That's the scariest thing. I don't even notice that I've pulled it out of my pocket. Like it wasn't even a conscious thought. It was in my pocket. Now it's in my hand and I'm just randomly swiping or replying to a quick text.
Edie will say, I like it so much better when you don't have your phone. So sometimes when I go out, I'll do my best. Or don't get too upset. A lot of times she'll be like, I want to do Snapchat on your phone. So it goes both ways. But I have to just literally leave the house and leave my phone in the house. And that's good for everybody. Right. Where would you guys say that you fub the most? I mean, I've got my places where it's like, no matter what, fuck you, I'm going to fub right now. Fub you. I fub. I fub when I'm nursing and I fub right when I'm in the dark. Exactly. Right when I'm in the bed, more your husband.
That's fubbing your husband. That's not fubbing your husband. That's fubbing your husband. But we fub each other. It's a mutual fub. We're like, yes. No, but I mean, like, I put the kids down and they like me to lie in, the little one likes me to, like, lie in her room with her. Oh, okay. Which, that's another episode. Of course, I know that's a terrible idea. But I'll lie next to her and scratch her back, but I'll be just scrolling through my phone. And my justification is, like, I've been on all day. You were supposed to be asleep an hour ago. Anywho.
So that's my worst fubbing. My worst fubbing is pulling into my driveway. And I don't know why my kids just accept that we're going to sit in the car for another nine minutes. And you know what that's about? Because I don't want to fub them in front of my husband to fub them in private. As if Tim can't tell that you've pulled into the driveway. No, but Molly, I love that. That's another, like Jeremy and I will give each other, whoever's feeling superior that day will give each, we'll give the other one the hard, we're both, we are equally, 100% equally guilty.
We love to, it's such an easy score for us when we're in a bad mood or we're just feeling like being dysfunctional in front of our children. We'd love to be like, who are you talking to? Oh, what are you looking at? Oh, what's so funny? What's so funny? That's my favorite. What's so funny? My husband was like, oh, well, we can solve this. Like who fubs more right now? Just look at your usage.
yeah okay let's do that no Jeremy's favorite thing to say is like I don't know why don't you ask your girls next time you're on the phone well that's another thing a lot of my fubbing you guys most of it is you guys it's not necessarily Instagram it is not Snapchat don't even have it don't know what it is it is not what else the news no it's this text thread that we have with all of us it goes on and on and on and all day long something happens and we want to share it Or you got to get on and support your girl who's like having a breakdown over. Lifeline. Lifeline. You're like, listen. Yes. You get a text from what about when you get a text? It's like everybody. Is anybody there? Is everybody there? Is anybody there? I just started my period. A lot of those. A lot of those. Okay. My number one place to Bob is the park.
And you would say that. Yeah. Okay. I sit on the park bench and I'm like, don't fucking call for me. If you can't do the monkey bars by yourself and you don't belong at the park, if you can't call for your own swing, then you don't belong on the swing. Wow. Ice cold. To play with you at the park. That's why I brought you to the park. I salute you in so many ways. I hate the park. But the park, if I could fub at the park, I would love the park. Sitting on the park bench in the sunshine. I can't fub at the park. My son wants me to be on the equipment.
That's how you broke your arm. He needs to back the fuck off. I know, and I've been saying that lately. Mama broke her arm on the slide. I can't go down anymore. Remember when you made Mommy break her arm? I need to check my phone right now. Yeah, I pretty much lay that guilt all the time. Mommy's arm hurts. I need to go check my phone. Oh, my God. Mama, I really need you on the equipment. Right. Well, my son will go off and run wild, but on the weekend fobbing, again, it's in front of my husband. It's like a problem. But he's caught me doing it, and he has said something like, listen.
I lived in the town of little Bobby Jenkins. I don't know what the name is. I'm making it up. Um, you know, the, the disappearance of Bobby Jenkins in 1997, he was taken right out from under his mother's watch. Wow. This is a fascinating angle. Bobby Jenkins lived in my town. I'm like, all right, all right, I'll get off. Wow. Wow. Wow. No.
But the guilt is really like, I don't want to pass this on to my children where they think they can get a phone and not pay attention and just have their head in their fucking phone all day long. It's like a really poor example. Yeah, I agree. It's not like, I mean, I wish every time I got on my phone, one of my kids would magically fucking disappear like Bobby Jenkins if it was that easy. Not funny. She's joking. But Allie, I am, I'm going to bring it back to that point. It's like, this isn't funny. We are raising kids who need to know that this is not where the universe lies in this little stupid ass device. Right. They still have success with it. I wonder if we have the balls.
I need to change that. Are we going to do a challenge? Do we have the clip? Do we have the clip? i hate that the balls like what is that stupid but do we have do we have the guts slash do we even want to no lonely out there you guys it's fucking lonely there's another there's i mean there's two sides so you're i mean we're right fubbing it's a problem like fubbing it's and i agree with ali totally it's the example for sure it's it's two things it's the example and it's the subtle message like you're super important to me but you're not as important as whatever i'm looking at on my phone those are the two those are the hurtful things i think yeah but on the other but i am going to just play devil's advocate and say It's hard enough for a mom out there without the constant pressure to quote unquote be present. Our parents didn't have phones, but my parents still were not quote unquote present. There's a million ways for parents to be checked out. They were like, go outside and don't come back till six o'clock. There's so much pressure on moms to be present that I'm not saying that fubbing is good. I'm just saying that more mom guilt is not good. That's all I'm saying. You're right. Sometimes you just really, yeah, like you really need a break. There was that viral photo of that woman in an airport and her baby's laying on the ground and she's looking at her phone and people went.
off on this woman. Oh, please. I've been there. No. Her kid is probably being such a dick throwing tantrums on the airport floor. Or maybe her baby just is sleeping. Yeah, whatever. Maybe she's having one calm moment and they were both having a calm moment. Have you guys ever been called out for fubbing? I never have, but I definitely know. I mean, by Jeremy, I have obviously. My husband. Yeah. I mean, and I call Tim out all the time. Me too. Oh, it's so hard not to. That's enough. Sarah, I mean, that's another whole discussion. Like, how can you not fub a newborn? They're so boring.
When you see your husband doing it, you guys, do you get the feeling like, oh my God, that is so unattractive. I get enraged. I get enraged and I'm just as guilty and I still get justice and rage. How about when you cover it up and they make a comment and you're like, I'm just looking up such something for us all. I'm just checking the baby gate, how much the baby gate is on Amazon. I was just looking at the super cute picture of you and Mavis I took earlier. Even though I'm like texting the thread like.
fucking dumb Molly I'm sorry but it's time it's it's time for you to share it's time for you to share the best fubbing picture of all time Molly I don't know oh my god oh my god that's so funny that has to do with my nail fail oh my god that picture is so good I'm just gonna say it for our listeners if you don't share it as the picture for this episode I'm gonna share it myself you guys don't get their hopes up it's fubbing like you never it's it's it's no it's fubbing like everyone fubs like you don't look good I'm not saying Molly doesn't look good in this photo. No, I don't. No, but you know what? You're on another planet. I'm on another planet. It's so good. It's such a good thing.
And I'm fubbing him in that picture. My kids were asleep. They were nothing. It's so funny because you're fubbing him to such an extent, Molly, that even in that pose, you're not even noticing that somebody's taking a picture of you. Oh, God. Okay. Nailing it and failing it. So much failing it. I've got a fail and a nail. I'll do my nail first. Okay. It's the holiday season. And my favorite part is Christmas carols and Christmas music because I love to sing and blast it. Anybody else with me? I'm with you on that, girl.
Okay. Love it. So, um, my boys have been exposed and I wasn't playing Christmas carols today, but I heard them singing a little bit like under their breath, the two of them together. And I heard them singing, um, Oh, come all ye faithful. And I was like, Oh wow. Okay. They're doing a good one. And then I hear them saying, Oh, come let us adore her. Oh, come let us adore her.
I got it wrong. I did not. I haven't been singing it that way, but I'd let them go with it. They're part of the movement. I love it. Yes, boys. That sounds so beautiful. Yes, exactly. You should change the words. I love that. I am. So that was a nail. I love that. My fail is I was coming down. This is so random. I was coming down the hill to get here to record you guys because I'm not at home right now. And I look.
up on the hill we don't have a lot of it doesn't seem like we have a lot of neighbors in our neighborhood because they're five acre parcels so there's a lot of bushes in between but i look up um as i'm coming down the hill this little cabin up on the hill and out on the porch it's not the older woman who usually lives there it's like a young man i can tell it's her son and he's sitting on the porch on his chair facing me he's got two chairs on either side of his legs and his legs are spread out shut up The biggest straddle split you've ever seen, okay? And this is not like a yogi doing this. It's more of like a shaved head, wraparound shades, baseball type dude. Gotcha. It's not coach. And he's giving me the biggest double shakas and the biggest smile. Just look in my rear view, back at him. And the minute I go around the corner, it's just both hands right to the crotch. And I'm just like, oh, what is going on?
See that. Fucking jerk. Wait, Ellie, is he naked? I thought. No, he's not naked, you guys. Oh my God, no. He's not naked. Sarah, I was waiting for her to say he was naked, but. I'm sorry. No. No. It's still bad. But I'm glad you like naked. On the porch. Amazing flexibility. You should have flipped him off.
Maybe he's got like a fungus in his balls or something. He's trying to like air him out. Maybe he was fubbing because some people like to fub in his kettle. I think he was rubbing, not fubbing. Sorry, fail. Oh, God. Small fail, but there's Augie's fourth birthday party. Okay, that's a nail. It was so fun, you guys. Yay, Augie! Yeah, it was good. But there was a part where I had Beyonce Pandora going and I looked down and I was like, what?
Oh, I looked down at my phone, and it was some explicit Missy Elliott, which you guys know that she does not hold back. So that was kind of blasting for a second, but I don't really know who noticed it. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Okay. Could you hear anything? Oh, God. Nail. Hi. Sorry, you caught me off guard. I have a nail. I got a Christmas tree today, and my son is psyched, so I'm happy. Oh, you did? Yeah. Awesome. And then, man, that's all. I'm just going to have my nail for you. Yeah, girl. Okay, great. Great for you.
Great. I have a nail and a fail. It's kind of like wrapped up into one thought. I love those. It's that today I realized that I need to buy my daughter a Christmas present. I didn't realize it until today. No.
When, if you have a sibling, like, no, Sarah, you're Christmas. So you don't, you don't, honey, you don't need to buy her a Christmas present. I'm going to say until three, you can stretch it longer. Not until she has a sibling. Do you remember the, uh, Ali and I were like, Oh my God, the pressure. Suddenly the older kids were like, um, um, Santa's going to bring something for Edie, right? Santa's going to bring something for Leo. Right. And we were like, uh, nope, they made the bad list.
honey wrapping up um rolls of paper towels anything i could find just wraps it up with leo's name on it maybe this is first and second christmas she got a pack of onesies okay sorry sarah finish your nail fail so you feel like you need to get a prezzy my fail is that i i just thought of that today like i'm doing all this christmas prep and and it's exciting because it's the first one with the three of us as a family and that is exciting that is cute yes are you guys doing holiday cards i fucking didn't get no way hell no no i wish i could it would be fun i don't i just You should use some of those pictures that you have. You have so many good ones. I know. It's more just like getting made and like filling out addresses. Yeah. Fuck those people. Just all the effort. I know. Fuck the effort. All right. And you have anything? Just like a very minor nail. JJ and I took five kids ice skating today.
I don't know what we were thinking. Just like really felt like putting your marriage to the test this morning. Oh, just a little minor nail. I just took five children to the best outing in New York City. My secret nail is something that my parents would be so proud of me for. And I feel like your parents would be proud of me for too, which was the skates are only, it's 10 bucks to skate for as long as you want. But of course they get you at for the hot chocolate, the fries, the food, whatever.
Yes. I packed a huge flask of hot chocolate, five steel cups and a bunch of goodies. We stopped at McDonald's on the way. But yeah, I didn't drop a dime on concessions when we were there. And I was fucking high, high off that nail the whole time. I felt so smug pouring my steaming hot chocolate out for my kids. Obviously, they were screaming for the $7 hot chocolate and I was just fucking subbing them. But whatever. But you know what? That is huge that you did that with five children. I mean, I could never do that. We had a blast. You guys are super parents. No, no, no. It was just one of those magical days where all the stars align. Well, no.
Dang it. Well, I'm going to take this from fubbing our kids to fubbing our husbands because that's what I'm about to go in the living room and do. I love it. Honey, roll over. I'm about to fub you so much. Yeah, but if we said that to our whole team. Want to get fubbed tonight? Baby, you want to backfub? I'm going to fub your brains out. I fubbing love you. Oh, God. Okay, we'll see you guys next episode. Hello, honey. Check us out next week for another episode of Nursing and Cursing, where it's safe to admit that you just left your kid in the car to run into Ace Hardware for five minutes.