S2 Ep 17: What if "Should" Is an Illusion?

What if “should” is one of the biggest causes of suffering? What if there is no “should”? What does that mean? A great many of the things that frustrate me tend to revolve around the word “should”. For example, I should be making more money, I should be doing more of ‘x’, I should be better with ‘y’, I should be more consistent with my diet and exercise, and so on. All of the above are valid things that are part of my life experience. But what Katie expounds on in Loving What Is is that these things that “should” be, aren’t. Put simply – should is not what is. Being in the now with what is This struck a chord with me because it connects almost seamlessly to many of my practices. Mainly being more mindful and present in the now. It’s easy to look at everything that should be as though it’s logical. Of course, there should be more kindness in the world, there should be more compassion, and there should be more peace. That looks great, doesn’t it? Yet when we labor to bring about what we believe should be – we’re not present and in the now. Because what should be isn’t what is. This can be attached to the personal and impersonal What’s fascinating to me is that “should” can be problematic whether you attach it to personal goals or the world. Many, many stressors are attached to any given “should.” When you stress out about them you negatively impact your health, wellness, and wellbeing. When you release the stress that “should” can cause you – personal or impersonal – you’re free. Empowerment without focus on “should” The more I analyze and explore this idea that there might be no “should”, the more I feel centered, grounded, and connected. It’s a lot easier to be here, now, when ideas of what “should” be ceases to get my focus. Without “should”, the way to greater empowerment of yourself looks a lot clearer. At least to me, it does. Also, without “should”, I can work with what is to build better without unnecessary suffering. This week’s Applied Guidance for Mindfulness Tool: Today’s applied guidance is going to use the questions from Byron Katie’s Loving What Is. Choose something that you think should be a certain way. It can be something that directly impacts you or a world situation. Write down what that thing is - i.e. People should be kinder. Ask the following questions. 1.      Is it true? (The answer is Yes or No, i.e. Is it true that people should be kinder? If no, skip to question three.) 2.      Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Also Yes or No. i.e. Can you absolutely know that people should be kinder is true?) 3.      How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? Write it out. Think and feel it and put it on paper. 4.      Who or what would you be without that thought? Once you’ve done this – reverse it and/or apply it to yourself. (i.e. People shouldn’t be kinder and/or I should be kinder) Yes, that might not sit well and might be distasteful – but try it out anyhow. See how you feel when you release the illusion of a “should” in life. The idea of this is to show you how “should” is a loaded idea that more or may not be based on what is in the world around you.   Author Website: https://mjblehart.com Email: [email protected] Instagram Twitter Facebook Blogs: titaniumdon.com and mjblehart.medium.com Cover artist Fe Mahoney: https://www.etsy.com/shop/TaliasInspirations