S3 #11: Begin Again

This is the Rose and Shine podcast with us, Victoria Resulsen and Josephine Roots. We are Swedish sisters and in our podcast we explore career and wellbeing. So join us for inspiration and practical insights from our own international lives and careers. Good morning.

This is Victoria, sending from Atlanta. Good morning, Victoria. This is Josephine from Mallorca, Spain. How are you?

And welcome to 2022, our first episode. Welcome to a new year and well essentially January was a write-off. So I'm pretty glad to be here in February and to begin again. I know, I know.

Hence the theme of our episode. Yes, to begin again. And where are we doing this? Because perhaps like many of our listeners and our dear friends and people that we work with, including ourselves have different ways and different levels felt that perhaps we're reaching some kind of burnout before even getting into February.

And perhaps the year did not really start out as planned. Perhaps we already broke some of those amazing intentions. If you are like us, the U division boards and grown-up roles and goals, perhaps January did not live up. Yeah.

And I've spoken to a lot of leaders. It's been a busy January for me. And I've heard a few mentioned things such as, I don't know what's wrong, but we just don't have the energy or the engagement. It's like everyone's like, so this episode is for all of you, right?

For everyone is sort of what can I do now to reboot that energy. And maybe you're like, hey, I'm rocking it. And this is going great. This could be a little bit of an inspiration to keep you going, right?

So to add to that level. What are we going to talk about then? Well, first of all, we're going to talk about, of course, how we're feeling right now and where we are at and perhaps why January isn't everything that it was meant to be. But then moving on to the fact that wherever we are, we don't actually need to lose all of those good intentions that we had set for the year.

It is OK to write off January and you can begin again. Yeah. So this is for everyone that if you're like me, you might have received things on Instagram saying, you know, this is the most important. Week to keep your goals or your intentions going, you know, because after three weeks or so, you let go.

Some of you might be there, but some of you, more like me, might feel like, OK, I didn't even get to start those three weeks of good intentions. Yeah, I need to start them now. And don't feel bad for January, but essentially start to see, OK, what can I do to pick things up? Yeah, right, which makes me think of a friend of mine said me this little fun clip.

And it was something like, hey, we have a new concept of an amazing gym. So it starts every year at January 1st. And for the three first weeks, it's a hardcore gym. And then week three, it turns into a wine bar.

So this is where everyone was to stay in the gym and also go to the wine bar, whatever your intentions are. So like, how do I make the best of that? All right. So first of all, how are you?

How has your year been going so far, Josephine? Well, I was saying to a friend, she was contacting me, we have these lovely catch up pulls on a monthly basis and we had not done that in January. And I just wrote to her like, January has been a big smack in my face. But that's how it felt, but that it started.

And I'm saying that laughing now, because as things always are and they always fluctuate, you can be in a dip. And then you just have to be there, perhaps for a little bit. And then you can start to get out on the other side. So when I say that, I mean, January 4th, first of all, it started off with the really bad health news for one of my best friends.

And that started off just shocking us all and her and just incredibly tough to be thinking about that. And then I got COVID, which I think probably 95% of the listeners, you know, at least 60% of the listeners by March, if we believe this, that's, you know, right? We'll have experience. And it's not like, you know, people are talking about Omicron being so mild and noticing anything.

I can tell you that our family noticed, Omicron, for sure, we all had it. We were all bedridden and it was pretty sick. Yeah. And then, you know, how things are with diseases like we're sick, but of course, it wasn't, of course, but it wasn't so bad that you're worried about the disease in itself, but it plays on your mind.

And I was feeling so kind of guilty about that, because at the same time, I had my friend that had these really challenging health news. And for me, a week of COVID is already playing on my mind. So I was thinking about that and thinking about how to keep strong almost for her, because I feel like it's my responsibility somehow. But the tiredness and sadness and whatever that disease might bring up was quite lingering.

And I guess that's why we're having this episode and it is changing now, but it was just kind of important to reflect on that a little bit. Yeah, yeah, right. I totally understand. And I remember getting our quick chats and WhatsApp messages.

And at the same time that you were all down with COVID, my husband and I had the most amazing trip to Hawaii. So I'm like, I'm going to do that every year now, go and have a Maui boost in January, because I must say that was amazing. I think that is the idea of literally writing January off. I mean, this sounds incredibly privileged and it would be and is.

But to literally take a break in January, we did that. We went once away in January. Amazing. And now you have this amazing holiday.

Yeah, it does calm the mind down. I mean, really, that was and for those of you who have not been to Maui and it's a magical place. I mean, there really is a little touch of magic there. So that was wonderful.

What did happen though is when we came back, of course, all the things I was supposed to have done that, like, it became a very sort of intense week. So I guess from my perspective is the promise to myself to not be busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, has been in a sense challenge, even though it was extremely serene and reflective and beautiful in Maui. Yeah, so that's what I'm going to be thinking about. But let's go into the steps here, right?

What can we do then when we are here at this place where January maybe didn't turn out the way I wanted or I'm not in a great place. And by the way, I guess this could go for any time in life when you're sort of checking in with yourself and you feel that it's not really going according to plan, according to your intention. So what is it that you can do then? What's the first step?

Well, so really to say that it's when you're when you need to start again, and like you're saying, that could be you need to start again with the day, you need to start again with the week, you know, you need to start again with the meeting or, you know, the tennis game. So it's like kind of almost the mindset of a professional athlete, you know, how do you start again when things are not going that well. And even perhaps in situations when you're not really ready for a pet talk. Yeah, but you know, when things are actually kind of hard.

Yeah. And how do you still start again, but in a way that is genuine and motivating. Yeah. So we've been thinking a lot about this.

And in the past week, I'm going to say we've checked in with each other and Mary has times and really say like, so how do you do it? And we've looked into all the different workshops and things that we do. And as you all know, we read lots of books and really think and reflect on what's the number one sort of starting point. And I think that number one point is just to start out by truly checking in with yourself, right before you do anything else.

And as you said, you know, you're like, I don't want to think about this. I'm just going to go. Okay, that intention didn't work. Forget about it.

But really start out and just ask yourself, where am I, right? Like, and why am I here? And what do I need? And what's the consequences if I'm going to stay here, right?

So a little bit of a self analysis. Yeah, a bit of that checking in and just recognizing where you are. Where am I now? Where's where I have this left me?

Where's the month of January? That was a big wave. Where has it left me now? And with that starting to do that self diagnosis, it's a little bit about taking that time to accept what happened.

Yeah. Hey, so Danner was that big, big wave that that washed me or this meeting was or this day was. And okay, but here I am now sitting on the beach and that solid ground. And now I need to start to think about, okay, where am I?

What do I still want to brewing with me from all of these intentions and goals that I perhaps had set up that didn't go the way that I planned? Because looking at where you are now is also a really good moment to start to then look at refocusing. Yeah. So going back over.

So you might have, like I did in December, written a number of goals for the year now feeling that perhaps not started on that many of them go back to that list and see, because this is a great time to see one of those are actually still inspiring. Yeah, exactly. That's a great point. And I think when you do that, also sometimes, you know, that comes in thing of, okay, well, I broke my resolution, right?

And that's why I think resolutions are really not that great. It's better with intentions, right? And because it's continued journey. Right.

But so what if you did? But it's a little bit like, I think I've shared this, this, I read this book about it. It's a woman who works with hypnosis and she's saying that, you know, a lot of people and I can totally relate to this. They're like, okay, so I had that brownie and I wasn't going to have any sugar.

And now I'm like eating this brownie. So I can just have as many brownie as I want because it's anyway too big. And she sort of compared that to, well, how would you do if you were shopping and you went on the spree and did a little bit of over shopping one day, you wouldn't solve that by, okay, it's too late anyway. I'm going to go and shop even more.

I mean, most people, I guess there are a bit of shoppers too, right? But most people would say like, no, okay, better keep it a little bit tight this month, right? Because otherwise I'll have a big problem next month. And I think that's also okay to say like, I didn't ruin it.

Okay, didn't really go the way I wanted to. But what can I do about it? Yeah, no, absolutely. And with that first, if this is our first step, so to say that, you know, they're recognizing where you are, you start to then see, you know, where do I really want to keep my focus this year?

And then perhaps look into a little bit, what is it that I need to get the desired results? Yeah. And or to start, no, no, not even the result, to start moving again, if that is where you are. And I was thinking about this because there are some days that I would call you and, you know, everything that I would need is probably someone saying, you know, or you saying, come on, you can do this, you know, just get up there and do it.

And I was thinking last week, like if you'd said that to me, I'd probably just start crying. Yeah. It's still, I wanted to go get to that point, feeling motivated again. But at that point, what I needed was much more, you're doing great, you know, just take it easy and rest.

And I had this whole reflection around the struggle, this kind of constant struggle. And for me, I mean, my brain is telling me not that I'm not doing enough. Like, I don't need another person telling me that. Like, I have that covered.

And I think, I don't know for me, it was just a realisation of perhaps there does not need to be so much struggle. No. You know, maybe, maybe in these situations, when you're feeling like you should get started, maybe that gripping of getting started is perhaps working against you getting started. Yeah.

That makes sense. I love that you're saying that. And I think it's something I've been reflecting on a lot too lately. And also, I'm really thinking back to my friend Sophia that I spoke about in the last episode.

And I think the trick is to know what kind of medicine you need, yourself or the person that you're talking to or the person that you're the leader to, because it's not always one answer, right? And it's going to vary with the same person even, right? And sometimes all we need is someone that listens and says, yes and no. And or we need to do that to ourselves, just be kind to ourselves.

And then there are times where you need like, hey, kick in the butt and just get going and someone or yourself that just like, hey, just stop whining and go for it. But the challenge is to know when do you need what? Yes. And the idea here is that no one can tell you that.

We certainly can't tell you that. And I'm preparing this module on resilience for peace and purpose that I work with, trainings for you and stuff. And part of that that we're looking at is in terms of looking at people with, or that have shown case, a lot of resilience. There is not one single tool that these people have used.

And actually, whatever people are using for a way of supporting them through a potentially traumatic time, that's changing and has to change over time. After a certain amount of time, any type of coping behavior might become maladaptive. So you might need to refine after a while what you're doing. And maybe sometimes you might have a negative coping behavior, but that might actually help you like having a big drink one night.

But if that becomes what you're doing every time you're struggling, obviously, that wouldn't be something to recommend. But maybe that first time that is what you need. So there's just a number of different ways. And that is the starting with the self diagnosis.

Where am I? Yes. And what do I need now? And the trick here is you say, we'll never know.

But I think the key skill is to really, really listen and listen to each other and listen to yourself. And to have that ability to listen and just spend time doing that. And I know I've spoken before about, you know, rather than just saying, Hey, how are you doing today? But to say, Hey, what are three different feelings?

Right? And I've started to go even deeper and saying, like, I don't want to hear you. I want you to stop for a moment. We're here now.

And lately, I'm doing lots of workshops with leaders where I know they've already worked half a day, right? And now they're coming in from their busy day. They're like, Oh, yeah, this is something to take off on my list, right? To just stop for a moment, take a deep breath and just check in.

Like, Hey, how am I doing? Look at yourself. And it's so interesting. The answer is just really, it's like 20 seconds that people stop, reflect and think about themselves.

And the answers that come out like, Oh, it's not just, Oh, hey, great. Right? And some will be doing great. But many, you know, all these different feelings.

And I think that's an important part to stop and just ask yourself, How am I doing? Why am I feeling this way? Right? And what's going to happen if I say here?

Is this good or bad or like, right? So I think there's something before what's going to happen if I say here. And you kept actually reminding me that the book here that we both picked up in the airport. I think maybe perhaps a lot of people did lately the subtle arts are not giving a fuck with Mark Manson.

And he writes about this feedback loop from hell. And when this idea of like, you're feeling bad, and then you feel really bad for feeling bad. Yeah, a great example is I have COVID. I feel bad.

But actually, I have a lot of conservation for my friend who's in a much harder situation. And you know, and then you shouldn't be feeling this bad. I should just kind of get myself together. And I think that's important.

And we all know about it. But it is that taking that step in between is saying, Okay, I'm sad. And that's okay. And I can, you know, maybe I get to be here.

So perhaps less about like, and how will I feel if I continue to stay here? Because you know, that feel even more sad. I guess I wasn't when I said that. I wasn't necessarily thinking about the feeling of being sad.

I was thinking for me, like, all right, I am extremely busy right now. It's super intense. I took it from my perspective. Right.

And saying to myself, right? All right, I'm busy. I'm having lots of fun. But it's very intense.

And what's going to be the consequences if I stay for the rest of the week, right? So I think that's how I was relating to it. But absolutely, you're right. When it comes to those feelings, it's in that feedback loop from hell.

I can, I think some do it more than others. I can definitely see you as my sister. You how you sort of easily get into that travel like, no, I don't want to be angry. And then you add even more feelings.

I think one of my daughters is an expert at this as well. And I think if you end up there, it's really like stop that loop, right? Because it's not going to help you, right? Yeah.

And I think it's for a lot of people that are, you know, kind of in the positive psychologist world or the messages that we get all the time are essentially, you know, about the should control how we feel. Yeah. And then we also get messages that are saying, okay, it's okay to feel bad, but they're so contradicting sometimes that it is hard to say, okay, let's feel bad here a bit. Let's write January off.

And then, you know, let's get up again. Yeah. So going back and thinking about the famous Swedish book of Elphon's Orba, you know, where the wise grandma is telling this little boy that, you know what, it's okay to have a boring time because, you know, we need to be bored sometimes so we can really enjoy when it's not boring. Right?

If it would always be on a high, you're never going to enjoy it. And I think it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be like, I don't have it all together, right? And have those moments and be a bit self-compassionate, I'd say.

Self-compassionate. And then after that, the next step is to start to look at, okay, so what is there perhaps the input that I need for the desired result? Exactly. And the inputs might be very different from different people and different times and whatever you're listening to this, the medicine might be different, so to say.

But the idea here is that perhaps sometimes we go to input that we think will be helpful, but it's actually not helpful because we're stuck in it or we don't have the access to it. So that's for say for me now, why was I feeling so down? Well, perhaps because I'm actually addicted to working out and I couldn't work out the candidates. Yeah, that's a really good point.

And or still, not really. And then you have to look at, okay, what are other types of inputs that can, unfortunately, food. Short-term impact, but yeah. But it's a bit of that.

Looking at what is the input that you need and normally, or I wouldn't say normally, for some people, it might not be telling yourself that you should do more or feel better. No, but rather it might be something very different. Yeah. So what we prepared, actually, we've gone through and we looked at what are different things that potentially could be something that works for you?

Because I think to your point, it's all going to be different things, but what are proven methods that works for some that potentially could be working for you? Yes. And you've been speaking about one method very enthusiastically in the past week when we've spoken. So tell us all about that.

What is one thing that really works for you? Well, so this one thing came to me after having an incredibly inspiring conversation with one of my best friends who's also facing health challenges at this time. And I was giving her some advice, which beautifully was turned right back at me, you know, she used the exact words and gave that to me. But it was a beautiful conversation.

We both left it so inspired, but it was all around baby steps. It was all about in a situation where something is overwhelming and hard and incredibly challenging. The real importance of taking baby steps. And what does that mean?

I mean, I think that that can be a lot of different things. And we all know about, you know, let's take the baby step. But I think that there's something around when you're really stuck for going through something challenging, you need some motion. You need something to start again.

And you need to look back at a period of your time and say, well, no, actually, you know, it was meaningful. I started something, whatever that is, not started something big, but I put something into motion. And here the baby steps are so incredibly important. And I recognize that a lot of my goals, despite knowing these kind of things, but a lot of my goals of the year were written in such kind of big capital letters.

It was the big goal. Like I am wanting to create an institute here in my York. And picking that up, being sick in COVID and, you know, everything that's happening. You know, how do you even start a Monday morning?

Yeah. You know, with a final vision, like my goal there is like the final vision. And you look at Instagram or social media and you see some, you see the other people's final results of their, you know, 50 year journey. And it looks very, very big.

And I just think that having that time to look at the small steps, the small things that you could put into motion now. And I just saw the importance of perhaps for me, when I'm in a more of higher state, actually also write down the baby steps, because that supports you when you are in a lower state. But when you're in this lower state, you might not even know what the baby steps are. Yeah.

But so just a personal experience that makes me think of me having put, I mean, last year, I put the big goal. Like I'm going to write a book right now. Now it's going to happen. And that just felt so overwhelming to me, like, because I, then I got really busy.

I'm like, I'm never going to be able to write a book. And then summer came and I had a little bit of time to reflect and revisit and really think about it. And I thought, well, all right, so I'm probably not going to write a book this year. But what I can do, what is the baby step, is to just write something little every day, right?

And write a reflection. And if it's going to eventually get in a book or not, let's see and post these on LinkedIn. And it's interesting because then it was such a small thing, but I started to do it after the summer to regularly, I gave myself like, okay, three times a week, I'm going to post a little thought, a little something that I'm writing on LinkedIn, just because it really puts it into action. It was something specific and it was not too overwhelming.

And it was really with that intention of forget about the book for the moment, but this is what I need to start working on. And it's interesting now in Daniel, he's like six months later when first I went to Hawaii and I met all my colleagues or many, many of my beautiful colleagues. And it was kind of like so many of them came up to me and were like, wow, we love your LinkedIn post. And that was so rewarding and so lovely to get all that feedback.

And what felt like such a small thing to write all these little, you know, whenever I'm doing it, I'm like, it's in my morning reflection and I'll just write it down, write it down and post it. Now that I see it's actually produces lots of tests. I have like, I've saved them and I have them, right? So that's an example, I'd say of a baby step, right?

Yeah, and I think that can be applied at different times. It can be when you are in a high achieving job and you're really busy and you need to put baby steps into this other dream or this writing the book dream or, you know, that kind of that is outside of your normal work, they perhaps. And then it's also if you are, you know, quite a new mother or young kids, I feel like this really fits in here because that's a time when there's so much stop and go and stop and go. Yeah, there are, you know, you're inspired and then you have three weeks of not sleeping properly and then you're home with a kid and it can all become this long blur.

Yeah, and there again, I think these tiny steps still create such an important, both for the result, but also for the motion in itself and the well being the back grade. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So here I'm clearly a fan of baby steps and I read it was really nice. There's this Japanese expression called Kaizen.

If one wants to have a bit of a fancier word in relation to their strategy and not want to call it baby steps, but Kaizen is essentially saying that it's about, it's a Japanese philosophy for businesses to, you know, do changes without having to have huge investments and still kind of increase their productivity or whatever. And it's really talking about what are the small things that you can tweak that you can change that you could just do a little bit differently. And here's the thing, there's in that scoop, there's so many different really, really good methods, right? And so here are few to recommend for everyone that I think are sort of in that field of the baby step business, if you wish.

One is the book, the Four Disciplines of Execution, which is something I work closely with and it's my colleague's Christmas, Chasney and Yuleen that wrote it. And it's amazing. So that's something that inspires me all the time. The whole idea here is pick that big goal like a family to write the book, right?

Something that stands out with something that's really important for you and then decide what's that one little habit that's going to lead into that, measure that habit, and then have accountability in your teams to make sure that you keep up with that. So that's one method that I think is really for everyone who's, especially if you're working in teams, I think that's an amazing way to create energy, accountability and engagement. The nether one that we just, yes, Four Disciplines of Execution, the main author is Chris Mechesney, you can definitely recommend that. Another book that I've read recently and I've listened to him as well as the Atomic Habits, which is a brilliant book as well, which is really also talking about Hey, Pick That Little Thing that's going to make a difference and I think that's wonderful and really important.

And then we've started to Google and read like that whole theory. I think it's quite popular here in the US around streaks. You want to talk about streaks? When you pull all of your clients off and run up on the book book.

That feels like an English thing, right? Like, isn't that like, I'm sorry to all our British listeners. You tell me, but I'm thinking of the Wimbledon or English football when people run naked on the court. Yes, it holds guys with lots of bears and yeah, so that's what we're going to do.

That's not what we're going to do. So tell us about what is streaking when you're not running naked at Wimbledon. What else is it? Well, it's the motivational idea around doing something in a row, right?

So it's like our brain really loving the fact that we keep on doing something and that we can take something off. And I think that's been used for good and bad, right? I've heard of it in bad terms in terms of these like TikTok challenges or whatever where people need to be in contact with each other every day. Yes, it's crazy.

I've seen my... I think it's Snapchat, right? The girls, this worked a few years ago, right? It was crazy.

They really could not leave their... they had to hand over their passwords if we were going somewhere with Noi5 for 24 hours to not interrupt their street. And you know, it wasn't that it would make sense, which is like... it's strange.

Exactly. But the idea is that you can use that motivational... because it's... I mean, that is what it is.

But that actually talks about how motivational it could be. I mean, the purpose of it, right? Exactly. So it's to use that for something positive.

So you could do that around any kind of habits that you want to put in place and you can make sure that you kind of tick in every day that you do that. So that... and there are apps for doing that that you can download. So for good and bad, I also have this mindfulness app waking up that I'm listening to where they used to do that.

And then there was this whole conversation around, you know, why make something like mindfulness into this competitive thing that you fail if you don't do. So there's a balance there, I think. Are you adding more failure to yourself for not streaking? So he actually removed that from the app, which I think makes sense for mindfulness app.

But you know, it might be something that you want to try. And I was playing around with the idea of having some kind of micro babysep habits. Or even just the fact like, have I for tomorrow put out one babysep habit or a babysep action that I want to take. So the streak is not necessarily taking the action.

It's like having actually prepared the action for the next day. Yeah. Well, that could be your action. That's preparation, right?

But that's also like in atomic habits and in otherities of... like, it's okay if you do one push-up per day. Like everyone can do. Like, that's the whole idea to keep it very, very simple and then getting into that habit.

And I find it addictive. I mean, I'm on my Peloton. We've discussed the Peloton before. And I was like, when we went to Sweden and I kind of forgot about my app and I lost my 36-week going streak, right?

I was devastated. I lost my weekly account. So I think... So that could be a way.

Sorry, the there. The question and there is. So you're at the 36-week. You've lost your streak.

And this is where we need to begin again. Exactly. I'm on week five now. I'm like, it's a new year.

I'm starting over. It's fine. I told myself it can be year per year, right? So I'm going to be 36 this year.

And that's amazing. But I think that there's an important point there. And that's where everyone, I think, is a common place for themselves. And I think that's the whole point of this episode is how do you pick it up today?

Not when you're doing on week 36 to 37, but how are you picking up that day that you have lost your streak? Yeah. You know, when things did not work out as you plan. So that's what, of course, these baby steps and these methods and the streaking could be part of.

Well, see, I think that's part of our next part though. Because when we were talking about this and preparing, we said one part is, okay, there are systems, there are structures that we can use like baby steps, the four disciplines. And the streaking, right? All of these things.

But the other part is more that mental talk with ourselves, right? Like that. Okay. So how do I do that?

How do we pick ourselves up when we missed that, when it didn't work out, when we kind of lost ourselves a little bit? Yeah. And I think you said it really well. Like you put those big goals and it was like, that was hard to achieve.

One thing is to break it down. But what if that also didn't work? What can you do? What can we do?

What can we tell ourselves when we are stuck a little bit in that situation? So we go back to the first step with that. Accepting and awareness. This is where I am.

And then you start to develop your baby steps. And then also perhaps, do you want to talk about the idea of circle of influence? Do you think that is something that would be useful at that time? Oh, yeah.

I think the circle of influence is always going to be useful. But I do think when we're there, the problem is like we get stuck and we feel annoyed and we put a lot of our energy and thoughts on maybe the things that we can influence. So the whole idea with the circle of influence and the circle of concern is you can take everything that sort of concerns you, that worries you, that keeps you up at night, big or small and put it in the circle of concern. Right?

Now within that circle, there's a smaller circle, which we call the circle of influence. So out of all these things, and what could it be could be? Okay, COVID, world economy, it could be my child's schoolman for next week. It could be the health or my time schedule.

Or it could be like big to small. Everything really that fits into our circle of concern. So then look at these things and say, what's something little within each of these things that I can influence, right? So to take it to the big extent, you can't influence that your friend or now friend is really sick at the moment.

But what is something you can influence? You can influence of checking in with her and give her a little bit of strength and courage, right? So focus your energy on that instead of that big awful worry. Like that's that's a big thing, right?

But what about? All right. So, oh my goodness, I'm never going to write another book. Like that's big and thought like, well, I can influence that I actually can share a short example.

Or a short pet three times a week, right? So like, where do I put my energy and focus on? And I cannot choose everything that happens to me, but I can really work on how I'm going to choose to react to it. Yeah, no, I love that.

And I also think that that could help to start to think about, we talked about refocus, you know, if you've done your awareness, but it's also perhaps something about revisiting the beliefs that you have. And revisiting what you are, perhaps what our limiting beliefs or what are putting you in certain places or certain patterns to do certain things. And I was thinking about something the other day, I was giving my kids, they get snack, right? So I bring snack into school.

And I was seeing a video that they sent from school and all of the kids were sitting there with these little cuffed apples and like, black, black, black boxes, apples, laces and nice snacks. And my kids were sitting there eating like their un-fat apples and had just been put into their bag. And in the 80s and 70s, you mean, like you got your apple. Yeah.

And I never got to cut that. And I realized though how for me, lately, it's been a narrative in my mind. Like, I don't have time to cut their apple. Like, I'm a busy full time working person.

And that's not something, you know, to make a special, a million nights called here, like a special snack box. Like, that is not what I have time to do. And then I started to think now that actually, I have a little bit more time. And I could actually make apples laces.

It's just something I've been telling myself lately, you know, that I can't. And then I reflected one further step around this, which is that I hold, I think, a belief around like a busy, successful person does not have time to cut out the apples. Okay. So I get so many thoughts when I hear this story about apple cuttings, like, and it's interesting because when I think of you, you are my role model in giving healthy food to your children.

Yeah, exactly. So obviously you're like 10 years behind me and that, like, and I'm like, oh my goodness, I wish I should have thought of that, right? You know, your kids thought that ice cream for quite a long time was like mixed frozen berries with avocado, right? Like, it was like, that was their idea.

And then I know it's not that way any longer than grandpa came into the picture. You noticed the joy of real ice cream with real sugar. But so for me, when you're saying this, I'm like, really? Are you not the ones where they would have like the apple cut with like some chia seeds and you know, that would be my picture of you.

So what do you conclude? And I guess here's a part of the circle of influence then. Like, is that where you want to put your energy? I mean, yeah, exactly like, okay, your picture of, well, I'm actually a person who has time to cut the apples.

Or, but you did tell me when you saw the voice on the video, were they sad about their full apple or like were they happy about their apple? So that's not the problem. And it makes me think of two things here. What you're saying, the first of all is that the kind of the belief around the apple thing that it's highly personal and you had another thought of me as, you know, this successfully apple slicing mom.

And then I think the other part of it is just really like, am I choosing to cut or not cut the apples? Yeah, because it is or it's not important to me or because it does or doesn't give me joy. And I just think all of this long story about cutting apples, I hope you're like that makes sense is that I just had not checked in on that. I just had a checked on the belief that I was too busy to cut apples because perhaps I also put some kind of value into being someone that didn't have time to cut apples.

And now I actually think, well, I could do that with some joy, you know, it could actually be a small, nice thing because like you're saying, it does give me joy to feel like it's not a good thing. And then it does give me joy to feel like the kids are eating a really healthy snack. So, I mean, that's where the reflection never ends because I would also throw in there and, you know, well, why would you cut the apples because your kids are clearly enjoying the apple uncut. I mean, are you doing it so that they will look like all the other kids having their apples slices and you will feel just as good as the other month or do you truly enjoy it?

I mean, I think that's, and there's no right or wrong. It's just something to ask ourselves because exactly the biggest challenges. How do we use our time? I think there's so many people that are looking into this.

And I think you really need to ask yourself, do I have time for apple cutting? And does it add value for me or my boys? And if it doesn't really add value, then maybe don't. Right?

And I think we're talking about apple slices here, but in reality, if you go into all things that we do at work, like, why do I stay so long with this PowerPoint presentation? Or why am I part of this meeting that I don't need to be? Or why do I feel like I need to go on this dinner with the does not give me energy? Just go a little bit deeper and ask you what value does it give to you and what value does it give to others?

And the idea is if you're deprioritizing something, what else are you prioritizing? And the other way around? Exactly. Because every time you choose to catch your apples, you choose to not do something else.

Yes. And what I started to feel about was this funny other reaction, which is like, okay, but I could actually really enjoy coming. Yeah, exactly. And then you do your small thing.

Yes. Which I think is overrated sometimes and we forget that. But you're actually right. So I'm not saying that one or the other is right or wrong.

I think exactly to what your point is like, you actually do enjoy that. And when I see you in the kitchen doing all of these things, I see a lot of joy. And when you're working on your green smoothies or your beautiful cakes and I see you there in your flowy dresses and your kitchen, a little bit of a lovely mess. And you're having all these gorgeous ingredients.

And you're just perfect. So I see that that's a moment where you shine really. Yes. And I think I was reading Brene Brown recently.

And just again, another quote from her around how busyness is such a buzzword. You know, and that we're all kind of tend to be so busy. And I think my full reflection around that is that I had this idea that I was too busy for doing that. And rather it should be idea around what do I prioritize and what do I not prioritize?

Yeah, not really around business. So, yeah. So, so, so where we are for the listeners who sort of lost where we're at. We were really talking about that mindset.

And if we've lost a little bit of track to say, what can I do to get back on track. So look at the things that add value and I love your point. Like, maybe it's just enjoyable to come to us and I should be doing that. So, what is it that gives you joy and what is it that gives you focus.

I think that's so important. And what are your beliefs around yourself? Like, where are they limiting you and where have a reality check to other people actually see you that way. Yeah.

And they probably don't. So I should you. Yes. Yes.

Yes. So that's another point then talking about others that we would discuss. And I think it could be really, really important too is if we feel that we're a little down and we're a little bit lost and other thing that we know drives energy and that is so important. And so, what is important is to maybe connect with others.

Like, not just like, Hey, hey, but to take a moment and check in with people that matters to you and just go a little bit deeper and create that energy of connection. Right. Yeah. I mean, connection is so crucial for everything, everything that we do in terms of wellbeing.

And I think that a lot of people are feeling quite lonely. Yes. It's an incredibly lonely world the way that many of us work right now. And that could be even if we're in an office.

I've been in many offices where I've been lonely. Yeah. But they can also be when you are working from home, but this idea of connecting with others and the idea of one small thing that I really like, if you're meeting new people, but connecting with people if you can in a movement. If you can go for a walk with someone, if that is a meeting, walk into work, or if that is a new friend, or if that is a lunch date or whatever it might be, the movement just releases so much in terms of it.

Yes. And that's a good. And the synchronicity as well of moving means that we connect more. We feel safer with the other person just because we are moving with them.

Yeah. Exactly. And that makes me think I have a friend who's reached out and I get many lovely requests like this from wonderful people that I know and that I don't know that when I sort of just meet up and talk. And unfortunately, I cannot check in with everyone, but this is a friend of mine and I really think he needs it right now.

And he asked me, so we said, okay, we're going to go for a walk together and walk and talk and just do a little bit of a coaching check in session walking, right? And I think that is super powerful. And the trick here when it comes to relationships and when it comes to connections is really to think about sort of see three or connections and see who gives you energy and who does not who drains you from energy. Pick to consciously hang out with the people that do give you energy, right?

Yes. And it's such a common advice, but it's so hard sometimes to apply. Yeah. And I think it's, you know, we had that conversation recently and it's about how do you feel after you leave a conversation or a person, rather.

Yeah. And that's where you it's not so much about whether it's enjoyable when you're with them, but it's really like what happens afterwards. And that is being aware of that can be that whole circle of, you know, of supporting you and taking the baby steps in the right direction because that awareness tells you really crucial information about whether that is someone that you should keep connecting with. Yeah.

And to your point also, sorry, I wanted to go back to your thought that I think a lot of people are feeling a little lonely now, right? And that it's been there. And it's so this trip to Hawaii, I keep coming back just because it was so amazing. And it was really a work trip actually, but it wasn't work, but it was a chairman's club.

It's sort of an American thing. I've never experienced it before that certain criteria that basically how much you worked if you're a consultant gives you this invite for a lovely few days in Hawaii with your spouse. So it was beautiful. And we got to go and Dreyse and I, and some I met some of my colleagues for the first time in person because the, you know, I've been here two and a half years now and COVID hit and plus it's a little bit of a lonely job being a consultant because you kind of taught me, you meet a lot of people, but not necessarily your colleagues, right?

And I met some of my colleagues for the first time, and it was just so lovely, right? What an energy boost. So I did write a post around that too, I think as people and as leaders and self leaders to maybe really be a bit more intentional about creating moments for connecting for your people, your family, your family, your family. Because it does give us energy.

So if we are a little low in energy and some are saying, okay, but to your point, you can work in an office and also be totally drained from energy. It is about how do I build these moments where people can connect to generate that energy? Yes. And that's what I want to do here in my Yorka.

That's where this Institute, that's what I would want to do is to bring, you know, we're so much time in our minds, especially with colleagues and work projects. And there is something about connecting and moving that mind world to the heart world where it actually becomes real. Yeah. Right.

That's what we're striving for. That's amazing. Okay. Yes.

Babies, babies, babies, but it's beautiful. And I think, but also just to say, for those that are feeling lonely and with the whole connection part, that can also be overwhelming. And it's something you can fail in, right? You can feel like I didn't connect when I met my lovely colleagues, right?

Didn't connect and I don't have as many friends and so on. And my tool here again is, well, first of all, perhaps reach out to those you do have. And then baby steps. I was laughing at myself.

My word of the year was, you know, plant the seeds. And I still have the expectation that I should already have it all. Yeah. What a good insight.

Yeah. How can you have the flower? If your goal is to plant the seed. Exactly.

So small, small steps, you know, try to make a lunch next week with someone or go for a walk or whatever is small for you. Maybe that is big, you know, or maybe that's nothing. But yeah, small steps. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm loving it. Okay. So here's an editor thought around that.

I think, and really, I'm going to put you on this spot a little bit here because it's something that I've noticed lately and it's a little bit fun. But I think we all do it, right? That whole idea that we look at others and we see something that it looks so amazing. And I think this is a curse of social media because 99% of what everyone puts out there are all the amazing things that they do.

They put out 5% of their life on social media, right? What has been my post this year? It has been beautiful in the snow in Sweden, right? With you.

And it's been Hawaii, right? So it looks like I'm constantly an amount in top, either in Sweden or how to be a person. But of course, I'm here in all this stress and work and all these different things. But we see that and we're like, wow, that's the kind of life that I want to have.

And it's funny because you are now in your dream location, Mallorca. And I've for years, you've spoken about Mallorca, which I think is so beautiful. I was actually telling someone, it's been sometimes since we were in touch and I said, I'll guess what? My sister moved to Mallorca.

She goes, oh, wow, I remember she had her wedding there, right? And so now it's happening. How exciting, right? But you know what you've done recently?

What you started to talk about? And like, when I'm going to come and visit you, you're like, Victoria, when you come, we should go to Ibiza. I see your coin here, but it just represents the constant quest for adventure. Because I think that that is a different point from what you made before.

I thought you were going one way. And the one way, I think, is that on social media, we see the final product. Yes. Which is actually going many ways.

We compare our starting steps to someone's final product. But obviously somewhere you've seen Ibiza. On social media and in your head, you must have thought like, wow, imagine to go to Ibiza, where I'm like, you're living the dream in Mallorca. But don't worry.

I don't want to go and live in Ibiza. I feel like I'm living in the space. But I think that you need to have a little sister island on a two-hour boat right away where you can kind of, you know, what happens to Ibiza. You're vicious.

I think that's it. All right. So for everyone, if you want to have a little bit of a mental boost, they'd say there are a few books that we've read. Come to Ibiza.

But I think there are a few books that we think would be that we've read that we love. I'm reading right now. I was like, I haven't finished it yet, but I'm really enjoying the Robin Sharma, the everyday hero. So that's sort of like a book kind of on the bedside table with little short pep-tops basically.

Like some chapters are like two pages and it's just like good insights, wonderful ideas about. I thought that was really good. Another book that we both read is The Long Game by Doris Clark. And I thought that was really a great and quite inspiring book.

So it's okay. We're like most successes and I thought that for me really helped. It's not happening overnight. And we somehow we have this idea that a success is even better if it's super quick, right?

If it can happen overnight and it makes even more sense. And I think that book is amazing in that way, setting the idea that, no, like it takes time and work before you actually get there. And that's okay too. What other books do we have to recommend you think?

Well, logon is a book that you've been reading, right? It's like just enough, good enough. Yeah, like based on the Swedish expression of like, sometimes it's also good enough too. We don't have to go all in on everything, right?

And it's a good actually just thinking about expression, right? It's that idea again that like logon is actually like, it's what we strive for in Sweden. And logon is like just enough is what is called. But what is beyond the meaning of just enough is that it's actually the state that you strive for.

It's a perfect place just enough, not having too much, not having too little. Which is not really kind of wrestling with capitalism or the rest of the world. But it resonates with you. If you look back, we have an episode of logon.

So everyone is like not fed up with us after this hour. And when they have a little bit more of a pep talk, I think go through the old episodes and you'll find one around that philosophy of logon, which I think is pretty good. Yeah. All right.

Another book is Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I think it's always valuable. You know, I'm such a fan. I mean, that's why I'm working for Frankly Covey to just use that framework.

And it's a wonderful way. And that's where you find the circle of influence, for example, that's a beautiful one. And then I would perhaps finally say that if what you really need is to just kind of calm down and accept where you are. So maybe pick out just a fiction, you know, a nice fiction book and go with that.

Go with the flow for a while. And I'm reading Piela Nese, Piela Nese, which is this imaginary world, super strange. And just pick something up that helps you disappear a little bit. Okay, so I have another one that I'm reading right now, the dictionary of Lost Words.

Amazing. I'm loving it. So that's another one that also gives me some really good insight. All right.

So everyone, thank you so much for listening to us today. If you think someone else needs a little bit of a lift up here, please let them know about our podcast. We are so grateful that you're here listening. We have listeners across the world.

I think over 70 different countries, listeners and those. I think our top countries right now is actually the US has passed Sweden. Go come on, Sweden, the US, the UK, Sweden, Holland, lots of countries in Europe and a little bit everywhere. Thank you so much.

Lots of listeners in India starting to listen to you. Thank you so much, everyone who are listening. We are so enjoying you, everyone's checking in with us. Yes, and that is the format.

Now, as you see a little bit longer, we take a little bit more time to really think through what we want to share with you like the most inspiring things that we have explored that month. And we have a bit of a longer episode coming out each month. Yes, we hope you will enjoy. Good luck, everyone.

And we'll see you and talk to you next time. Thank you for listening. Bye. Bye.