. What up, mom? Put down that coffee and grab a wine. Get ready for another episode of Nursing and Cursing, a parenting podcast that covers more shit than your baby's full diaper. I'm Kate. I'm a stay-at-home mom of three in Brooklyn, New York. I'm trying to figure out whether I should go back to work, have another baby, or spend the rest of my life waiting for my fresh direct order. Hey, I'm Christine, a video editor and a mom of two living in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Allie here, podcasting up in the mountains in South Kona, Hawaii. I work as a real estate agent and a mom of two boys. Hey, I'm Molly. I'm a teacher raising two kids in St. Augustine, Florida. And I'm Sarah, a new mom to one sweet babe living in Brooklyn, New York. Between five busy households, it's a miracle we make it on the mic at all.
But trust me, we need this as much as you do. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to Nursing and Nursing. We are back on the mic. All five of us are here. Hi, girls. Hi. How's your week going?
So good. Oh my gosh. Just so busy, busy, busy. You remember when you overhear your parents ask somebody how things are going and they'd be like, it's going. And I was always like, look, I'm digging. I always say it all the time. It's going. It's going. It's doing. It's doing. I try to answer honestly without being like always my answer always being like, you know, I'm just busy and I'm so fucking tired. But otherwise. Yeah. But then you have that like friend at work, maybe everybody's got one when you ask them.
And they tell you honestly, and you don't want to fucking know. You're like, I ain't got time for that. Exactly. You're like, give me a good and put a smile on. Right. You're not asking because you really necessarily care. You're just making a polite convo. Damn, guys, that's fucking harsh. Sorry. But everybody's got one. Okay. It's going down or at work. You know, everybody's got one.
Or how about they give you the answers where they, like, give you the full blow-by-blow of their weekend, like, right down to the nitty-gritty? Oh, boy. Then I had to go return something, and they didn't have my size, and so then I had to do it. Oh! God. You guys. Oh, my God. I was at Target the other day, and this woman was ringing me up. No, I was at Target the other day, and this woman was ringing me up, and I was like, how's it going? She said, well, let's just say, ooh, no more Ambien for me. What?
That's the best answer ever. No, for real. I would have been like, girl, tell me more. No, I was like, no, I was just like, totally. Oh God. I had a babysitter once and I was like, how was your night? And literally you wouldn't believe the details. And I was like, don't fucking know. Are my kids sleeping or not? You're just trying to run out my tab. I owe you another fucking 20 bucks. No, we played Legos for 15 minutes. And then I was like, Oh my God. Anyway, those, right. You're like, I know you worked for your money. I don't need to hear all about it. That's right. Wow. No more ambient for me guys.
Tonight? Tonight? God, are we getting so sloppy? Sloppy. Let's go. Okay. So listen, this is serious. Serious business. We're talking about mom rage, which is not a joking matter. Every mother experiences it. Do they? Oh, God, maybe not. I don't know.
I said maybe not all moms do, maybe just children of alcoholics do. No. I mean, we might have it a touch worse. Maybe, I don't know, but 100% all moms experience. I feel like everybody with kids under five has a lot of rage.
On the rage spectrum. You might not call it rage to yourself. I don't think the name that you give it matters, but you have that feeling. And other people's rage can be more severe. The other night I met up with some moms and one of them says, I don't know. Do you guys ever find yourselves getting mad at your babies? And I'd be all sort of laughing. Only every fucking day.
What kind of question is that? Sometimes, you guys, I mouth horrible things under my breath, such as, I hate you, you ruin my life. When I get in the truck in the morning, close the door, and I'm just going, fuck you. It's terrible. Oh, yeah. It's so bad. As you guys know, I texted you this morning. I had the worst rage session and was just paralyzed with guilt and shame for about an hour afterwards. And we've all texted you, Chrissy, and been like, wow, I really just lost it. And I said something that was unreasonable and I behaved in a way that was unreasonable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My rage. Like, obviously, I'm not talking about yelling at my kids. I'm not talking about, like, blowing up. I'm talking about, for me, it's about once every six months to a year.
I'm talking animalistic fucking seeing red rage and it usually has nothing to do with the kids. It's very often for me a symptom of like I'm overtired and I haven't gotten a break from this kid in X amount of time. Totally. It's now time for a quick sponsor break. It's December you guys. How's your holiday shopping going? I've been having a little bit of a hard time.
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Just pay shipping and handling. This offer will not last, you guys. Text NURSE to 64-000. That's NURSE to 64-000 for free. Thanks, guys. That and for me also lack of control. That's what it is. It's not in control. When you're doing it, you're late, but you're caught on getting the car. It's like you're on drugs. It's like you're completely on drugs, out of body experience, and you see the train rolling, steamrolling ahead, and you hear the words coming out of your mouth, and you cannot stop them. And in the moment, it feels amazing even.
You can get swept. It's a drug of its own. You can just get swept into it. And there's no backing down now. I'm just going to keep going. And my voice now I'm screaming. And this feels so fucking good. Yes. That's exactly it, Allie. Like mid-range today when I was like having my moment with Matilda, who I could not get in the car seat. You know, there was like a voice in my head that was like, just let her take the coat off, buckle her in, let's just move on. But it was like, I can't turn back now. I can't back down from my point that we wear coats when it's 30 degrees out.
screaming i mean she's also like your your adrenaline has already your adrenaline is driving the train like you're i mean you're only human and you can't it's really really really hard to come back when you're that mad it is really hard i've been there too the last time i did it the last time i did it just like i get horrible chills when i think about it but um The last time I did it, I remember that out of control feeling and I remember screaming so loud, blood curdling, screaming. And then I remember leaving the room where my kids were to go into my room and shutting my door and that they were following me. Both of them? They were scared. Sarah, they were scared. They were like stuck to each other and they start crying at my door, wailing, crying as I am.
get my pillow and let it rip so fucking hard into my pillow um wow it's like i'm it's like i'm replaying that time i had postpartum um depression or whatever that was and i was raging into my pillow it's like that fuck right after arki was born because you weren't done and you're like this is getting dangerous and i need to i need to do this in quiet basically i need a release you need to release and they when they follow you oh god one time i went on the front porch and slammed the door and i was just sitting outside and screaming and um the kids were just at the front door peeking out like waiting for me they fall so sad give me a minute right so i just need space yeah it's severe like once i got it out i'm gonna open the door and they're both there holding on to each other you guys this is fucking terrible holding on to each other and then i get down on my knees like it's okay just let them no i'm crying they're crying let them come to me cry with them mama feels overwhelmed i'm so sorry that's not okay that i yelled and then just the absolute shame for the rest of the fucking day texting you guys shaking like i don't deserve to be a mom i don't deserve to be their mom um they are a gift to me what am i doing oh it's crazy it's fucking such a head trip it does it wrecks your head so bad it just fucking wrecks your head i had a moment once a year it's probably my
My cycle. It's so weird because I know it's coming. I have had times when I've been able to either get the kids somewhere and it's blown over. I never got to the boiling point. I had a moment in the car the other day where Mavis was pissed off about something and kicked my seat for 20 minutes, just savagely kicking the back of my seat as hard as she could. Just screaming at me. It's your fault. I don't have a hairbrush in the car. It's your fault. I don't like what color my coat is. It's just the most bullshit shit ever. This is like before 8 o'clock in the morning.
I was actually thinking to myself, okay, we're going to be in 10 minutes. I'm going to be saying goodbye to her. And it's going to feel really great. I'm going to be on the other side of this. I'm going to be patting myself on the back for having kept it together. And they're like, I got this. And they wear you fucking down. Well, it was so weird because Ali, even as I was thinking to myself, she's just tired. I can control my temper. She can't. It's going to be fine.
It's like my brain was thinking that, but my body was doing something else. You got one more kick to the back of your seat and something happens. I slammed on the brakes. I gave my kids whiplash. I was going 20 miles an hour and I hit the brakes. And I was fucking locked on Mavis in the passenger seat. And I said, who the fuck do you think you are? Do you think I'm going to drive this fucking car with a six-year-old kicking me for 20 fucking minutes? And even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I was like, okay, something's wrong with me. I really hope I get arrested right now. I need an intervention. I need someone to drag me out of the car. I need help. I'm not healthy. Something's wrong with me.
Mavis just goes, you could have just asked me nicely. Oh, show. Lord. No, it made me feel like a monster. Like, I felt like I need to leave my body. Something bad is happening to me. Something bad is happening to me. Rat in a cage. Rat in a cage. Yeah, rat in a cage. Guys, rat in a cage keeps coming up on our thread for lots of different situations. Rat in a cage. I feel like our new nursing and cursing t-shirt needs to say rat in a cage. And no one needs to say free the rat in a cage.
it's also wait it's rat in a cage and the other one is rats in my brain rats in my brain oh wait one day somebody's like i got rats in my brain sarah i dare you to answer that when somebody's like hey how are you i got rats in my brain they're just fucking scurrying around gnawing at shit taking shits i feel like i can't you know right situations whether it's deadline also trying to parent at the same time whatever it is oh I felt so bad and I know that people are going to be really horrified that I would like scream the word fuck to my first grader on the way to school and believe me you know whatever hate mail you want to send me i've thought it myself a million times like you don't have to explain to me how fucked up that is believe me i know did we do a nursing and kristin t-shirt that just says shame shame what is it around where they're like shame shame we all have those moments you know molly you remember yours mine was right around i don't know it was right around dengue fever and i was living in my basement apartment and i had two babies and
Whatever. And that was a rough time, girl. It was so rough, guys. And they were, it was so rough. I couldn't, I don't know why it was so bad, but. You just, you just spelled it out. Your husband had two babies. It was so stressful. You're welcome. I just remember she was raging. Leo, I mean, Phoenix was so young, but I remember having him, this is, I hope I don't get CPS called on me, but I remember having him pinned up against the refrigerator. Like I was pinning his shoulders to it, screaming at him. And I.
Do not feel okay about that. It's like it haunts me you guys it haunts me my mom rich haunts me for fucking sure Oh my dad's does I mean that was one of the things when I had my little moment with Matilda today I mean I slammed her against the car seat She was kicking and thrashing and um I screamed right in front of her nose Stop it. Just stop it. Why are you like this? And she responded with a scream right back in my face And I slammed the car door and I just slid down the door like an 80s movie and just started crying like I am so I am so my father. And same thing, Allie, I looked all around like, who just saw that? Someone's going to call CPS on me. I just screamed in a two-year-old's face. And then when I opened the door back up, I pulled her out of seat. I'm hugging her. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And she said,
why did you do that loud voice? It hurt my ears. You're so scary, mommy. There's going to be two, three, maybe four therapists that listen to us that are going to be like, you guys need some help. Oh my God. One of my closest friends here who's a therapist and I just got to hash it out with her for like an hour and a half. I have a very close friend that's a therapist as well. And it's just, she's so awesome. And I can just tell like the certain bits of advice she gives me are most, it's like 90% friend and 10% therapist. I'm like,
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But there was that time then it used to be, I don't get any time. I don't get any how, but I'm always with two little ones around the clock. That's how I used to feel anyway about my husband relationship. And now I can always pinpoint it when it's coming has nothing to do with them. It's usually, I have something back in my brain that I'm so deeply stressed about it, whether it's a real estate deal or a function or that I'm throwing or something that's stressing me out so badly that if they do one little thing, I rage on them and it's not okay. It doesn't come very often, but I know.
that that's when it comes it's external stress that i can't do you guys think that it's something that happens more with people who have little kids like toddler age yeah that does get better because of course like older kids can just like they can reason it's weird they can say horrible things and and push your buttons but in different ways You know what I think sometimes it grows into like, you know, you see those families where the teenagers and the parents are screaming at each other. And that it's weird because even more than like yelling at my little kids, that's a place that I never ever want to be at with my children where you're like, you're like you and you're like older kid. And I don't mean teenager. I mean, like, let's say like 10 plus or like screaming at each other. That really gives me chills.
scream at phoenix and he's yelling back at me and i'm like oh boy no no quit it just let him yell take a deep breath you do not want this to be a pattern or a way that you communicate with your child it's it's really different when they get older you're just like oh god this is not okay yeah i don't i definitely like i don't know i think i think my mom rage has gotten better although i did just admit to like fucking screaming the word fucking once in a while don't you guys remember your parents doing that though like i can't like one of my most you know clear memories of my mother like being young with my mother is her like threatening to turn the car around yeah I want to I'm super sad it's actually a way of life for us my mom's rage was definitely a way of life Yeah, I mean my dad yelled. I was terrified of my dad. Terrified. Not in a good way. We're terrified for my safety. I mean, he was scary and I don't ever want my kids to feel scared of me. So when Matilda said that today, it really struck up. It was a trigger. And then when you're apologizing, I was going to say, sometimes I feel even sicker when I'm apologizing because I feel like, oh my god, I sound like a fucking most fucked up abuser. Totally. Like the sound of myself apologizing and being like, mommy's so sorry. I'm like, oh my god, I sound like the guy who hit his wife. And you still have to do it.
But we're not going to be apologizing, you guys. I do have a therapist, you guys, that told me, though. Wait, I might have already gone through this with you guys. But she was like, it's totally okay to apologize in the moment. And then later you come back around to it when everybody's calm to revisit. Check in to see if they have any feelings. I like that. And apologize again. But you don't have to keep, keep, keep doing it. But I don't know.
while I was at a birthday party and he said the mom who's a good friend of mine and who I love and she has three kids she has three boys and I love her and I think she's a great mom he was at a birthday party and the kids are all being he reported the kids are all being shits and the mom had her pinned her son up against the wall and was screaming I'm gonna send your friends home and that made me feel like okay it's not just me like no people are out there losing it like everybody's losing it we're all fucking losing it and losing it yeah It's hard. Yeah, we can. I mean, I don't want to be like this stupid wah-wah, but we can always do better. There are tools out there. There's even just tools. There are podcasts. There are books. There are things we can listen to. There are tools that we can access to help us with this, right? Yeah. Yeah. For sure. It's just hard in the moment. Very hard. Those external forces, but you're right. If you can stop yourself before it starts, because once you start, there's just no backing down. It's out of control. That's what it is. Spin out. It's like you got to recognize it and stop it.
it would be so great instead of like a million posts about designing the perfect nursery if people were like oh in 18 months you're gonna like really hate your baby and want to scream in their face this is exactly or before you get married like these are some tips you're gonna fucking fall apart at year seven and this is what you need to do fall apart fall apart at year seven i feel like you're two how are you talking about that seven year it just saying yeah um and i'm I got a nail, ladies. Let's hear it. Are you ready? I'm going to lead with this nail. For Levi's birthday, his great-grandmother gave him a very, very generous gift card to a toy store. Incredibly generous. To where we just slipped it into our wallets and did not show him. And we went to said toy store this weekend and purchased every single Christmas gift for the card. No way. Both kids and they wrapped them all. The store wrapped them all.
Oh, you're done. It's the nail of a lifetime. I've never heard such a good nail. It's the nail of a lifetime. I'm high. I'm so high. I didn't have to pay for it high. High. Oh, my God. I'm laughing. It's not even Thanksgiving yet. I know. It's like we found the gift card in our wallet and we had the kids with grandma and we're like, let's go be done. Let's be done. And even if she did this, she'd be like, kudos to you. How wonderful. Well, apparently she said to Garrett's mom, I hope Garrett and Christine use that card for Christmas. So she had a plan.
Oh my God. It's like the mega waste foundation, but it's for you and Garrett. I know they can't afford Christmas. So this is like a backwards way of helping them out. That is so kind. That is really, really, really kind. And when the store people were like, do you want us to wrap them? I just started crying basically like, yes, I do. I'm so jealous. And how freed up, how fucking freed up are your mentals coming into the holiday season? That is amazing. Yeah, how freed up is your Cyber Monday? Like, so freed up. One of the rats in your brain just got fucking to side. Yes, now just all the other family members, but the kids are done and pumped. Oh, that's so good. My fail.
When you said the other family members, I thought you were talking about the other like sibling rats in your brain. 100% same. Sorry, go on. Okay, my fail was the other night. I'm like, what happened? We don't know. We had to go somewhere. And I was like, oh, babe. OK, well, I'm like, you got to give me like 30 more minutes. It takes me so long to get ready now. I'm so slow now. I require so much more makeup than I ever have. And Levi goes, why, mom? Because you're old now. Oh, God. I don't know to say that. Because I know how to say everything. That is why. That is why. That is why I need more makeup. Yeah, exactly. My kids like to tell me that I have more wrinkles than their friends' moms. I love that one. OK. That's great.
You just be like, Santa heard that. All right. All right. Yeah, exactly. That ain't nice. That's all I got, ladies. That's my nail fail. I guess I have a nail, but it's really Edie's nail, but I'll take it. Oh, the fail is that we kept the kitten. I guess you guys knew that was coming. Oh, my God. Kate, you did not. Big surprise over here. Big surprise. She just kept moving on how, like, no, no, we have another family in line to take it. Shit. Do you have any cats now, Kate? Yeah, you're never coming back here. Girl, I can never visit you again. You'd start taking your Claritin right now. You know what's up?
We had an amazing conversation about it the day where I was like, Edie, what about if you were, like, allergic to cats? And we had to get rid of all the cats. How crazy would that be? It'd be so devastating. And Wilder was just looking at me, and he was like, Mom, hello. This is really weird because you know I actually am allergic to cats, yet somehow nobody cares. No way. Is he really, Kate? Sure does. Oh, dude. Oh, God. So sorry to laugh. Okay. My nail is actually...
My nail is really Edie's story to tell, but basically she wanted to be selected for a student council thing. She wrote an essay about why she'd be so great at it. And the teacher said, we got so many great essays. We're just going to pull names out of a hat. And Edie did not get pulled out of the hat, but her 2BFS did. And I picked her up and she was devastated. She was just bawling her eyes out. Like she was really, oh, it was so bad. It was terrible. Her teachers were so sweet. They were texting me in the evening just to follow up, make sure that she was okay. And she came downstairs this morning and I was like all ready to help her.
like process have a great day but she came downstairs early this morning um she had like a new t-shirt on she had her hair all done and i was like babe how are you doing you okay and she was like mom that was yesterday i am so much better i am ready for whatever today has she's a rock star i was like okay that's actually even better than you fucking getting on student council to me this is so much better i love that why can't i be why can't i be as resilient as my nine-year-old i mean ed for president no joke I was just like for her. I was just, and also of course by myself relieved that, you know, you know, that that moment was past. That's incredible. It is. Okay.
Okay. We went on a boat ride. The boys finished their swim team season. And so the swim team rents a snorkel cruise that goes out into the bay, which is awesome. They go out on the water. They snorkel. There's water slides and high dives. And we had a great time. And I was out on the water just with my mom and friends having a wonderful time. And the kids were down below on the deck. And we're like, where are they? We hadn't seen them for ages.
They had been snorkeling and swimming and all of that, but we went down to check on them because we knew that they were on the deck and they were down at the bar and they were just knocking back orange sodas. Yes. They were like, oh, okay. Wow. And the boys were like, mom, mom, mom, all of them. So guess what we had? And I was like, what? They were each like two orange sodas, three Cokes, one Sprite, two fruit punches. It's not lying. The list was going on and on. What the?
fuck oh my god and the bartender was like i told him i told him the rules when it comes to sugar and caffeine there was absolutely no limit on this boat wow that's hilarious so they were strung out for fucking hours um and i feel like they basically got a straight line of cocaine come down from that kind of thing oh my god major e-ball and it was their first time you guys I've never given my kids Coke and they went for it. They overdosed. They overdosed. It was amazing. They were probably like trembling. I have a nail. The other day, my nanny said this. One of the other nannies complimented Francis's butt like that. Francis has a good.
she has a good butt but and um my nanny was like relaying the story to me and she was like yeah francis francis gets that from her mom her mom has a good butt i'm just like i i'm so i don't know why it like makes me so happy that my nanny has even noticed my butt Yep. Hey, you take it where you can. Exactly. You've got the kind of assets impossible not to notice. Get real. It's your calling card. It's your asset. Thank you, Allie. 100% people at work are discussing it. That's good.
Anyway, gotta love my nanny. Got to. Okay, well, I've got to fail, and it's just really, I'm just bringing this down at the end here, but I'll just state it. Just the last three days at school, during extended day, Augie is finding his way to the nurse's office for, like, complaints of, like, a stomachache or... One time he was like, I think I was getting overheated. You're like, no, I'm not raising a pussy, buddy. Quit it. What? No, no, not at all. No, she wants attention. Done with the extended day. Ready to go. Done. Anxiety doesn't want to be there. Just for me, just not, not the best for me because I can't get there earlier.
Sorry, Molly. Molly, you just interrupted yourself. Sure did. You just Oscar-ed yourself because I was done talking about that topic. Okay, Molly, I didn't mean that. I was like, I didn't know where you were going with that. I'm so sorry. I did not mean to call Augie a pussy. I don't believe in calling any children a pussy. Me either. But so I was like, what? Why are you bummed that he's going to the nurse's office? Okay, got it. Sorry. That word for children. I actually don't use that word at all. That's not a good word. Yeah, walk you back, Allie. Walk you back. You just called your nephew one. That's why I told you somebody a... Never mind.
All right, guys. All right. We covered it all. We did. This is the real, real here on this podcast. We're going to really get a lot of feedback about how I screamed the word fuck at me. This episode was like, we abuse our kids and we call our kids. We're going to jail after this.
So this is probably our last episode, but love you guys. Love the ride. If you're listening to this at our court hearing as evidence, whatever, I'm going to tell me if she testifies against me, I'll break her legs. Okay. Okay. That's it for now. We'll see you next week for another nursing cursing where sleep is more valuable than fast, hard cash.