Bonnie there's a bon bivons welcome to another episode of Jesse and Wilders guide to life. This is Jesse. That's Wilder We're here to guide your life. It was teeth.
Oh my god. No, dude I thought you were gonna say the answer of the riddle For the end, but I do kind of like you just shouting it. I couldn't keep it in any longer I've you know how many people this week I walked up and said it's teeth to dude, okay, and we won't I want to be clear That was a riddle because that's how we've decided to end the show the votes are still live you could go We could get a last minute push for prayer That would be my preference, but we won't repeat the real if you want to hear the riddle go listen to the other episode That's how you do it in the biz. Yeah, gotta catch them all really correct a window So I assume you already have and I'm gonna vamp a little bit here at the first one minute of the episode You already have another riddle queued up.
I assume for today's ending thousands. Oh thousands Don't just go to riddles.com or something. I don't do that. First of all do not disgrace the name of my website that I run riddles.com Yeah, bro, you let the riddler out of his out of his question mark you see what happens So do you want to do you want to talk about salads or what?
Yeah, dude. We're doing salads I have a ton of categories already my brain. Can I just shit them out at you? Please do okay crunchy part?
That's one to the base or lettuce some might say now crunchy part to you is different than lettuce Yeah, we'll get there. I mean I'm talking about croutons and the other and the like I don't all right Well, I'll tell you right now. I don't believe that that's mandatory. I think lettuce can be a crunchy part Okay, yeah, that's fine.
We'll talk it. We'll talk it out. It's got at least a chomp down on that's a lot I think like what do you we can't just say veggies. Do you just like all else?
Yeah, fixins maybe Fixins. Thank you, and could we do function as a category interesting? I don't yeah, I don't mind that okay And now I have two more categories. I have so many I've a pent up sort of energy of these salad categories your four salad Are you against out or are you four salad?
I'm for it in almost every occasion. I think I need I love I love salad brother Yeah, I need my cookie points for those unfamiliar with the concept you have your salad first of all I like it I genuinely like most salads but same but you you get your salad and then you've earned cookie points later to spend on something nasty and sloppy Maybe it's a cookie. Maybe it's ice cream. Yeah, maybe it's a big nasty cheeseburger either way sloppy Joe Money in the bank, baby.
You've got your cookie points. You've got to spend them. Do you think that we should? Maybe I know this doesn't go in the rubric maybe but like I'd like to at least talk about what kind of cookie points you get with these out like what the value of these ingredients and fixins are in cookie points because summer summer way more cookie points than others Yeah, I agreed and that's a part of the trick right is sometimes you get yourself a salad a quote salad for lunch And you're like, yes, I'm gonna do this is so great I'm gonna have this quote salad for lunch and then I'm gonna have my big nasty I'm gonna spend all those cookie points same day and the salad you get has like fried chicken on there something yeah And so I think that for function I'd like to give Being healthy is a one because you might as well not have a salad because it's gonna be bad It's not going to taste good if you're having a healthy salad.
No, no I think being healthy has to be a two but if if you're it's so rare when I could be like This was a good healthy salad when I'm really digging on it. You know what I mean? But isn't it better still like okay, let's say I go yeah, it's better a little bit because it's like probably Carbliss, but it's not that much better. Do you okay?
I want you to picture something okay now Let's say I'm going to Panera and I'm getting you to pick two Panera is not healthy. I understand that correct the soup I'm gonna get is probably not healthy. I understand that Uh-huh the difference in my mind and I think somewhat in reality between the half Greek salad I'm gonna get and the like Flatbread with no 75 foot bag. Yeah, I just think that there is it's not just a matter of it This salad is healthy sure it's a matter of what would I be eating if not for this salad?
Yeah for sure, but see this is what I mean the Greek salad I have another category three more categories Can I just get them out because this works for what I want? Okay? I want yeah the classics because I want to talk about things like the Greek the cob etc I gotta get dressings obviously hello Yeah, and then I got a wild card and this might be the first time we've used every preset sure feeling I know you could feel the electricity right? Yeah, yeah, yeah boys are about to talk I got a wild card for you baby.
That's deli salads. Oh Yeah, I like what I got you all like that I think we can even broaden that like what deli Slash cold I think just to others other salad because I want to talk middle of the Middle East, okay? Okay, so we'll call this wild cards. Um, yeah, okay, so tell me about the Greek salad brother So the Greek salad I think for my money is the the most Inner point of that venn diagram between healthy and delicious agreed agreed 100 right is Probably not one to feel too bad about and it's nasty enough.
It got that creamy nasty dressing I give it to me give it to me good, but it's not so out of bounds It's got feta cheese obviously feta cheese not super healthy But it's not like you're having a fucking like a Panera salad sometimes you're getting Greek that's good if you're getting like a honey Sesame chicken salads, right? Still having fried chicken and 85 gallons of sugar in the dressing. It's not a narrow salad is usually not that healthy Greek I don't know how you top it if you're looking for healthy intake. Can we put Greek as a three?
It sounds like yes Yeah, yeah, it's I mean, I don't know maybe it's my favorite salad. I don't know. It's it's absolutely I'm just beginning to get it. Oh, yes.
It's absolutely my go-to at like I want a salad and I don't know what the vibe at this place is You got a Greek hit me baby. I want the feta. I want the raw and I talk Greek strap with you real quick Please tell me I love to take a bite of the pepperoncini and drizzle or juices across my salad to make additional dressing You're like your own little fucking iron chef in there. Yes chef behind the office.
Brinkle sprinkle it on. Oh, yeah So Greek incredible. Let's let's let's wrap our mind around some more classics while we're here the Cobb salad is often Too much for me. I almost want to make the argument for one to be honest No, it's not a one because it's good.
It's got all kinds of goodies in it. You know what it does the blue cheese if they could rain it in It's too much. It's too much It's like the opposite of what we just said with the Greek salad. Well, you know what sucks about a Cobb when you get a Cobb You get the dressing.
Here's what happens you get these clumpules and the clumpules are a Collumbulation of Clumbule whatever word it is your your inventing get the clumpules and their clumbulations of blue cheese avocado bacon bits Yes, and dressing yes, and they become this clumpule, and I don't like the clumpules Yeah, and then and then and then you've got all that and you've got an egg on there for some reason And the egg and the and the egg crumbly is get up in that in that too. Yes on a your clumpule contains dressing bacon bits blue cheese Egg bits and maybe let us maybe let us no fucking way you're getting lettuce and then and then you finish And they're all left for the bottom. Yes, and then you finish that and you're staring at the biggest slab of grilled chicken in your life a cob is debilitating It is a yeah, maybe if Cobb can actually go fuck itself. I don't care for it I think that's a boy I thought like oh this this is living you mean I get bacon and this thick nasty dressing and egg and chicken and And now it's like yeah, maybe it is a one I just can't I just can't see myself ordering it in this 2024 I'd like to talk about a very controversial salad with you.
Okay, the wedge no I was gonna I was gonna stick crab Louie Dude not controversial on the slightest Okay, talk to me about the wedge brother you like a wedge It's like okay, let me just like when when you're getting a wedge It's usually like romaine what like ranch is it ranch or like oh no, it's blue Sometimes it's blue. I mean I mostly just mean the concept of a fucking wedge Oh like what really matter the prep on it when they get just cut you like a hat like a quarter of the head of lettuce Yeah, it's like a bread bowl, but with salad yeah It's honestly so stupid as fuck to me and it's not because it feels like the solution to the cob it has some of the good It's got creamy dressing. It's got made or I think sometimes it has like bacon and shit on it And yet they're giving it to me in the most inconvenient way for seemingly no reason see I'm gonna make an argument for the wedge Oh boy, okay, I actually think it's a very pretty good. It's you know There's sort of a quality control per bite that you have control over your destiny of with a wedge You can slice yourself a perfect bite every time and like just don't don't slice it all up in advance Just go just take your time like a steak.
You know what I mean? You know like a snake. It's okay is a steak I agree. I agree with all that here's here's where I have to jump in I think that's fine And this is kind of a steakhouse salad I need to have something better than a butter knife because when you only give me a wedge and like the flat barely serrated knife And I'm just mushing that thing.
Hey, they're in y'all We're not Lugers right now. We're making deals, right? Okay. I'll give wedge you and I are having wedges for lunch at Lugers Oh, that feels cool as fuck to me.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, of course That's it that going to Lugers for lunch is the biggest like I'm not eating healthy today So yeah, give me that big creamy solid wedge dude. Anyways, dude. What were you saying about crab Louie? I think actually wasn't I don't think I've ever ordered a crab Louie on account of I'm not a French king They also make a shrimp we do a shrimp Louie or what's the deal?
Yeah? I mean, you know, I can't eat the scraps because I'm allergic to them. Yeah, so I don't know. What's it like a buttery mayo sauce?
I think a Louie Sucks Yeah, I don't like it seems like a waste of crab meat to me make some no I don't particularly thirst for fish in my salad I think sometimes it has a spirit yes. I don't think so guys. You know what I do fuck with though a niswa Ooh, tell me tell me tell me about it. I do not mind and niswa.
Can you be partaking? I'm trying to what are you saying I sounded niswa and and I see with the other boys. No, I'm going to noise Yeah, I'm a coisie. Um, I don't mind a salad nicoisey.
So generally we're talking tuna Taters green beans anchovies parbled eggs olives tomato And with sort of a french dressing and if I've had it at good seafood restaurants where the tuner is like good tuner And the dressing is good. Like that's a salad I can freak with I think for fixings I want to just put fishes at two because like that sounds great fine and like sometimes you get like a big salmon on their thing fine great great But like I don't know a bunch of cold fish on lettuce dude. I don't know about it. No.
Yeah, you get you get in the Salmon salad that's not that's not it for me You think about fruit in salad illustrator of the podcast Adam Faye does not care for fruit in his salad Oh, this is interesting not put fruit in that boy salad. Okay. Wait a minute a wild card is fruit salad, which I think is a two I don't mind a fruit salad. Yeah, it's I mean this is obviously depends on the fruit Right like if this is like a prepackaged at an airport go to hell But we're talking like I'm on the shores of who I eat yeah, I'm at the buffet the buffet at the like four seasons kylani.
Yeah, yeah I'm kind of with Faye on that one. I don't know I like it sometimes What like what you like one of those fucking strawberries with a vinaigrette dude. I don't love that sure Oh, I love a strawberry in my salad baby a strawberry. I love an apple in my salad apple.
I'll fuck with you give you give me with apple Yeah, I love a grape. Yeah, they love a cold crunchy. I love it I'll give fruit. I don't mind like a grapefruit in like a it depends on the sound like I'm talking about a simple salad Right a very but what do you think about a simple salad?
Bro, you know what I hate can I just I hate the the little fucking mandarins they put in like Chinese chicken salad? Oh, what are you talking about? Brother the catheteros so Chinese chicken salad was like best fucking salad I ever had in my life. That sucks man That's I hate that little bastard.
Oh my god that dressing that's to ink up that class. Yeah, that's a state those in class Caffederos so not me bro slamming hot tea and two muffins at a time double fish or don't even trip Um, okay, the base you know the house salad is that what you mean? Just like lettuce garden salad or like it's what about I mean Even simpler salad than that though because there's garden salad. I'm talking about like just arugula and dressing.
You know what I'm saying? No dude That's nothing who's out here eating that you know like a tender greens thing. You know what I'm saying? Oh Apama Johnny maybe yeah dressing in a simple arugula salad.
Oh my god first of all dude lettuce arugula to me It's a zero. I fucking hate arugula. It sucks. I don't hate it, but I it's hard to eat sometimes.
It's it's a bit. It's a pepper It's bitter. I hate it. I Uh, I don't mind it, but it's you know what I don't like about spinach go off king You let you kept me pent up for this long.
Yeah, spinach feels weird on my teeth. Yeah, I agree Spinach. I don't think what's the deal with that? I don't think spinach was designed to be consumed by human because when you eat it raw like that you're like now This isn't quite right.
I've got a film on my teeth or something. Yeah, isn't it? It makes it feels like the like the enamels get impaled right? Yeah, like I'm eating a little thing of steel wool, but then you try and cook it and it shrivels into a little little baby Done it's like it was never there.
So spinach arugula both wants to me. It's been just kind of a prank a prank vegetable How do you mean well it makes your teeth feel weird and then it disappears when you cook it? I think arugula is far more of a prank because that one tastes like tastes and looks like weeds Not even look like you're supposed to you at least spinach. What's your favorite?
What's your favorite latus? I mean, it's basic dude. Give me a butter. Give me a fucking romaine.
I feel like I like a crunch of a romaine a chopped salad made out of Romaine is the ticket for me. Romaine is a one or is a three for me 100 100 Yeah, it's good butter main wasn't built in a day. Got him dude classic one. There's a shirt for you.
Yeah What do you think about butter lettuce dude? Is it too soft for you? You know, I like it depends bro It depends don't like don't put it on a fucking I mean sometimes butter lettuce is crunchier than you expect Like I think like sometimes it can be as crunchy as like an in-out lettuce But overall I don't need it all the time. Sometimes it's like what's the deal.
Why are you here? I'll give it a I'll give it a two because it can be a little soft the Mendesino farms Saved rakes from chicken salad or whatever has bangin. I think that's a butter lettuce deal What about a bro? Can I just take one second to say like Hug your loved ones at night and appreciate the places you have while you have them and this place is called sweet green If you live near a sweet green just remind yourself that not all of us have the luxury of just having a fucking sweet green What an absolute dummy you are dude It is it is so fucking hard to just find a good Salute dude.
I know I mean I'm spoiled obviously because you're spoiled up the nine you probably got a sweet green You probably got something else like sweet green that I haven't even heard of yeah dude I was just about to say we have mixed which we actually like oh I have I had mixed in LA that is an expensive salad It is they're like 20 bucks, but they fucking feel you up dude. That is a good as filling is like if I ordered Indian food or something So who cares about 20 dollars? I'll pay that Yeah, feistberg dude classic. Can we give iceberg a three?
That's your wedge right? It's on my bird dude got to have my berg's Got the bird and then kale dude. It's a one for me. I fucking hate it Oh, I like the way kale soak up addressing I do like I don't mind kale.
I'll give it to I don't mind kale when it's when you put a fry on it You know what I'm gonna spit up for me. Yeah, I don't I'm okay with kale. I think kale gets a bad rap Stinks but okay. I think we've covered every lettuce dude.
We're crushing it right now. There's probably other lettuces don't don't add me So this isn't exactly lettuce. What about like a radicchio you like a bitter not as my whole not as the whole base I don't think I like a little radicchio. I like I like a bitter.
I am a bitter fan. I'm a bitter boy He's a homie. I don't love it. I don't mind a little radicchio or like a little on beef Yeah, we're not free say dude.
I feel like free say right in that same ballpark. Oh free say I like how it scoops up dressing Y'all and them little little little wicked branches all little fingers to scoop them It's got little tendrils. Yeah, I like that. I think like little gem lettuce is a thing too I do fear that maybe we've gotten to the most boring sort of like Oh Quick shout out to micro greens.
Yeah, shout them out. That's fine. But uh beans sprouts dude. Nah.
I love them Oh my god. I love them. I could eat them raw as a snack. I love dude in a salad though.
Are you sure the salad? I really think I never really had them in like a salad honestly I've had them in like a You talk about like the sprout like alfalfa sprouts you talk about like bullying sprouts like a fucking well I was talking about being sprouts, but they put people slap alfalfas in there too, which I also don't fuck with and what that in a salabal I would have it on a tuner sandwich. Mm-hmm. Do you can we get into the wild cards dude?
I really want to get that's kind of like First Cheese yeah, we'll get there with fixings dude. You want to go to cheese? We can go to cheese all right wild cards So what do you think in like tuner and tater and Mac? Yeah tuner tater Mac?
Oh my good friends from college I have that on each fucking knuckle. I got out I think tuner salad as a salad is a one dude I mean like obviously on a sandwich. It's great, but it's not really what we're talking about Have you but it's have you had it like as the as like the protein of a salad? I like that.
I don't like that It's like I don't mind that a scoop of tuner is my protein. Okay. I'll put tuner is a as a two and then max salad I love max salad. I'm a love max salad.
It's that it gets such a bad rap dude I feel like so fucking good King of the barbecue King of the Hawaiian barbecue. Yeah, dude It's so good and lots of different variations sometimes you get it's a little sweet sometimes get there's a little like tang to it's Almost like a horseradish. Oh, yeah My name is wabu and I'm here to say I think tater salad is overrated. Oh man.
Couldn't even make it rhyme I what do you think is overrated about it? That is delicious. I just think it's like almost never that good It just dries my little mouth out sometimes. Oh, you're eating a bad tater salad is what it sounds like.
It's like usually not that good Like sometimes it's like oh this is slam in tater salad, but like I don't know it doesn't do much for me Sometimes just a dry and boring Max salad maybe a pasta salad. I think a slaw is a two because the variance on slaw is a canyon Dude, that's a scene this law from KFC is legit the stuff at nightmares I mean it is a soup first of all more than it is Yeah, it's not for me, but the poioloko slaw is opposite end of the spectrum really dash of mayo in there Yeah, just a bunch of cabbage. Oh, we didn't mention cabbage in the lettuce segment dude cool. I like cabbage Cabbage head well cap well death cap Okay, what other wild cards we got do we got the Mac tuna tater?
We got slaw? We got fruit. Yeah pasta salad Dude, I love pasta salad. It feels like nothing good, but it's like a such it's such an aggressive filling side Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sometimes you go to like an Italian deli and I'm gonna get an Italian sandwich Which is three meats already?
Yeah, I'm gonna get a pasta salad Yeah, it's pasta salad is in a horrible limbo where as a side you're like no no you're too heavy to be aside But that is a main you're like what I can't eat this book in big greasy cold pasta as my name It's so insane. Yeah, so I like it doesn't really have a place for me in my life even though I love it Yeah, I agree we used to get Costco used to sell maybe they still do I don't know anymore They would sell this like fucking court of pasta salad that first of all the pasta they used was ravioli So it was even fatter than it could have been oh lord, dude, and it had just huge cold ravioli It was tight dude. It was tight. It was tight.
He's inside is like dry and crumbly I don't that's not for me. It was so good and it had huge also just giant chunks of salami in it It was more like you were not I don't think supposed to eat it like a salad I think it was supposed to be like you set it out with like toothpicks You know and something you would have like a little nibble now beloved almost like olives sure you had like Middle Eastern salads We want to talk like to boolee is that a salad? Yeah, like I could do all of them all night But can we just say like Mediterranean Middle Eastern salads are very quite lit like all of them the tabullis the the Shirazis The like the cucumber onion salads, you know beat salads and smoked egg plants all of them I'm glad dude as a fixin beats are free to me and they are I know no no for you well a three like They're in your perfect salad. I don't know they're fine.
They're like sometimes bro I'm going to say it I think they turn your poop red and I don't like that at all first of all dying you think they do they do Second of all they know they do because first time I had a beat salad. I thought I'd need to go to the hospital Yeah, second of all dude that is a fucking not a bug. It's a feature, baby What other foods you get out here that's got you got some spooky poop none of them. I quill oh That's no good.
I think I want to I want to I want to pause it a new feature of our show Okay, yeah, the feature is King of the Mountain dude, and it's like of the of everything in the rubric It's your like or at least in that category. It's your number. That's your king of the mountain That is shit. You're going king of the mountain on beats.
It's baby. I love them. I love I love a set I love a beat salad when the bases. Yeah, I do like a beat salad Just sometimes it's too much like I like yellow goat cheese a little bacon Oh, I've never had a salad beats in it and I was like anything other than like oh man You know what's great in that salad is a fucking beats loved it I mean honestly yeah, shout out the Mendesino farm salad again That one's got them pink lady beats.
It depends on the beat bro Like so just don't overdo it You know what I mean don't give me like a pound and a half of beats Just give me like the right amount and we'll be fine Yeah, dude, guess what? That's everything if somebody give you a cob salad with a pound and a half of fucking hard-boiled eggs You'd be like what's this about like come on? There's some ingredients that I'm allowed you can go overboard with me Oh my god, so okay my king of the mountain fixing is a beat. It's unassailable.
I'm putting it as a three I can't deny it. What's your king king of the mountain dude think of my good mountain is tomato God damn it. I knew you were gonna say that dude. That sucks.
I bet you like those little ones too. You know I need them I will order a salad sometimes because it's the one that has tomato in it Oh my god tomato so boring you get everywhere do they have it fucking Donald's what do you and and I'm probably asking for extra Extra tomato brother. Oh, do you like it when they? Yes, I love tomatoes So I assume I'll put it as a three because it's your king of the mountain I I assume it's cherry tomatoes Yes, like a little guy's I mean it's just like a good tomato could be a heirloom It could like some like a crazy salad brother fuck me sideways.
I love a good crazy. Okay. Okay fair enough Fair enough. I I was only thinking cherry tomatoes and I hate them little buggers I find them to be they're all rolling around in there like they don't belong well Okay slice them gang.
Yeah, do not serve me an unsliced cherry tomato with a plastic fork I'll be chasing that sucker for days and then I end up using my plastic fork like a spoon Yes, and you look like an idiot you feel like an idiot and you must you must when I make my salads in my place of home Those things are getting sliced at least once sometimes I quarter him villain number one villain and enemy of the show Mike the bike Luciani loves Unsliced cherry tomatoes. He would fucking at home pour them on top of his big dinner salad. He would make like a freak And he would I would be so gross out by it and he would go hey listen to this listen to this quiet Listen to this and then he would fucking squash it and his note pop like a damn eyeball sick Yeah, that's great. I mean I snack on him whole I just don't want him unsliced to my salad Oh my god, you know you get him and you dip him in that trader Joe's garlic sauce mama mia that shit is good But like an un like a we're doing it like a route whatever I can't get on it cherry tomatoes are useless endeavor to me You're fucking useless.
How about cucumber? I love it. Oh, it's a two to me. So boring dude.
What do you like about that? It tastes like nothing Mmm tastes like cucumber. I mean I don't need it. I don't need it But I think it's a good I think it's a good um I got onions a two dude like sometimes it's too strong Sometimes I just don't need to taste on so much onion But like onion that's interesting because you we both kind of talked about how Greek salad is like kind of a one and I feel like a Big tray of the like four ingredients are there.
It's like uncooked onions. I like them. I like an onion I just like sometimes it's like I don't want to have so many bites where I have like this overwhelming flavor of onion Yeah, and it's a salad is obviously like a very popular lunch food and it does suck that much a raw red onion It's always a red like a purple onion. It's like a stanky as dankiest onion they got Yeah, almost in general.
I do not prefer a purple onion I Shop for exclusively yelling another cat another cowardice cowardly behavior of yours, but that's fine. Well that much room. Oh mushroom Don't need it. Yeah, I can give it a one-dude I find it like it's never much of anything to me Oh, it wouldn't deter me if it were there, but like okay, all right fair enough One is like I don't put it like fucking okra dude toss it.
Oh dude. Are they put an okra on salads? No thanks You're nuts for okra around here. Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense regionally country fixings dude bacon I Don't need it doesn't belong in my salad.
But I swear else. Yeah, I sort of want to give that a one It's not for the same reason as okra obviously I like it but like honestly how often do you have bacon on a salad and it's even good tasting like you would even like that in Never bacon bits are horrible. I I don't know about like a protein that I ever really fucking need like it's it's always like You know specific to whatever restaurant I like Yeah, I agree. I mean grilled chicken is the standby and it's fine dude think about just think about your standard Pre-packaged salad with grilled chicken is it not the driest most no for sure sure shit?
I agree I never want that can I just put chicken as a two because I do love a salad with fried chicken in it But like I acknowledged that that is defeating the purpose of the salad in a pretty massive way What about I know you want to talk about crunchy parts of do it? Yeah, I do dude a standard crouton to me is a two I love them, but I have these soft teeth they cut up your mouth. I think it's I don't care about croutons to be age. I like the little the little little yes Yes, well and like I think that when you go to like a good place and they like make their own obviously Yeah, those are like cornbread crouton or something.
That is crazy. That's so good You know what can go hell is every plastic fork salad with croutons in it like what am I to do with that? And you always do you always try I always give it one try where I'm like maybe this is the one and then I Know I like spoon. Yeah, or I'll just pick it up with my fucking fingers do this is like this a waste of my time I like I agree, but it tastes good.
It's yummy crunchy bread Well, you thought I prefer instead sometimes especially like a sweet green or like a place like that you get a long piece of bread Okay, I like that like a little like that too. Yeah, a little salad sandwich. Yeah, I mean at Panera You know I'm getting the bread. I'm stopping up all that dressing course.
Yeah, yeah And that's doesn't it can be crunchy I guess like it can be like a little but I mostly I want to be like a soft roll There was a sandwich shop and I think they closed or at least one location did I hope they all didn't shout out E strato in LA They had a chopped salad a sandwich where they just made a banginass chop salad with like salam and stuff like that and then put it on a roll Oh my god, dude chop salad is a three to me. I love so fucking perfect Like like Salama and I got it. Oh, I kind of think like Italian meats might be a three I like I think so too. It's the only meat I really want I love when you go to a pizzeria And they're here like oh look at the salad will be nice to balance out the pizzazz and it comes and it just has like the biggest pieces of fucking Salami you've ever seen in your life.
I love like a pizzeria chop salad It's bell pep out to Jamelas in my old neighborhood at Water Village Just like a big honkin ranch eat up to make cucumber chop to absolute deathly hell give it to me I love that shit. It is not healthy. It is not the healthy choice, but I'll eat that six pound box of salad happily I used to eat that fucking three times a week. I'm putting pizza place salad is a three I think it's so fucking good so choice Johnny's pizzeria.
I think is a chain I'm not sure how far it goes, but they also have a slam and ass chop salad. Yeah, Bravo's obviously shout to both of the mission Bravo had a big fucking honkin salad you can dig into So yeah, Italian meets to me is the mountaintop a bell pepper dude. I like bell pepper What do you like? Yeah, it's a beautiful crunchy with yeah, I love a crunch.
Are we can we call it? Oh, is that crunchy part dude a bell pepper? Yeah, sure. What else?
What you like tortilla crisps I do like a tortilla crisp in that type of salad a tortilla crisp and a wanton to me or both Yeah, see like in a Chinese chicken salad. Oh, bro. I give me a Chinese chicken salad is a very quite lit They just always got them fucking man runs in there. Do you know?
I like it's a favorite part Chinese I don't I to be honest I don't really fuck with the Chinese chicken I'll put it up but and the dressing is divine the dressing is so good and I like the wantons But the same thing you just said about the grilled chicken. I feel like I always get Trying to get out and it's the longest chicken. Yeah, I'm thinking about my my standby shit Like the cat that also and shout out to chin chin. I do agree Like it is you are you are walking into a trap of potentially rank-ass chicken We also have it.
There's like a salad that is on every menu across the world that we haven't talked about and that's a Caesar salad Dude, it's a tuna. Yeah, it has a higher ceiling than I would expect though week. There's a okay weird one There's a brewery near me and they have a slam-and-ass season. It's just basic It's just a good it's just a good good dressing I think it's made with anchovy like I was supposed to be good croutons They make them it's just I just said I hate croutons But like I think there's a higher ceiling on Caesar than you'd expect I agree But the problem with Caesar is the same thing to me as Chinese chicken and it's not their fault And that is that those two are the salads that are most kind and maybe a cob but those two especially are the most common like Airport prepackage salad right or like lunchroom.
I don't want whatever's hot Oh, hey, there's a plastic bin with a Caesar salad, okay, and it's like not good But riddle me this how fucking good and this is not the rental but how fucking good is a Caesar wrap? Cool my god don't we can't start talking about wraps dude, but yeah, of course like much credit to Caesar for that You know yes, and well the dressing is doing as doing such heavy lifting and it's like it works Maybe better as a wrap than a salad. I agree. Don't tell Caesar about that of really loving chicken Caesar wrap dude Yeah, it does it does kind of whip.
I don't know what it is that the chicken somehow is less unappealing and it's in a wrap I don't really get how that's happening, but it does Like tofu and a salad dude. I think that's kind of a sick protein for a fixin Yeah, I like tofu so I'm fine with that. I like you know what else I do you like if I'm feeling particularly sinful? I don't like a fucking steak salad dude.
It's good I don't mind getting down on a steak salad. Oh like steak is the south steak is their protein Uh-huh, but like like one of those like fucking maybe like some blue cheese Just a classic fucking yeah, I mean I like that it is I don't do we want to call steak a three I think so like interesting. I'm usually I'm only getting it if I know it's good Like I'm at a like a tender greens or some shit like that god another place. I miss so fucking bad Yeah, I am Yeah, I I used to get the salad that I'm now looking at the menu and it does not appear to be there anymore Which is pretty funny.
They buckhorn which is like a chain Used to have a salad called I think the yakety yak and it had a huge It had you like big pieces of like try to take a day was so fucking sure and they served it in a bowl They took a big salad bowl and then what they did was put a tortilla in the bowl And then put the salad on top of that so it was almost like you know how they serve like a Like a tortilla salad will come in like that that bowl whatever that tortilla bowl is Yeah Yeah, the tostana is a three-in crunch. It was that but like soft or Tia honestly I loved it because then at the end you're just making a wrap right you like a finish still big for sure I'm not you're just hopping wet with the correct baby. I love that you get all the drippings Oh, yeah, you must get all the drippings, you know that bowl was clean. Yeah, dude.
That's second drink right there Yeah, I do like a I think a three is a classic taco salad like in a big tortilla shell I yeah, I can't remember the ones from SF State that we could build dude. Holy shit I mean it was a heart that was not a salad I mean it was I was like egg was in there dude. That was That was awesome. I got another three for you.
Perhaps you've enjoyed at a Japanese restaurant like a really thinly sliced cucumber salad, you know Like a little ponzu. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.
I think that's a wild card and I love it. Yeah. Yeah, I love it We haven't we barely threw a name out you said it but like classics like a crazy. I think for both of us is like such an obvious That's a I love it to the max.
Yeah Something that Chelsea and I get a lot Is like the salads from Vietnamese places and I don't know I think they're called bunch of bun chaw. Yes, and we love that shit It has like yeah, it does have like rice noodles in it So it's like meatballs, but I thought it was just bun but I could be wrong it might just be bun Apologies, I'll be salad. Yeah, it's got like the rice noodle in it It's got usually like a little sliced pork or maybe some tofu Carrots Keep telling you got all the shit that I can have anymore sorry, but that the bun is so good Yeah, now when I think was a I think that was one of our sources of power and when we were in Austin Is my mom and I just slammed one of those salads. Yeah, so oh man for function dude a three is like power boost I do feel a little bit something you have the right salad right with like a that's kind of light enough And you feel like oh yeah, I could take on the world right now There's a diner here shot at the med places good as hell They do a Greek salad which is great because it's like only open for breakfast They got the courage bro for their Greek salad because they know it's good as hell Sure, but I'm guessing and they're doing like you know just fresh girl chicken on the flat top and it's good as God I love a Greek dude.
I love a Greek salad, bro We have a big hole in our rubric right now. So we haven't talked about dressings at all Okay, you know, I love ranchi ranch I love my ranchi ranch Do you love it as a three for a salad because I like it as a dip Yeah, I mean like yeah I'm gonna if this is a typical if I'm getting a appetizer of a garden salad and they say what would you like if I'm speaking In my heart I'm just reaching with like my brain. I'm not allowed to do that I might say like just a little oil and vinegar or something But I I want my ranchi ranch. It's just a little overpowering to me.
I mean you want to talk about Clumbules and clumbulations I accept that, you know, it's my sin bro It's my special special sin some people have that either mayo thing I have my ranch thing I'm fine with it. I think ranch is great as a dip. Honestly more than addressing like I love to just get a little Yeah, I agree some radishes dip a little Oh radishes a good fix it. We barely talked about fixings.
We honestly actually that's the part of our rubric That's filled out the most but I agree there's a lot more I'm gonna rat Can we go radishes with the redo to come on? That could even be crunchy part if you want Oh, yeah, I'd about that brother. Oh wait dressing blue cheese. I think is a two.
It's overpowering I think like a classic Italian is a three. I think Caesar's a three. It's good. That's just good Yeah, I mean it's good because it's like unhealthy.
It's a creamy and there's like a creamy garlic. Yeah, it's good like a cell That was an island dude. Oh, it's salad. That's crazy to me.
I think it's a It's not cuz I do like it on a burger and I'm a burger or like a dip for fries I was gonna say I'll dip my fries in it, but yeah, that one fucking that sounds disgusting. That's tough. I'm not a green goddess, dude It's like I don't care about it. I don't even get like what it tastes like it doesn't do shit.
Come on, baby I'm giving it a two it's I like it feels healthy. It's like not as good as I wish it was What's like um what is French dressing dude? Oh, dude is French dressing fucking rules? It's so decadence like you that's not a healthy salad Oh speaking of French shit hearts upon is a three-fixing for me.
Oh, yeah, I'll give you that I'll give you that. I'll give you that. Well, not just a balsamic just a classic balsamic vinaigrette. That's a read of me Yeah, almost any vinaigrette honestly like I'm never fighting against a vinaigrette.
Yeah anything lemon rasveri anything and like Enough cannot be said about the dressing it is you know Like to me the bread is the most important part of a sandwich the I think the dressing is a make-or-break component of the salad Oh, of course, of course. I okay something we have talked about I'm surprised you haven't brought it up is do What about the little I guess like is it miso dressing when you get a little salad? I fucking I go to the Asian market I buy it. It's the fucking greatest to me.
That's a very quite yeah, I'm gonna put miso on there It's so good that little salad and the ginger miso. Yeah, that is a classic and that's good. Fuck me up What about you can get a trader Joe's it's really good and you can also get it at alpoyo loco where it's the greatest is the cilantro Dressing. I love that shit.
Okay, sure. Let's get back to fixings dude. I want to get into I want to put you I want to transport you for one second take it right We've been talking a lot about your sweet greens and your mixed and your tender greens and whatever you're whatever kind of boogee shit Right, and we got you know our kale and our hearts of palm. I want to take you back to let's say The year is 2000 it is You're wearing probably shorts that go past your knee down to your shin, maybe yeah, dude I'm rocking my quicksilver.
Yes, I just picked up I full 65's album at sure you might have like a necklace on for some reason I got puka. I got puka shells and a little bit strong bracelet. Yes. Yes, okay, sure that's a big time in my billabong shorts Dude, and you're at your friends.
What would that make us 12? You're at your friends 12th birthday or 11th birthday. Oh, yeah, you are at the 182 is on and parents are not telling us to turn it off Thank you, but you guys have not got back to the sleepover yet because you are at insert Chain pizza place for me. It was round table.
Huh where they got the salad bar salad bar So now I want you to think about the salad bar and I want to yeah I want to talk some fix sense because I love that baby corn dude. I need the baby Oh the baby corn fucking sends me away. I love the baby corn dude and guess what regular corn also a three every yeah But I'll never get it all for sure that's eligible for clomp. You ability very very So we got baby corn there what other whether well that's where mushroom.
Oh shredded carrots I don't care about toss them in or don't take them away I wouldn't even know if they were there or not yeah, I agree they're kind of useless to me What about dude like broccoli? I don't mind because I like to broccoli, but I don't need the that's more clomp. You'll territory Yeah, I don't think it's a bit I don't not a salad dude give it to me raw with some ranch. I'll dip but I can't be fucking with just rock in my thing diced ham toss it Yeah, it's tough dude.
I don't know about that one. I'm visualizing the salad bar right now. Yeah, cheddar cheese is a no for me That's quite people territory. Yeah, I agree, but I think it's a two I do like it now Let me ask you this are we at the chili salad bar or is this a real salad bar from our planet?
Or I mean by chilies, I mean, I'm sorry. I mean sizzler I Don't do what tell me what's at this what is club sizzle has spaghetti and meatballs Like a buffet I get that's no good. Okay. I have another what about all the they was got loads of beans Do they got the kidney beans they got the freaking oh, yeah, the beans are not today?
Oh, bro We've really talked about pepper on che me. I guess we did with the Greek salad. Yeah, it's a three Do pepperon is a three. Yeah, I love it.
You know what the beans dude. I feel like my I love them beans You put my cold beans in your salad. Oh my god, dude. I love the kidney beans I love what else they have there the I'll tell you a bean for me chickpeas dude They got a little man.
I mean and I'm I'm maybe mean see that's dumber to me than a kidney kidney has some substance I'm a little Asian salad. I see bro. We haven't even talked about like there are rules beans or a two fine I like to go with a theme. I'm not I'm not doing everything which direction I start with the dressing first Milling a stew at the fucking Whole Foods.
Yeah, dude. It's about layering flavor idiot. Oh my god Yeah, seven layer dip salad with the dressing at the bottom yikes, you know, you know what? I don't think I need even though I like it outside of this is a jalapeno Yeah, I would agree with that actually.
I don't see it very often Yeah, black olives are in no probably I'm just gonna put all of this as a two because I can take her leave black olives And then I of course if you're gonna give me some little green olives It feels like a snack more than part of the salad, but yeah, oh kalama to oh bro We haven't talked about a very bad sin that sometimes Greek salad restaurants do with a little olive in there unpitted olives gang I can't I can't be having all of the pit in my salad. I can't be on the hunt the whole fucking time Yeah, it's great. It feels like there. It's entrapment like they're trying to get one of my favorite Greek salads in LA I used to get at least once a week They fucking put all the pits in there and I had to like I just had to hunt them down at the beginning right off the top Yeah, and what are you like getting the pits out and then putting them back in the Put it back in the thing like what are you I'm just removing them?
I'm spending the whole time just removing I got it got it got a little bit of a mouth about peas. I could take them or leave in it's a clompule toss it brother What you're everything you fucking say is a clompule. It's like every loose thing. It's all loose, dude It's loose if it's dressing it's loose.
What do you want? I don't know the clomp. I don't know the clompules But can I tell you that the real issue is that you're putting so much fucking ranch on your salad that it's creating clops dude It never happens. I'm not a word around the ranch.
I told you it goes in first It's obviously a user error. This is not an issue. I'm constantly having what about crunchy garlic and stuff I like this tempura crisps. Yeah, that's all a three to me for crunchy.
Yeah, I don't know crunchy I don't like besides a crouton. I have a I have another wild guard friend at the show Jacob Ruben He has sort of a signature salad that he makes when he's hosting a function Oh, and it is an M&M salad where he buys some types of M&M's and puts them all in one bowl And that's really beautiful. That's really beautiful dish. I like it.
I've had it. We were at their house for Royal Rumble and it's nice. This one's a peanut this one's a caramel. This one's a peanut butter.
We got an origin here It's kind of nice. Yeah, an M&M salad sounds nice as long as they're you're picking the good ones I myself just ranked every type of M&M and there are far more ones that I don't want than there are than I do Yeah, I hope that that's a well. I hope the chef is zeroed in that night I agree and I'm gonna put an M&M salad at a two only because it does not serve my salad purpose Which is to feel better about myself. It's not cowboy caviar.
That's a salad. I like I love cowboy caviar Dude, that's a that's a three to me. I love it. It's just beans dude beans and onion come on now I'll just beans we're all just beans really if you think about it You you would ask that we put function on here and we've only got two things if it's being healthy in a power boost You gotta be in lunch.
I think is a very quite lit. Okay dinner not so much Breakfast is very not quite lit. Yep. Just name in the meals now.
What about a snack dude? Is it how's it go as a snack not great? I think it's a bit snack. You think so kind of big I guess you're just having a little bit of macaroon.
You know what I love to eat salad out of popcorn bowl Oh, yeah, okay Yeah, this is a good place to we can arrive at an important thing for me salad places and I've I'm complete such a first world problem But I have to tell you this now they're too small either make your container bigger or honestly make your salad smaller because no Don't make the salad smaller do not make this salad smaller this thing where I at the second I put my fork in there's lettuce on my table is no good You've that's you guys, but I so sometimes I'll just pop it into a big goddamn popcorn bowl or a big mixing bowl Go crazy with it. I agree with you there. There's probably so many more fixings, dude I know and I feel like I had our fucking pedal to the metal close your eyes. Okay, they're closed Where am I reach for your fork and dip it into the salad that you've created out in your dreams and tell me what's in it?
Give me the give me the McGrath's perfect. Oh my dreams dude. You know that's a pot I mean my dream salad is a caprese like what do you mean like for lunch you're eating this for lunch for a meal You can't have that much caprese because you'll the mozzarella will cause your heart to explode I know that you want me to like invent a salad, but I am gonna name a specific salad. I apologize great.
That's fine. That's that'll do There is a place in the area. There's a couple locations. It's called starboard and They make fucking fried chicken.
They sell like fucking nuggets and tenders and shit and they have this kick ass They have these kick ass salads. They're all good as fuck, but they're chopped dude. It's crispy chicken. Thank you Tomatoes the chair of the cherry variety, but they are halved because they're good Godfearing people sure some roasted corn such a difference Oh, yes, you're not just dumping a fucking can of wet corn into a thing Some pepitas, which I don't mind is a crunch not my absolutely favorite.
I don't mind it. Yeah crispy Cortí is obviously Little cilantro little green onion a chipotle lime dressing some kotija cheese and then my favorite dude a little avocado mash It's not quite guacamole But it's like not just like loose slices and it almost you just like get a little It's easy to make the perfect bite get a little bit of that get a little piece of chicken like that get some of that dressing You got the corn you got the heat from the little chipotle lime dressing Mmm, and you can often make this salad the the chicken tenders you can often make them Nashville hot so you get like a spicy Nashville chicken in there. That sounds great. I love that.
That's delicious. I love a southwestern south of the border Yes, salad usually like a black bean. I do a black beans is sometimes suits me, but this is what I'm saying about theme I need to know where I'm going I get you. Yeah, so what so what do you got?
What's give me open up your minds? I tell me what kind of perfect salad you're cooking I'm gonna slice you a restaurant salad to just because it was it's what it's perfect for me because it was class It was a classic chop salad, but just with good shit You know what I mean? It was good produce was from the artisan cheese gallery in studio city Which I'm pretty sure since gone on to clothes, but it was good fresh grilled chicken Stachios which was clutch interesting Hearts of palm let us tomato cucumber onion just good classic chop salad shit and a begging lemon And it was perfect. It was a perfect salad.
Yeah And that's salad is good and if you like think that it's cool to think that vegetables are stupid Like Ron Swanson or something that sucks Yeah, and you heard us talk about salads for now or just now half the time you guys you're just putting like essentially like a milky cheesy Dressing on it. It doesn't even have to be a vegetable like that one. I just said it's basically a fucking burrito With fried chicken in it, but they put but there's a like lettuce and tomato like I don't know what to tell you Oh a green bean. I don't know green beans not for me.
I like it's a good crunch like a bell pepper Oh, bro, I had it. I had a cookie kind of like a salad We don't have to get into that right now, but I had a slam-ass pokey topping recently that I thought we could go get in a salad Which was wasabi peas. Oh, yes, dude. I love right.
I love it I'm looking at the starboard menu right now, and they had a they have a bon me chicken salad, which obviously sounds so good I have not had it They have daikon on there. Do you don't mind a little daikon on there? You live free or daikon crispy shallots dude, baby Damn, dude. Well, I think that's pretty good.
We did a pretty damn good job. Great dude slide in and like favorite salazar Yeah, and okay. Yeah, there was there a lot of jokes this episode No, I don't know what to tell you when you see listen. Let me tell you something right now Let me let me just let you in on a little job job Job universe secret when you see that it's an episode that is food or restaurant related It is going to be the most high-energy episode you've heard us do in a minute and there won't be very many jokes because we're just Screaming and hollering about all the tasty food.
We wish we were eating fuck out with destroy a salad right now Yeah, and just like hug hug your loved ones and you're sweet green hug your tender green God damn it. You have like any salad spot. I think that's so important to have a salad We have a cava here, which makes an alright Greek salad, but I like I get carried away at cava, dude Is that a chain? Yeah, do you know I have those I know people they're very popular.
I know you know I It's like a Mediterranean. Yeah, I feel like I don't know if we have them in the Bay Area We I'm fairly certain we I've been to one of you well you have something better than it at least but yeah I really have a fucking go to there was like a there's a restaurant down town that had a pretty decent Greek salad But it's like I just want a sweet green dude. I just want a fucking sweet green or chop stop You have those oh love no I don't know that chop stop also do shout out to the salad place in the excel We almost didn't I almost didn't mention it because we were never getting salads there We were getting there sandwiches almost exclusively but Yeah Oh, it's all this pickled stuff. We didn't do wild card like like the German place I go to they do like a pickled a big pickled salad like pickled beets like some pickled cabbage some pickled carrots Oh, I love a sauerkraut's baby So yeah, guess what shout out to bad talk for the music go check out his album I done said a million times.
I'll don't say it a million more Thank you to Adam Faye for the art and for speaking truth on fruit and salad. It's It's not for me. I think we can probably move back. It's good.
I like it. You should put fruit in your salad Who else are we showing? Philly dude. Thank you to Florida.
Thank you to Seattle And here's the deal. I am the rare case when today comes before yesterday