You know you chupacobbers and Kathy Baras welcome to another episode of Jesse Wilders Guide to Life. I'm Jesse that's Wilder. This is Jesse Wilders Guide to Life podcast edition. That's exactly what it is.
Yeah. We've had we okay look life happens you know let's just cut to the chicken. Stop we gotta stop making even explaining it. There's no there's no what are you gonna say?
All right say what you're gonna say. What do you think you're gonna say? We went to a bachelor party that we we talked about one and then we both attended one. Yeah and I got the ding the ding dang coronavirus don't you know.
You know the Ronus I didn't get I got sick but it wasn't Ronus. So that's what's up. So if you were like where are these damn boys? Well one was dead and one got better.
We met the consequences of our actions. Yeah so I don't know dude. Why don't you make a podcast? Everything of that?
That's a good question. I do I do have something that actually just came across my desk though bro so if you wouldn't mind just taking a look at what I just texted you. Oh no. Because we got a wiki peeks big dog.
Oh excuse you. Yes go ahead and read me out what we got here. We have the great molasses flood. Fuck yeah.
Wait have we not talked about this? I feel like I we've talked about this. Have we done the great molasses flood of 1919? Maybe not maybe not maybe I'm thinking of a different flood.
Bro it's the great molasses flood of 1919 of Boston that killed 21 people. Brov. 21 people dead of molasses flood. Damn they must have been slow.
It's famously slow. There's an expression for it even. Uh-huh. What happened was they put molasses in this area where they were making it and it can make ethanol and basically fucking exploded.
Oh damn. Derailed an elevated train. Oof. Sounded like thunder.
People thought gunshots were going off. 21 people dead. So embarrassing. What a stupidest fucking.
Yeah. Tough one. Yeah. They got the names of all the people that were killed of molasses flood right there on the Wikipedia.
Almost like a hall of shame. Yeah. It's so tough. Oh you got a blast my main guy Flemini Ogarani.
Yeah we had best Gualea Yantoska. Jesus. Can I read it? Can I get a quote from the Boston Post?
Please. Molasses waste deep covered the street and swirled and bubble about the wreckage. Here and there struggle to form whether it was animal or human being was impossible to tell. Only enough people a thrashing about in the sticky mass showed where any life was.
Horses died like so many flies on sticky fly paper. The more they struggled the deeper in the mess they were ensnared. Human beings, men and women suffered likewise. That is from T.S.
Eliot's the wasteland. Yeah fuck dude. Deep dark. The wasteland is actually about the great molasses flood in 1919.
Oh wait. I learned about that today and now you know about it too. That's cool. I mean it's not cool.
R.I.P. I guess to those molasses homies. Shout out to them. They've gotten their time.
They're fucking up there on the Wikipedia. You want to pay respect? Under the cultural influences tag. One of the amphibious tourist vehicles in Boston.
The Boston Duck Tour is one of their vehicles. It's called Molly molasses named in honor of the great murderous molasses flood. Damn. What are we talking about?
Oh just secret layers is all. Secret layer. I have nothing to say about this. So let me just start you off with me.
Let me put you at the baseline. I have basically not one thing to say. Why would you? What do you got?
So like this seems like exclusively super villain. No not just super villain. I mean heroes have the back cave as a Batman. Well but beyond the superhero realm I'm sure I'm like or James Bond or fictional.
Like this is fictional mostly right? Sometimes I see some videos on the Instagram that were for some reason targeted at me and they were very stupid and it was like a man cave but it was like hidden behind a bookshelf. That's a secret layer. It's the lamest of them.
Yeah so maybe we put for like a category of people that have them. Okay yeah okay yeah owners. Like right. Yeah that's a word that's a word for that.
I don't like the fucking Joe ordinary. I don't like that. I don't like my fucking dude out here swinging you know his copy of Moby Dick on the shelf and then the bookcase spins around. He's down in there doing what?
You bro. What is he fucking doing? Yeah why are you hiding? I had more than one.
Shout out to Richard Jeff who when we bought our house said are you gonna put some secret doors in there? Which I respect a secret door just as much as anybody else. What I don't need is a whole secret room. If I got a secret door I want it to be like to to like a safe or something.
Like a little line in the witch in the wardrobe situation. I don't want like a fucking man cave dude. Bro but just like what? Okay you get okay let's say I just surprise Inspector Wabu just came by and he says congratulations McGrath I just found this area that you can build a secret room in your house.
It's all paid for from an anonymous benefactor. First of all big suspicion there. Huge. Hugely suspicious.
This is fine. Don't worry about this. Insane. Like when publisher Clearinghouse used to show up with a check but instead you're like we can build you a room.
It's like the box with fucking Franklin Jelly's missing out of space he says don't worry about it. But what like what are you what are you gonna do in there? Like it's so weird it's gotta be nasty. No I'll tell you what you're doing in there that ain't nasty.
I'll tell you what's in mind. I don't know where to put this like maybe our maybe the Jabu the Jabu there. For me I think you're right right it's a place where your stuff to me it's like a place where your stuff goes that you're not you shouldn't have in the house. That's why people do mancaves because they're like I want to have a fucking neon sign on my wall which like all right bud but brother my legos are going in there.
You're gonna walk in and it's wall to wall. Why is it a secret? Why you gotta go slide down the telephone? Well you're the one that said it was a secret room.
You asked me. I'm asking you why are you wasting it on fucking legos? Like I feel like what's a good secret is my question. Also I think a category should be amenities.
Yeah. Very quite lit is like vigilante obviously Jabu were vigilantes. We're keeping the streets safe and clean. Everybody knows.
I'm putting that under tenants and I guess vigilante. Yeah because then you got your guns in there and your your different gadgets and gosmos. Yeah like you must have weapons bro you have to because eventually your secret later will be under siege and you must have a siege. Come on.
What if it was a eventually? What if it was a fear me out on this one? It's a it's you you have a bookshelf you have a library in your house. What a dream huh?
What is it just a big fucking proper like wall to wall books? Kind of shit I never read in there. So tight. Just like a whole book about cucumbers.
You pull you pull Moby Dick out and oh a little dust starts to rustle up is a ball. You hear that's grinding up. Dude it's so lame that we're hiding it Moby Dick. I know it's fine.
It's just the only book I've ever heard. It's the only book I've ever heard. Yeah what if it's called Jabu's secret book? Bonus Point Jabu's secret book?
Yeah of course. No one's gonna look in there. I'd also like that they would obviously be all those other books would be so dusty there would be one that would have so many fucking thingy prints all over it. Yeah big time for me jerking it off to get in the back.
Anyways so you slide the grinding of the concrete and the rails and it reveals what's this. It's another library. What about that? It's just a secret library in my big library.
It's like the adult section. It's like about 18 plus books. It's like the restriction section in Harry Potter. It's a little what's there's gotta be naughty stuff in there bro.
I don't know. What's in your secret library? I think the amenities porn is a one right? Like you open that sucks.
And it's like DVDs. What if it's just like embarrassing like that's where I keep my lemony Snicket's you know that's where I got some Thomas train engine. Tank engine or train engine? First of all I don't think we need a Java category.
I think we jump the gun on that. Tank engine not train engine. So pornography is a one that's lame like just lame books. I think that's better than a one.
Lame books is better than a one like you have a innocent innocent. Yeah but I said Legos and you shit all over it. I don't know I just feel like that's so much work to go and admire your Legos. You got a fucking type in your secret code.
Yeah but way of accessing it is that a category? Yeah yeah yeah yeah. So bookcase I think is a one bro it's so fucking seen it. No way it's classic brother.
Have some respect. Obvious. It seems so easy to figure out. I think bookcase is at least the two because it's at least updated dude for 2023 making a Blu-ray collection.
Oh yeah dude hell yeah. That's right. Keep on my NFTs. Make a CD room at least.
A CD room. Get ready. CD room is so suspicious. And we can also talk about like what you're doing like what do you think about because like a lever is classic right?
That's probably like the lever hidden. Dude you know what I like it's another one that I feel like happens a lot but I don't mind it. I like a little hidden button you know where it's like you go up to the little end table and there's like a last tray and maybe a lighter like a table lighter and then next to that there's like it's like oh this is like a little a little a little yeah yeah and then you push in the top of the chock in your shoes. I like a hidden button you push in like the eye of a little statue.
Yes correct correct hidden button to me is choices here. Let me tell you what I love. I love a little elevator. I love a hydraulics.
Okay yeah like the back-aid kind of right you're going. Sub-terranean seems ideal very quite lit. Sub-terranean. I don't know where you're gonna put that.
Yeah I guess design. I don't know. You don't want it to be ground level that's so fucking lame. Oh my god.
Ground level does suck. It is like I guess less obvious but yeah ground levels no good. What about what about for access point like something like a button that's not really a button that's hidden in plain sight kind of like you click the light switch three times you know what I'm saying. Like a pattern.
I don't love that. That feels like something I'm gonna forget you know what it's like oh you have to twist the the knob on. You get to click the light switch three times. It just feels lame.
Like you're because the light is going on and on. You find your secret button. Yeah dude why don't you have a little rave while you flip your lights on and off a million times. Yeah fucking sounds fun as hell dude.
That sounds fun as fuck. No I don't love a little pattern. Best I can give a pattern is to. All right how about very quite lit slide.
Yeah I think a slide and a in a fireman pull slide probably three fireman pull to I fireman pull Tilly little scary to me. Yeah but what if you're not in the mood dude you ever go down a slide and you're just like not by them with it. Yeah you're not not on the slide dude I've been there. If I don't vibe I don't slide that's something I say but you say it like at the park.
The problem with a fireman poll is that that hurts my hands dude I don't have you done that. It's also scary dude. What if I'm halfway down I freaking sneez I just blow my ass off the pole and I'm what dead fucking road. Don't fucking sneeze while you're sliding down a pole.
Fireman pulls it to it's I don't even think it's a two. You think it's one I'm fine with it. I hate what and also can I ask you a question where to fireman get off like no dude it's so unnecessary how do they get up there. They gotta climb up dude.
Yeah bro. Access point what do you think about like retina scan or like a fingerprint scanner like biometric I like that. I like that. It's got to be hidden though like you can't just have your fucking palm scanner right there in the middle of fucking room.
Yeah duh dib shit it wouldn't be a secret layer. That's a fucking palm scanner in the middle of the damn study. I'm talking about how to get into the yeah so yeah yeah I'm talking about like I I push my I flip the fucking light switch on and off ten times or whatever and then the portrait above the light switch slides there's an eye scanner scan my eyes and then yeah that's that's obviously good you know what's what's really good in the season two of the leftovers as you don't know there's a scene where somebody's to access a secret room and it's eye hand and they got to pop the ball zis out and the testicles and the painter. I think I'm a measure of that.
I think I was hell dude. I don't know what that shows about maybe I thought I did but what you just explained is not it. I don't love that at all. Yeah obviously I don't want like non- genital edition of the biometric scanner.
Do you think that exists? The genital and no dude that's fiction but I don't think most of this exists. I don't like do we think that I sk- hold on is this a dumb fucking question. Do eye scanners exist bro like IRL?
Of course they do bro they have to do that's what our phones do. No phone is the face but do you think it's a special recognition but for your eye dude google it. I am alright oh my god it auto completed dude so they know what's up. What do you think about like upper secret layer we didn't talk about up.
That sounds like oh I mean if you're talking about I just sounds bad to me to be on it. Does it have to be connected to your home? Well the Batcave is only partially right. Like could a space station be it?
No that feels like not a secret layer. That's like a pretty big secret like I don't know about anything that's in space personally. I guess. Well yeah as far as secrets go it is a layer that is secret.
Alright anything in space is a secret to me. If it's in space that's kind of sick as long as you could get there like how long does it take you to get your secret layer. I'm popping down my slide and I'm there in like 20 seconds depending on how I'm vibing. Yeah what do you fucking.
Well teleporter is helpful for that. That's a bonus point. Oh my god teleport. If you could teleport in your secret layer then it could be anywhere.
I suppose teleporter I suppose that's like it feels like cheating. Like if you have a teleporter what the fuck you need a secret layer for. Just go somewhere else. Everywhere is your secret layer.
That's no you need space. I'm gonna give it to you. It feels like kind of a pain in the ass. It's obviously it's got its limitations.
What about how you get your sofa up there you know. Do you want to be attached to your house. I think so. I don't want to be like fuck I wish we could get to my secret layer.
It's traffic. Oh my god yeah. That's not very secret also. Someone can easily follow you to that.
You can't take an uber into your secret layer. I gotta be attached to the crib. Access point dude especially if we're going slide through the fireplace. I kind of like it.
What do you think? Yeah that's sick. What about like a bed like a Murphy's bed situation. It goes up and then just a classic staircase.
It's not that bad. That's a two. Oh classic staircase like under a bed or something. Yeah and spiral is good.
Obviously. It seems like it'll make me damn dizzy going up and down it but. Yeah maybe a little diz. Maybe I don't like a spiral staircase.
I'm just gonna say staircase is a two-brown. We're gonna put that one to bed huh. I'm not gonna. What about what about a fireman pole that's surrounded by a spiral staircase.
You can just sort of you can mix and match. Just a little choose your own. No way am I ever picking the fireman pole brother. Always going down the street.
Even in a hurry I'm like sliding down the handrail of the staircase before I'm on that pole. Tuck your elbows in too. You don't want to bang them on the fucking stairs. Oh you're funny bone and then you sneeze and you launch off that fucker and then you're a bank gig.
I don't know how many times I gotta say it. What about like an ever as new groove that you take a roller coaster. That's a lot. It's too much.
It's too and it's how fucking secret is that. Everyone scream in. No dude that's a one. Amenities dude.
What have you just had comfy furniture. It's just where you keep your comfiest furniture. Yeah your comfiest furniture like I kind of like comfiest furniture to be the one I use the most. Like what about it.
It's your second most comfortable furniture. Yeah I mean equally comfortable is ideal. I like what about like stuff to do bro is that a category. I think you I think that's amenities.
I think like you gotta have your big fucking super computer in there dude. I don't know why but you got a computer. What the fuck are you doing down there otherwise. Yeah I don't know.
Can I just tell you bro it's 2023. I don't need like 15 fucking little screens put together to make one big screen. Give me the screen that's the whole fucking size of a screen like a movie theater. What is that?
Why was got iMax in a secret later. Yeah dude I'm catching down there screen and up and hyper for my friends. I like them. I like that that's fine.
Yeah you don't want to just like 10 Acer monitors fucking straps together just want the big boy. Like fucking dark night or whatever he's got like so many little screens. Come on dude. He's got like video joints.
Oh you vehicles. Come on. No it's too big. I think like you can have vehicles down there but if it's so big that it's fucking Jay Leno's garage over here like you can't that's too that is not a secret layer anymore.
You're talking about a warehouse that you built into a garage. Alright give me let me get three. I'll give you I'll give you two in a motorcycle. What about copter?
Come on. Doggah. Oh my god a copter dude you're underground. What are you saying?
Like fucking batsman. Uh man whatever his name is. That's actually the plural dude. That's your that's when you have more than one batman.
That's right. The ground opens up and I fucking copter out of there dude. It's fine. It's hardly a copter.
You're talking specifically about sort of like the batwing and it's not really it's more of a jet than a copter and I'm it's a no for me. Too much. What are you doing? I just got a zoom to fucking toke for dinner.
No. Okay. Also can I explain something to you. I understand that we're working there's like a fiction here and we're having fun in the space but let me just tell you something.
Oh yeah. Okay. All that shit works because Bruce Wayne has a fucking mansion which is tight but that's not what we're talking about right. If you have like a regular house like I do or like you do and then you have this like fucking secret layer that was nine times bigger than your actual house because of a helicopter in it and like ten cars and your big fucking iMac screen.
You have your priorities are all fucked up dude. Bro. You know your house first. Where's my secret layer supposed to be?
Under the door. I'm saying you're over you're over compensating and you're spending your resources in the wrong place. No copter. No copter.
Check it out. I got a series of tubes tunnels under the ground. Okay. Tunnels.
Very quite lit. I want tunnels everywhere. Yeah. This guy loves ants wants to live in a little ant colony.
Dude I got my own dang network of tons. I'm sipping all through the city. I got little secret exit entrance points everywhere. It's not a secret layer.
You're talking about a fucking intricate passageway underneath the city. Yes because I have built one along with the construction of my secret layer. I've got. I'm gonna say do tunnels up.
Tunnels is gonna be a two. I know hamster brother. I'm not traveling through a bunch of tons. There's no way.
You would never catch me in a fucking tunnel dude. But here's what I'm doing. I do I do got to get a bike. Obviously I'm fucking cruising on my cycle.
Oh it's not even a fucking moto. No no no. You're talking about a cycle. Oh okay.
Fucking coming out on your fucking dolly mountain bike dude. So sick. Regular bike. I'm on a little fucking scootie.
Yeah. Hell yeah dude. Okay. Vigilante is a three for tenants.
Suburban height. People like us. That's a one. Villain is a two.
Hate to have a villain. Don't want him to have secrets. But it is. I mean it makes him cooler.
Can't live with him. Can't live without him. How about like I feel like who actually has it. So there's a difference here between the person I'm gonna say and someone we already have on there.
Suburban height is like your typical dad lives in the suburb who has like his little hidden man cave. What about like this is obviously one like nasty like super mega rich people who actually have like a secret little sex dungeon or like some fucking fake Tony Starkable shit. You know I don't like that. Yeah the rich I don't need the mega rich to like have anything hidden.
They hide enough for me. But okay but now hear me out. If you are someone's like you and your partners or whatever that are into that vibe vis-a-vis sex dungeon. If it was hidden objectively that's the sickest shit right.
Like if you're someone who's into that. Like I'm not trying to yuck. If you got his yum. Yeah if you've got the taste and it cannot be satiated.
This is ideal situation for you. I think it's a three for the people that are into it. There's nothing better right. Yeah.
Us for a tenant. Like me and you. It's a three dude. I think we're gonna do cool stuff in there.
What do you think? Yeah I mean obviously we're gonna do the coolest stuff. Oh you don't think we're a three. I thought it and then I realized like it's we're putting an extra vigilante.
We're not gonna be doing positive anything positive. Oh right. We'll be doing vigilante stuff for sure. There's no chance with your little hamster tunnels dude.
It's not gonna happen. You're gonna be a little sewer rat. Oh yeah that's what they call me. The sewer rat.
That's my fucking superhero name. That sucks. That sucks in a major way. Okay here's what I want to do.
I want to at least control some fucking drones dude. Oh this guy wants to drone strike. I don't even need to be weapons. I just like got to have control of drones from this accessibility.
Are you spying on people? You're just like flying around for funs he wants. A little bit of both. I'm spying on my enemies.
I'm being respectful of my friends. I gotta tell you drones is a two. I think at best. But I'll give it.
I mean yeah. What about just your big games are in there? That's your little big game palace. Well and that would be tight.
Han just like have the sickest fucking script. How about like movie theater bro? Movie theater. Come on.
I don't I think movie theater is a two because like why are we hiding it? You know what I mean? Like that a home theater. This is for practical reasons because it cannot fit in my house.
So but why is it secret? It's doesn't it's not secret. It's just the only place it fits. You know what I'm saying?
You should have stopped after you said it's not secret because now you've done not made the secret layer. Video games however are obviously great shame on me and my family and the nation and I want to hide them away. I don't want people to see my fucking like imagine you're one of those people that has like the the insane like driving simulator things in your house. You know what I mean where it's like you could you sit in a big chair and like it's exactly like driving a NASCAR like put that hide it.
Put it away please. I don't want to see it when I come over. Put that in your little secret layer. You get the big screen in there.
Do you want a flight simulator? That's embarrassing. Sounds fun as well. Yeah dude.
I'm putting all I'm putting simulators under it too because it's pretty lame but like I do want them to hide. I don't think other ways to get down there. What about just a free fall like you jump into a big ball pit or something. Oh ball pit is good.
How do you get back up? Yeah you you can't be worrying about that. We're getting back up. We have to talk about getting back up.
Ladders out. Getting back up is the one area. This is the one point I'll give your fucking tunnels idea is that you could just come up through a manual or whatever like a little Ninja Turtle. Yeah dude.
Memory in men in black really get flushed down the big toilet. Was that men in black or men in black too? Which one is that? You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah it's one of them. That's one right? No I hate no the toilet sucks. It doesn't have like the fucking what's it in Harry Potter flu network.
I hate that shit none of that. This should be convenient. Maybe even a little fun. Ooh fun.
The slide dude that's where slide rules. It does but if you're not vibing for sliding it's tough. And you can take the stairs. How about like there's also stairs very quite lit.
Stairs maybe is very quite lit. You can be in any mood. Stairs are adaptable dude. I got it.
I got one for you. What about this? What about this? It's stairs but if you're vibing right on the little hand rail there's a button you click it.
All the stairs flatten out. Now the stairs are a slide. Oh that's pretty sick and then there's like a wall full of like you hackies or burlap sacks you can grab and slide down in one. Yeah sure like old piece of cardboard get it going.
What about? Yeah. Customizable course based on your mood. God dude what are we making?
That's not a layer at this point. You're building the jungle. It's good. All right.
Children's play place the jungle. Okay. I think that it's cool if you exit from another location. So for example what if the exit just let's start small.
The exit to my secret layer is my shed in my backyard right. So I like pop out of the shed when I'm when I get back up I take the elevator up and it bing undoes in my shed and then it goes back down. We think about that. That's pretty good.
Hopefully nobody catches you just like constantly emerging from your shed without ever going into it. Well yeah I mean like the idea is that they didn't necessarily see me go into my shed. That's what you fucking think. Yeah but they can't that elevator goes down and see if it just turns into the floor in there so it's not like they're gonna go into the shed and get in.
That's a one way. Yeah I guess it needs to be like that's the most far away from your house that it could be. I'm not trying to like emerge on the other side of fucking town. Right here's my other thing.
What if you could what if you could arrange this is like you're a big hot shot. What if you could arrange to exit through like the back of a business. But then I get that shortened to your hours. But what if there's okay there's a 24 hour 7 11 on the block across from you.
Your little ding elevator it takes you to the back of that 7 11. You just pop out the back and if you want it you pop out the back loop back around get a tequito get a gatorade get a Reese's piece whatever you want and on your jolly way. Yeah that's I mean besides all the money I'm gonna spend at 7 11 that sounds good. Yeah you would just be riding that slide down and then immediately popping in your sprinting across your secret.
It's like what am I gonna get after my slide today. What else we doing in here bro. We're obviously doing on this big fucking super computer. Like I don't want to spy.
That's so boring. Just okay killer gaming doing all your sinful googling all the little secrets always on fucking incognito dude this this computer is never off incognito mode. Always clearing those cookies always washing that history away. What about like I want the lab a lab dude I guess that's a two I'm not like do you have like an employee down there or like robots down there is it solitary what's the what's the fucking vibe like a robot could be useful but I think it's a two.
Can we get some fun. Lancer here something man like it's subterranean dude no chance. It's just like really bumming me out how about like we if we have this layer we also can maybe afford someone on staff to like keep a green thumb around the place. But you it's subterranean you're not gonna be there's no natural light.
Fuckin then they're fake and there's no one higher. No fucking potatoes. And I just lost a job thanks to fucking fucking white collar McGrath. Fake plants you got it.
It's easy it's like I say dude's fake plants will still plants. Come on I want those lights that turn on as you walk into the zone you know but and they also for some reason how can I move these lights are so loud dude those these are walking in there. Yeah what the fuck is going on with those bulbs dude they are huge bulbs what about all of costumes. I like them for us it's just like old Halloween costumes.
Yeah just like whatever it's just the same koala ones that you wore for 15 years in a row. Yeah it's it's like cheap target costumes and then it's like cool costumes like when I was like Terminator in fifth grade or whatever and yeah and then it's just like the same yeah I bought this one mask. Maybe it's just like faces of our life so it's like in fifth grade I look and there's like this old case and it just weird cargo shorts in there you know for when I need to carry all my cargo. So depressing like the hall of cheap and then I go over to the my middle school my my high school one and then I'm like oh cool fucking ironic movie quote t-shirts you know that sounds so depressing that's like a hall of presidents for all of your past mistakes.
That's like shame. I don't want to all of shame necessarily. Do I have like newspaper clippings of like I don't know maybe like the murders surrounding my lost family or I do think you need I think amenities dude I do think you need some evidence down there. I got whatever working on for the big case.
Yeah you need evidence and like work there has to be unfortunately that you have to have some work down there. You can't even know if I'm in the secret layer. It's a fucking ping-pong. No it's a office really.
If it is it's an office for all your very important secret stuff and for maybe your shameful things. You know who really could use one of this shit dude or lawyers. Yeah they probably have them to be honest. Secret layer they seem like a very quite lit tenant.
Yeah just but lawyers I'm not ever giving very quite lit. I'll give it to you. That's crazy to me. They're going to use that shit to its fullest.
What kind of we got like a killer sound system in there. I don't think you can right. You can't. What do you mean.
Because you're going to well it's going to how what's that sound like. It's probably not the best acoustic but maybe you got like a recording studio. Oh fucking sick without me. No no no dude that's where I'm laying down tracks for my fucking album bro.
That's what secret because it's the art that the world that can't stand to hear but I got to tell the truth in my art and that's why I can't stand it for sure. Also that's let me clarify that's not what I was talking about. I wasn't talking about how is it going to sound in my layer. If I want my layer to have dope ass acoustic I'm going to put it in there right now.
Design three sick acoustic. What I'm talking about is like the sound proofing. Like if we're fucking we put on Waboos totally awesome height mix or whatever your fucking playlist is called. Yeah you're getting fucking high but you're blasting it like is that not coming down through the floorboards.
Am I not selling out my secret layer. Yeah probably rattling through somebody's like chimney nearby. But let me tell you one thing about sick acoustics. I need one area dude for a big echo because come on.
Yeah all right fine you can have one big echo. Like you got I got a chance to have a big echo. Well and you have to have a big echo if you have those big lights. Yeah I agree with that.
You're Chicago ball. You got to be doing. Okay we're losing sight of something that is important. You got to have more secrets in your secret layer.
Oh sure. So you get in the secret layer and you're like oh yeah here's the evidence and here's he's got his motorcycle and that's it. And then oh what you didn't know is that other that fucking painting. Not a painting.
That's why I keep all the real evidence dipshit. Yeah dude fucking fell for it like an idiot. Yeah you thought I had one secret. What are you dumb?
Are you fucking thick in the head? No stupid. Dude more secrets the better. Guess what's behind that painting.
You're fucking riddle. Another slide dude more tunnels. You never fucking. One of those games that's like a square game where you slide all the different squares and there's one empty space.
Yeah you got to solve it. Okay access point a little puzzle is actually kind of sick. Fuck yeah. What about like one of those really insane doors with like every type of log and like a fucking you know steampunk style huge wheel.
No I don't want that. No no no. What are you putting behind that? That's insane.
And I need a music puzzle dude. Oh my this guy wants it to be fucking Zelda over here. Yeah like a keyboard there's like a keyboard that you have to tap out a certain rhythm. Do we have?
Okay wait a minute. It's basically like cranium. You got to get every part of the brain. Imagine you're imagine your invaders are coming in your trying to hurry to your thing and you're like fuck was it a C minor or shit wait I got to make this thing out of clay.
Yeah that's. They're busting down the door and you're fucking sculpting a little brain. You're doing like a small Rubik's cube. No that sucks.
Yeah the intro to it to be in a skaper room. But I do want to talk about something design wise. I have to have measures in place for when more like if but when a bad he gets into my secret layer. So under siege this is what I'm talking about.
No no no. Under siege is a category. No absolutely not. It is not under siege.
It is someone was snooping around my biz and found my little putt they did all they solved all my little puzzles solved my riddles and got access. Now what? I'm gonna push this little button on my key fob because I'm halfway across the country. I was ahead of this by a thousand.
I got to get alerted obviously. Of course I'm getting my security alert. Yeah design security alert. But then what happens?
I'm I have a laser grid like in the Resident Evil film drops from the ceiling. Yeah turns into cubes. Zap that motherfucker up. Zap him up is very quite lit.
Nobody leaves alive of course. Yeah of course. What are you talking about? My secret layer.
If it's somebody else in there sorry bub you're leaving a body bag. That's it. I'm gonna send you into the tunnels with the rest of them. Oh dude wait we didn't talk about a great exit.
Speaking of tunnels. What if the exit was like those those tubes. You know that I'm you people like Oh yeah dude. Like they put the mail in.
Yes. I think that's it. That's kind of what I mean with my tunnels. I do love that.
I kind of think that's tight. You did not explain your tunnels like that at all. You made it sound fully like just sewer a sewer person. Alright bro expand your mind and go with me on this.
What if you can you know in like an Ant-Man? You could shrink stuff. Uh huh. But if you can shrink your little you shrink your layer up like a nice little place that you fold it back up stick it in your pocket take it somewhere else.
Dog you are. I mean that is tight and you are explaining a plot point of the Ant-Man film. Yeah they carry around their lab on that little pack pack and then they make it big. So yeah that's tight.
Trig it like Ant-Man is tight. I'll give you that. Incredibly convenient. Yeah always.
I don't know what the fuck else to say about secret layer dude. Well you picked it dude so you better. I didn't write it. I don't think maybe I did.
I don't know either. Um what else any other tech you need in there or what? Like laser beams obviously we talked about laser beams. We did talk about it being only in your home.
But what if you had them? What if you had like a fucking dead drop of secret layers all over the town, the country? Like every you know like you had in every city there was like a blue post box like a standard USP. Yeah I mean this is really your riches fuck at this point.
Oh yeah but we weren't when you put the iMac screen down in the damn subterranean tunnel you built. Come on bro. What are you talking about? That must say.
But yeah I mean that's good obviously having a millet like the more secret layers the merrier and the more uniform they are unless you kind of want to spice it up based on the location. Maybe in my Mexico fucking secret layer I got what about chef? I know there's not supposed to be people in here but robot them damn dude. I gotta get there.
You gotta have danky snackums because you might be in that layer for hours days solving the case. Yeah days you have to have provisions for sure. I mean that's just like come on SpaceX like I don't want a little onion dipping ruffles down there. Come on what are we saying?
Yeah sour cream and onion please. Yeah a couple little trader Joe's trail mixes some Pub mix. Come on uh gotta have provisions. A chef is a no though you can't be down there like grilling up hot niggity for whatever like that's it's too much people are gonna be like hmm why does this shit always smell like grilled vegetables or whatever.
Hot dogs to order. I mean that goes with provisions you can have a little a churro machine huh and not just a fryer with like I don't well I'm just sort of imagine I'm like rolling there for me to take like a 7-11 baller. Everything's maintained by robots all right. There's no humans it's all robots.
Yeah it does need to be a robot army down there making my provisions taking care of all of my fake plants, dusting things, making sure to change my big loud light bulbs all of that. Yeah and like and like telling me a joke every now and then it gets heavy down here in the dungeon. We don't want it to be a dungeon right as far as design like I want like hewn walls and stuff. That cave is such a bomb as an dungeon like as possible is good.