Self Care When Trauma Triggers are Everywhere

This is an unexpected episode on account of the pain the news is causing so many survivors (myself included!). How do we continue to function let alone thrive when the messages we keep on getting is that perpetrators rights to do whatever they feel like doing trump our basic human rights including safety?I realise that this is a very sensitive topic and it is also a topic that impacts an enormous amount of people, huge amount of people, not just women but predominantly women and girls.An enormous amount is coming up for healing. Sunlight is a wonderful disinfectant but if you’re feeling raw, tender, hopeless or anything else right now, know that you’re not alone. Know that you looking after yourself (and accessing all the available supports and resources you want and need) and not giving up is a radical act.You deserve love. You deserve safety. You deserve care. You deserve pleasure. You deserve ALL good things and I hope the resources I share in this week’s episode will help you reconnect with your own favourites, too.Let me know how you’re getting on by email or in the comments.le grá (with love),EveCHAPTERS [these may be a little off this week due to episode order changing]0:00 News, sexual violence and collective triggering0:27 Podcast intro, resources, and newsletter3:04 Bandwidth, dysregulation and the Feel. Love. Heal. framework4:46 Feel – nervous system regulation and embodied safety5:45 Love – radical self-acceptance in painful times6:15 Heal – community, accountability and collective care7:39 Reclaiming your body and sensory self-regulation10:06 Healing is not linear – from despair to thriving13:19 Co-regulation, belonging and survivor communities16:24 Survivor stories, activism and the power of solidarity18:49 Power, oppression and not giving in to despair19:45 Choosing gentleness and imagining a better world20:47 Episode closing and next week’s episodeLINKS7 Simple and Effective Self-care Tools for Trauma Survivorshttps://selfcarecoaching.net/2018/09/28/7-simple-and-effective-self-care-tools-for-trauma-survivors/https://selfcarecoaching.net/trauma/ Access more self-care, Self care and collective care resourceshttps://selfcarecoaching.net/feline Find out more about the Polyvagal Purrs approachFULL TRANSCRIPTWe’re basically being given the message time and time again with Irish headlines about [convicted] sexual predators getting less [time in prison] than speeding offenders, with the whole Epstein files… So many examples of sexual predators getting away with it and that can be incredibly triggering.Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham and you’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.You can find out more and access older episodes at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and you can also access loads of free resources and find out more about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and the column I write for Platinum every month, other titles I contribute to, my work, loads of free resources I’ve created over the years. I really hope you enjoy this episode and if you haven’t already signed up for my free newsletter it goes out on a Monday, Míle Buíochas Mondays. Míle buíochas means a thousand thank yous in Irish which I’m very slowly learning and the idea is it’s polyvagal informed journal prompts to help you each week.There’s the gratitude practice element, figuring out more of what brings you joy on a daily basis, what helps you feel in that ventral vagal energy (what I call Purr!) when I use the rescue cats with the Polyvagal Purrs approach. I also share some of my own gratitude, some of the things that have helped me feel more in ventral vagal that week. Some of those will be resources that might benefit you and I also share news about upcoming events, special offers, things like that.The journal prompts also include encouragement to look at what is creating sympathetic survival responses (that Hiss! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and potentially the dorsal vagal (Freeze!) It’s really helping you learn to map your own nervous system, get to know yourself and get to support yourself. And it’s all free so if you haven’t already you can sign up at selfcarecoaching.net and if you have any questions again let me know [email protected]. I hope you enjoy this episode.Welcome to episode 98 [I CHANGED THE ORDER] of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and I’m wondering how you’re doing with everything that’s going on in the news and I know that a lot of people are being triggered. We’re basically being given the message time and time again with Irish headlines about sexual predators getting less than speeding offences in prison with the whole Epstein files.So many examples of sexual predators getting away with it and that can be incredibly triggering. I mean there’s a sexual predator, self-confessed sexual predator in the White House. He still owes E. Jean Carroll millions and millions having been found guilty twice and not to mention all the other horrors being inflicted on so many different kinds of people.I thought I’d do this episode not to be triggering but to recognise that life is triggering and to hopefully help you with my Feel. Love. Heal. framework. The idea is to help you be mindful about your bandwidth on any given day and recognising what’s going to be the most supportive kind of care on any given day.The Feel element is the regulatory self-care, the working with your nervous system, doing all the things that can help you feel better. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful but that’s not everything. The Love part is the recognition that you like everyone else including predators are part of the divine. Part of nature. We’re all connected. We all share this one beautiful planet and it’s about accepting how painful and how unfair and how horrifying and how awful so much feels and is without getting sucked into it. It’s the kind of not arguing with reality and also recognising it’s OK to feel joy, it’s okay to feel like caught up in the beauty of the beginnings of spring in this hemisphere. It’s accepting what is, it’s accepting yourself exactly as you are, recognising again healing isn’t linear and sometimes you might feel absolutely fine and other times you might be absolutely floored with despair and like kind of moving into that dorsal vagal (what I call Freeze! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach).The Heal part is especially important with this kind of trauma, interpersonal trauma. Survivors coming together, women coming together, male allies coming together, proving not all men. Actions speak louder than words. Call your friends out. Don’t tolerate even the little comments which then are encouraging worse and worse behaviour.Chappell Roan, there was something about the singer, she found out that her management company was involved and her immediate reaction was to fire them and it’s like be in integrity, work with your community, let yourself be held in community and make sure that you’re a safe person to be holding people in your community.I realise that this is a very sensitive topic and it is also a topic that impacts an enormous amount of people, huge amount of people, not just women but predominantly women and girls.There are way too many male victims and non-binary and trans victims of sexual violence as well and doing things like moving into the Feel part of the framework, doing things that help you feel safe in your body, first of all making sure you are as safe as you can possibly be now. Do what you can to make yourself as safe as possible and once you are safe let yourself feel into that, let yourself reclaim your body, let yourself connect back into what feels good, different types of movements, different types of like kind of experiment with massage, experiment with like any kind of pleasurable feelings that help you remember the privilege that we have in terms of being embodied, having these bodies that enable us to experience so much joy in the world and recognising that what was done to you should never have been done to you, should never be done to anyone, but you can and will heal and it’s about having patience with yourself and building up a repertoire of things that feel good.I go on a lot about being underwater, yoga, things like that, but I feel really good when I’m like kind of cycling downhill, feeling the wind in my hair or doing an underwater handstand or really swimming my heart out or singing or like doing a stretch or balance or pose that’s feeling easier or just works in a really delightful, delicious way or enjoying a wonderful taste, food, drink, whatever it might be, enjoying the feeling of warmth or a delicious fabric like especially with sensory differences, with neurodivergence, get rid of clothes that don’t feel good, make your immediate environment as safe and as comfortable, as enjoyable to be in as possible. Delicious fabrics, I really love bamboo at the...