Welcome back to the Daily Dose. It's Nathan and Kins as always. And with it being April in Sexual Awareness Month, correct? Mailed it.
Yep. We decided to talk about that today. A little bit more of a serious topic. But and also just at WVM checked out our last episode, please do so.
Yeah. Yeah. We tend to, I think, I don't want to say avoid or shy away from, but a lot of these like heavier sense of topics are very nerve-wracking to try to record because you want to do a justice and you want to. It's like, it's like, it's a really big, like, big, serious, it's prevalent, like, especially being college students, like, it's, you know, sexual assault is sad, but it happens.
Right. Which is the sad part that happens. Which is the really sad part, but yeah, we absolutely like, our want, like, want to do it justice enough, I guess, from our perspective. Which is why whenever, you know, April rolled around, Sexual Assault Awareness Month, like, this is a time where we need to talk about this, because it is so important and that's, you know, what we're here to do is talk about the important things.
It's just we are, you know, as you said, college kids and we don't know everything, we're not professionals. And like I said, we want to do it justice. So hopefully we do that today for y'all, but mostly what we want to talk about was kind of centered around the college experience in sexual assault, because like Nate said, it's so prevalent. And, you know, is way more common than you think.
You know, the statistics are that in the U.S. alone, one third of women and one sixth of men will have some form of, like, violent sexual contact in their life, whether it is, like, defying, like, definition, why sexual assault or not? That's still like a completely staggering number. And I mean, I even know from personal experience, the number of girls I know that have faced some form of sexual assault, it's everywhere.
It's not even necessarily like, yeah, like those statistics on violent sexual assault, like it's, but it also applies to, like, just like on, like, on a touching and, like, stuff that, like, it's sad to say, but like, people don't necessarily see it as big of a deal today. And especially, you know, like, in college fun groups, a college party, like, you know, like, this stuff happens. And like, I feel like everyone kind of has their own story, everyone has their own experience, whether on one side or the other. But yeah, it just like, it totally extends beyond just like violent sexual assault, there's like, so many other things are linked to it.
Right. There's, there's, you know, just the touching and the, you know, forcing people to perform acts or do things. I mean, there's so many different parts of it. And that's, the sad thing to me is that a lot of it kind of like you touched on is so normalized.
Like, a lot of times I, it happens. Like, everyone has a story, you know. Right. And, you know, so many times I hear people say, like, they're, you know, tell me about their night out and they're like, Oh, XYZ happened, but we were all just drunk, you know, blah, blah, blah.
And I always in my head, I'm like, no, like, that's sexual assault. Like, that's, that's not okay. Yeah. That was the other thing I was going to say, like, why it's so prevalent?
It's because, you know, like, we're at the age where we drink and we drink a lot as college kids. And like, I feel like with alcohol, alcohol, man, at the end of day leads to a lot of bad stuff, you know, like a lot of these situations don't, would not have happened if alcohol were not a factor as someone who just sold very third, 21st. Happy 21st, by the way, happy 21st to me. But yeah, alcohol leads to non-incision making.
Believe it or not, believe it or not. You know, breaking news here. But another big thing with sexual assault is that it's not just a one and done. There's so many, you know, consequences to that.
I mean, it leads to risk of developing or high risk of developing depression, anxiety, PTSD, body dysmorphia, eating disorders, like nightmares, flashbacks, like it stays with you forever, regardless of the quote, like, severity of it, unquote, you know, whether it's a grab or rape itself, like, it's still just something that it's not just the touch that's the issue. It's the way it impacts your psyche and your head and the way you feel about yourself and the way you see others and how you think others see you. And that's like, I mean, obviously the act itself is devastating, but it's what happens after that is really what lasts and sticks with you. It's so devastating.
And I think that's what's really sad is because in a lot of, you know, education or awareness, it's it sticks a lot on just like rape statistics or sexual assault statistics and what to do to prevent XYZ, but there's not near as many resources or awareness of the after effects and how brutal those are. And it gets swept under the rug because, you know, we've talked about it in less times, how much people are not scared but hesitant to open up about, you know, their mental health issues. But when it's something that's stemming from something as, you know, traumatic as sexual assaults or rape, that even like makes it more of a problem. People don't want to own up to it because, you know, regardless of how much work has been done in society to in sexual assault and rape and make it, you know, less of a women's issue and more of or men because, you know, men get assaulted and less of a victim's problem and more of the perpetrators problem.
It's still hard to admit to you're scared. People are going to see you a different way. You're scared that it's going to get out. It's scared.
It's just terrifying all around. Yeah. I mean, people can be I mean, people can just be brutal at the end of the day. I mean, I mean, just coming from a guy's perspective, like, you know, guys, like, hey, say it took about it all the like, took about like what seems like harm may seem like, you know, harmless stuff like, Oh, like I slapped a girl in the butt and like, I don't know, just like, you know, like stuff like that, that it's like, I feel like from a guy's position, it's almost hard to kind of like stick your neck out because then you become all your that guy, you're the, you're the perude, you're like the loser, like, I, right, which is a sad part is that that's the stigma around it that if you stick up, and of course, it's not, of course, it's not for all guys.
And I mean, I know, with my, you know, I choose my friends wisely. And that kind of goes along with guys is like, you know, you have to kind of, like you have to have a sense about that just because I mean, obviously statistics show that happens more to women than not to say that doesn't happen to guys. But, you know, it's just something that you have to be aware of, especially when you're drinking, again, like when most of this stuff happens, like what may seem like a really funny and great idea at the time, you know, has like, you were talking about those long term ramifications, it's not how it affects you. It's how it affects someone else that needs to be concerned with.
Exactly. And I think the other really hard part of not dealing with sexual assault, but you know, the after effects and making it, you know, moving forward is the fact that, you know, in eight, in 10 cases, whether male or female, the victim knew the person who assaulted them, raped them. And that's even harder, because what happens when you're in some big friend group, and it's someone everyone loves, everyone doors. And that's what I kind of goes back to, like, you really have to choose who you're around with, because like, you know, if you're with people that, like, you know, you trust, you have your close friends, like, obviously, like, it obviously can still happen, but like really just knowing the people who you're around with, and also people to look out for you when you're in vulnerable situations, you know what I mean?
Right, because it's, I think another big thing, like, talking about the friend group and everything, and, you know, whether it's you're dealing with the fact that the person who committed this, like, absolutely, a church is saying to you is in your friend group, or if it's, you know, someone you didn't know, but you have this friend group that you don't feel comfortable opening up about it, because that's a huge part about, you know, however many years ago the Me Too movement, like, that was groundbreaking, because people were finally speaking out, and it blew people's minds, how many people they knew, their mothers, sisters, cousins, coworkers, everyone, was like, yes, I've experienced this. And no one knew about it, because everyone's scared to open up about it. Why are you scared to open up? You're scared either people are going to judge you, or people aren't going to care.
And I think the second one can be almost as devastating as the first, because I've experienced that, I have friends who've experienced that word, you open up about this thing that, like I said before, regardless of severity, it's still just like this devastating thing all around, and you know, it's very impactful. Right, and worse than people judging you for it, or making real comments or whatever it may be, is if people saying like, oh, that sucks, and then that's the last you hear of it. That's, they never check in on you, or they completely just dismiss the whole thing out, right? And that's even worse, because then it makes you think like, well, maybe I'm taking this too seriously, I should just brush it off.
And then we're back to square one with people not even recognizing sexual assault for what it is, right? And that's like the biggest push for anything. I mean, that's what we're here on this podcast for is to encourage people to open up about mental health. At the same time, like, you have to open up, I mean, I'm not saying you have to, because each decision is our own.
But like, you know, mental health and opening up about stuff like this is kind of one in the same, you know, apples to apples. It's like, it's still like, you know, you can draw similarities to like, you know, with sexual assault, we have long-term ramifications. Well, it's the same thing with mental health, because you know, it's one in the same. Right.
I do think like with sexual assault, it can be harder, because it's not something that was not meant to happen, but it wasn't something that just, it's so hard to worry about sexual assault, you know, it happened to you. It wasn't just whatever it may be. It wasn't a chemical imbalance. And it wasn't, you know, X, Y, or Z, not saying that mental health always has like always just is natural or appears, because it's very much not I can stem from a lot of things.
But in every single case with sexual assault, it happened to you. And it's, you know, it's never the victim's fault. It's never your fault. It's never some, you know, unlock of the universe or karma, whatever it may be, you know, it's, you know, we had Sarah Wright, who was our, yeah, we had Sarah Wright, our favorite guest all time ever, one of two, not that we didn't love our other.
But Sarah Wright, we asked her to kind of give us her thoughts on this because, you know, that's her thing, it's sexual help. And she basically said, don't push me into a pool and say I went swimming, right? It's, you know, if you're going to go swimming, you're going to have your bikini on, you're going to look your best, you're going to know you're going to go swimming, you're going to have a towel waiting for you when you get out of the pool to dry off, right? And that's, that's what was supposed to happen.
That was your plan. But if you just show up and someone pushes you in, your clothes are going to be wet, your hair's going to be wet, your makeup's going to be ruined, your phones in your pocket, that's, you know, shot to hell. It's, it's not, it's not your fault. You don't throw yourself in the pool, right?
And that's just, and that's what I hate so much about, you know, the, the culture is changing, but there's still the idea of what were you wearing, what were you drawing for you drinking? Yeah, it's more, yeah, it's more of like, right, it's like the after, like, yes, like, yes, it could have been, like other factors could have been involved at the end of the day. Like when you're, like, when you're dealing with it and you're trying to figure out, like, a step forward, or like, you come to a friend as that friend, it's not necessarily, you know, like, it happened, like, you don't need, like, don't need to dwell on it. It's almost like, let's move forward to see, like how you're doing, like, see, like, kind of what you need, not necessarily, like, you know, asking for justification or ramifications of what happened.
Right, it's a matter of listening and hearing what that friend needs and being there for them. And, you know, sometimes you don't have to say anything, you listen and you're there for them. And, you know, like I said, before it's not one and done, you listen, you're like, wow, I'm really sorry, blah, blah, blah, and then you never, like, touch on it again, you never check it on them again, because, you know, like, we've said a gajillion times in just this one episode, the effects stick with you, whether it's body dysmorphia, you're depressed, you have nightmares, you have PTSD, you can't be romantic with someone because you're so nervous because of what happened to you, like, there's so many ramifications that, you know, you might not even realize our effects of sexual assault, but, you know, that's when it kind of, it doesn't fall upon your friends, but a good friend would be there for you, you know, checking out on you, making sure you have the support and the love and whatever it is you need. And, you know, it's, it's something that's hard to get through alone.
And whether it's using your friends or reaching out to, you know, a therapist or whatever, there's so many resources out there. And I know it's scary, but you are not going to get passed out by yourself. It's way too big of a thing to get passed by yourself. And that's totally fine.
I think, you know, that's such a thing in our culture, is like pull yourself out by the bootstraps, you know, quoting Sarah, Sarah right there again, but you don't have to because it's not on you. Well, you can lean on others. And I feel like just another thing that's not really talked about is confronting, you know, just like confronting either the person who did it because that doesn't really happen very often. You know what I mean?
Like, after the fact, like, that's just not necessarily reality. And like, that's something that the person might be comfortable with. So like, as a friend, that's also, you have to be also really careful of that, like, just really respecting the personal boundaries. And I guess the privacy of the person you're trying, even though it might be your best intentions, you know, don't don't do something unless they say, like, you know, they say, you have to respect their wishes.
Exactly, like, that could bring up so much more trauma for them. If you could have the best intentions in the world, but you know, that doesn't matter. Right. If you as a, because it wasn't, it's not your decision to make, like, if you as a friend say, like, take it upon yourself to go confront, you know, the person who did such a thing, like, that could have so many more ramifications for, you know, your friend, they could have to deal with that person reaching out to them, talking about it.
And that could be just a whole new thing. It reopens the wound, right? But at the same time, like, you also kind of have to be cognizant of the fact that your friend is dealing with a very traumatic thing. And if they are saying, like, Oh, I'm going to go confront them.
I'm going to go, blah, blah, blah. That's what that's what I was referring to. Right. You got to be smart there.
And, you know, it's a very fine line between respecting their wishes, but also being that good friend and knowing when to say, like, you need to take a step, you need to take a moment. Like, there's a process to go, like, there's a process here. Don't, and also just like, don't jump to, like, don't jump to conclusions. Just like make sure that, like, you're just there for them.
That's like, you know, one priority, not necessarily, you know, getting, like, doing things on their behalf. Right. It's not your sort of care. You just have to be there to help them.
You know, and I think there's so, you know, like I said, like society has done a lot and definitely the past decade or two to- I think so definitely got, like, moved forward to popular culture. They've moved forward, but it's definitely not enough. Like, yes, we've started destigmatizing it. And the MeToo movement was a huge, you know, push off the diving board for that.
And letting people know that it's okay to open up one and two, there's way more about there than what you think there is. But I think, you know, a lot of the next steps are going to come, not just from individuals. It's a movement of not just educating about rape, educating about every single facet of sexual assault, whether it's, you know, no, you don't slap a girl's ass when you're walking by her in five points, because you like her shorts. Like, I don't care if you're drunk, right?
Like, you teach that that's not okay. Because I think a lot of little things like that are still leftovers of, you know, the the bro straight white boy culture of just like, or boy culture, girl culture, whatever, leftovers of that old culture of it's okay to treat women or men a certain way. And that's not sexual assault. It's just being funny with the boys or whatever it is, right?
It's teaching that it's one, never the victims fault, don't matter if they're drunk, don't matter if they're wearing whatever, right? And as a matter of teaching about consent, which we already started doing, but I still think there's more, there's more work to be done in every area of life. But especially with this, because there are still those leftovers that get swept under the rug. And you hear like, Oh, well, that wasn't rape, but it's still not okay.
It's still sexual assault. That's my spiel. So kind of a heavier topic today. Yes, but so important.
But yeah, but like, you know, need to be done need to be talked about because it is very important. And anyways, so that's about all we've got. But I guess final word would be like, if you are a victim of sexual assault, one, you're completely not alone to use the resources that are out there, reach out to a therapist, reach out to your close family, if you feel comfortable, reach out to your friends. And no, it's never your fault.
It has it says nothing about you as a person or your body or anything about you. It's not your fault. You are strictly a victim of nothing more. Yeah, don't let others actions impact you.
Exactly. So a little bit of a heavier episode like we said. So if you need a lighter refresher, we've got plenty of more fun episodes out there. So go get those a listen and some more awesome content coming out on our Instagram.
So stay tuned for that at the Daily Dose podcast. Shout out Kelsey as always for being the best. And also shout out to our other amazing team members. Hope.
Hope. Corey. Corey. Then Hope and Corey and Kelsey.
What will we do without you guys, right? So yeah, check out our other episodes. We've got another episode for you all coming out in this next Sunday. And we will see you then.
See you. Bye.