Shame & Recovery: Naming the Space Between Sick and Well with Mallary Tenore Tarpley

Welcome back to Untethered in Shame. In today's episode, I sit down with Mallary Tenore-Tarpley to explore a part of recovery that is rarely discussed, yet nearly universal: the middle place. Often, society presents recovery as a binary choice of being completely sick or completely recovered. However, the reality is far more nuanced, and most people spend years in a space where progress and setbacks coexist.Mallary opens up about how the devastating loss of her mother triggered her eating disorder at the age of twelve. She explains how she used the disorder to cope with grief and an overwhelming desire to stay small. We also unpack the immense pressure she faced to achieve a "perfect" recovery, which ultimately led to a secret cycle of relapses. This conversation provides a framework to help us redefine healing, understand the true definitions of setbacks, and find the courage to be honest about our progress.Key TakeawaysThe Origin of the Struggle: How childhood grief and an attempt to cope with profound loss acted as the catalyst for Mallary's eating disorder.The Danger of Perfectionism: Why striving for the "gold standard" of full recovery can create insurmountable pressure and lead to a double life.Defining the Terms: A clear breakdown of the differences between a slip, a lapse, and a relapse.The Power of Permission: Why giving yourself permission to experience a slip can actually help you make meaningful progress forward.Courage in the Middle: How acknowledging and naming the "middle place" can reduce shame and build a supportive community.About Our GuestMallary Tenore Tarpley is an assistant professor of practice at the University of Texas at Austin, where she teaches journalism classes in the Moody College of Communication and writing classes at the McCombs School of Business.Her debut nonfiction book, Slip: Life in the Middle of Eating Disorder Recovery, explores the under-discussed complexities of eating disorders and recovery from them. The book is equal parts memoir and journalism, and it weaves together Mallary's own narrative with perspectives from clinicians, researchers, and others with lived experience. In 2023, Mallary received a generous grant from the Alfred P. Sloan Foundation to support the science-related reporting in the book, specifically around the neurobiological and genetic aspects of eating disorders. The book will be published by Simon & Schuster, via its Simon Element imprint, in August 2025 and is now available for pre-order.Connect with Mallary & ResourcesOrder the Book: Slip: Life in the Middle of Eating Disorder RecoveryInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mallarytenoretarpley/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mallary-tenore-tarpley-6719484Substack: https://mallary.substack.com/Website: https://www.mallarytenoretarpley.com/  Get Connected.Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-listListen to my Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=d8cdfcb925ce4c9c  Take the Next Step.Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-callAre you a people pleaser? Ruminator? Over-extender? Sign up for the next round of Liberated Living and implement the radical 3 practice — Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility & Radical Authorship: https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living