Shame & the Inner Critic: Understanding the Triangle Driving Your Escape with Jessica Fern & David Cooley

Why do we escape, what are we really running from, and what does it actually take to stop?In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with psychotherapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley, co-authors of a new book built around the shame triangle. We go deeper into the four types of escapers: over-functioning, under-functioning, other emotions, and aggression, and how each one is a nervous system response to the weight of shame and the inner critic.All three of us bring our own lived experience to the table, so the concepts land as personal and immediately recognizable. We talk about how society rewards certain forms of escape (hello, hustle culture), why most therapy and self-help stop at the symptom level, and how to move from the shame triangle into the self-love triangle: escapers become inner nurturers, and the inner critic becomes an inner coach.What You'll LearnEscapism is a nervous system response, not a character flawThe inner critic is built from the outside in, as a survival strategyThe 4 escaper types: over-functioning, under-functioning, other emotions, aggressionWhy productivity culture makes over-functioning invisibleWhy treating the symptom (anxiety, perfectionism, addiction) is not enoughHow the shame triangle shifts into a self-love triangleHealing means expanding your window of tolerance, not eliminating discomfortThe inner critic is loud, but it is not truthStart with one part: the critic, the shame, or the escapers. Just get to know it.Connect with Our GuestsJessica Fern, psychotherapist and author of Polysecure: JessicaFern.comDavid Cooley, creator of Restorative Relationship Conversations: restorativerelationship.comGet ConnectedSubscribe to my YouTube channelSign up for my email listListen on Spotify or Apple PodcastsTake the Next StepDownload the free handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every DayBook a free 25-minute discovery callJoin the next round of Liberated Living