Show Up

Send us Fan MailA Brief RecapIn our last episode, you might recall that when we become hopeless and disconnected from our emotional state, the two halves of the brain begin to separate. This dis-pairing process is called emotional detachment.When the two sides of our brain are detached, it makes dealing with the constant flow of emotions difficult.When kids or adults feel seen, it helps the two parts of the brain come back together.There are tools that can be used to aid the pairing process.​First Pairing Tool - Show UpIf you don’t get anything else, pay attention to this chapter. Showing up is the foundation for all of the other pairing tools.Why? “…presence influences healing more than anything.”“In moments of despair, the people we love need our “outside the door” kind of presence. That kind of presence creates safety like nothing else can. It may seem small, but when we show up, the brain responds in predictable ways.”“Remember the parent-child attachment we discussed earlier? Showing up isn’t the goal of parenting; secure attachment is the goal. But showing up is the beginning step to accomplish that goal.”5 Ways to Show Up1. Show Up Before They Ask You To As kids grow into teenagers, it can often give parents the idea that their child doesn’t need them anymore. This starts when a child is suddenly embarrassed to have their parent around, and it can feel as though they are pushing you away. It is easy for parents to get offended or hurt and assume their child doesn’t need them.While it can certainly feel this way, kids often need parents more as they grow into their teen years. It is critical that parents initiate regular, quality time with their teens.2. Show Up for What Matters to Them If you do not know what matters to your child, it is time to put on your detective hat. What matters to a teen may not be the most enjoyable activity for their parent. Regardless, it is important to make this process about them.Go with them to their sporting activities, dance, ballet, plays, etc.Take them to see their favorite musician or band in concert.If they’re into superheroes, go to the opening of their favorite character.Play video games with them.This is a time when you show up with no agenda of your own. Simply enjoy time with them.3. Show Up When It’s Inconvenient In many moments, it is easy to feel like you are not needed or wanted as a parent. In their time of crisis, real or imaginary, show up. As parents, we have been showing up their whole lives until this point. This season may look a little different, but it is just as important as when they were little.As kids mature, this might look like staying up late with them or picking them up from a party where they felt uncomfortable or unsafe. It’s important as parents that we show up, especially when it’s inconvenient.4. Show Up Often Find ways to be predictably available.Here are a few ideas: • Create a “conversation place” in your home. A place that is just for conversations. No phones, no screens, just people. • Be intentional about creating moments. Be available during drive times, evenings, and bedtimes. • If there is a time when you start to realize your kids are most likely to talk or open up, clear that time in your schedule. •Text them occasionally to let them know you are thinking about them or praying for them. (Not to the extent y