Hello there ladies and gentlemen welcome again to another episode of Jesse and Wilder's Guide to Life. I'm Jesse That's Foul Wabu over there tell them all about it Wabu taken away. Okay, here's the part where you set me up and I say nothing at all Welcome to line moms. Of course.
We are your hosts two very dangerous boys God, we're really mixing all the bits up huh? Just gonna put all the bits in one single pot pray to God that works Well, I figure you know instead of sprinkling them around where it might not get a laugh each time you throw them all in one We're gonna get one laugh. Yeah, just really I kind of like to make a little sort of a bit stew. Uh-huh You throw them all in you never know how they're gonna come together Yeah, that's just so you know most stews the cook does have some concept of how it's gonna come together.
No, I disagree I disagree that's the first entry in the wine mom's cookbook fingers crossed do okay fingers crossed do very good very good Then the next thing if this is what we're doing, right? It's the heteronormative meat cube That's the second thing in the wine mom's cookbook. You thought I couldn't do it But here we are reaching for the stars. Well, I mean there is like for the deep fans.
We also got a recipe for brown pickle wine Absolutely. There's a brown pickle wine. There is an ugly little hot dog and then parentheses boy Yeah, absolutely just a cup of milk is one of the recipes This parts for nobody We were gonna reference our other podcast or battle star and yet here we are we've done it again So here at wine moms we like to make Rubik's for stuff all the stuff in life that you know and love though Usually it's just stuff that we know and love we're gonna rank them in three different ways The best is gonna be very quite lit the most medium is gonna be very pretty good and the least best what's another word for that? The worst gonna be very not quite lit I'm glad that you're still explaining the rating system that is a three point scale and that is gotta be pretty much understood at this point I just feel like we're really reaching if we think that everyone listening has listened to every episode so far That's fair.
That's fair. The audience is growing every day stronger and stronger So that is very fair and also just like the likelihood of people wanting to listen to more than one episode is very low That's fair, too So welcome and also Shalom goodbye been very nice having you for this one episode. Yes Aloha. I'll let you decide which way I meant it Yes, shout out to J.
Rubes one of our more than one time listeners. Mm-hmm. He suggested this topic So here's a little here's a little trick and a treat for you Halloween came early Yeah, so just as a topic and maybe we'll do it if it's good But here's a here's another one put rate of five star rating in the iTunes store with a topic suggestion And you're the chances of us doing that topic are gonna shoot through the roof I would say I can't imagine us turning down anything that comes attached to a five-star review I could think of some like for what it was just like make a rubric for best place to make a duty in your trousers to have it Oopsie are you telling me that you don't want to do an episode on that best play best rating the places to where you could Alright cut that out and write it down because maybe we'll do that one later. Don't give it a good We won't sell that way.
You're right. I came I accidentally I'm such a fucking genius. I actually See what happens when you just open up your mind you reach into the depths oh damn dude Sometimes you get tasting like that Jacob Ruben suggested we do small town which now that I said that funny duty thing seems less cool So we're doing small town. This is interesting because neither of us has grew up in a small town.
Yeah, or I've been to one Yeah, I did I was I suggested to Chelsea and she was like you didn't grow up in small town I was like I've been to him and she was like which one you've been to and I was like I Don't know this is gonna be entirely based on things. I've seen in movies or yes. Yes. Yes I was told I'm contractually obligated to mention your more girls and stars hollow and that's it Okay, what is the closest thing to like a small what is it that comes to mind for you?
I've been to a mom talk your mom talk more like a 10 mom talk I do not know how not to reference backwards. Oh, you said 10 mom talk. I thought you said 10 mom talk like a 10 talk Like the big red letters to the back but underneath that mom also But it is 10 moms talking at the same time doing different 10 talk and they all pick a different topic is that what you said? Yeah, I don't think there's a small town like a ghost town You know I'm saying like I don't oh ghost town is no one lives there though, right?
Only ghosts I've been to these little towns in like Utah Yeah, but you have like 75 people in them. I think you need more than that Oh, so you're talking you're talking about like a straight up like a small town. So not like it's like a town Yeah, it's a proper town brother not like when you stop through like on a road trip What are we talking here? What kind of categories are you thinking?
I have one started soft because I got nothing community So we're talking about the types of people that we're gonna see in this town the types of people the types of group right like that I think that you need sort of there has to be some camaraderie in for me in this town to work. Yes. I need a Loveable mayor, huh? I don't know.
I do not want a small town where there's fucking civil unrest Oh my god speaking of a loveable mayors my dude by the time you all hear this I love just gotten back from a small town with potentially the most level of mayor in the history of mayors mayor max of Ida wild who is a golden retriever put that in bonus points Yeah, it's already coming baby if you're if you're dog if you're mayor is a dog of your small town obviously enormous bonus points Maybe the best bonus points and also wilders not just speaking dumb horseshit out of his mouth I'm just gonna mayor max calm and you'll you'll see the truth I got another character for you, and I'm gonna put him in very pretty good guy who runs the whole fucking town He owns the police you know I'm saying okay the police are in his pocket He's so a shifty sort of a rupped maybe general store owner sure corrupt puppet master is what I'm gonna call this guy because he's not necessarily a leader It could be the mayor but could also be probably involved with the drug He was probably running drugs in the town. You know, I mean, okay drugs somewhere. We'll get to a part of this rig Where drugs are gonna be bad. I don't want drugs in my small town even a little bit He does add a it's pulled over for drunk driving and he says what are you gonna do arrest me right?
I own you basically every character if it is a character adds some sort of value absolutely fucking very not quite lit duds squares Just like common folk you don't want anyone to be like a common folk I think everyone needs a little zip you want every single person in the town to have a little zip in their pip Yeah, think about you know, it's a great small town like that a legit great small town is a true man show town the town for true But show not a town it turns out not a town at all. What about town drunk very pretty good Yeah, very pretty good cuz that could be really charming or really sad he's always at the end of the bar Yeah, yeah, that's the thing is like if he's out on the if he's out on like he's falling asleep on a sidewalk Even though he has a home. No, no, I don't not that he gets home, but he's just always in the bar right right I mean, he's also got the info baby when you need some some knowledge you talk to him, okay? He's an informant I am not going to go to this place that you're going to but I encourage you to keep going there I do want you to keep going there, but what you're building is not a small town You're building a murder mystery and it's already happening and I think you should chase that idea because it's a good one But I'm going to participate in the construction I put in absolutely no thought to this before we started recording maybe you should if you're Very pretty good a murderer Okay, I don't I don't want the murderer.
Yeah, there's there cannot be a murderer But but maybe a little a little small town small small time crime Okay, go ahead not quite lit townies. Oh boy. Oh God dang it describe them because because the thing is is they walk among us and you don't realize it's a townie until you're in a place It's just easier to go for like the Boston townie, right? Just think about every character in any bin afflict well, okay So townie is somebody who never leaves and like is miserable miserable, but it's like a weird loyalty their town But also as you see in the town Jeremy renter plays a great townie in that because Jeremy renter probably is a fucking townie And it feels like there's kind of an age limit if you like once you hit like 50 you're not a town anymore You just become like a sad guy, right?
I mean no, I mean oh guys could be like the town drunk probably a townie. Yeah, that's true the Southern California Townies are I'll give you some staples they wear flannels never with the sleeves cuffed up This leaves are always down and jeans and like a fox racing hat. Yes Big belt buckle to oh big belt buckle. It's like a borderline Caltech urban cowboy, you know what I got another good small town.
I've been to big beer California. Okay, good one That's a yes, and I've I've loved the townie like I've been to some of them local bars and they they love visitors the porn of Shots keys. Oh my god. Can we just get in there somewhere?
Where we put where we put town specials? I don't I don't care for that shots key thing make a count just make a That way just put in a bono point for now if we feel like it's gonna move somewhere. It's gotta move somewhere Yeah, because okay, here's here's let me give you another category that I think will partially incorporate this but Landmarks baby us you have to have the town bar finigans you go to finish tonight specifically You I think you only get one bar if you have more than one bar That's only very pretty good to me. No, there's the bat.
There's the shady bar to don't forget about okay So we you have one main bar where the where the tough cookies hang out, you know some motorcyclers Okay, so you're saying we need a friendly bar and a shady bar. Can I give you another landmark? Yes restaurant That's spelled that sells the best blank in the world right? Okay, yes, you know you got to go to Delilah She's making the best chili in the Western Hemisphere.
Yeah, Johnny's got the best burger I think we talked to a Johnny's burgers thing last time. I think you did your yeah I got another community very not quite lit drug cartel. Okay. I yeah, your cartel is bad I'll give you another one occult community.
You know one of them. Oh, yeah cult. No, thanks to a big spooky cult Oh, I don't like cults. Yeah, like the village that's that's the small town.
What do we think about? I mean, we're already talking about communities. This is communities as a whole Truman show very not quite lit if it's a tell very not very not quite well. It depends are you Truman right because if you're Truman so it's very pretty good.
I think very pretty good. It seems fun if you're not Truman Even if you're Truman, I mean to tell that moment he does live a pretty fine life. Yeah, very pretty good Truman show Do we have any very quite lit people in this town besides a lovable mayor? Oh, yeah, you know the diner runner Yeah, he runs the diner.
Yeah, you have a master chef even if he's not a master chef. You know, I mean, okay He's not like a trained chef diner Dan. I want in the community someone who's great at every trade You know what I mean? Like we got the jeweler.
Okay, that's my best I get with jewelers the first thing you said we got the best jeweler in town Yeah, we have lots of a jeweler. Oh, you must go to Dan's shop. He's an incredible cobbler Tammy her Fumory you must go sample her fragrances. Oh wait.
I got a very I got a actually a very pretty good for you A perfumory, but it's it's perfume a story of a murderer like the like a sweetie Todd like a someone who makes the best thing But they're also killing people for it. That's very pretty good today. How many murderers do we want to put on this? I just it's a flowin baby.
Okay, you so very pretty good to you is a sweetie Todd story of a murder I'm like story of my life story of my life. I guess landmarks I you I know that we talk about this a lot and so I just want to get it out of the way because I know it always comes up And it's gonna come up either way, so let's just do it right now. Where do we put haunted house? Oh my god Obviously, it's very quite lit.
You think it's very quite lit. Yes, bro You sure of course do you have any reason why it would not be very quite lit? Isn't the town in it a small town and it has a haunted house and it like really tortures those kids over the course of a lifetime Yeah, but it created hours of entertainment for us. Okay.
Well, I'm convinced haunted house What about like um like the town savant you know I mean oh like a whiskey. Yeah whiskey Yeah, I don't know I don't know what to wear to put this next thing maybe it's a bonus point rivalry with a neighboring town Like just town spirit is that a category? Yeah, let's call it Let's do town spirit cuz I think I have some other stuff I could put in there And I think hi on the list of town spirit things to me is of a rivalry. I love it Very quite very quite little time rivalry with the rich kids across the way.
Oh my god Oh, how do we put it very not quite lit the rich kids across the way? I want that to be my town Oh, yeah, that's the community the rich I want to be the underdog town, please and thank you Yeah, cuz what's unfortunate is that a lot of small towns are I mean I sort of went to high school in a small town The city of Arinda is a quasi small town, but in the Bay Area the Bay Area is just a giant urban area that's consisted of little Suburban towns, so it's different but yeah, that was the rich kids and that sucks out loud because instead of a diner they have like a I got another very quite lit community the owner of a movie theater who just loves movies. He just loves movies, you know That feels like it's going in the same category as you did for Like the artists category, but movie house owner He like hell maybe he'll take whiskey under his wing, you know, I think you need a lot of parades What do you think about that? Oh, I mean parades is there are days?
It's many parades is there are you want to parade 365 days a year? I'm telling you bro. You're not gonna be able to get anywhere take to the streets you ride the floats to work stupid Oh my god, the place will be filthy at all times. That's honestly very not quite late as parades every day That sucks Quite late parades sometimes and then you could do very pretty good parades never no no no a small town needs a parade look You take off your fucking la.
I'm fucking wilder from la You want to parade every day are you out of your mind? How am I gonna get to the west side to eat my fucking? My hot pot like fuck off to get to the west side eat my hot pot first of all your mistake if I think I would ever go to the west That's the elephant graveyard you do not go there look what my point is that you just it's not a problem of going anywhere where because That's where everyone is going there's the traffic in the town Who's how many people in this parade how many people there's no one to watch it? You need the whole town to make the parade my thought is you need parades They're a staple of a small town like I would say like you have to have a fourth-year-old That's one obviously do you really love a parade so much parades are kind of boring to me?
Oh, no, I think parades for me and you listen dog I'm trying to tell you to fucking be good at this okay for me and you a parade is bad I don't care for a parade I don't like crowds but in a small town I like I so for example the town that I went to high school and kind of a small town small enough for the July parade the town's high school football team of which I was a part of Rides on the back of like a truck as they go through and kids are waiting sparklers and stuff and I I drove the truck It was my truck that I drove to high school and that was fucking tight dude. Okay an appropriate number of parades I'll give you very quite lit. Okay. Thank you.
Fuck me. I just I got nothing to do with a parade Oh my god, that's why you don't live in a small town. That is exactly why I don't live in a small town too many parades No, thanks to me parades not a hot pot daddy needs his hot pot. I need my hot pot very quite lit great hot pot No very bad that was a small town as like excellent hot pot.
It's awesome. How about this for landmarks very quite lit proximity to beautiful nature Okay, it's at the edge of a maybe a haunted forest or like a beautiful word or fall All right, like what if it's just like oh like everyone goes to the word or fall to propose and to me That's a better claim to fame for a small town than like world's best hot pot. What about um a category for claims to fame I like that. Okay, number one very quite lit.
I got maybe specialty produce or or export specialty export something That's so good that they ship out. Yeah. Yeah, like oh we make we got the dankest cherries here, you know, okay? Oh, we got them stanky danky legumes.
Okay, I guess everyone knows our town is famous for our squish claims fame very not quite Real it racism, baby. That sucks. Do not a good one. I gotta tell you very pretty good for me world's largest Bigs ball 20 Minnesota.
I just think it's like yeah, all right very pretty good famous serial killers from there Or that's where he struck. You know, I mean, okay How about if how about a famous ne'er do well? I don't want to I don't want to like I'm just trying to talk about it's a murder mystery I thought right that's it's you though. I'm gapped it I'm just playing we're just playing off each other here I have to change the tone from your weird murder mystery party you're trying to build very quite lit like a Notable species of animal okay Paint this picture in your painted picture for me what you mean by this for example They say you got to come check out the lake.
We have many the alligators in it. It's like plastic Okay, so that's to you very quite lit. Yeah, okay notable. I'm gonna say notable flora and fauna Uh-huh so I'm paying so in my head This is it's a small town like from a TV show everyone's big characters and everyone's like artisans Oh, it's the best jeweler in town.
Yeah, yeah, but I think you need one curmudgeon like that guy from Lord of the Rings Is that a small town or the ring? I don't feel like the shires a small town. Okay. Okay.
Okay. Oh, how about for community powerful families? Ooh multiple powerful families. Okay, I am putting this as a to this is not getting the three treatment for me because it's Yeah, big your toes back into your dark your dark waters We're wine moms eventually we have to call wine the dark waters Honestly, could you imagine just the wine moms bottle which is the two of us on it is called wine moms The vineyard is why moms and the fucking vintage is dark waters year question mark.
It doesn't say the year I got a very quite landmark for you brother. Mm-hmm statue of town founder. Yeah, that's unfortunately very very good And you're talking about boring of parades boring ain't nothing more boring than a statue, but I do it But you need it and then like maybe bonus points someone's hiding inside. No, dude That's absolutely bad very pretty good community somebody in disguise What are you just like someone is posing as someone in that town?
This kind of goes along with mayor max the dog would not quite town spirit. How about an animal mascot? Yes, of course I like that town mascot. I prefer to be an animal.
I don't want it to be human. Oh, okay I think that we could both agree that that's very not quite lit is like a human mascot like hey, this is Gerald he's the mascot of our of Human mascot of course. I'm not talking Not want that at all. I love a small town where claim to fame is like This you get there and you're like wait what Barry bonds grew up here like some fucking crazy.
Oh famous alumna. Yeah Yeah, I'm famous alumni actually famous residents. Yeah, not resident though. No, I'm gonna say Celebrity hometown of celebrity.
Well, it depends on the celebrity, but yes. Oh, well, yeah, I mean, okay, that's fair So I honestly that's gotta be very pretty good. Okay, if we're gonna go that general. That's fair.
That's fair. That's fair Because like welcome to springville, Maryland hitlers from here, you know, famous Maryland resident Hitler I was gonna go different. I was gonna say like if you got to a town and they were like on the sign It was like birthplace of terra read you'd be like well that's on your sign Oh, bro, landmark town sign like the shits Creek sign. Okay.
Yeah, what do we? Goofy town sign very quite lit agreed to that and it like it's definitely says the population on it. Yes with population Which I have to tell you like I just don't understand how they're updating that sign. It's painted Every time someone's born they go over and they do we paint you an iron mural?
Why don't you Jesus? Right? Oh, I got a I got a very pretty good community member for you. Okay, rebel who just wants to get out because that guy could be annoying But I also want him to get out.
Okay. Yeah, I mean he's not meant for this town He's never bigger and better things he or she or they town spirit this kind of goes with mascot But I'm gonna put it what if the town has its own flag? That's very pretty good to me because it's a little much right? Yeah, it's like a statement you're making you have to draw the line somewhere dudes and if people are walking around in uniforms You're one step away from being a Nazi so maybe cool.
Yeah, that's the thing That's how that people don't know that that's how the Nazi started is like someone gave him a flag down here from there Nuremberg they were like what if we had our own flag and then they did it and then they were like this flag is cool as hell Let's be racist. I grew up in a place called Penol That's where I like spent many of my formative years and what my most my most memorable moments are these community events and one of them Was this car show they should do a yearly car show, but is that the same are we counting that as a parade? It's not a parade just put it in very pretty good because I don't care about that Where this goes maybe claim to fame like a famous town like fundraiser You know what I mean like the annual bake off or like the pancake breakfast. Oh, I think that's I think that's for the shrimp Boil yeah, I guess that could be town spirit or claim to fame I don't think anyone's famous for that like that certainly wouldn't be on Famous for it, but just like famous in the town You know what I mean right everyone psyched about like so then I think it's June 5th Then I think that's spirit and I do like that a lot.
Oh my god I have a very not quite late one for and it goes right under racism. It's just about as bad about split P Anderson If you if you have one of these goofy fucking road signs and that's the only thing your town is known for it's like some like Oh, yeah, that's the town that has that stupid thing. That's it. You're that's bad.
I hate that first of all. It's P soup Anderson's, okay? I just think it's like on the sign. There's like a man with a hammer natural landmark would be a very quite lit one You know like a geyser you got to come to Wildersville.
We got this one big tunnel and when you it's a time travel tunnel Okay, that's going I will concede that bonus point is a time travel tunnel obviously very quite lit community Everybody's hot. No, I don't like that. I think that's very pretty good I guess so because if you went to a small town and everyone's super hot the very first live lives Yeah, it's never wives their androids their it's a which is cursed. Yeah, yeah, and every and then you know very not quite late Everybody's a little hot dog boy.
Everybody's ugly. I I whoa, hold on. Let me scream each on the brakes Do not what if that's very quite lit? What if every one thing ugly?
That's a very quite lit every single person is ugly Yeah, that's the utopia baby. Everyone's a Uggo everyone's gonna be miserable dog. They don't even got one good looking person to look at but you can put everyone That's a thing you know, but you put it very pretty good because it's funny It is funny to me everyone ugly like that's like if everybody's poor then nobody's rich You know what I'm saying? It's not how that works at all you'd have to have not have the internet So you couldn't see pictures of what actual hot people look like let me ask you a question if you lived in a town of 500 people Which is a pretty small town very would you would you rather have everybody be hotter everybody be ugly?
I would rather everyone be hot stupid. That's we're all gonna be happy as shit You can still be why you could be happy with your hot take it for me. No, no all the hot people are like in line of the 24 Fitness because they're all trying to get on the elliptical. I don't fucking think so do not for me Me only ugly folks are going down to Sonic.
We're gonna get one of them crazy drinks But it seems like we don't want to live in the same small town absolutely with all your fucking goblins I'm gonna have every single fucking day live with my hot serial killers and my drug lords I have a but this this I actually do think of community town hot so there goes Arabella again All the boys are after her. Oh my god Arabella a Disney princess. I think yeah That was like that was out of nowhere smoking mirrors that name. Holy shit.
I see this is boring But I think it's important. Oh my god already in town outdoor space. So like a park or a gazebo or Do not care for you pronouncing it that way you know what I'm talking about though like a town You know what how about all the shit's close together? So you have to say I'm going into town.
Oh, okay? That's what I'm talking about. That's pretty good to me though. I don't love that.
Okay explain yourself because I always Do anything I have to go into town. Oh my god. This is a hot pot again dude. It's not understand the hot pot analogy What's good about I'm going into town is that it gives you a chance to escape escape what do you know when you're trapped in the killer's house?
Oh, yeah, the fucking what about this is either town spirit or community and I'm gonna give it a very pretty good Everybody knows each other. Oh cheers. You're talking about cheers. I think that's I think that's community.
Yeah, that's very pretty good to me Why is that why is that just a very well? I gotta have my secrets. Oh my god. I should have known I got to people chained up in my basement.
Very pretty good a supernatural figure ingrained in the town's history You know a chupacabra perhaps a slender man. Okay. I do like that. Oh, we're wolf Are we saying this is very pretty good because I think that's kind of lit.
I just well I don't want it to be real I don't want it to get me. Oh, but you could put haunted house and fucking very quite lit I want a house less about threats me because I could just not go into it. Oh, but the mothman I'll come and swoop you right off your doorstep is what you're saying. Yeah, I'm off man I'm gonna come out from between my sheets while I'm sleeping very hides.
Okay. All right. All right. That's all except that um You know what I don't want the town loon Different than the town drunk.
Okay. I agree. You don't want it all. That's a that's a one to you He's busting in the end is coming.
I don't need that. Well, but see okay But that's a crazy version of them, but let me crazy version of him this character that I'm talking about is crazy Wouldn't you say that when a writer's character in Stranger Things is sort of a town loon? Yeah, and you just named my least favorite character in stranger Yeah, but you just don't like it cuz we know knees sorry hot take We don't neither of us likes we know knees performance that everyone seems to love so much in that show But let me paint you a different picture. You never see the town loon.
Okay, it's it's like you that's not how town loon works Yeah, yeah, yeah No, loon is everyone's face all the time. No think about like you ever watch that program twin peaks where everyone's a town loon I did watch some of that program twin peeps remember there's a woman who just carries around a log She's not an everybody's face. She's kind of a weirdo. I kind of like okay.
Okay. I see what you're saying So sometimes the time loon is not up in your grill. No, they're just kind of a weird talking piece where it's like oh, yeah I mean I see how you're saying they're not aggressive, but I don't still want that I don't need a long woman. What about like a lovable cop like the chief of not even the chief of police but like a dopey Kind of like a you know, he's always got crumbs on his shirt, but everybody loves him because he doesn't really Yeah, like the guy he's he's a couple months away from retirement in his pension until creature from the black lagoon shows up Oh, very quite late creature from the black lagoon.
No sir Absolutely not Don't be cop. Yeah, and then very not quite late. How about corrupt cop? Oh my god.
Well, okay. Hold on if we're putting like corrupt puppet master Here's what I like that I want the guy running the whole show But then I think corrupt cop also goes very pretty good And then if we're extending this cop situation the bad cop is a cop that takes his job seriously a guy That's like handing out like tickets to kids with lemonade stands. Oh landmarks lemonade stand. What do we say first of all how dare you?
All you did last time I brought up lemonade stands with shit talk them right back into the ground Yeah, but now you're trying to talk about lemonade stands with me again after you publicly scoring them You know, I like a lemonade stand. I know that you don't I don't dislike a lemonade stand That's not what our conversation was about. I think lemonade is not the treat that you think it is You love the stand not the lemonade got it Yeah, I don't I don't see a problem with that. What that be a landmark That's not a landmark at all.
That's more like a community thing. That's like the little girls who always other lemonade What about a um this may be too specific for me for my shit. What about like a I don't I think this commute. Oh, this is town spirit for sure a In the town that I spent a lot of time in where I went to high school There's like a giant rock that the seniors that were in that year of the high school painted every year.
Okay, so what are you calling that? Town rock painted rock. Oh fucking boring. Oh, sorry.
I have to fucking be the yindier yang when you're talking about Oh, what about a crime boss? I don't understand what you don't want to talk about the exciting stuff You want to talk about rocks and parades parades are exciting you dickhead. Okay. I do think a claim to fame I know we already said parades and look someday.
I'll stop talking about them But a claim to fame could be like a holiday celebration. I won't even say parade But like oh yeah our fucking Halloween like like pumpkin patch and corn maze. That's that feel similar to the fundraiser vibe But I understand what you mean. What do we think about like a like a town-wide industry, right?
Like this is a place we're famous for steel. I think that's medium to me. Yeah landmarks very quickly make up point Oh, yeah, good call dude. I feel like most small towns will have fairly Western food options, right?
Like there's diners. It's like you might have like a hot dog stand or something But I do think a small town needs one. Oh, you want only one ethnic thing So to you very quite late as a town full of white people no no no no no no restaurant I just think in a lot of small towns I've been into it then to in America the thing is that it's like oh there's like here's a pizza place and here's a burger spot And here's a diner and here's a hot dog stand and then oh right right there. We got an Indian spot Oh, yeah, right there, but see I want lots of Indian spots.
You know any my hot pot Coming in here telling me you only want one hot pot option. It's actually all I can ever think about is food What is it? Do I should go see a doctor about it? I keep thinking of different restaurants I'm trying to think about other things of food and what's happening is I'm only thinking about murder Damn, dude.
I think that this is a pretty good small town. This is looking good. Lots of different cast of characters here We've got various sick ass landmarks. Oh, you know who I don't like go on over the top local news anchor That's always on the scene first to arrive doing annoying news reports will stop at nothing to get the scoop Okay, I think this is actually two characters that both saw yeah, it's journalist and yeah Because news anchor is like yeah, like Trisha Tanaka before she goes into the chicken shack and it gets hit by a meteor You know I'm talking about not at all annoying local news anchor and then nosy Journalist yeah in everybody's his nats my business.
Yeah, probably played by Katie Holmes Oh my god, we didn't we kind of screwed it around this issue and this is this is me dip in my toes into your dark water, but uh-huh a dark Town secret. Oh, so very quite lit to me Love a town secret what kind of secrets you think brother? I mean the first thing that let the dark water out his like nasty dark history And I'm you know like oh yeah, what you don't know that this town is built on in factory Oh my god, like a nuclear waste. Oh, yes, and I'm gonna waste generations like an Indian burial ground that it's built at the top You're getting me going right now.
I love these dark waters that are flowing. Welcome to the dark water playground This is where I was I dark water playground gonna be the worst landmark in the history of anything Speaking of dark water playground. How about like a like an amusement park like a local amusement park I think I think that's okay. That's fine.
That's a landmark. That's very pretty good to me. Yeah, because it's probably not very well It often sucks And I'll tell you another one that is gonna go to very pretty good That's in the same vein, but I think is more like maybe claim to fame a local fair like like a county fair fair fair No, no, no craft fair. I actually kind of fuck with I'm cool with that Like oh, this is a small town of Vermont and you can buy all the tightest fucking syrup here But like a like a ooh when the when the fucking carneys come in you know I'm talking about when it's like So claim to fame a county fair I because fairs are very quite very not quite like honestly bro.
I hate county fairs I hate okay, I'm fine with that animal smells. I hate them deep fried Twinkies. I hate them critters that attend the county fair I don't like the freak show. Oh nothing worse than a freak show Come on in and see the three I don't understand any of your direction here You love dark water secrets you don't want dark water secrets, but I do not want to have to be faced with it a freak A literal freak show you know who loves a county fair is it schmagma?
Yeah That shit up for always trying to get further I've known this kid for so long and every year the county fairs back and yes I want to go and I say no I think that with a small town sort of part of the deal is that it's kind of boring you're rooting for something to be so boring that a County fair makes it exciting it's it's dog It's a small town what else are people doing like if you lived in a small town getting attacked by chupa cup I said oh see this is your idiot everything you're saying is so fucking dumb It's unbelievable I like the county fair and the carneys if the whole deal is that every year one of them rolls in they're the dark secret right I'm gonna I'm gonna let you an actual witch. I'm gonna let you in your head can and think that I'm gonna bump this over and for you Waboo. I have a bad one for landmarks hit me sometimes in these small towns There's like a part of the town. That's like the new oh, yeah That's that's new Westbury and that's where like all everything good and fun is and then you're like oh I wonder what old Westbury it and then you drive and it's like dilapidated and half the businesses are gone out like you don't like big mall coming in I don't want yeah, I think okay here's something I think that we can take a different direction than just artisan I think in a small town you have one doctor or one doctor's office would you agree with that?
I just don't know why you'd want it. It's one doctor now my question is how do you want this doctor to be? Do you want a doctor that's friendly? Do you want a do you want the battle star doctor?
Do you want honestly give me battle star doctor? Okay? He's kind of fun if he's the only doctor make him interesting at least Because listen why we have to only have one doctor because here's because here's we both get sick listen stupid Here's why the whole everyone's just a man the whole everyone's a character this like artisanal bullshit thing It's fun if there's only one of each if there's a town and you there's six jewelers then none of them are special to this little town All right, you let one doctor so much. I want one of everything dog.
I want one like basically everything is unique because there's only one of it I don't know how much more I have this is a good this is a pretty good small town. We've yeah We've done a good we've done a good I think I have a bad bad I have a bad community one go on I too number one And I'm actually gonna put the very pretty good you tell me what you think a town gossip Oh, that's very pretty that's not quite lit to me I want that person you don't want a little scuttle that monster you know who to go to when you're like oh what's going on with Yeah, but how reliable is this person you got to take everything they're saying with a grain of salt Yeah, but I just want them to be there you know I'm saying as a character I just think it's clear that we're supposed to be living in different small towns I'm trying to have one full of murder and no gossip and you're trying to have one with full of You want like what is that stupid ass teen show on the CW? That's based on the Archie comics? Riverdale watch the CW Riverdale you want Riverdale where it's like oh hot teens and there's murder too.
What about drugs and None of it makes any hot teens and murder and drugs. So town gossip is one I have one that I really don't like with community How about the the family the like bless their heart type family where it's like oh my god They're trying everything to stay above water But there's this family in this community like down-trotter bums me out very not quite lit Yeah, I don't want it. It's really bad. I'm thinking of like Friday night lights the film not the I've not seen it Okay, well great never seen a football movie.
Oh my god. That can't be true You didn't see like any given Sunday. No, although all the big ones you didn't see the replacements with Keanu No, oh brother that movie is so choice and you would love it. Oh, I've seen the worder boy Worder boys of a ball movie so that yeah that counts also a good that's the only one that's insane But also worder boy is a good movie.
I love that easy Okay, I think we did I think we did good. Yeah, this is a good looking small town It's pretty good. I just looked at bonus points on time travel tunnel and straight up Don't remember what that's even about and it was like 30 It was just saying it would be great if there was a tunnel that you and you went in it was time travel What's not to understand? How does that work?
Do you get to know? There's so you go in and then the back there's a little door I think the tunnel gets narrower and narrower till you get to a tiny little door There's all kinds of inscriptions written on it. You open it up. You walk out boom 1985 Germany You're right on the Berlin wall Take a look at this river go to our social media on the Twitter or the Instagram where this will be posted Yeah, I want to be big shout out to Twitter JW JW guide Instagram Jesse Wilders got to like calm.
That's not our Instagram calm is not on the Instagram No, none of that was right Instagram is guessing while there's got you like big shout out to Adam Faith for the art big shout out to big nasty boy bad Todd for the music We also have another big shout out to J rebs one more for suggesting this topic if you want oh yeah topic to be discussed by two Genius dangerous boy wine moms like ourselves, you know what to do. Yeah, do we what's the once again? First let me start off by saying Phoenix Arizona dead to me. Yeah kill him the X is no more.
There's only one letter now It's the P. It's the big P town. It's Portland, Oregon consistently zoo consistently smashing the shit out of everyone Thanks to all you good boys and good girls and good days out there. Yeah, thank you so much I'm incredibly anxious about what's about to happen in two days with them Kansas cities and them San Francisco I already know but you guys already know you already know whether or not.
It's like we're talking to the future right now, bro This is time travel. This is the time travel tunnel. I was talking about I guess now. It's good time is any bandit Bye everyone