STAB! 487 - Greek Mythology & Mathematical Supplies

In this precise and brutal episode of the STAB! show, swan and host Jesse Jones welcomes a intricately graphed panel of Ben Rice, Jenna Shartz, & Nick Pettigrew to share their three WITHIHs, pick-up lines to and from a stressed out sloth, a saucy little pencil case with a secret, & Red 40, campaign speeches for a stack of seventies, porn magazines running for mayor of the most kick ass yard sale this fucking culdasac has ever seen, a bottle of baby aspirin and half a box of round bandaids, running for health secretary of the office kitchenette, & you are “Slorny” a newly recognized combination sleepy/horny running for a position in a college student's range of emotions, reviews of things, including a Yelp of a business that you did a Location , Location, Location for in the past, an Amazon review of you left by an ex, & a TripAdvisor review of a cyberpunk world in a hard sci-fi novel, and who would win in fights between a locksmith with a magical key ring and only thirty six hours to save his family vs. A Dickensian Orphanage Master with a gruel ladle that gives them full control of fog and relative humidity, an HOA president with a lawn ruler powered by petty spite and the eternal, burning flame of losing out on their sixth grade perfect attendant certificate because of that one day they had to go to their grandmother's stupid funeral Vs. An MLM Platinum Seller, armed with catalogs forged in the influential Springs of Swaggeroth, and imbued  with the dark FOMO magics, & a squad of highly trained anti-drug mascots powered by near limitless reserves of optimism and go get ‘em attitudes Vs. an assembly room full of bored 16-year-olds, glued to their phones, all armed with various vape implements.