How to Build Your Teenager’s Confidence, Self-Esteem and Resilience — Dr Greg Walton

Ask Rachel anything How do we raise teenagers who believe in themselves, cope with setbacks and keep going when things get difficult? And could some of the things we do to boost their confidence actually be making things worse? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I talk to Stanford psychologist Dr Greg Walton, author of Ordinary Magic, about the surprisingly small interventions that can have a profound effect on how young people see themselves and what they believe they are capable of. Teenagers are constantly asking themselves big questions: Do I belong? Am I good enough? Can I do this? Do people like me? A seemingly insignificant event — a bad grade, an awkward social encounter, not making friends immediately at a new school — can suddenly feel like evidence that something much bigger is wrong. Greg explains how these tiny moments can trigger a downward spiral, and what parents can do to help interrupt it before it takes hold. We discuss teenage confidence, self-esteem, resilience and growth mindset, including why simply telling a struggling child that they're brilliant or “the best” can backfire. Instead, Greg explains a powerful three-part approach: unconditional love, honest feedback and a genuine belief in our child's capacity to grow. We also explore why teenagers need to experience challenge and discomfort rather than always being rescued from it; how our expectations can influence what our children believe they can achieve; why belonging matters so much at school; and how to give critical feedback without making a teenager feel that we have lost faith in them. Greg also explains the power of really listening. Rather than assuming we know what our teenager is thinking, sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is create enough space for them to tell us. This is a fascinating conversation about the psychology behind raising confident, resilient teenagers — and how seemingly ordinary moments between adults and young people can change the direction of their lives. Dr Greg Walton is co-director of Harvard's Dweck-Walton lab and coined the term 'Wise interventions'; things we can do or say that hit the spot just at the point when another person is asking one of life's fundamental questions. His new book is called, Ordinary Magic. It's all about the science of how we can achieve big change with small acts. These are things that go much further than the small nudges that help people to make better choices. This is the sort of deep magic that can last a lifetime. Contact Dr Greg Walton: CORE QUESTIONS: Can I do it? Do I belong? Am I enough? Who am I? Do you love me? Can I trust you? KEY POINTS AT WHICH CORE QUESTIONS TEND TO CROP UP: TIF's Transitions Identity Challenges THE PRINCIPLES FOR THINKING THROUGH 'BAD' EVENTS: Avoid negative labels (I'm not bad) You're not the only one; you're never the only one. (It's normal) Recognise causes that don't malign you or others (I/you face real obstacles) Forecast improvement (It can get better) Recognise opportunities (Silver lining) Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me Instagram Facebook