SWM 057 – Responsive desire and initiating, sex after an affair, rougher sex, and touching yourself during intercourse

Responsive desire and initiating, sex after an affair, rougher sex, and touching yourself during intercourse. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. For those who have been around Uncovering Intimacy for a while, you know that we get a fair number of anonymous questions to our Have A Question page. These are questions that have come in without much context usually, and without any contact info. So, we do our best to answer (my supporters group helps us out) and here’s what we came up with for April 2020. What do I need to do differently to have more intimate nights with my wife? She’s never in the mood and never initiates anything sexually. I try to give her flowers, tell her I love her often, buy her things, spend quality time with her and do small favors but she still never initiates sex. And sex we do have is usually, boring, for lack of a better word. Same simple positions (because she doesn’t like anything else), nothing kinky and very quick usually. We did try your truth and dare and loved it! Thanks for answering. Sounds like she likely experiences responsive desire which means she doesn’t randomly get “in the mood” often, if at all. All the stuff you’re doing shows love, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to suddenly want sex. So, I wouldn’t expect her to ever initiate sex out of desire. If you want to have more intimate nights, I’d initiate more often. I’d also make an educated guess that your wife doesn’t like to be responsible for sex. She probably liked the truth or dare game because it wasn’t her calling the shots - the game was. She liked not being responsible for it. It’s an easy way to say “it’s not my fault, the game made me do it”. If that’s the case, I’d be curious to know if our Sexy Memory game has the same effect. If it does, then it might be you need to stop being so “nice”. Don’t ask what she wants or if she likes something. Tell her what to do. For many wives, that’s a better way to go because then they can distance themselves from the responsibility of saying “yes” and just enjoy it because “it’s not my fault”.