SWM012: Why do married men masturbate?

I wrote about this on the blog a few years ago and wanted a podcast version for people who do not read the blog, or who are new here. I think married men, and married women, masturbate for three reasons: ignorance, selfishness, or addiction. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. Ignorance is the most common and the easiest to fix. They genuinely do not know the damage it does to the relationship, because nobody has told them. They do not talk about sex with their spouse, so either their spouse does not know it is happening or has never said how much it hurts. Often they have simply never been asked to stop. Selfishness is harder. It is choosing an orgasm over a relationship, because an orgasm alone is easier: you do not have to consider anyone else’s feelings or pleasure, you can focus entirely on yourself, and you never have to be vulnerable. Solo is emotionally safer, and that safety is exactly the problem. Addiction is different again, because the reason it started stops mattering. The brain is programmed to it and those pathways are hard to stop firing. That is not a willpower problem and it is usually too much to fight alone. If that is where you are, get help rather than another fresh start.