How to Get Your Teenage Boy to Talk: Sex, Screens, Anger, Drugs & More

Ask Rachel anything How do you get a teenage boy to actually talk to you — particularly about the things that really matter? Boys have just as rich an emotional life as girls, but many learn surprisingly young to hide vulnerability, suppress difficult feelings and rely on anger as one of the few emotions they feel comfortable showing. So how can we make sure our sons know they can talk to us — about friendships, relationships, sex, pornography, drugs, screens, masculinity and the mistakes they inevitably make along the way? In this episode, Rachel talks to Joanna Schroeder, co-author of Talk to Your Boys: 16 Conversations to Help Tweens and Teens Grow into Confident, Caring Young Men, about how parents can move from talking at boys to talking with them. We discuss why teenage boys push back against being told what to do, how to have difficult conversations without triggering shame or shutting them down, and why the ordinary moments — car journeys, late-night snacks, watching TV together or simply hanging around — can be where the most important conversations happen. Joanna also shares practical advice on: • getting boys to open up without interrogating them • helping boys understand and manage anger • setting screen and gaming boundaries collaboratively • talking about sex, pornography and healthy relationships • discussing drugs and alcohol in a way teenagers will actually hear • making sure your teen knows they can call you when something goes badly wrong • giving boys healthy models of masculinity and emotional regulation • maintaining physical affection and connection as boys grow older One of the most powerful messages in this conversation is that we don't need one enormous, perfectly executed “talk”. It's the dozens of tiny conversations — and the relationship we build around them — that teach our boys they can come to us when it really matters. A warm, practical conversation for anyone raising a tween or teenage boy — and much of the advice is just as valuable for parents of girls. JOANNA SCHROEDER: Book: Talk to Your Boys https://joannaschroeder.substack.com/ Episodes mentioned: Dr David Yeager: Teenagers wanting status and respect https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/ Dr Joanna Finkelstein: The sexy lampost https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/116-girls-beauty-standards-entitlement-and-misogyny/ Brendan Kwiatkowski: From a young age boys are conditioned to shut down emotions https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/98-boys-emotions-masculinity-vaccinations-and-online-influencers/ Mike Nicholson: Boys don't see role models asking for help https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/masculinity-and-positive-ways-of-supporting-our-teenage-boys-an-interview-with-mike-nicholson-from/ My substack guide to phones and technology at home: https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/teens-and-screens-the-big-hug-teenagers?r=2u24i0&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me Instagram Facebook